Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation

Somehow Stephen was able to link Iran, the Navy, Lasers, cats, Cher and a dollar bill all together in his first story. Did you know that it only costs a dollar to use a laser cannon to evaporate enemy drones out of the atmosphere and send them spiraling into the ocean? I hope I got that right, I'm not an expert on military capability. Stephen showed the actual dollar needed to drop a drone down into the depths of the sea. Funny thing though. It seems like it was a generic dollar because there were no serial numbers on the dollar bill. Maybe a laser burned the numbers off the dollar bill. Anyway, this laser cannon can go up against anything except for bad weather, water vapor, smoke, sand, or dust.

Stephen had a special segment of Tip of the Hat Wag of the Finger because the United Nations is trying to curtail guns. Although the United States voted for that resolution, Syria, Iran and North Korea voted against it. Also showing support against it was the National Rifle Association. Stephen calls these three countries and the NRA the Axis of Freedom. Stephen went on to argue with "Greg" about gun control, demonstrating that it was actually good that evil guy Hitler had a gun because Hitler shot himself with that gun.

Soon it will be time to vote for a new Mayor in New York. There are many potential candidates for that soon to be vacant office, including Anthony Weiner. Stephen highlighted some of highs and lows of Anthony Weiner's political career. But of course the best part of this segment was all the "High Fives" that Stephen and someone (maybe Michael Stipe?) performed to bring a little excitement to the segment.

Shane Smith, wearing his formal t-shirt, was the guest last night. He is all about Vice. Vice is even on HBO. I had always thought that vice was either the assistant to someone else or the part of the police department that goes after the really naughty crimes. But there is news, entertainment, even fashion in the Vice magazine although Stephen did point out that naked ladies or naked men does not really encompass "fashion" since they are not wearing clothes. We got to see a video clip of a recent trip to Afghanistan/Pakistan border which was interesting. Shane Smith considers himself a storyteller. When asked if the stories were accurate, Shane Smith said yes. Stephen asked why. He replied that they have to be accurate. Again, Stephen asked why. It was actually Vice that sent Dennis Rodman over to North Korea. Stephen thanked him for sending Rodman there. In light of that, perhaps we will see Dennis Rodman on the show soon. It could happen....

Well, Recuuuuuuse Me!

Today Stephen announced that for Lent he is giving up Catholicism. He then immediately became Jewish and gave up not eating bacon. Joining him for a short chat was Anthony Weiner, Congressman from New York's 9th District, representing Brooklyn and Queens. I think it would be very interesting to have the chance to sit down and talk with Anthony Weiner. He seems like a really interesting guy. There was even a hint that he (Weiner, not Colbert) might run for Mayor of New York. But tonight Anthony Weiner was talking about Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. There even was a website that flashed on the screen, conflictedclarencethomas.com. That pretty much explains what Anthony and Stephen were discussing, so you can read it there if you are curious.

And then the real guest was David Brooks who brought his book "The Social Animal" along with him. I admit, I was multitasking while the interview was going on and so I didn't pay as much attention as I should, but what I got out of it is that Americans aren't so good at math. Brooks had these statistics, from surveys, polls, etc. In the first one, 96% of professors in this country think they're above average in teaching skills and 19% of Americans think they are in the top 1% of earners. Hopefully you all realize that those numbers just don't add up, not that they should add up, but I'm just saying.

It's been a while since I've put a photo up to look at and I don't have a photo of Anthony Weiner, Clarence Thomas or David Brooks, so some pretty scenery will have to do. I hope you enjoy looking at it. It sure is majestic, isn't it?

Note: Title should be Well, Recuse Me! I guess the "u" key on my keyboard got stuck. Apologies to Steve Martin.

Jason Chaffetz and His Zen SleepOver

Sometimes when I tune it to watch The Colbert Report, I turn the Television Box on a little bit early. Last night I saw the tail end of Jon Stewart and his Daily Show. Sometimes Stewart has a segment called Moment of Zen. Jason Chaffetz, Republican Representative from Utah, was featured as he spoke to Fox. I think Jason Chaffetz must have had a "SleepOver" or something like that recently because he was quoted as saying that he was so scared to death that he would have to sit next to Representative Weiner.

That would be Anthony Weiner, Congressman for New York's 9th District - the Fighting Ninth. (Note to self: find out who Anthony Weiner's roommate was in Soho.)

Then Jason Chaffetz said something about morning and people eating oatmeal and people hurling. Well, that's just typical Chatty Catty talk that goes on at Sleepovers, not always very polite and usually shows that the speaker is a sore loser. But anyway, if he is scared to death, he should contact Stephen Colbert. Prescott Pharmaceuticals surely would have something to help Jason Chaffetz with his fear phobia, which I'm assuming would be SleepOverPhobia.

Moving on.

Stephen had a blurb for the book, "O - A Presidential Novel" by the author....hmmm.... No author. Apparently it is written by an anonymous person. Speculation is that it could be Joe Klein, Robert Gibbs, or Rahm Emanuel. (Joe Klein wrote "Primary Colors", Robert Gibbs is White House Press Secretary, and Rahm Emanuel is the future mayor of Chicago.)

On the Today Show, publisher Jonathan Karp speculated that it could be (drum roll) Stephen Colbert. (If you go to the Today Show link, ignore the parts about Mark Salter.) Obviously Colbert is a talented _______ (fill in the blank), and could easily have written yet another book. But I don't think so. Here's why. When talking about Stephen Colbert, Jonathan Karp pronounced his name "call bear" rather than "coal bear". I don't think the publisher would have gotten that wrong if he actually knew the real Stephen Colbert.

Stephen doesn't remember writing it.

(OMG. That book just got The Colbert Bump! Wow, I didn't see that coming.)

The beauty of an anonymous author is that everyone can then claim credit. So, if none of you are going to claim to be the author, then I will. I wrote the book!

Stephen debuted three inventions last night. The Toaster with Wheels, the Manhandler (a single bladed razor with 5 handles) and the Fork Phone (Phork Phone? Fork Fone?). That did not go well for him, but he is recovering.