Colbert on Vacation - Day Fifteen

Summer is winding down. The kids are either in school already or are just putting those last supplies in their backpacks to get ready for the first day of school. Tomorrow is Labor Day. Yes, it's time for Stephen to head back home. Tennessee most likely was a lot of fun and excitement for him, but he's probably ready for just some low-key type of activity.

Luckily, he's in the perfect spot for that. He should head over to Springer Mountain and then head back to New York via the Appalachian Trail. That's right, he can hike the Appalachian Trail. Did you know that two-thirds of the U.S. population is within a day's drive of the A.T.? Not surprising since the eastern part of the United States is more heavily populated than the western half of the United States.

Some of the places he will see as he heads north on the Appalachian Trail are Dicks Creek Gap, Wayah Bald, Clingmans Dome, Charlies Bunion, Roan High Knob, The Priest, Snickers Gap, Harpers Ferry NHP, and High Point. Probably at High Point, he should head back over to the Studio.

Stephen should walk quickly in order to get home in time. I expect he has a large picnic planned for Monday so that will take some planning. Plus he will need to get the grill ready for the burgers and chicken and hot dogs. Potato Salad would be good for the picnic too. And baked beans, simmering in a crock pot would be really nice. I'd recommend chocolate chip cookies for dessert.

By Tuesday he should be all rested and ready to do a new The Colbert Report. I can hardly wait!

* Photo not actually of Appalachian Trail.

Colbert on Vacation - Day Fourteen

Hey Y'all. Head on over to Tennessee. The Nashville National Folk Festival is going on right now. That alone should keep Stephen busy the whole time he's in Tennessee. Of course there's lots else to do in Tennessee. Do you think you would have to go to France to buy some wine? No, there are Wineries (and Distilleries and Microbreweries) in Tennessee that he could visit. And if Stephen gets hungry for good food, well, Tennessee is the Barbecue Capitol, so yummy yummy!

Perhaps Stephen is interested in the darker side of Tennessee. Well, he's in luck. There are plenty of caves for Stephen to explore. Or to see the prettier side of Tennessee, there's all sorts of gardens, forests and natural areas to enjoy while there.

But now that I think of it, his vacation is winding down. Has he bought any souvenirs for all of the Colbertians that are expecting a a memento of his travels? Not to worry, plenty of shops of all kinds for him to spend his hard earned money on clothes, antiques, arts and crafts, books, jewelry and more.

Anything else Stephen needs to know to have a great time in Tennessee he can find at the Tennessee Vacation website.

Colbert on Vacation - Day Thirteen

Oklahoma ! Oklahoma ! Oklahoma !

I can just see Steve Martin in the movie "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" running around shouting that. That got me to thinking that Oklahoma is a great place for Stephen to visit. The Oklahoma tourist website looks pretty cool. I think first on the agenda should be Route 66. After driving around on that for a while, he should go to Will Rogers Memorial Museum.

One thing he should be sure to see while he is in Oklahoma City is The Gold Dome Building. Stephen seems to like gold, so this should be a treasure for him.

There are 39 different Indian tribes located in Oklahoma. Stephen should visit some of the Native American Museums and Centers while he is in Oklahoma. If he can't decide which places to visit, he could look at some of these museums.

Then, if Stephen wants a souvenir from Oklahoma, he could stop in at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art and buy a piece of Dale Chihuly glass. While not always in stock, when they are, you can snatch one up for between$4,000 and $8,000. At that price, why not buy a matching pair?

Colbert on Vacation - Day Twelve

What could be more natural after visiting Area 51 than a quick stop in Roswell, New Mexico, to stop and chat with all the folks there. Rumor has it they are very welcoming to any and all tourists.

The first thing Stephen will want to do is get an idea of the layout of the land. For that he should go to Google maps and look at the satellite image. I did this and was a little surprised when I zoomed in to the 1 mile view. Kind of strange. There are all sorts of shapes, mostly southeast of town, that are visible from space. Circles... rectangles... squares... and even some shapes that look like Pac Man! Could this be some sort of message to Visitors????

I know that Stephen is a patron of the arts. Just look at the portraits that hang in the studio! So one place he should be sure to visit while he is in Roswell is the Roswell Museum and Art Center. He could become a member and always get in to the museum for free. Since I just mentioned that he is a patron of the arts, perhaps that would be the membership level he should consider.

Then, if he is still hungry for art, he could head over to the Anderson Museum of Contemporary Art. Perhaps he could even take part in the Roswell Artist-in-Residence Program. I have seen him draw Snoopy and let me tell you, he can draw Snoopy. So, I figure that makes him an artist.

Or, if Stephen is interested in nature, he can visit the Bitter Lake National Wildlife Refuge. There's a lot of dragonflies in the area and there even is the 10th Annual Dragonfly Festival coming up on September 10 for people who are interested in these unusual flying creatures.

And finally, Roswell visitors can head out to the Spring River Zoo and get back in touch with planet Earth and all the native plants and animals. It's open year round and admission is free. Plus there is an antique wooden horse carousel, one of only about 100 in the country.

Visitors are always welcome in Roswell.

Colbert on Vacation - Day Eleven

Hawaii was most likely overcrowded with tourists, so for a complete change of scene, I am recommending that Stephen go to Area 51 in Nevada for his vacation stop today. Granted there won't be quite as much scenery, shopping or restaurants, but perhaps Stephen could do a bit of investigative reporting while there.

The first thing I would recommend is that he get familiar with the area of Area 51 by looking at Google Maps for "Area 51." View the Satellite map and use good old Mr. Pegman to get an idea of the scenery. Most interesting is the lovely waterfalls at the center of the "X" on Groom Dry Lake. Just amazing that there could be such lush greenery and crystal clear blue water out there in the desert. But it must be true because there are other photos of ferns and moss and more waterfalls. And, if it's on the internet, it must be true.

While some of the area is hilly and rocky, there are plenty of straight roads that would be great for bike rides. There's also plenty of places for horseback riding, rock collecting, and in the wee hours of the morning, star gazing. And, as for souvenirs, I have seen a shirt online that I assume would be available in one of the Gift Shops there. It says, "What happens in Area 51, Stays in Area 51."

I couldn't find many hotels or Bed and Breakfasts close to Area 51, so I'm thinking camping would be a fun and economical alternative for lodging. To go along with the camping, I also suggest that Stephen bring something that he can hunt small mammals with and do the old hunting and cooking over an open fire trick. Nothing like sleeping out in a tent under the stars and hunting your own food to work up an appetite.

Colbert on Vacation - Day Ten

If Stephen has been taking my suggestions of where to go while on his vacation, he may be thinking it's time for someplace warm. So today I'm going to recommend he go to Hawaii. Although it is a small state, there's lots to see and do, so he will have to limit himself to just a few activities. I'm going to suggest he learns how to hula dance, kayak, surf, and snorkel. He can even snorkel with Green Sea Turtles! (Here's a little information about Green Sea Turtles.)That will keep him busy. For more relaxing activities, he can do some sightseeing.

One place he just must visit is Volcanoes National Park. It would be really cool to see. No, wait, that's probably wrong, it would be hot. Well, it would be interesting to see. He should bring a jar with him, and if no one is looking, scoop up some of the lava flowing by for a souvenir - a free souvenir!

If Stephen does all those activities I suggested, then he deserves to sit around on the beach and soak up the sun. One possibility is Hapuna Beach State Park. It's one of the Big Island's biggest white sand beaches. He can even build sand castles, or let all the friendly beach goers build a monument to his glory all around him. Hopefully someone will help dig him out when it's all done. Hopefully!

Then he can head to the other side of the island to Punaluu Black Sand Beach. And he should bring more jars or bags or boxes and bring samples of both kinds of sand back. It would even be a good idea to bring enough sand back of each kind to use for sandboxes. That would be so much more fun that the brown sand kids typically have in sandboxes. I hope that wouldn't be too heavy in his suitcases.

Anything else Stephen is interested in, he can find at the Go Hawaii website.

Colbert on Vacation - Day Nine

It's time to head across the pond again, this time to Denmark! Stephen can start here at Visit Denmark to get some good ideas for seeing the sights in Denmark. He might like to start by clicking on the "Read more about Copenhagen" link to watch a video about how much the Danes love bicycles. It's easy to find everything on this website that a person could possibly need to know to vacation in Denmark. Tourist Information, Travel, Accommodation, Activities and Map are at the top of the page with lots more to see on the drop down menus.

And what could be more interesting to see while in Denmark than Legoland? It's the 3rd most popular attraction in Denmark! Other attractions in the top 25 include Tivoli, Dyrehavsbakken, Zoo Copenhagen, The Round Tower, and Egeskov Castle.

If Stephen needs to do a little bit of research about Denmark before he visits, there's always Wikipedia's entry on Denmark or the CIA World Factbook about Denmark.

Colbert on Vacation - Day Eight

Iceland.

Really? Yes, really. Stephen should go to Iceland. I bet he has never been there before and probably doesn't actually know that much about Iceland. So, first off, here's a little bit about Iceland from Wikipedia. Actually, there's quite a lot of information there. For people who like their information concise and to the point, The CIA has tons of information about countries that they share on their website. Here's what the CIA's World Factbook says about Iceland.

But, maybe Stephen already knows all that stuff about Iceland and just wants to get out and about and enjoy himself in Iceland. Here's a tourist website about Iceland with photos to get you interested in visiting plus lots of links to enjoy a vacation in Iceland. And Stephen will need a sweater or light jacket today, but it's not as is if is always ice cold in Iceland. The temperature in Reykjavik is about 10C which I am told is equal to about 50F, so not bad at all.

Probably first on Stephen's list of souvenirs to buy in Iceland will be ice cubes. Then some ice cream, and maybe even a Sno-Cone. I am also quite sure he will want to visit some of the many museums in Iceland, including the Aquarium and Museum of Natural History, the Library of Water, one of the Maritime Museums, Petra's Stone Collection, and the Icelandic Phallological Museum. Stephen can find links to those museums and others at the Visit Iceland website.

Colbert on Vacation - Day Seven

Stephen should still be in Montreal, vacationing a bit and resting a bit. Hopefully he has gotten to know Montreal somewhat. If he needs more ideas, here's websites of really cool places to visit.

The Montreal Botanical Garden is one of the world's largest and most spectacular gardens. There are many different styles of gardens that visitors can see as they leisurely walk and enjoy the serenity and beauty all around.

Montreal Biodome - Stephen will enjoy all the different climates and the animals that enjoy each climate.

Biosphere - an Environment Museum.

Granby Zoo - Fish your face.

Central Station at the Bonaventure Metro Stop - with really neat restaurants and shops. Stephen can find the most delicious bread, cookies and rolls at the bakery here. He can also catch the train or head to the next Metro station.

Habitat 67 - not your typical apartment or condo. You can see it from Old Montreal.

Colbert on Vacation - Day Six

Okay, here's the plan for Stephen's vacation now. I'm starting to realize that with as many different places that I have suggested for Stephen to go to on his vacation, he might be getting tired of all the travel. So, for Saturday and Sunday, I'm recommending he go to Montreal for two days! It should be far enough away from Hurricane Irene that he should be safe. And there most certainly is enough for him to do to keep busy for two days.

The first thing Stephen should do is visit the Tourisme-montreal.org website. It has one of the coolest travel videos - Montreal in Two Minutes - that I've seen in a long time. He should watch it. You should go watch it, too. As a bonus, you can also read the website in French so that's pretty cool.

Next, he needs to find a place to stay. My recommendation for him is Fairmont the Queen Elizabeth. If by chance the Queen did come from England to Montreal, and if by chance Stephen was having breakfast in the hotel restaurant and she just happened to be there, Stephen could make quite an impression on her because he has had etiquette training before.

It's easy and fun to get around in Montreal. First of all, there are lots of subways in the downtown area. Basically it's an underground shopping center that keeps going and going and going. Then there's the Metro - the STM so that he can get anywhere without having to do a lot of walking or worry about finding a parking place.

In the evening, Stephen should do something very relaxing. Perhaps he could go for a swim in the pool. Or maybe he would want to take the opportunity to just take a shower, have a glass of wine and read a good book. Or plan his day for tomorrow.

Colbert on Vacation - Day Five

Michigan, because it looks like a mitten. Well, no, that's not a very good reason to pick a vacation destination, but it is memorable. And I am told that if you ask someone from Michigan where they are from, typically they will hold up their hand like a mitten and show you exactly where they live. Of course there are the people who live in the Upper Peninsula, but then they probably just pull out a map and show you the old fashioned way.

Anyway, Stephen should go to Michigan today. I think it would be relaxing and for tomorrow I have a busy day planned. There is an excellent website for Michigan - Pure Michigan, Michigan's Official Travel and Tourism Site. I like this website a lot. After a quick pop up ad for tourism materials that you can click out of, you can see everything on one easy page. On the right hand margin are Featured Destinations such as Mackinac Island, Ann Arbor, Frankenmuth, Kalamazoo and Sault St. Marie. At the bottom of the page is probably the site map although they don't call it that. You can look at Regions, Places to Stay, Outdoors, Things To Do, Events, Deals, Featured Destinations (again), and Quick Links.

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that Stephen visit the Soo Locks while in Michigan. If he went to Duluth in Minnesota, he might see the same ships here that he saw in Duluth. Well, no, that's not really possible in one day for the ships to travel from Duluth to the Soo Locks, but he could see some ships that had been in Duluth a few days ago or that will be in Duluth in a few days. While there he could visit all sorts of museums, and gift shops, go golfing or boating, and find all kinds of dining from fast-food chains to hometown cafes and restaurants.

Even if he's already been to that state, I think he should visit Michigan again.

Colbert on Vacation - Day Four

It's just a short hop, skip and jump north from Iowa to get to Minnesota. And today is the first day of the Great Minnesota Get-Together: Minnesota State Fair. According to Wikipedia, it is the largest state fair in terms of average daily attendance.

If Stephen goes today, he can see Reba in the Grandstand tonight. He won't get hungry because there is so much food to eat there, from Cheese on a Stick, Chan's Chicken on a Stick, Tino's Pizza on a Stick, and Walleye on a Stick to Juanita's Fajitas, Lynn's Lefse, Demetri's Greek Food, Henry's Kettle Korn, Thomasina's Cashew Brittle, or Sweet Martha's Cookie Jar. There's even Spam Burgers!

When Stephen has had enough to eat at the Minnesota State Fair, he can head further north to Duluth located on Lake Superior. He can watch the boats coming and going by the Aerial Lift Bridge located next to the Lake Superior Maritime Visitor Center (check out the webcam), visit the Great Lakes Aquarium, or go to the Lake Superior Zoo. If he gets hungry, he can eat at the Duluth Grill which was featured on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives on Food Network, or find other dining spots at Visit Duluth.

If he gets sick from eating too much good food at the Fair or in Duluth, he can head down south to Rochester and visit the Mayo Clinic. If he still has time on his hands while in Minnesota, he can find all sorts of things to do at Explore Minnesota - There's More to Explore in Minnesota.

I hope Stephen is enjoying his vacation and I hope he is using my suggestions for a great summer vacation.

Colbert on Vacation - Day Three

I - O - WA.

I think they should have spelled it IOA. Then they would have 3 letters and 3 syllables, but I digress.

Stephen should head to Iowa today. Most of the politicians have moved on, so it won't be quite as windy. There's lots to see besides the corn in Iowa. Biking, Festivals, Golf, Wine and Beer, State Parks, Bed and Breakfasts, Campgrounds, the list is nearly endless. Find out all about those things to do at Travel Iowa's website. There's many famous Iowans that you've probably heard of - President Herbert Hoover, Carrie Chapman Catt, Grant Wood, John Wayne, Ashton Kutcher, Elijah Wood, Donna Reed, Glenn Miller, and Meredith Wilson. And not a single one of them was a farmer who grew corn. So, yes, more really happens in Iowa besides corn growing.

And there's history to find out about. Effigy Mounds National Monument is located in northeast Iowa as is the Silos and Smokestacks National Heritage Area. Stephen can find out everything he ever wanted to know about Herbert Hoover at the Hoover Library and Museum in West Branch.

He could visit the capital of Iowa, Des Moines for a ton of stuff to do. He should look at the official website of the City of Des Moines and see the cute photo of a small white dog catching a red frisbee. Yep, it's about the Dog Park. Stephen knows all about dog parks.

Other fun, scenic, quaint or exciting towns to visit include Dubuque, Davenport, Cedar Rapids, Waterloo, and Decorah.

So, Stephen, pack that backpack and head back to Iowa.

Colbert on Vacation - Day Two

Stephen needs to put some distance between him and the earthquake. He should fly over to jolly England. He has already been thoroughly trained in proper etiquette for meeting with the Queen of England, so he won't have any problems there. When he gets to England, he can just call the Queen and set up a visit if that's of interest to him. When he's done visiting with the Queen, he will find all sorts of other things to do to Enjoy England.

One thing he should be sure to look at is Stonehenge, that neat circle of stones that was built a really long time ago. Then, back to London for shopping, dining, and museums. He might want to take in a show or movie while there. Or perhaps he could spend some time visiting with Sherlock Holmes, or at least checking out the Sherlock Holmes Museum.

Well, lots to do in jolly old England, and the good news is that Stephen already knows the language so he should have no trouble talking with the people and finding his way around with a simple map.

Colbert on Vacation - Day One

Where in the World is Stephen Colbert? Well, probably not Libya, that's for sure.

All I know is that he is on vacation. And so, as a public service to him, I will give him suggestions every day on where he should be spending his vacation and what he should be doing.

Today, he should visit New York City. Of course that should be quite easy for him to do. He works in New York City so he should know his way around. He should visit the American Museum of Natural History. While there, he can Journey to the Stars, find out about Herpetology at the Frogs: A Chorus of Colors, get scared out of his wits with a trip down Tornado Alley, or visit any of the other many fascinating "On Exhibit" displays.

He can also chat with friend of the show, Neil deGrasse Tyson. You can find out more about Neil deGrasse Tyson here. (See if you can spot the photo with Stephen on that last link.)

So, Stephen, if you don't know where to go and what to do, you will be able to just check here for your itinerary.

You're Welcome!