I'm Back and I Feel Like Such a Fool

I hinted in earlier post about weddings and the Queen and perhaps you might have thought I was going to England for the Royal Wedding to see Prince William get married to Catherine Middleton. So did I.

As you all probably learned in school, England is also called Great Britain or the British Empire. That's because even though she is a small island in the Atlantic Ocean, England built a vast empire all across the world for many years. Thus, you could call England an Empire Builder, could you not?

And so, I naturally assumed that if I bought a ticket on the Empire Builder, I would end up in the Empire Built by England. That's just such a no-brainer. But, I did not make it. Instead of going to England, the British Empire or Great Britain, I ended up on the west coast of the United States in Seattle. Apparently, Empire Builder is an Amtrak train that goes from Chicago, Illinois to Portland, Oregon or to Seattle, Washington. It does not go to England.

I was crushed, but perhaps it was all for the best. I am now finding out that you needed an actual invitation to the wedding. I did not have an invitation. I would have been out of luck. I feel like such a fool.

My Fair Colbert

Rumor has it that Stephen Colbert actually has very bad table manners, generally. This includes dunking his biscuits or scones into tea, licking the spoon, clinking the spoon, and even stealing the spoon.

This all became very obvious to the thousands of Colbertians watching The Colbert Report tonight. Stephen had hoped to learn enough manners to not make a complete fool of himself when he goes to the Royal Wedding (where is his invitation anyway? time's a wasting!).

He joined up with an expert on British protocol for meeting Royalty at the soon to be very famous Tea and Sympathy. Basically he made a fool of himself and frankly, Stephen Colbert embarrassed the entire United States of America.

Now. To see what I expect will be a very quick correction of the many errors I have made in this posting, check out the website icorrect.com. If anything I said was untrue or if it was true but unkind, then corrections should show up soon to set the record straight.

If corrections do not show up there, then we will know that Stephen needs to do a little bit more work on his table manners before he meets The Queen.

Overheard at Tea and Sympathy:

"You're doing everything wrong."
"No, you don't steal the spoon."
"No dunking."
"Put your pinkie back."
"No."
"Don't"
"No."
"No, no, no."