Isaac to Trump: You're Fired

First off, I want to say what great opening credits those are for this week's "Tampa 2012 - America Strikes Back." Someone should make a movie.

Two things are going on in the country now. The Republican National Convention in Tampa and Hurricane Isaac in the Gulf Coast. Because of one of these events, the other event had to change its course. And since it's pretty hard to make a hurricane change course, you have probably figured out that its the Republican Convention that changed course. Well, changed its schedule, so almost the same thing. As a result, Donald "The Donald" Trump did not get to give his speech. Here was about the only platform where Donald Trump would be able to share his views and he lost out on that chance. When will we ever get to hear him talk again? I just don't know.

Other speakers have canceled in order to go back to their states and be there for the hurricane: Governors Rick Scott of Florida, Robert Bentley of Alabama and Phil Bryant of Mississippi. That's okay, there are plenty of other people at the Convention. Chris Christie will give the keynote speech, Paul Ryan will accept the Vice Presidential nomination and Marco Rubio is Hispanic. Time permitting, Mitt Romney will speak.

The most important thing happening at the Convention isn't happening in Tampa. It is happening online, on the Internet over at Colbert Nation. Stephen mentioned that Tampa is known for its strip bars and they are expecting to do a brisk business form delegates. Therefore security is tight. Everyone should have a security pass and so everyone should go here to get their Tampa 2012: America Strikes Back All-Access Pass. Even if you choose not to get one, you should at least go look at the choices on the form. You will find out a lot about yourself just by the choices you make.

You will need to fill in the usual things, your name, your sexuality, your most urgent lower taxes priority, your home state, your summer home state, your ski home state and your tax haven country. Also you will be asked to vote for your favorite Repetitive Republican.

You may remember that Todd Akin made waves last week with his statements that reflected his knowledge of how the female body works. Stephen tried to clear up all the confusion with his Hoo-Ha Lady Zone 5000. He was able to lay it all out for us to show the workings of the female reproductive system, including the dragon that guards the entrance. Good. Now we know. If you need any more info, just stop by any strip joint.

Stephen also talked briefly about Rep. Steve King, Congressman from Iowa, (not to be confused with Stephen King who talks about and writes about scary stuff). Rep. King defended Akin and Stephen shared videos of Rep. King being so fair and balanced that he will say one thing and then say the opposite. I think he's supporting both sides of an issue. Stephen Colbert just thinks Rep. King can't hear what comes out of his mouth.

The guest was Andrew Sullivan, political conservative and Editor of The Dish over at The Daily Beast. He claims to be a conservative. Yet he supports Barack Obama for President, even more so than he did when Barack Obama first ran in 2008. But that's just because the other party has gotten nutsier than they were the last time around. This was indeed an interesting discussion by two conservatives, talking about the upcoming presidential election.

I'm pretty sure we will hear more in the coming days about this election. It's just a feeling I have.

E=mc Scared

Congress is getting dumber. Ahhhhh. What does that mean? It just means that the speeches they deliver now are geared towards a 10th grade audience rather than the previous 11th grade audience. Personally I think that Congress is just trying to be more inclusive and get younger people interested in all the wonderful things that Congress has accomplished these past few years.

The Word for Monday's show was Sink Or Swim. (Technically Word Word Word.) The seas are rising and are anticipated to rise a meter, which is a metric measurement and so we may not have to worry about it here in the mathematically progressive USA. However, that's quite a bit of water. If you have ocean-front property, you may be in trouble. Luckily, North Carolina Republicans have come up with a sweet solution. They simply want to outlaw the data. That's right, they have a new bill that would outlaw the climate models. (Sea, no evil.) This is a brilliant solution. Another would be to stick your head in the sand. Of course, you would want to have a friend nearby to tell you when the water is rising and getting too close to you.

BKAD, or Better Know a District, is one of Stephen's most patriotic segments of the show. By now he should have been able to breeze through all the Districts. Sadly, there are way too many that we don't know. In fact, there are whole states that we know absolutely nothing about. Stephen is of course fixing that. He made an agreement with Nancy Pelosi to support her Disclose Act. She, in return, would encourage Democratic Representatives to come on The Colbert Report to be interviewed by Stephen. It is proven fact that anyone on The Colbert Report gets the famous Colbert Bump.

So anyway, Stephen has two Democrats booked for this summer. Yea!!! But he needs more. That's where you come in. Head over to Colbert Nation. Do you see Stephen's smiling face up in the right hand corner? It says Better Know A District. Click on that. It's the Represent-O-Map 6000. Then click on your Congressional District. If you don't know your District, use the Search Box-Thingy 4500 below the map of the USA. Either click or search and you will get a nice photo of your Representative and a form email (the best kind) to send. Get your Representative on the show. Make him or her famous. Send your Representative an actual email. You can also view The Archives to see if your Representative was already better known.


The most popular Representative seems to be Representative Eleanor Holmes Norton which is interesting. As popular as she is, she has the worst voting record, having never cast a vote. It is a fascinating interview and valuable civics lesson. And we can see Stephen flatter himself.

To remind us all of what BKAD is all about, Stephen interviewed Representative John Lewis for BKAD and also as the guest. Representative John  Lewis is from Georgia's 5th District. John Lewis knew the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr since he was 18 and John Lewis was the youngest speaker at the 1963 March on Washington. In 1965, he led marchers across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in a historical event that came to be known as Bloody Sunday. Stephen mentioned that he also was at the 1963 March on Washington and may have been the youngest attendee since he was with his mother in that she was pregnant with him.

Stephen and Representative Lewis also discussed the new book that John Lewis has written - "Across That Bridge: Life Lessons and a Vision for Change." You can get this book at most bookstores or download it from iTunes.

Marshmallow Test

Well first of all, you need to go watch The Colbert Report over at Colbert Nation if you did not see tonight's Report. I could tell you all about the Marshmallow Test, but I can't do justice to Stephen's explanation and demonstration. It's funny and worth watching.

Some of the Republicans running for President for 2012 were at a debate Monday night, so Stephen talked about that. One of the first things they all did was brag about how many kids they have. One of the candidates figured out a very long time ago that she was going to need lots of kids. Michele Bachmann can't say three sentences to anybody before she brings up those 23 foster children that she raised. Perhaps Stephen could find out the details on that, because no one else seems to be able to find out any details. Did she raise them from cradle to graduation? Or did she have them for a weekend? Inquiring minds want to know.

Ah, but then Stephen got started on the subject of Tim Pawlenty. He called T Paw a Boiled Noodle! And then he said Pawlenty's campaign was soaring like a chicken tossed off a barn. You may have heard Pawlenty's made-up word - Obamneycare. Earlier Pawlenty had criticized Romney, but now when the guy was just a few feet away, Pawlenty backed off completely.

And this got Stephen going even more! "I want to know how the Minnesota health plan keeps Tim Pawlenty alive without a spine."

Anyway, Stephen also had a clip with Pawlenty talking about his plans to pay for his tax cuts. It's called the "Google Test". "If you can find a service or a good available on Google or the internet then the Federal Government probably doesn't need to be providing that good or service."

Here's the catch. (And I must admit that I have heard other people also say this, but Stephen was the first one to do so on The Colbert Report.) "I can Google Tim Pawlenty and if I can Google Tim Pawlenty that means he's absolutely unnecessary in government."

Wow. Wowie. Sounds like T Paw Googled himself right out of the Presidential Race. Oops.

Stephen had an interesting guest on tonight - Janny Scott. She is an author and wrote the book "A Singular Woman, the Untold Story of Barack Obama's mother." Go buy the book and read it.