Global Warming

I am sure you have heard that it is cold in the Midwest. It's true. Very cold. And if you are reading this, then it just follows that you have seen Stephen doing his famous impression of Richard Nixon pretending to be cold and saying "Brrrrr," and shaking his head back and forth. (Even Dan Aykroyd has done that famous Nixon "Brrrr" impression.) Recently Stephen talked about the current president and one of his tweets.

It goes something like this:

"In the beautiful Midwest, windchill temperatures are reaching minus 60 degrees, the coldest ever recorded. In coming days, expected to get even colder. People can't last outside even for minutes. What the (heck) is going on with Global Waming? Please come back fast, we need you!"

I used the word heck. You can figure out what was really used but I'm not going to say that here.

There are a few things wrong with that tweet.

First, of course is the Miss Spelling of Warming. Stephen pointed that out.

Second, there is the fact that he (current president) does not understand the concept of weather versus climate. Weather is your basic day to day conditions. You wake up and wonder what the weather will be like today. Will it be hot? Will it be cold? Will it rain? Will it snow? You know, the kind of stuff the weatherman (woman) talks about on the TV machine.

Climate is studying a whole bunch of weather over a long period of time for someplace. No one ever had a job on TV as a climateman (woman). No one wakes up and wonders what the climate will be like today.

Third, he is wrong about it being the coldest ever recorded. Wind chill temperatures of minus 60 means the temperature is cold, maybe 45 degrees below zero. When you add in the blowing wind, then it seems as cold as if it was minus 60.

But there are records of temperatures being as cold as minus 60 degrees and that isn't even taking the wind into consideration. It would feel even colder and therefore the wind chill would be lower than minus 60. Fact: There are wind chills of minus 67 that have been recorded in Minnesota. (I found that on the internet.)

Fourth, and I think this is actually the most important thing that is wrong with that tweet, he had it all backwards, or inside out, or kitty-wumpus. Every other president would have written something like this:

"It's winter and the Midwest is experiencing extremely cold temperatures and even colder wind chills. And it is expected to get worse. Stay inside. If you must travel, dress warmly in layers. Cover all exposed skin. Have emergency kit in your car. Let your loved ones know when you leave and when you are expected at your destination. Look out for your neighbors, especially elderly people and people that live alone. Get medical help if you have any signs of frostbite. We need to look out for each other."

There's a Squirrel on Your Head

In my effort today to predict what Stephen will talk about, here's another link. And again, it's by Dylan Stableford over at Yahoo! News.

So, yes it is about The Donald, and he said his announcement would be Big which is better than Huge in the Trump Dictionary, but the comments, or tweet treats (copyrighted) are the fun part. Just what we need for this Halloween season. Enjoy.

Mom-in-Chief

Down in Charlotte, North Carolina, the Democratic National Convention is still in full swing. Stephen objected to the constant noise in the background that seems to have no explanation. What is really strange about this noise is that it seems to be loudest at the same time as all those convention signs are waving back and forth, signs such as "Michelle," "Forward," and "Stephen Colbert." har har har. I made up that last one.

We did get an explanation when Stephen played a video clip of Brit Hume. He said, and I assume he has his facts all checked out on this, that the Democrats had the sound turned way up and so that's why the roar of the greasepaint, oops, roar of the crowd was so loud.

By the way, did you know that you can read the transcript of Michelle Obama's Convention Speech over at NPR? Well you can. And you can also listen to Michelle Obama's Convention Speech at the same link. It's 25 minutes and 6 seconds long, so you can read it or listen to it while waiting for your pizza to be delivered.

Everyone agreed the speech was great and when she said that her most important job was Mom-in-Chief, it brought out the crocodile tears in Stephen. I can understand why it would bring Stephen to tears. Even Charles Krauthammer thought the speech was brilliant.

 We also got to see Tammy Duckworth, Congressional candidate, giving a speech about her background, her family, her military service, and the heroism of her crew in Iraq. And yes, I found the text of her speech also. You can read that over at Huffington Post.

What seems to be grabbing attention with some of the media is the number of Twitter Tweets going on during the Conventions. Michelle Obama seems to be winning. What does it all mean? Stephen explains. He used the Internet Numbo-Tron 3000 to help explain  numbers, e.g., 5, 9, 14, and 3. He can't explain what any of the numbers mean, but he feels compelled to report on these numbers to his audience. Tonight's big number? It was 11,394.5. Holy Cow! That's a decimal. Stephen will keep us updated on this especially if he has time to fill. Of course, Stephen was making a point, but then he couldn't explain the point, so it was sort of pointless.

During the Sport Report, Stephen told us that the football referees are in a labor dispute with owners. One problem is over benefits such as vision coverage. Stephen offered to share his eyeglasses with the professional referees. This should settle the problem.

The guest was Michael Grunwald talking about his latest book, "The New New Deal, The Hidden Story of Change in the Obama Era." The book is a New York Times Bestseller, so that, plus the fact that he is on The Colbert Report, probably means that you may want to read this book.It was a very lively discussion. I could hardly keep up and neither could Michael Grunwald. I'm not one to tell tales, but Stephen barely let the guy talk. Where's a referee when you need one?

Colbert Nation on Twitter

If you need a good laugh right now, and who doesn't nowadays, go to Colbert Nation and follow Stephen at Home as he Tweets. It's down there at the bottom of the page, on the right hand side.

Not Intended to Be a Factual Statement

Remember when Jon Kyl had to backtrack on his comments about Planned Parenthood? Apparently what he said was not intended to be a factual statement.

And so Stephen Colbert and his Colbert Nation have had a field day with that phrase. Stephen said that there were nearly 77,000,000 tweets per minute using "Not Intended to Be a Factual Statement."

Disclaimer:That previous statement is Not Intended to Be a Factual Statement. (Stephen never said that.)

I think the real number was closer to 46 tweets per minute.

However, Stephen did say, "Jon Kyl is gay." (Banner at bottom of screen: "Not Intended to Be a Factual Statement.")

But, think of the impact this will have. The Ten Commandments can be rewritten. "Thou shall not make a statement which is Not Intended to Be a Factual Statement."

or

Mom to Jimmy: "Jimmy, did you throw a rock through this window?"

Jimmy to Mom: "No." (Not Intended to Be a Factual Statement and therefore Jimmy doesn't have to go sit in the corner.)

But now that we know all this and have all the terms properly identified, we can expect that the next time Jon Kyl says something as false and misleading as his Planned Parenthood statement, we will see and hear Joe Wilson, jumping to his feet, pointing at Jon Kyl and yelling, "You are saying something that is Not Intended to Be a Factual Statement!"

And this time, Joe Wilson will actually be telling the truth.