Aspersions on His Asparagus

In Food News, Eric Holder was grilled and peppered by the Judiciary Committee.  A certain talking cantaloupe, no wait, it was Louie Gohmert,was complaining about Aspersions on his Asparagus. The nerve of some people... wait, what does that mean? Stephen thought there needs to be more hearings scheduled. "The more I digest this, the worse it smells." Aspersions... Asparagus...

In Energy News, eagles are being killed by wind turbines. Stephen is upset by this because people aren't upset about this. For example, if you mess with big oil, you know, have an oil spill and kill thousands of birds and other wild life, people will be upset. But break big wind an d people just laugh at you.

In Plastic News, did you know that you can buy one of those cheap MakerBots, make a head statue (bust) of Stephen Colbert and use it as a gun? No, you can't - just pulling your leg. But you can download instructions from the internet about making your own plastic gun.

And lastly, in Skeletal Biology Lab News, it turns out that humans are very good at sweating and that makes us superior to other life forms. Stephen is superior because he is wearing toe shoes. (Personally, I think it looks like you are wearing monkey feet, but whatever.)

Dr. Daniel Lieberman was Stephen's guest last Thursday. He is an actual Professor of Biological Sciences at Harvard University. He taught us to run barefoot, in that he said try running barefoot. It's harder to push yourself over your limit when running barefoot, because your feet will tell you to take it easy. Your feet hurt, so you stop running. This strategy works well for Stephen. Exercise hurts him, so he doesn't do it.

An amazing testament to how humans are superior really caught Stephen's attention. Turns out that having large butts (unlike some of the other primates) means you are less likely to fall on your face. Your gluteus maximus acts as a counter balance and this saves face a lot. Luckily for me, I rarely fall on my face!

There are many other ways that humans are superior. For example, because we have evolved, the necessity for underwear became apparent and sure enough, someone invented underwear. Lucky for all of us!