Admiral John Q. Buzzschackler, Esq.

Unfortunately, Stephen is still having troubles with the legalities of his SuperPAC. He needed to have famed lawyer Trevor Potter on the show (again) to help him sort through all the various laws and restrictions about PACs and Super PACs.

The background on this is a letter from Viacom Lawyers that Stephen read recently on The Colbert Report. It starts out as follows: "Please do not read this on the air."

Oops.

The letter was quite lengthy, so Stephen paraphrased it. Paraphrasing legal jargon is always a good idea. I highly recommend it.

Here's what the Viacom lawyers told Stephen (as paraphrased by Stephen):

"We are stupid lawyers who hate fun. If you do this, we're all scared because people might get mad at us. I think we just peed a little. So, even though we know it is totally legal and everything, and everybody wants you to do it, we're not going to let you.
Sincerely,
Admiral John Q. Buzzschackler, Esq."

Legally, it is illegal. With all the integrity and sincerity that Colbert followers have come to expect from him, Stephen did the right thing and exploited the loophole.

Here's how it all plays out: Stephen can't talk about his PAC. But, if Stephen "reported" on his PAC or did "analysis" of it, then his SuperPAC would be covered under the "News Exemption" which is why FOX can go on, and on, and on, talking about SuperPACs.

Long story short, Trevor Potter just happened to have a letter that he had already drafted to get the "Media Exemption" for Stephen. However, the process may take up to 60 days, so Stephen put a "Lincoln" in with the letter, not as a bribe, but as Free Speech.

So, hopefully Stephen will get his "News Exemption" so that he can have his SuperPAC and talk, I mean "report" or "analyze" about it, too.

* Image is not actual Five Dollar Bill.

Cadbury 3:16

Lots happened on The Colbert Report Thursday (April 14, 2011). Where to begin, where to begin?

Well, one thing that was somewhat emotional for Stephen, and for the whole Colbert Nation I would venture to guess, was about his Colbert PAC. Stephen read a memo from the company lawyers. Lots of legal mumbo jumbo, but the main point was that Stephen could not have his Colbert PAC. This was distressing for Stephen, and I admit, I shed a tear or too also.

Stephen even invited Trevor Potter, recognized by some as being a "Super Lawyer," to help him understand all the legal intricacies of a PAC (Political Action Committee). Aha, thus the good news. Instead of a PAC, Stephen could have a Super PAC. By use of a simple 1 page cover letter stating "I want to have a Super PAC," Stephen was able to go ahead with his plan to begin:

"Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow."

Yea! Problem solved. Unlimited amounts of money.

And this being Spring, that can only mean Easter is upon us soon. Stephen provided updates as he usually does at this time of the year and then quoted from Cadbury 3:16:

"Take this egg, and hide it somewhere.
Perhaps under a log.
Or in a shoe.
Give the kids a challenge.
But you know, not too much of a challenge."

Yes. We can all do well to remember that this Easter.

His guest, I almost forgot. It was Caroline Kennedy! She has a new book:

she
walks in
beauty
a woman's journey through POEMS

Did you notice I even typed that just like the cover of the book? She and Stephen read poetry and recited poetry and had some nice laughs even. In honor of Caroline for having a new book out and to Stephen for having her on the show, I dedicate this work of poetry to Stephen Colbert.

There once was a man, name of Stephen,
His ears alas were not even,
But his mind it was sharp,
Manly voice - - like a harp,
Of his greatness we all are believin'.

I Joined Colbert PAC

Stephen was so convincing that I just had to go to COLBERTPAC.com and join.

Now I can claim to be one of a group of millions who are
"Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow."

My whole life has changed since joining. I feel older. I know I'm getting smarter. Every time I see Michele Bachmann or Tim Pawlenty or Sarah Palin or Mike Huckabee, I can smile because I know that I am in the PAC that is better than all those PACs put together.

But enough about me. On to the important stuff. Stephen found out last night that you can use PAC money to pay for jet travel. And that you need to comply with rules and fill out forms and things of that nature, but no one has gone to jail for making boo boos about PAC stuff. So, that sounds intriguing.

I mentioned other people who have PACs and I did not know, but huckpac means "out after Iowa" in the Klingon language. Stephen talked about Tim Pawlenty and his thunderous handshake last night. Well, you can do amazing things with audio-visual equipment nowadays. oops. I guess it's called technology now, not AV. You might remember that Stephen has aired the Pawlenty PAC ad and then determined that Pawlenty is running for the Brawny man. You probably haven't seen, but Pawlenty, who is from Minnesota, has all of a sudden developed a deep south accent when he is speaking in states south of Minnesota.

But moving on. I just think someone needs to talk about this Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert BFF situation. (That's Best Friends Forever, if you don't know.) Both of them have talked about being BFFs for 6 months. That's not exactly forever!!!

Regardless of that problem though, go to DonorsChoose.org/Fallon-Colbert-Project anyway and donate. It helps kids, so that's good.

And then hopefully soon we can get past both of them having to say, "I never said that."

TimMAY, P King, Klu and Reza

Lots of guys on last night, either in news segments or in the interview. First to mention, briefly, is Tim Pawlenty, commonly known as T-Paw, the former governor from Minnesota. Stephen aired a commercial by the former gov which sure looks to be by a guy running for president. Although Timmy (TimMAY!) has been saying for years that he's not running (nudge nudge wink wink), he also has been doing everything short of announcing that he's running that does in fact make it look like he is running for president. Although to be fair, some have also theorized that he is really running for vice president or secretary of state or any number of other jobs in Washington D.C.

(On a side issue, look at the photo here back in 2008. Is his hair gray back then?)

Anyway, the commercial was awesome, until you saw the next clip of the real Tim Pawlenty giving the actual speech. Boring.

Stephen had an awesomer commercial for himself and then announced his awesomest Political Action Committee, ColbertPAC.

Also bits about Representative Peter King, who is concerned about Muslim terrorists but was supportive of the IRA. Rep. P. King is holding hearings which have generated controversy.

Another quick mention was of Rep. Dan Lungren with just a short mention he had about investigating Ku Klux Klan and various other groups. My question, and a small question admittedly, is wouldn't you think someone who was investigating that group would be able to pronounce the name correctly? He calls them the Klu (think "clue") Klux Klan, instead of the Ku (think "coo") Klux Klan. Just two simple letters - Ku - not so hard to pronounce correctly.

But then Stephen got to a real live person for the interview, Dr. Reza Aslan. He and Stephen talked about the hearings that P. King is holding. I think many people agree that we should find out what is going on with extremist groups, but focusing on only one group doesn't make sense. Dr. Reza Aslan told Stephen that since 2001, there have been more violent extremist plots against the United States by non-Muslims than by Muslims. And then Stephen took that opportunity to get defensive when Dr. Aslan mentioned Catholics.

Stephen, Stephen, Stephen. Have you forgotten that you gave up Catholicism for Lent?

But it's okay, he's fine. Stephen Colbert had one, two, three good moments at the end of his show.