D. All Of The Above

Again, more religion news. Do you have your own magazine? I didn't think so. Well the Pope does! A weekly magazine, "Il Mio Papa" is being published in Rome. How I wish I was in Rome now so that I could pick up the first magazine. Every week there will be a pullout centerfold. Of the Pope. (What were you thinking, for heaven's sake???)

There was also a short segment on the younger generation and a report in Huffington Post or Huff Po or Huffing Post. Seems like the name and aim keeps evolving...

Even as some things about the SAT keep changing, some things stay the same. To the dismay of older employees, employers are asking for SAT scores for upper management jobs. Stephen had a bit of help for those who will be taking the test. Just remember these words: SAT, Panic, Anxiety, Hysteria, Horror, Failure. And now my suggestions: Do your best and don't worry. It's just a test.

Ronan Farrow was Stephen's guest on Tuesday. Stephen mentioned his age (26) five times on the show. Lots of people are 26, but most people did not finish high school at 11, finish college at 15 and go to law school at 16. Also, most people do not have their own TV show on msnbc when they are 26 years old.

Ronan revealed that Stephen Colbert was his role model, basically his Papa Bear (not to be confused with Il Mio Papa). In addition to that, he studies Stephen's shouting technique, I suppose so that he can have a show that is more informative. Stephen offered up some of his ideas for producing real political change in our country.

I Call Topsies

USA Today has a new logo - it's round and blue, but they're going to keep changing it all the time while still keeping it sort of roundish. Has anyone noticed the Comedy Central logo? No one made a big hoopla when that changed. Or at least I don't think Stephen did and that's all that matters. It used to be some tall buildings on a planet with the words Comedy Central. Now it's just a "c" inside a backwards "c". A good logo and also roundish.

Moving on. Mitt Romney was getting a whole lot of criticism about his comments on Libya. Well, no one's talking about that anymore. The campaign has realized it is not where it needs to be and so some refocusing,... rebooting, ... resetting... is going to happen. And, then a videotape shows up.

Back in May, "Romney was the main attraction at $50,000-a-plate... dinner at the home of private equity manager Marc Leder..."

Marc Leder is best known for throwing some wild parties including one where (I have omitted some of the words since this is a family-friendly blog):

"guests ...... in a pool ..... while ....... danced ......." You can read more about the dinner and what Mitt Romney said about 47% of Americans and about that party over at Huffington Post here.

Stephen Colbert said what we are all thinking. "Thank you. Finally, a candidate with the courage to say half of all Americans are freeloaders who believe they're entitled to food. What do they think? Food grows on trees? No. We job creators  know that there is no such thing as a free lunch. Lunch is $50,000 a plate."

And just who are these lazy free loaders? They include the elderly, children and the working poor. And U.S. military personnel deployed to war zones who are exempt from paying federal taxes on their combat pay. (From Los Angeles Times and TheGrio.)

Mitt Romney then held a press conference to explain what he said and Stephen took time out of his show to explain Mitt's explanation. Basically, calling half of America mindless moochers wasn't said eloquently. Stephen saved the day for Mitt by showing us how it should be done. (Apologies to my  readers if Stephen's choice of words seem explicit. I'm sure everyone is invited to the after-party, not just attractive Russian women.)

Tip Hat Wag Finger - Sorry about shortening that, but I am running out of time and did not want to take the time to type out the complete name for this segment. A jury has awarded Apple $1 Billion in a Samsung Patent Case. Stephen had an excellent breakdown of phones and geometric shapes. It all boils down to rectangles with round corners. - You know - roundish.

Who wore it best? There is way too much time and space devoted to that subject. Especially when two magazines feature the same two women wearing the same dress and the magazines come to the exact opposite conclusion. Stephen had photos that showed two people in same red dress and neither one looked that great to me.

Jeffrey Toobin was Stephen's guest which was special because it was his 6th time on the show. Jeffrey knows a lot about the Supreme Court. In fact, he knows so much that he revealed that Justice Clarence Thomas still hasn't said anything. Toobin's latest book is "The Oath: The Obama White House and the Supreme Court." First off, I have to say that the two men, Colbert and Toobin, disagreed on whether or not it is okay to change your mind. (I'd like to see the Supreme Court decide that!) Stephen asked what mercurial means. That was an eye-opener to me. I thought it was a mermaid who was curious. I think I need to buy a dictionary. And secondly, Stephen was concerned about which way a ruling would go. Sadly, that will not even be decided in this country. It will be decided in France. Sorry, Stephen. Better luck next time.

We Mars'd It

Curiosity touched down SUCCESSFULLY on Mars. Now everyone is curious. Is there life on Mars? Apparently there did seem to be some sort of feline life, but the Rover landed on top of it. Curiosity killed the cat. But citizens, are there any citizens on Mars? That's the real question. Perhaps this will answer that question. And for lots more information and pictures, yes pictures, head over to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory.

Dan Cathy's confession ran AFOWL of supporters of the LGBT community. Of course, part of the media circus is because of the Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day suggested and promoted by Walking Fried Food Museum Mike Huckabee. Stephen noted that while it may have been the best day in history for the fast food restaurant, it was the worst day in history for the chickens. It's time to put this story about Chick-fil-A to bed, but Stephen just had to get in one last jab with his "ran AFOWL" comment. I have never seen Mr. Colbert look smirkier. Cluck, cluck, Stephen. Cluck cluck.

Pete Seeger was the guest. He is a living legend and having him on the show was even better than having Paul Bunyan or Johnny Appleseed show up. Pete Seeger is still going strong. He lives in the country. He heats his home with wood and therefore spends some of his time splitting logs. This impressed Stephen immensely, who, at age 48, claims you can stick him with a fork because he is done.

Stephen was able to put the responsibility for gay marriage smack dab on the shoulders of Pete Seeger by the simple method of basically making it up. Starting with the folk revival that Pete Seeger was instrumental (pun) in, Stephen went on to Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Woodstock, Sexual Revolution, Bill Clinton, and therefore gay marriage.

I found this great article over at Huffington Post by Peter Dreier about Pete Seeger. Lots more stuff than we learned from Stephen's interview. There's even the lyrics to the song "Quite Early Morning" at the end of Dreier's post.

Watch in the future for another post about Pete Seeger. There's more to the story of Pete Seeger than one post can do justice to.

Jon Stewart, Michele Bachmann, and Bacon

I admit it. I also watch Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. I hope this does not offend Stephen. I am still able to laugh, cheer, and applaud Stephen's show even though I typically just laughed, cheered and applauded Jon's show. I found this over at Huffington Post so that now you too can watch part of last last night's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Don't you just love charts?

Gateway Hug

Who will be the GOP VP? Stephen explored this question.

First Rick Santorum. In a letter to Iowa voters this week, he wrote, "It truly frightens me to think what'll happen if Mitt Romney is the nominee."

"My friend, Republicans and conservatives will be crippled by a nominee who presents zero contrast with Barack Obama on the major issues of this election."

So Santorum's not the right choice.

Others have called Ron Portman of Ohio the perfect match. But Stephen said that's like the bland leading the bland.

So Portman's not the right choice.

Stephen came up with the best of all worlds - Mitt Romney's shadow. It changes positions every time he does.

Abstinence was on Stephen's mind tonight. It is effective with only one exception: it doesn't work. And so tonight's Word was Gateway Hug. Yes, hugging and kissing, first base and second base, it's all a slippery slope to be avoided. Stephen believes that puberty is a choice and that is the main reason kids have sex. According to him, we should protect what is most precious to us: the belief that abstinence-only education works.

Just a quick note about doomsday preppers (to go along with a TV show of that name). Get a doomsday prepper to be your friend. That way, you can be prepared for doomsday without having to actually do any preparation.

Arianna Huffington was tonight's guest. Where have I heard that name before? I remember, Huffington Post! She won a Pulitzer recently, so she and Stephen "discussed" the merits of Pulitzer vs. Peabody Awards.

After some good natured jokes back and forth, Arianna told Stephen what Huggington Post is all about. "Huffington Post is about right versus wrong." Well, not even Stephen can be against something so noble.

Joining Forces

Look at this. Michelle Obama will be a guest on The Colbert Report on Wednesday, April 11. That's impressive, but I think when Stephen has such high profile guests on, it makes it that much harder for me to get on the show. What does does a person have to do to get on The Colbert Report? Do you have to be somebody??? Do you have to accomplish something???

But, once Michelle Obama is on The Colbert Report, what will they talk about? Here's what - Joining Forces.

"Joining Forces is a national initiative that mobilizes all sectors of society to give our service members and their families the opportunities and support they have earned."

Spend some time now looking at the Joining Forces website. Then, on April 11 when Michelle Obama talks with Stephen on The Colbert Report, you will already be informed and knowledgeable and maybe even be able to anticipate what questions Stephen will ask. No, wait, I take that back. Being informed and knowledgeable about anything won't really help you predict what's on Stephen's mind.

Mark your calendar and be sure to watch on April 11. It should be interesting and of course, as always, Stephen will manage to somehow include a little humor on his news show.

Truthiness

If you are sad because Stephen is on some secret, special mission this week and you cannot watch new episodes of The Colbert Report on the TV machine, you can go over to Los Angeles Times and see his smiling face and read about his #InMyHeart tweets. It's a good reminder about being true and being true to your heart. (Turns out, being true and being true to your heart may not actually be the same thing.)

And then, you can go to Huffington Post to see what others are doing about Truthiness. It's very impressive because it is about people at Harvard and people at MIT, so it is about smart people. Smart is something Stephen knows a lot about! It's also about Truthiness, specifically, Truthiness in Digital Media. There's a "photo" of Stephen although it's not quite as big or handsome or flattering. (I take that back. I concede there is no such thing as an unflattering photo/picture/drawing of Stephen. This one just doesn't have him smiling, that's all I really mean.) Anyway, it is good to see how many other people and organizations share Stephen's quest for the truth.

Stephen Colbert: Rick Santorum refuses to put his left hip in during the Hokey-Pokey. #InMyHeart

I Was the Perfect Candidate

I know what you're thinking. Stephen Colbert was the perfect candidate for President of the United States. That is true. No one can deny that.

But actually it is someone else who is claiming that honor. Michele Bachmann. (And yes, Bachmannouri is one of the names for the new Moon state and it was named after her.) You can hear her say that she was the perfect candidate over at HuffPo along with a lot of other things. She talked with Bloomberg TV's Al Hunt for quite a while, although she also admitted that he wasn't going to get answers from her. He asked questions such as who is best out of the field of GOP candidates left standing. She must be biding her time so that she doesn't back a loser.

It's long, over twenty minutes, so if you have a short attention span, you might not get through all of it. But if you listen around 4:20 you can hear her say she was most conservative and that she was the perfect candidate.

Really? Really? I wish someone would ask that question of Stephen Colbert. He is the most conservative and he is the perfect candidate. There can't be two who are most conservative, because "most" automatically means the person at the top of the list.

Perhaps the way to really judge who is perfect is to just ask yourself this: Who has his own TV show? Yes, we can tell who is best my simply remembering that he has a TV show and she doesn't.

Glad I could shed some light on that issue.

Marcel the Shell With Shoes On

This is very popular, so maybe you've seen it. But if you haven't, now is your chance. You are sure to be entertained and amused.

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

and after you have watched that, go over to Huffington Post to watch

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, Two

Enjoy!

Oh yeah. These documentaries are by Jenny Slate and Dean Fleischer-Camp. You may remember Jenny Slate from Saturday Night Live.

Please Give Generously

Stephen reported on a story that probably should have been revealed to us on Halloween. I am not going to report on it but if you want to read about it, you can find it over at Huffington Post. It's the story about Euclid, Ohio and ghosts. That's all I'm going to say about it!

We learned yet a little bit more about Herman Cain and I imagine we will continue to learn more. Didn't Stephen invite Herman Cain to be on The Colbert Report? Now would seem to be a good time. It seems like Herman Cain could use the Colbert Bump.

The highlight of the night was when Jay the Intern came out to talk with Stephen. They do seem to get along quite well, and Stephen seems to be anxious to encourage Jay the Intern to learn new strategies for climbing to the top of the talent ladder in the news and entertainment world. Just when it was getting interesting, the station experienced "Technical Difficulties." I hate when that happens. We missed the best part. We'll never know what was in the "Agreement" that Jay signed. And by the way, now would be a great time to donate to the Colbert SuperPAC. They are getting close to their goal of more money, so donate today.

Stephen's guest tonight was Nathan Wolfe, Smarty Pants. Actually the more common title would be Microbiologist. He has a book out now, "The Viral Storm - The Dawn of a New Pandemic Age." I'm going to go out on a limb and say this doesn't sound like the type of book that you want to read while you are sitting in front of the fireplace with a hot cup of cocoa and a plate of cookies. But, it does sound like the type of book that you should read. So, wash your hands before you eat those cookies, and take a bite out of this book.

Rain, Rain Go Away

Nothing related to weather. Nope, this is about the South Korean recording artist Jung Ji-Hoon, or Rain as he is known. Rain has enlisted in the South Korean Army! Read about it here at Huffington Post. If you watch The Colbert Report, you know that Stephen has an ongoing feud with Rain, although I suspect it is all in fun and not a real feud.

I wonder if Stephen is aware of Rain's enlistment in the South Korean Army. We won't know this week since Stephen is out of the office. I can't imagine he won't say something about it when he gets back next week. Stay tuned.

How to "Win" an Election

First, choose your side.
Second, tell the other side to vote when it is too late.
Third, tell the other side the wrong place to send absentee ballots.
Fourth, claim it was all an honest mistake.

Stephen even made up a catchy poem to help the people in Wisconsin remember the wrong information that is being sent to voters in Democratic districts:

~ ~ ~ On August 11 make your selection
~ ~ ~ That's just two days after the actual election.

For the record, people in Wisconsin should vote on August 9, not on August 11.

I could write it all down, but here's the information everyone needs to know at Huffington Post.

Really, go read it at Huffington Post. You can find out information about such things as Voter Fraud, Americans for Prosperity, the Koch brothers, and typos.

Then watch the show at Colbert Nation if you did not see it tonight. He tells all about the snafu in Wisconsin. Plus you can see him model a certain article of clothing. You wouldn't want to miss that would you?

The Stupidest Thing Anyone Ever Did

Stephen Colbert got control of MLB twitter feed for 24 hours starting at midnight on August 5. Bad idea MLB. You should have known better. If you are interested, it's
twitter@mlb

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What were they thinking?

Tonight's guest was Anthony Bourdain. He likes to cook and he likes to eat, but not just anything. It needs to be good food.

SuperPac: Liberty on Lay-Away

I think you heard it here first. Well maybe not. I really have no way of knowing. Although I guess if you didn't read anything else, then yes, you did hear it here first.

But that's not important. What is important is that Stephen Colbert and his SuperPAC got the thumbs up from the FEC (Federal Election Commission).

You can start reading about it at these sources. Some even have video of the decision.

Washington Post - (Colbert approved to form SuperPAC) Yes, video also after you watch a short 15 second commercial. But it's worth it to see Stephen smile.

Huffington Post - (Stephen Colbert Wins SuperPAC at FEC.) Stephen does not accept the status quo, but he does accept Visa, Mastercard and American Express.

Washington Post - (FEC allows Colbert to form SuperPAC for 2012 elections) This article is by Dan Eggen. It was outside of the FEC offices where Stephen was taking contributions of cash or by swiping credit cards that he said, "Today we put liberty on lay-away."

Deseret News - (Colbert gets some answers on campaign finance.) This article by Andrew Miga comes to us from Utah, home of Jason Chaffetz.

The Daily Beast - (FEC approves Colbert's SuperPAC.) Included in the comments is this: "Where do I donate!" Good question. Hopefully Stephen will let us know the answer to that on tonight's "The Colbert Report." (Or you can just go to www.ColbertSuperPAC.com)

The Gospel According to Stephen

On tonight's show, Stephen mentioned that the folks over at Conservapedia are trying to rewrite the Bible. Read about it here: Conservative Bible Project Cuts Out Liberal Passages at The Huffington Post.

After talking about it a little bit, he suggested to his Colbert Nation that they all go to Conservapedia and write Stephen Colbert into the Bible, to make him a biblical character, e.g. Moses.

I Googled Conservapedia and checked out the website. All I found was "Service Temporarily Unavailable." That's about what I expected. When Stephen commands, I mean suggests, something be done by his Nation, there is an immediate and immense response. It is possible, even probable that they either crashed the website or Conservapedia found out about his mischief excursion and shut down their own website rather than have their re-written Bible be re-re-written by the Colbert Nation.