Farming

When the farm says it's time to farm, everything else has to wait. And so, I have been away from my beloved computer. Sigh.

I only recently realized that perhaps Stephen did not actually get trapped under a soda machine. It was a ploy to get Matt Damon on the show and even more surprising, a ploy to show a clip from his recent movie, Elysium!

That Stephen. Always coming up with something to trick me. When will I learn? When will I learn?

Don't Tell Mom

It's Colbchella '013 (or StePhest Colbchella for purists) time! That means a big sponsor and great, great music. Daft Punk was supposedly the guest, (back on August 6, yes, I'm behind on posts, you all know that already) but that whole Daft Punk deal fell through because of MTV and the VMAs. It's all very confusing and sad, and what's worse, Stephen already cashed the check from Hyundai. I don't know how that whole deal played out. Stephen is still doing the show, so probably something that was agreeable to both sides was worked out which benefits Hyundai, Stephen, and of course all of us - his loyal fans- because we still get to watch him every night on the TV machine. Well, not every night, just Monday through Thursday and not every week because he takes vacations all the time. Oops. Sidetracked. Sorry.

So. Not to be disappointed, we got to see Stephen dance and dance and dance. Along with nearly everyone else in the entertainment world. That's great. It shows that news journalists and musicians and entertainers can come together for meaningful dialogue and dance. If you did not see it last week and if you haven't watched it yet somewhere on the internet, or on any one of a number of other news shows, of course you can see it over at Colbert Nation. You can also see all these people:

Hugh Laurie
The Rockettes
Jeff Bridges
Jimmy Fallon
Jon Stewart
Charlie Rose
Anna Gunn
Aaron Paul
Vince Gilligan
Bryan Cranston
Matt Damon
Henry Kissinger
Tek Jansen
Mel B
Nick Cannon
Howie Mandel
Heidi Klum
Howard Stern

Go here to see one of Stephen's best performances yet.

Finally, in what has to be the most fortunate event in TV history, Robin Thicke just happened to be in the audience for this show of all shows and agreed to sing for Stephen, thus saving Stephen's career. Stephen has officially dubbed "Blurred Lines" as the song of the summer. He does have that authority, so there you have it, the Song of the Summer.

You Said it Was For Charity

First of all, and most importantly, who will decide this election? Women. But, enough about that.It's time for Stephen Ghoulbert's Spooky-time Halloween Fun Guide. This should be good and just in time for Halloween.

All You Need
1. Big Bowl of Candy
2. Big Bowl of Razor Blades - This will prove that there are no razor blades in the bowl of candy. Makes perfect sense.

Ding Dong. Who's at the door? More importantly, why is there a front door on the set right next to Stephen's desk? Where did that come from? And who could it be? Could it be Clint Eastwood? Could it be Donald Trump? Could it be a BEAR? Yes, it could be all of those, but it's actually Tom Hanks. They made small talk and then Stephen went on and on about Tom Hank's movie, Cloud Atlas, which opens on October 26. Coincidence? I don't believe in coincidences.

Tom was here to show off great Halloween costumes. Then kids started showing up one by one for Trick-or-Treating. Here's a list of some of the kids. See if you notice anything about them.

1. Kid in Cowboy outfit saying, "There's a snake in my boot."
2. Kid in Astronaut uniform saying, "Houston, we have a problem."
3. Kid in the briefest of clothes, sporting long hair and a beard, holding a FedEx package. His candy bucket happens to be a volleyball with the top cut open. Is this sounding familiar?
4. Next were four kids that Stephen did not recognize. What do you think the chances are that these are characters from Cloud Atlas?
5. One more time the doorbell rang and Tom Hanks rushed to answer it first. After some yelling and fist pounding, Tom Hanks pulled in a kid, Army Man.

Just as Stephen was apologizing to Tom Hanks, the door burst open and someone, a life-sized Army Man, threw the door open and said, "What's the deal, Hanks?" No need to apologize, Stephen. This was a shameless movie plug for Cloud Atlas, opening October 26 in theaters and IMAX.

Also mentioned was the movie Argo. And then Tom Hanks looked into the camera and said, "Go see Cloud Atlas."

Next up was guest Mitch Daniels, who will be Governor of Indiana for only 2 more months. It's pretty hard to follow a big star like Tom Hanks. Mitch Daniels has a book out in paperback, "Keeping the Republic - Saving America by Trusting Americans." Stephen mentioned how he doesn't want to trust the 47% of Americans who are parasites. The two men then had what some might call a subtle pissing contest, Mitch Daniels being all concerned about people getting help from the government in choosing a mortgage and Stephen with his desire to live next to a nuclear plant and not have all those burdensome regulations on it.

Mitch Daniels is concerned about the huge debt we have. Stephen does know his history and so schooled Mitch Daniels a bit. "We had a surplus when Bill Clinton left office, and you were George W. Bush's Director of Management and Budget. Who came in and chloroformed you and stole all the money?"

Thetwo then talked about books. Stephen told Mitch Daniels what his book reminded him of. Stephen's book, "America Again, Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't." Both men agreed to endorse each others' book. I'm pleased to report that Stephen's book got the better endorsement.

If you think tonight was Shameless Plug Night, you are correct. Now, go read every post on my blog.