A Pile of Lunch Meat Chose the White Bread

Stephen is back from vacationing in the Cayman Islands with his money and was sad that he didn't get to cover the crowning of  a new Pope. (Note: Pope Francis was not crowned and seems unlikely to want riches of that sort.) Actually, Stephen wanted to cover the naming of a new Pope. It is as important as the Superbowl but without so many "Thank-you Jesus thanks prayers." Stephen did has some coverage about the new Pope and showed Fox News with the safe analysis of the smoke. "It's gray." Can't go wrong with that.

Stephen told us about a book based on a movie based on the Bible. It was very confusing. It seems like it will be a big ratings winner and isn't that what the Bible is all about?

The really big news that everyone is talking about is the renaming of the Conference Room over at The Campaign Legal Center. The president is Trevor Potter. That name should be familiar to you. If not, read more here and also here. Or you can just read posts here about Trevor Potter. Anyway, the Conference Room was renamed in honor of Ham Rove. I would just love to have my next committee meeting in "THE HAM ROVE MEMORIAL CONFERENCE ROOM." It is such a fitting tribute to Ham Rove and also to Karl Rove who was the mentor for Ham Rove. Now admittedly there could be some confusion for a small minority of people about the difference between the mentor and the mentee. So, before you enjoy your Easter dinner, first ask, "Did you ever put anti-gay marriage legislation in swing states to tip the scales in the 2004 Presidential Election?" If it answers Yes or if it answers anything at all, best not to eat that Ham. It could be Karl Rove.

Stephen extended an invitation for Karl Rove to join him this Sunday for an Easter Feast.

Stephen's guest last night was Junot Diaz. He has a very impressive set of credentials, but Stephen, being a humble man, was not impressed. Among other things, he teaches Writing at MIT. And he is on the Board of Freedom University. Freedom University is dedicated to teaching undocumented immigrants. Junot Diaz had an interesting comparison. Think about Superman. He arrived here from Krypton through no plans of his own and yet we accepted him. Think about all the positive things Superman accomplished here! Right. So it just makes sense to me that we should be doing more to help these other immigrants achieve all that they can. Stephen raised many pertinent questions which Junot Diaz answered well and yet not to Stephen's liking. They discussed the Eternal Question of what language is spoken on Krypton. I must admit that I do not know the answer to that question.

As important as this University seems to be to Junot Diaz and as committed as he seems to be to the University, he admitted that there is no official sweatshirt for the school. Stephen was ready to help him out. He brought out a sweatshirt, a nice grey hoodie, with red letters that say "Freedom University - Established 2011" on it. Junot Diaz was overwhelmed with joy. "This is great!" Actually, it just had the initials for Freedom University on it, but you get the idea.

Hold It Right There, Nunsie

Wrapping up last Thursday's show and the last episode of 2012 it is time for bid adieu to Ham Rove. In a strange turn of events though, his memory will live on. You see, Stephen got a letter from The Ham Rove Memorial Fund, of which he, Stephen Colbert, surprisingly is on the Board! In this letter which Stephen sent to himself, it says that they recently received an anonymous donation of $773,704,83. This is amazing because it is exactly the same amount of money that was left over in the Colbert Super PAC. The letter came from P.O. Box Bite Me. Stephen suggested that this donation go to Unicef but the other Board members found out that Unicef is the name of Stephen's yacht.

Therefore, the money will be divided up as follows:

$125,000 to Donors Choose Sandy Relief Fund

$125,000 to Team Rubicon's Sandy Outreach

$125,000 to Habitat for Humanity to build houses for storm victims

$125,000 to Yellow Ribbon Fund

The remaining money, per Ham Rove's wishes, will be split between the Center for Responsive Politics and The Campaign Legal Center, but if, and only if, some conditions are met. Conference rooms for those two organizations will be renamed. One gets to be The Colbert Super PAC Memorial Conference Room and the other gets to the The Ham Rove Memorial Conference Room.

Stephen's guest for the last show of 2012 was Sister Simone Campbell, of the famous Nuns on a Bus. They had a very spirited interview. I have come to the conclusion that Sister Simone won the interview by a few points. Stephen tried his best, claiming that Jesus wanted him to prosper. Sister Simone came back at him with the story of how the rich brought presents to the baby Jesus and left them at the manger.

Stephen did compliment her that she was named one of Atlantic's Brave Thinkers of 2012. He went on to note that she publicly disagreed with the Pope, yes - that Pope (!) - on issues such as contraception and all male priesthood. He also commented that he had no way to be sure she was a nun since she was wearing just normal clothes. However, she has a pin on her lapel, what Stephen called a "Nun Badge."

In her never ending quest to help the poor, she also explained why she "took on" Paul Ryan and his budget. This is the budget which Paul Ryan said was informed by his faith. She said we should, in a pluralistic culture, be all about community: "We have to let go of our stuff to hold hands with each other."

Thursday's show was only 30 minutes long as usual, but it seemed like Stephen packed a lot in to end the year. We had another musical treat for the Christmas season. Musicians Jeff Tweedy, Mavis Staples, Sean Lennon and members of the Harlem Gospel Choir all appeared to sing John Lennon's "So This is Christmas."