Very Very Big, Very Big

Let's get right to it. Donald Trump has been talking. His latest promotion is this: If President Barack Obama shows some assorted college and passport papers to Donald Trump, then Donald Trump promises he will give $5,000,000 to a charity of President Barack Obama's choice. There is a caveat. (Neat that he used that term considering who the guest was later in the show.) It must be by 5:00 p.m. (Neat again - another Latin term!) on October 31, 2012. If Obama does this, Trump will be totally satisfied.

Stephen has a generous and selfless counter-offer for Donald Trump with an offer of $1,000,000 from the Colbert Super PAC to any charity. All Trump has to do is basically just relax and stop talking for a little while. Let his cares melt away. Be one with the world. There is, however,  a similar caveat from Stephen. It also must happen by 5:00 p.m. on Halloween.

Is it possible to show a link between FOX, a bunch of questions, and a vigorous exercise routine? I think so and Stephen demonstrated how that could be done last night. He brought up the topic of Libya and then immediately showed many of the FOX newsypeople asking questions, such as, "Who?" "What"? "Why?" and "How?" (They forgot When and Where, but that was a few weeks ago in Libya.) Stephen asked a very important question. "If you put a statement in the form of a question, is that journalism?" We also got to see FOX Legal Analyst Peter Johnson, Jr. (or Richard Richard Richard as Stephen pointed out), admit, "I have no evidence of this."

But this whole question and question session was also a demonstration of what I assume is Stephen's exercise regimen that keeps his 6-pack firing on all six cylinders. He power-walked the studio. He danced down the steps. He climbed monkey bars. He tread on a treadmill. Even after this vigorous workout, he was still able to keep on with journalism by asking one last question. "But ultimately, the question is, how many questions do we have to ask before voters forget? President Obama killed Osama bin Laden."

Moving from journalism to politics, Stephen brought out his "Days Without a GOP Rape Mention" board. It had been at 13, but he had to erase that, write in a 0 (zero), sniff the marker before putting the cap back on it, and continue with his explanation. The latest GOP personality to blunder into the rape controversy is Richard Mourdock, Indiana candidate for U.S. Senate. He has said that even when a pregnancy results from rape, it is something that God intended to happen.

Stephen reminded us why he has to keep track on his "Days Without a GOP Rape Mention" board. There's Todd Akin with his "...the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down..." comment, Steve King who never heard of a girl getting pregnant from statutory rape, Tom Smith who equated rape with out of wedlock pregnancy, and Roger Rivard who offered advice that "... some girls, they rape so easy..."

"Well, some political careers they end so quickly," reported Stephen.  He calls them Team Rape. Stephen admits they probably don't appreciate that designation, but, "Come on, they're kinda asking for it."

Stephen felt the need to remind his fellow conservatives that in 1920, women won the right to vote. He then offered great advice to these fellow conservative men should they ever be in a conversation and feel the need to say something about rape. This was so important that he told them to go grab a pencil. He proceeded to give them wonderful advice, advice that should spare them the awkward positions they might get in by talking about rape or abortion.

Sadly this advice comes to late for Richard Mourdock. His campaign is in shambles, but Stephen realized this is just something God intended to happen.

Stephen's guest was not ancient, but he did talk about an ancient culture - the Romans. Anthony Everitt joined Stephen and he knows a whole lot about ancient Rome and has written many books. The most recent is "The Rise of Rome - the Making of the World's Greatest Empire." Although you might think someone who wrote about the ancient Romans would be all stuffy and boring, I actually think there was more humor and back and forth banter than with someone who is a movie star or comedian. Both men were obviously experts about Rome and Romans. Good times.

When the Sun Doesn't Shine

While Voter Fraud seems to be a real problem over at FOX, Stephen did not show us any examples of Voter Fraud because it is virtually nonexistent. However there is an arrest linked to Voter Registration that Stephen told us about. It seems Colin Small has been charged with destruction of voter registration applications. It's very interesting reading. I wonder if this is the big October surprise some people are talking about.

To continue with the voting theme, Stephen talked about more voting issues. (Oh, great. Now my phone is ringing. Hold on. ...... Okay, I'm back but I missed what Stephen was talking about.)

Here is voting information that you can check out yourself. I apologize for not getting exactly what Stephen said, but this should be helpful. Here's more info if you need it.

Yet more about elections, but this this time with a "who's the boss" flavor to it. It seems the boss is encouraging employees who to vote for in that they are saying things like, "Vote for Romney. I'm not saying you'll lose your job is you vote for Obama, but I am saying you should vote for Romney, wink wink nod nod." Stephen had the example of David Siegel, but there are others also. And while some may call it CEO black mail, Stephen prefers to use the term "Efficient Use of Resources."

In a related development, Stephen nailed his intern Jay into a crate to be mailed off to Ohio to knock on doors for Romney. Stephen all but ignored Jay's declaration that he will be voting for Obama. Luckily for Jay, there are air holes in the crate. Unluckily, there is no food. The only solution was, of course, for Stephen to sprinkle Cheerios into the air holes. Good luck, Jay!

Finally, in something political and yet somewhat pharmaceutical, Stephen explained the situation in New York where Governor Andrew Cuomo has or had plans to decriminalize possession of small amounts of marijuana. This was turning into an interesting segment with Stephen making valid points until he "messed" up. (Please substitute a word of your choice for "messed.") Get your act together Stephen!

Stephen got his act together in time for the guest, Donald Sadoway, Professor of Materials Chemistry at MIT. After finding out what Materials Chemistry and Modern Material Science is, Stephen especially wanted to know how to remove that sticky residue left from price tags and labels on the products we buy. But what Donald Sadoway really wanted to talk about was a liquid metal battery. He had a photo of a prototype. Stephen could tell it looked like a sandwich. He was instructed that it is not edible.

In the question and answer part, Stephen got into the guts of this science with great questions.

"Why do we need a new battery?"
-- "Batteries of today are too expensive and they don't last long enough."

"Is this going to replace what we're using now?"
-- "Yes."

Stephen thinks two nails in a lemon is a perfectly fine battery and said as much when he asked,
"So, you built a better lemon?"

(What can you say to a question like that? Obviously the guy thinks he built something great, but if he admits to building a better lemon, well, that doesn't sound that great.)

Best question:
"If this thing works, are you a Gajillionaire?"
-- "Maybe."

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Update/Apology/Mea Culpa - After saying that Stephen should get his act together, it took me two days to remember that Andrew Cuomo is Governor of New York, not Mayor of New York City. What was my brain thinking????

Today I Was One of Those Jellybeans

Tonight's show started out all sunshine and parades, went downhill, which is actually a good sign, and then was dominated by animals.

Unemployment has been getting better in that there's less of it. Things are looking better than they have for four years. So you would think people would be happy. But over at FOX News, they can take sweetened lemonade and turn it into sour lemons. Or as Stephen said, take a big sunshine dump on our rain parade.

America's Newsroom w/Bill Hemmer & Martha MacCallum is the show. They were all upbeat, even had some good news. Unemployment claims drop to lowest levels since April 2008 was the caption at the bottom of the screen. Weekly Jobless Claims fell to 357,000. And Martha MacCallum said it is the lowest in four years. But why does she look like she is going to cry? Send in Stuart Varney to explain that yes it's good and yes the trend is good, but oh no, oh no, the last four weeks of these last four years the numbers haven't gone down. Is the sky falling? No, it's probably like someone trying to lose weight. The weight goes down and then you hit a plateau for a while and then it goes down again. This seems like easy stuff, I mean, it's not like it's rocket science.

Stephen introduced a new segment on the show tonight: Colbert's Very Wanted. This paragraph is not for the faint at heart. You have been warned. You may be familiar with the Manatee. If you live in Florida, you almost certainly know about them. Well, what could be more natural and decorative than to have a manatee statue to hold your mailbox? And if you have a manatee statue, the natural tendency would of course be to decorate it and dress it up for holidays and special events. It just makes sense. Here comes the bad part: Someone has been vandalizing these manatee mailbox statues. They have been blown up, which is dangerous for sure. Also, the costumes, such as Santa outfit, have been stolen, only to be returned with a note from "The Grinch." Hopefully with Stephen exposing this type of behavior, this person or persons will stop this behavior. It is not good, which therefore means it is bad. Stop it.

I got up early this morning and so I am really tired. I think I fell asleep a bit during the next part of the show. It seems like it was something about Stephen being a Jellybean and Lincoln driving a motorcycle. Well, it wasn't about manatees or wolves, so probably not that important.

Stephen's guest was Anne Rice. She has written a boatload of books including her latest, "The Wolf Gift". She writes about Vampires, Sleeping Beauty, Witches, Mummies, you know, the people next door or down the street. She also has views on religion and she and Stephen talked about religion. (You can read more about Anne Rice here.) Stephen graciously offered his thoughts on what her future might be.

Toaster Project

As you may know, there have been many GOP debates recently, and there will probably be more to come yet. After the recent one at CBS, Michele Bachmann was outraged because she did not get to be in the limelight. As is her custom, she sent out another one of her urgent, "this is an outrage" emails to supporters telling them to send her more money. By the way, you can read about limelights here at Wikipedia.

Sometimes, Stephen highlights what other news anchors have talked about and tonight he featured a lot of news from FOX. There's talk about the Keystone Pipeline Project. According to FOX, it would create at least 20,000 jobs; it would create at least 50,000 jobs; a total of about 118,000 indirect jobs; it would create 120,000 jobs, it could provide up to a million new high paying jobs. Stay tuned. I'm sure Stephen will let us know when FOX has it up to a billion new jobs.

Congratulations to Jay the Intern as he welcomed his cute new baby boy into the world.

Stephen's guest tonight was Thomas Thwaites, author of The Toaster Project. At first I thought it would be boring, but it was quite interesting. Thwaites built a toaster from scratch. By that I mean he even tried smelting iron in his mom's microwave. To help him know what to do, he bought a cheap toaster and took that apart. Take a guess. How many parts in the toaster? Would you believe 400 parts?!? That website is interesting because it is one of the few that you need to scroll across from left to right, rather than scrolling from top to bottom.

So, while a toaster might not seem very interesting, if you think about what you would have to do to build it totally from scratch, it would keep a person busy for quite a while.

Imagine if he had tried to build a car, a computer or a television!

Stephen Colbert Bids a Fond Farewell

Stephen talked about Clipgate tonight. Fox News is complaining about the metal clip that holds the pages of Obama's Jobs Plan. That's right. The clip is not good enough for them.

Of course, if it had been a plastic spiral binder, they would have complained that it was not recyclable.

If it had been stapled, it would have been too hard to fold the pages over.

If it had been in a three-ring binder, it would have been too bulky.

If it had been bound into a book, it would have cost too much.

If it had been in electronic form, it would have been a plot too keep people without computer skills from reading it.

Oh Fox News, have you nothing better to do?

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Stephen had lots to discuss tonight. For example the Post Office. The survival of the Post Office depends on swift Congressional action. At which point Stephen bid them a fond farewell. Ah, but he had Phil Rubio, author of "There's Always Work at the Post Office," on to talk about the Postal Service. The Post Office does a whole lot more than just deliver a birthday card to your Grandmother. For example, Phil Rubio told us that there are 2 million addresses added each year and 45 million address changes. Who will do that if the Post Office doesn't? (It's not as if updating addresses makes a lot of profit for anyone.)

Stephen had a suggestion. Instead of being a public-private hybrid that is controlled by Congress but gets no taxpayer money, the Post Office should be like Halliburton. They get lots of taxpayer money and no one controls them.

But there is something you can do. (Do it for Ben Franklin, if for no other reason.) Wait two more days, then go over to Save America's Postal Service and find out about the rallies that will be held on September 27 in all 50 states (even if there is rain, or snow, or sleet). The locations for each state should be posted in 2 days, so you can check then.

If we do lose our Postal Service, I'm going to be asking one of you to deliver my Grandma's birthday card directly to her house. I'll even give you 44 cents to take it there.

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Stephen also talked about Presidential Hopeful, and mom to 28 children, Michele Bachmann. During the recent GOP debate it came out that she is strongly pro-choice as long as that choice is cervical cancer. You see, she really went after Rick Parry for signing an executive order that young girls would have to get a vaccination to guard against cervical cancer.

So I did some Googling. (I admit it, I Google.) Michele Bachmann also seems to be against anti-bullying which would thus make her pro-bullying.

So, getting cervical cancer and being bullied are okay with her.

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Moving right along on this busy night. Michael Moore stopped over. It was a great chance for a liberal and a conservative to sit down and talk. Michael Moore has a new book out, "Here Comes Trouble." (No, it's not about Stephen!)

When Stephen asked if there was something that made Michael Moore so outspoken, Moore told Stephen a story from high school. It was graduation night and the principal was checking to make sure everyone looked right. The boys were supposed to be wearing ties. Well, the kid next to Michael Moore in line had one of those string ties on. Long story short, the principal pulled that kid out of line and sent him out of school. He did not get to walk in the graduation ceremony. Michael Moore kept quiet, not wanting to also get kicked out of graduation. But after that he vowed never to stay silent when he should be speaking out.

Admiral John Q. Buzzschackler, Esq.

Unfortunately, Stephen is still having troubles with the legalities of his SuperPAC. He needed to have famed lawyer Trevor Potter on the show (again) to help him sort through all the various laws and restrictions about PACs and Super PACs.

The background on this is a letter from Viacom Lawyers that Stephen read recently on The Colbert Report. It starts out as follows: "Please do not read this on the air."

Oops.

The letter was quite lengthy, so Stephen paraphrased it. Paraphrasing legal jargon is always a good idea. I highly recommend it.

Here's what the Viacom lawyers told Stephen (as paraphrased by Stephen):

"We are stupid lawyers who hate fun. If you do this, we're all scared because people might get mad at us. I think we just peed a little. So, even though we know it is totally legal and everything, and everybody wants you to do it, we're not going to let you.
Sincerely,
Admiral John Q. Buzzschackler, Esq."

Legally, it is illegal. With all the integrity and sincerity that Colbert followers have come to expect from him, Stephen did the right thing and exploited the loophole.

Here's how it all plays out: Stephen can't talk about his PAC. But, if Stephen "reported" on his PAC or did "analysis" of it, then his SuperPAC would be covered under the "News Exemption" which is why FOX can go on, and on, and on, talking about SuperPACs.

Long story short, Trevor Potter just happened to have a letter that he had already drafted to get the "Media Exemption" for Stephen. However, the process may take up to 60 days, so Stephen put a "Lincoln" in with the letter, not as a bribe, but as Free Speech.

So, hopefully Stephen will get his "News Exemption" so that he can have his SuperPAC and talk, I mean "report" or "analyze" about it, too.

* Image is not actual Five Dollar Bill.

Is Your Refrigerator Running?

Before we discuss whether or not your refrigerator is running (and whether you need to stop it), a little bit about Papa Bear i.e. Bill O'Reilly.

Bill O'Reilly recently had footage on his program on FOX about the protesters in Madison, Wisconsin. Mike Tobin was reporting that supposedly they were getting out of hand. Both were hinting at the possibility of protesters being bussed in. (Now I'm not talking about Governor Walker planting troublemakers, he merely was thinking about that plan.) Bill O'Reilly ran the footage while Mike Tobin talked.

Interestingly enough, there in Madison, Wisconsin, in the cold winter, were palm trees lining the streets of Madison. I hope all of you realize that Wisconsin shares a border with Canada, so as far as palm trees growing in Wisconsin? Nah, I don't think so.

But Stephen explained it this way. O'Reilly got the film footage mixed up with something else. As he put it, "Video comes in. Video goes out. Never a miscommunication." But the real reason there were palm trees in Madison? The palm trees were being bussed in to Madison.

That brings us to the title of this post. If you've been paying attention, Governor Walker of Wisconsin is trying to bust Unions in Wisconsin. His reason for doing so is that he says it is necessary for financial reasons. However, he was recently pranked with a fake phone call where he explained that he wants to eliminate Unions.

Stephen had a short clip of Lawrence O'Donnell on his show "The Last Word" stating that "Republican legislators in Wisconsin authored a bill that would prohibit prank calls." That would mean kids could no longer call a random phone number, ask if the refrigerator was running, and then tell the person they had better go catch it.

It is Senator Mary Lazich and Representative Mark Honadel that are pushing the bill. Stephen says they have strong support from Ben Dover, Seymour Bush and Adolph Oliver Bush.

Sue's Noose Goose Snus Snooze

Yep, that's a tongue twister I'm using for the title of this post. Does it make sense? Well, not exactly, but it's fun to try to say it ten times. (Betcha you can't do it!)

Moving on.

Fans of truthiness are troubled when they encounter bogusivity. But how can you even tell which is which?

Case in point. Snus. Electronic Cigarettes. Dip. Vapor Stick. Chewing Tobacco. Snuff. Dissolvable Tobacco. Cigarette Substitutes. Smoking Alternatives. All will get you the nicotine you are addicted to. But are they healthy? Are they a good idea? Should you try them? Should you buy them?

Dr. Brad Rodu, D.D.S. is making a career out of promoting tobacco and nicotine via delivery systems other than smoking. He even advocated that Senator Barack Obama (now President Barack Obama) use smokeless tobacco.

Dr. Brad Rodu is a Professor of medicine at the University of Louisville. He holds an endowed chair (more about that in a future post) in tobacco harm reduction - or THR as he calls it.

(Clarification Note or Full Disclosure as they call it in journalism and politics):

His research, and thus the
lifestyle that he's become accustomed to,
is supported by tobacco manufacturers.

So, I'm wondering. Is he really concerned about all this tobacco and chew and snus and snuff, or is this just a prelude to his launching his career on some competing television channel (such as FOX) as an alternative to Stephen Colbert's "The Colbert Report" (TCR)?

There are so many similarities it's just uncanny.

* Both are doctors.
* Both use statistics.
* Both document their sources.
* Both talk about pharmaceuticals.
* Both use the internet to get their point or points across to a wide segment of loyal followers.
* I could go on and on but I won't.

Funny note here. Some would suggest that Stephen Colbert of "The Colbert Report" often talks with tongue in cheek. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha. People who use smokeless tobacco would talk with tobacco in cheek. Both of those would be called TIC. Tongue In Cheek. Tobacco in Cheek. Get it?

Anyway, what makes me think that Dr. Brad Rodu may be trying to take over the late night conservative pundit job that Dr. Colbert is doing so well is that he uses similar tactics to push his agenda. Dr. Brad Rodu is very good at using truthiness as I have explained in in a previous post. (See November 30, 2010 post entitled, "The Truthiness, the Whole Truthiness, and Nothing But the Truthiness.")

Dr. Rodu tells you some of the story, but not the rest of the story, just as Dr. Colbert often does. I mentioned in that previous post on "The Truthiness, the Whole Truthiness, and Nothing But the Truthiness" about Dr. Rodu talking about our life expectancy being better than it used to be. But it's 14 years less for smokers than for non-smokers, so that's the rest of the story.

And then it gets all confusing when people try to make other people think that it's the smoking that's the problem and not the tobacco that's the problem. There's been so much emphasis on quitting smoking, when it really probably should have been an emphasis on quitting tobacco.

"I wish I could quit you." How many smokers have said that? And how many times have they said that?

Dr. Colbert has his Cheating Death segments [here] and Dr. Rodu seems to be saying that smokeless tobacco can help tobacco users cheat death. But again, is that all tongue in cheek talking by one or both of these doctors?

It's a new year and anything is possible. For now I will leave you with some sources to check out [here] and [here] and [here]
and [here] and [here].

Also [here] and [here] and [here] and [here].

Interestingly enough, on a Wikipedia entry, Dr. Rodu's blog was listed under NON-medical blogs and commentary. That is yet another indication that there is a potential of a possibility that perhaps, maybe, a competitor to Dr. Stephen Colbert and The Colbert Report (TCR) is in the planning stages or at least in the "thinking about it" planning stages.

FOX, are you interested? We need more comedians in these tough times.