Stephen Colbert Day

Today is the day. Tonight is the night. The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

How long we have waited! If the The Colbert Report was still on the TV machine, would that Stephen Colbert give this Stephen Colbert the famous Colbert Bump? I think so. Will there be unexpected shenanigans on the show? Most likely there will be.

I am holding my breath until the show starts tonight. I don't think anyone will argue with my prediction for Stephen's first night as host of the The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

It will be HUGE.

Still Missing Stephen

That says it all. I am still missing Stephen. When I get all sad and misty eyed, I come back here and read through the old posts and it reminds me of all the fun times we had. Sigh. The only consolation is that we will get to see him later this year when he takes over for David Letterman.

And of course, knowing that we still have Jon Stewart on the The Daily Show. At least that is something we can always count on to lift our spirits and keep our hearts bright.

I Stole the Gravy Boat

Stephen dined in style on the same night of the State Dinner but I won't say where. You will have to figure that out. And he was in quite good company but I won't say who it was.

Bill O'Reilly is auctioning off his notes from the interview he did with President Obama on Super Bo... I mean the Big Game Sunday. So Stephen is auctioning off the microwave oven he "took" from O'Reilly's Green Room. Inside the microwave is a "Spin Zone." Proceeds from the microwave will go to the Yellow Ribbon Fund. If you can't afford to bid on the microwave, you can get a Xerox copy of the iPhone photo of the microwave.

After a lovely segment on menu reading, Stephen welcomed his guest Godfrey Reggio to talk about his film "Visitors." It was quite interesting. Stephen asked the hard questions, such as, "When do I start drooling?"

Chimney Cam

Pope Watch. Gull Cam. (Yes there was a seagull on top of the chimney for a while.) Everyone has a catchy name to signify the election of a new Pope.

Whenever the new Pope is elected, you will hear it here. Probably not first, but eventually I will report on it.

Here's one article, and I'm sure there are hundreds more, about what's happening over in Vatican City. Scroll through all seven photos at the top of the article. In the first one, I see that although the Cardinals seem to dress alike, there are subtle differences. Some outfits have more lace to them, some have a bit more of an ivory color rather than white. The red seems to all be exactly like in the robes so that makes me wonder if there is a huge bolt of red fabric in Rome that only is used for Cardinal gear. It would just look wrong to have a photo of all the Cardinals and some of the robes are sort of maroon while others tend to be a bit red-orange. Luckily that problem is taken care of. Whew.

In photo number five you can see the vestments in Small, Medium and Large. It also looks like there are seven, maybe eight different sizes of shoes to pick from.

What would it be like to be sitting there voting on the next Pope and wondering, "Will it be me?" And what about that thing where any Catholic male can be chosen. What if they pick someone who is currently in, say, New York, or maybe South Carolina? The white smoke would come out the chimney, the bells would start ringing and then we would have to wait for that person to get an airplane ticket, pack a suitcase, probably submit a resignation at work, and high tail it over to Rome to appear on that balcony.

While part of me thinks that Stephen Colbert would make a wonderful Pope, if he was elected, I would hope that he would still broadcast The Colbert Report live from the Vatican.

Wax On Wax Off

Well, if you have been paying attention, you know that Stephen Colbert can be seen anytime in the Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in Washington D.C. And he is in good company. We know this because Stephen toured Madame Tussauds Wax Museum on his show Thursday night. His guide, Dan Rogoski, was extremely patient.  George Washington was there and what a coincidence that he is in the Washington D.C. location! Other presidents include Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, and Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Tiger Woods was there all over the place. Many Hollywood stars were there, e.g. George Clooney, Jennifer Lopez, and Johnny Depp.

Stephen sat for measurements, patterns, and molds, in what was somewhat humiliating for him and humorous for the folks taking all the measurements. Then the work began to get a framework, paint eyeballs, sculpt those ears just so, and all the other details in order to get a facsimile of Stephen Colbert. It was well worth it as we got to see, "one, two, me," the unveiling of the best statue in the museum.

About the only problem I can see is that on their sitemap, they have Stephen listed under Hollywood Stars. Perhaps there's not a better category for him, although Cultural Figures (Madame Tussaud, Juliette Gordon Low, Buzz Aldrin, Harriet Tubman) or Music Stars, (Marvin Gaye, Duke Ellington, Taylor Swift) or Presidents (Thomas Jefferson, Richard Nixon and George W. Bush, ) since Stephen is presidential, might be better categories.

Now we can all see Stephen Colbert in wax any time that we want. The museum is open every day of the year. The only thing you need to worry about, and this might be a game changer, is that you are not allowed to lick the statues.

Simian, Simmer Down Now

Remember the Monkey on the Gram? Well, his life of freedom is over. That's right. After more than three years living the life of leisure in Florida, he has been captured. It's a happy day, or a sad day, depending on your point of view. But one thing is clear. Stephen Colbert is given credit in the NPR article by Mark Memmott for staying on top of this story!

I'm an Idiot

Just joking. I work hard at being super smart intelligent. Whether that hard work pays off, well....

But speaking of geniuses, Time came out with their Double Issue of "The 100 Most Influential People in the World." I cried for an hour because, yet again, I didn't make the cut.

Guess who did. Do you really need to even think for a moment? Okay, no more suspense.

Stephen Colbert is one of "The 100 Most Influential People in the World." Note that the previous sentence does not have an exclamation mark after it. That is on purpose. It's not a surprise. It's not unexpected. Why wouldn't Stephen make that list? He is the very essence of influence.

He has run for President, of the United States of America no less! He has testified before an actual Congress! He has been the focal point of many rallies! No, no - that sounds wrong. He has been the star of many rallies, yes, that's much better! He has a Super PAC, which is quite easy to accomplish, I agree, but his is the best! He had a Christmas Special! He provided Winter Olympics coverage on NBC! Oh, the list goes on and on! And on!

So, go out and buy Time Magazine for April 30, 2012. His photo is the second one (that is if you believe in counting diagonally from top left corner to bottom right corner like I believe). His name is one of only 15 on the cover, right between Benjamin Netanyahu and Adele. Having your name on the cover makes you more influential than those other 85 who don't have their name on the cover.

I wanted to be sure to let everyone know about this. Stephen is so humble that he probably won't even mention this on the show tonight. Maybe the audience can yell his name when the show starts tonight as sort of a one-time tribute to him.

I Was the Perfect Candidate

I know what you're thinking. Stephen Colbert was the perfect candidate for President of the United States. That is true. No one can deny that.

But actually it is someone else who is claiming that honor. Michele Bachmann. (And yes, Bachmannouri is one of the names for the new Moon state and it was named after her.) You can hear her say that she was the perfect candidate over at HuffPo along with a lot of other things. She talked with Bloomberg TV's Al Hunt for quite a while, although she also admitted that he wasn't going to get answers from her. He asked questions such as who is best out of the field of GOP candidates left standing. She must be biding her time so that she doesn't back a loser.

It's long, over twenty minutes, so if you have a short attention span, you might not get through all of it. But if you listen around 4:20 you can hear her say she was most conservative and that she was the perfect candidate.

Really? Really? I wish someone would ask that question of Stephen Colbert. He is the most conservative and he is the perfect candidate. There can't be two who are most conservative, because "most" automatically means the person at the top of the list.

Perhaps the way to really judge who is perfect is to just ask yourself this: Who has his own TV show? Yes, we can tell who is best my simply remembering that he has a TV show and she doesn't.

Glad I could shed some light on that issue.

It Is Enough That It Be "Truthy"

I read a really excellent column by Leonard Pitts Jr. Of The Miami Herald recently. It is about Steven Miles and Arthur Caplan offering $11,000 to charity if someone can prove a link between vaccinations for human papillomavirus and intellectual disability.

This comes after Michele Bachmann said in interviews "She said her daughter was given that vaccine. She said her daughter suffered mental retardation as a result of that vaccine."

Go read the column by Pitts now. I'll wait while you do.

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Okay, did you read it? Pitts makes some very good points. And did you notice that he also mentions Stephen Colbert? That definitely caught my attention. He also wrote about Jon Kyl. You may remember I wrote about Jon Kyl here and here when Kyl's office excused his bogusivity comments because what he (Kyl) said "was not intended to be a factual statement."

So, $11,000 is up for grabs (for a charity), so do your research and claim that money. Wait a minute, wait just a minute! A link between vaccinations for human papillomavirus and intellectual disability..............

Can anyone tell me if Michele Bachmann had the HPV vaccination?

Parry or Perry

There seems to be confusion over how to spell that name. It's exactly the type of confusion that Stephen Colbert could investigate and discover the reasons for the confusion and a good solution to that problem. Unfortunately, Stephen is on vacation. So, unless someone else figures it out, we will have to wait at least two weeks to know why this is happening.

That being said, Governor Rick Perry must be so proud of Katy Perry. She recently tied Michael Jackson's record for the most #1 singles from the same album. I'm quite sure that the Governor of Texas is telling everyone about her accomplishment.

And what about him? Katy Perry is undoubtedly pleased to see how well he did in the Iowa Straw Poll that happened recently in Ames, Iowa. Considering how many people live in Ames, not to mention Iowa and the United States, 718 votes is quite a showing. Of course, Ron Paul had 4,671 votes, but no one is paying any attention to him.

This will all play out over the next 14 long months. Anything that happens in the next two weeks will go unreported by Stephen who is, as I mentioned previously, on vacation. So, as stories develop and become newsworthy, I'll post that information here along with commentary if needed. Anything else that seems interesting or funny or weird may also show up here, depending on what strikes me as worth posting at the time.

So, stay tuned even though Stephen is on vacation. I'll keep writing. And, if by chance I happen to see him vacationing in my neck of the woods, I'll be sure to get some photos and post them here.

Google "Vote for Rick Parry"

Here's some fun if you like looking at Stephen Colbert's smiling face. Just Google "Vote for Rick Parry" and then click on Images. You will see so many Stephen Colberts that it will make your head spin. And many of those images will take you to various media sources, such as this one that goes to msnbc.

Colbert Trumps Trump

I'm not much of a card player, so I hope I'm using that verb correctly. As some of you may recall, back on October 9, 2009, I had a post about Conservapedia entitled Special Message from Conservapedia where I suggested that Conservapedia had given Stephen Colbert the famous Colbert Bump. I also mentioned that Pat Robertson had 9,180 hits on his page while Stephen Colbert had 95,815 hits on his page.

Today I decided to see how those numbers have changed. Pat Robertson has increased his numbers to 13,443 while Stephen is now at 176,176! Wow, I think Conservapedia really did give Stephen the Colbert Bump.

Then I decided to check out a few other people. First I searched for Newt, but all I got was this short article:

"Newt are amphibians with four legs, and a tail. They are outwardly similar to lizards, despite being members of a different class of the animal kingdom - like lizards, they can regenerate limbs, but unlike lizards, they have soft slimy skin instead of scales."

Well that seemed strange, so then I searched for Newt Gingrich and then I found the guy who is going to run for the GOP nomination for president. If you don't remember him, he's the guy who loves his wife so much that he's had three of them so far. Anyway, his page has been accessed 15,531 times.

Then I looked for Tim Pawlenty, the old T Paw, and found that his page has been accessed 4,380 times. For Sarah Palin, (wow, they had almost a book on her page) there were 1,005,585 hits for that page. For Michele Bachmann, the number stands at 69,171. And for The Donald (Donald Trump, not Donald Pellview) the grand total is 5,711 times.

A few more names and numbers: Ron Paul is at 42,590. OMG, Barack Obama is so popular on Conservapedia that 2,204,356 people have looked at his page. I guess conservatives must like Obama as much as liberals do. Interesting. Mitt Romney is at 32,200 times that his page has been accessed. Mike Huckabee has 31,561 for his number.

I don't know that any of those number mean anything especially important, it's just interesting on a rainy day to do a little Conservative reading. If you want to get your own Colbert Bump, you can read about Stephen Colbert on Conservapedia here.

New Poll

I put up a new poll here on the blog and took down the old one. It's a real simple question. Have you joined Stephen's SuperPAC?

Also, Happy Birthday to Stephen Colbert. Do you remember what you were doing on May 13, 1964? Probably not, but Stephen was being born that day! It's not quite a National Holiday (yet) but we should still all celebrate.

And while he won't be in the studio today for The Colbert Report, Stephen has been busy. He is at the FEC and I expect we will hear about that next week. I can't wait to find out how that went.

So, today everyone should sing Happy Birthday to Stephen at least once. And take a look at the poll this week and mark either Yes or No.

Nuclear Arsenal

Last night on The Colbert Report, Stephen clarified his position about Sarah Palin.

"For the record, I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman whose experience as a failed vice president candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality show star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal."

See photo of Sarah Palin in the Oval Office here.

It is gracious of him to clear up this matter. But then it begs the question: If she is qualified for what I'm assuming he means the job of POTUS, then shouldn't Colbert be dusting off his resume? He is way more qualified than Sarah Palin to run for President of the United States.

As Stephen constantly reminds us, his own humility is what he is most proud of. That alone would be reason enough for me to vote for him. I do hope he runs again in 2012. (Political junkies will remember that Stephen Colbert briefly considered running in 2008.) Eight episodes can't even begin to compare with the years and years that The Colbert Report has been on the airwaves.

A Rose by Any Other Name

Charlie Rose: My program is dedicated to the idea that it's about the guest and not about me.

Stephen Colbert: I don't understand what you're talking about.

Note: Photo is not actually of Charlie Rose, but if you scratch the image, being very careful not to damage you computer monitor, you can smell the sweet fragrance of a pink rose thanks to Stephen Colbert Sniff-O-Roma Technology.

Houston, We Have a Colbert

Flying Toasters. Well not quite.

Stephen Colbert announced on tonight's Colbert Report that he has been invited to Houston for Astronaut Training!

Thank You NASA.

Stephen will be in Houston in May to undergo the astronaut training and also to show them his right stuff.

In an unrelated matter, Stephen will now be selling a generic form of his famous Formula 401. It's called Formula 01 Liquid Genetic Material, or Daddy Butter as he calls it. The only reason is because other corporations may start selling a generic form, so he wanted to compete with himself before they competed with him.

As with all his pharmaceuticals, you just know it will have that Stephen Colbert proud stamp of quality. Generally speaking, it's a generic genetic gem.

iPad

Stephen has an iPad and apparently it was free.

iGuess it works for someone to hint and beg to get what you want.

iRemember my first post here.

iSaid that iHoped Stephen would ask me to be on The Colbert Report.

Well, i'M still waiting.

Colbert Bump

Since I posted yesterday, I have been following the entries on Conservapedia for Pat Robertson and Stephen Colbert. I chose Pat Robertson because he is well known and has been around a long time, even longer than Stephen. Plus Pat Robertson also has a TV show. Anyway, I looked at those pages again today. Pat Robertson's page shows 6 more hits since yesterday, putting his total at 9,186. Stephen Colbert's page shows 100,927 which is a whopping 5,112 more hits since yesterday. No matter how many times I look at each of these two pages, I can't advance the hit counter. So, obviously it is other people from all over the nation or even world that are looking at Colbert's page on Conservapedia. It's as if by Colbert giving Conservapedia the Colbert Bump, that Conservapedia has returned the favor to give Colbert the Colbert Bump. This is truly amazing stuff!

Special Message from Conservapedia

Mischief is afoot. I checked out Conservapedia today. (See previous post if you haven't read that yet.) On the right hand side of the Conservapedia website, under "In the News" it said this:

"Special message to the Colbert show watchers: do yourselves a favor and watch less television. Colbert and his advertisers want to make money off you, but you can accomplish some good instead by unplugging the TV. You could even pick up a Bible."

I agree with some of that special message but disagree with other parts of it. Let me explain. The only times I remember Stephen asking for money was for charities. For example, if you buy a $7.50 WRISTSTRONG Bracelet, $5.00 will be donated to The Yellow Ribbon Fund. (Okay, so he advertises some pharmaceuticals, but isn't that the American way to get rich? I mean, it's practically in the Constitution.) So he's not trying to make money off of people, he's supporting our troops.

But take for example on Pat Robertson's 700 Club website, he asks for as much as $834 each and every month! And you do not even get a bracelet!

I do thank Conservapedia for suggesting that people unplug their TV. If we all do that when we are not watching The Colbert Report, or something else such as Jon Stewart on The Daily Show, it would save a little bit of electricity and all that little bit adds up to help stop global warming. So a Tip of the Hat to Conservapedia for their concern about Global Warming.

And I like that they are telling people to pick up a Bible. Again, it's these small things that can make a difference. Pick it up, put it down. Do this for 20 repetitions each day and you will see improvement in your arm muscles.

But here is one of my complaints. On their Pat Robertson page, they talk about his run for the presidency. But do they even mention that Stephen also ran for president? No. Just because Pat stayed in the race longer and raised more money and had more votes, they consider it to be more pertinent. Well, when did being pertinent ever pertain to things that are important or relevant?

How would the election have turned out for either of these two men if they had stayed in the race all the way to election day? We can never know how the elections of 1988, 1992, or 2008 would have turned out. But here is a good indicator. Pat Robertson's page on Conservapedia shows only 9,180 hits while Stephen Colbert's page on Conservapedia shows 95,815 hits. It 's pretty clear from those statistics who would have had a better chance at winning the election. Never mind that they didn't even run in the same years.

But all in all, it is nice of Conservapedia to recognize Stephen Colbert. I think they may actually be giving Stephen that famous Colbert Bump!

The Gospel According to Stephen

On tonight's show, Stephen mentioned that the folks over at Conservapedia are trying to rewrite the Bible. Read about it here: Conservative Bible Project Cuts Out Liberal Passages at The Huffington Post.

After talking about it a little bit, he suggested to his Colbert Nation that they all go to Conservapedia and write Stephen Colbert into the Bible, to make him a biblical character, e.g. Moses.

I Googled Conservapedia and checked out the website. All I found was "Service Temporarily Unavailable." That's about what I expected. When Stephen commands, I mean suggests, something be done by his Nation, there is an immediate and immense response. It is possible, even probable that they either crashed the website or Conservapedia found out about his mischief excursion and shut down their own website rather than have their re-written Bible be re-re-written by the Colbert Nation.