Simian, Simmer Down Now

Remember the Monkey on the Gram? Well, his life of freedom is over. That's right. After more than three years living the life of leisure in Florida, he has been captured. It's a happy day, or a sad day, depending on your point of view. But one thing is clear. Stephen Colbert is given credit in the NPR article by Mark Memmott for staying on top of this story!

Mom-in-Chief

Down in Charlotte, North Carolina, the Democratic National Convention is still in full swing. Stephen objected to the constant noise in the background that seems to have no explanation. What is really strange about this noise is that it seems to be loudest at the same time as all those convention signs are waving back and forth, signs such as "Michelle," "Forward," and "Stephen Colbert." har har har. I made up that last one.

We did get an explanation when Stephen played a video clip of Brit Hume. He said, and I assume he has his facts all checked out on this, that the Democrats had the sound turned way up and so that's why the roar of the greasepaint, oops, roar of the crowd was so loud.

By the way, did you know that you can read the transcript of Michelle Obama's Convention Speech over at NPR? Well you can. And you can also listen to Michelle Obama's Convention Speech at the same link. It's 25 minutes and 6 seconds long, so you can read it or listen to it while waiting for your pizza to be delivered.

Everyone agreed the speech was great and when she said that her most important job was Mom-in-Chief, it brought out the crocodile tears in Stephen. I can understand why it would bring Stephen to tears. Even Charles Krauthammer thought the speech was brilliant.

 We also got to see Tammy Duckworth, Congressional candidate, giving a speech about her background, her family, her military service, and the heroism of her crew in Iraq. And yes, I found the text of her speech also. You can read that over at Huffington Post.

What seems to be grabbing attention with some of the media is the number of Twitter Tweets going on during the Conventions. Michelle Obama seems to be winning. What does it all mean? Stephen explains. He used the Internet Numbo-Tron 3000 to help explain  numbers, e.g., 5, 9, 14, and 3. He can't explain what any of the numbers mean, but he feels compelled to report on these numbers to his audience. Tonight's big number? It was 11,394.5. Holy Cow! That's a decimal. Stephen will keep us updated on this especially if he has time to fill. Of course, Stephen was making a point, but then he couldn't explain the point, so it was sort of pointless.

During the Sport Report, Stephen told us that the football referees are in a labor dispute with owners. One problem is over benefits such as vision coverage. Stephen offered to share his eyeglasses with the professional referees. This should settle the problem.

The guest was Michael Grunwald talking about his latest book, "The New New Deal, The Hidden Story of Change in the Obama Era." The book is a New York Times Bestseller, so that, plus the fact that he is on The Colbert Report, probably means that you may want to read this book.It was a very lively discussion. I could hardly keep up and neither could Michael Grunwald. I'm not one to tell tales, but Stephen barely let the guy talk. Where's a referee when you need one?

Coincidence - You Decide

So this morning I was just Googling around and found something that made me think, "Wow, what a coincidence!" The two people that were on last night's The Colbert Report also were together before. Oh, I know what you are thinking. Maurice Sendak was not actually on the show. It was taped previously and shown last night. Point taken.

But it seemed like it could have been planned. Or maybe it' just that Terry Gross interviews lots of people and eventually she would interview Maurice Sendak. Whatever it is, coincidence or good planning,I found "This Pig Wants to Party: Maurice Sendak's Latest" over at NPR. It's about 20 minutes, so maybe grab a cup of coffee and a scone and Listen to the Story.

Give Me Twenty Bucks and I'll Eat a Bug

Tonight was the conclusion of Stephen's interview with Maurice Sendak. He gave us a little bit of insight into his likes in literature. He does say that he thinks the current state of children's books is abysmal.

Green Eggs and Ham - Good, everything by Seuss is Good.
Give a Mouse a Cookie - UGH
Curious George - Great

But on to the serious matters of the night. Although Stephen is a celebrity, apparently he is not enough of a celebrity to be able to whip out a children's book in such a short time. He needs suggestions from Maurice. So what's it take to make a successful book?

"You've started already by being an idiot." See, that's the neat things about literary giants. They come right out and say what they think. But Stephen did have a rough draft of a book he has written, "I Am a Pole" and he shared it with Maurice.

"The sad thing is I like it." Maurice is kinder than I expected he would be about Stephen's book.

"Can I get that as a blurb?" asks a hesitant Stephen.

"Oh absolutely."

Stephen also got drawing lessons from Maurice and it was in high style when they finished their drawings. We can look forward to the book coming out soon.

Tonight's guest was Terry Gross from Fresh Air on NPR. She interviews lots of people so it was interesting for her to be in the hot seat, so to speak. She stressed the importance of paying attention to all her guests, even when they seem to be rambling on and on. It seems once upon a time she was interviewing Grover Norquist, the man behind the no tax pledge that some Republicans sign.

He was going on and on about the Estate Tax (or Death Tax as it is sometimes called). Then she heard Grover Norquist say this, "The morality of the Death Tax was the morality of the Holocaust." When she asked if he actually compared the Holocaust to the Death Tax, he said, "No, no, I compared the MORALITY of the Death Tax to the MORALITY of the Holocaust."

Stephen doesn't understand the concept of letting the guest do a lot of talking. In a way, that was a compliment to her. He also said that after 25 years at NPR, it must be hard to keep asking for money. He suggested that eventually all that will be left will be "Give me twenty bucks and I'll eat a bug."

"I'll try that," she told him.

Note: I found this website and noticed that January 27 is International Holocaust Remembrance Day.

I Told You So

Stephen talked about immigration last night. It seems that Alabama is now tough on immigration. And it seems that the produce in Alabama is rotting in the fields because there's no one to pick it. And those two things are related. Who would have thought?

Well, Stephen, that's who. He was himself a farm worker for one day. Anyone can sign up to do the work.

So what is needed to keep those fruits and vegetables coming to a grocery store near you? Here's what Representative Jeremy Oden (R-AL) (not to be confused with a bald Dwight Schrute) has to say about the problem (NPR October 24, 2011):

"Look, we need a federal program, a migrant program that we can apply in our state and get these skilled laborers to stay and help these people out."

So, Alabama has a tough law on immigrants and all the skilled laborers have left Alabama, but they want a way for skilled laborers to stay there and work. Sounds like they have a bit of a problem.

Stephen did testify to Congress about this. "Most soil is at ground level."

On last night's show, we also learned about Jesus-Ween, where people are supposed to dress in white and hand out Bibles instead of candy on Halloween. The interview guest was Taylor Branch who has a new book out, "The Cartel," which is actually about NCAA.

Stephen also used his time on the show to urge us to (not) buy these two books by staff members:

Sad Monsters by Frank Lesser
Bad for the Jews by Scott Sherman

You have a choice of books you can buy, or you could just as easily buy all three.

Clap For Me, My Monkeys

Remember when Stephen told us that Herman Cain would be on Thursday's episode of The Colbert Report? That's right, this coming Thursday, July 28, pizza maker and presidential hopeful Herman Cain ..... actually won't be on because he has canceled.

Ouch. Not exactly a good plan if you are tyring to get The Colbert Bump. There's a "scheduling conflict." I hope that isn't a case of finding a better prom date or something like that. Take it from me, that always backfires.

Politico has the story here about Herman Cain backing out. But it wasn't very long ago at all that it was going to be a big deal. Read the hype over at Comedy Central's Indecision (unless of course they change it since it's no longer true).

And so, you heard it here first. Well not first, since Stephen said it tonight on The Colbert Report, so then, okay, you heard it here second. From Stephen Colbert's mouth to our ears, "Herman Cain might not be the next president of the United States."

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Moving on. I never quite know what to call the people who come on the show and sit at the desk with Stephen before the actual guest is interviewed over at the table. Would it be a mini-guest or a pre-guest? Whatever you call those people, another one was on tonight.

Peter Edelman helped Stephen sort through the struggles that people in poverty face. Did you know that lots of poor people have refrigerators? It was an interesting discussion, perhaps you should watch that episode when it is rerun or else catch it over at Colbert Nation.

Interesting reading at that Wikipedia entry about Peter Edelman. The link is right there at the beginning of the previous paragraph. I'll wait while you read that. Okay, you're back. Peter Edelman is married to Marian Wright Edelman, president and founder of the Children's Defense Fund.

I've always thought it was strange that CDF says "Leave No Child Behind" while George W. Bush used "No Child Left Behind" to give school children the opportunity to take lots more standardized tests. Apparently it is no a coincidence. From Wikipedia article on CDF:

"The principal public policy initiative is summarized by CDF's advocacy of the "Dodd-Miller Act to Leave no child Behind (S. 448 / H.R. 936) " bill, introduced in Congress in 2001. This differs only slightly from the No Child Left Behind Act. (George W. Bush used this phrase, trademarked by the CDF, in his Presidential campaign despite objections from CDF.)"

Anyway, interesting how a guest talking about poverty can lead to reading about other topics and people.

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Moving on yet again.

Stephen's real guest tonight was Brooke Gladstone from npr. They discussed Gladstone's book, "The Influencing Machine" which is sort of like a comic book or a graphic novel, except that I don't think it's a novel. You can see a little bit of it here.

While some might think that the media influences us, she says that it's a mirror. Wow. Wait a minute. Stephen claimed that he is of the media and that he has control. To prove it, he turned and said, "Clap for me, my Monkeys."

And the audience applauded wildly.

Cobra On the Lam

It's been a while since Stephen has had a "Monkey on the Lam" segment on The Colbert Report. I'm hoping tonight he will debut a new segment - "Cobra on the Lam".

Apparently, at the Bronx Zoo in New York, an Egyptian Cobra is, umh, missing. Awkward!

Here's a short bit of information and a photo over at NPR about the snake.

By some accounts, Cleopatra committed suicide by letting an Egyptian Cobra, also known as an asp, (Stephen, insert joke here) bite her. Maybe, maybe not, but you can read about that at Wikipedia.

So, will Stephen talk about this tonight? It sure seems like the kind of story that he thinks his viewers need to know about.

And a word to the wise: Avoid Snake House at Bronx Zoo this week!