Losers

Luckily, for those of us who did not watch the Oscars, Stephen provided a rundown on the most important events from that show. Fashion of course is a mainstay of the Academy Awards and since Stephen is a fashion expert, he provided some much needed commentary on the stars who were among the best dressed (and some that were not). There can be nothing more important than that! Are you able to pick the best and the worst dressed and more importantly, what did you wear on Oscar night?

In news that relates to the health of the nation, the CDC will now be taking over some reporting that is currently being done by Slate. Apparently there is a reason for this and it is quite astounding.

Next up was Pope Watch 2013. Stephen said he will be live in Rome to cover the story of the Pope stepping down. But how can he do this and still be ready to do his own job? Can he really make it all the way to Rome in time for the Pope's last day? We should know by next week. What I wonder about, and I don't think I'm the only person, and therefore this can't be some sort of a surprise, is this: Will we soon be seeing The Pope on the The Colbert Report? Pope Benedict  will have lots of time on his hands and Stephen would be the likely person to interview him. Time will tell.

Stephen's guest last night was Simon Garfield. You should go over and look at his website. Then tell me what you think of Simon Garfield having a large ampersand (&) on his front page. It makes me think of Simon and Garfield. Or it could be about typefaces. Anyway, just click on the ampersand to go to all the neat information on his website. Find out Why the World Looks the Way it Does! Read about all his books, including the one, "Just My Type," and his most recent one, "On the Map." You know, I really expected Stephen to use a map to get from his main news desk over to the table where he conducts interviews. But I suppose he just used the implanted GPS that I'm pretty sure is in his left ankle in order to find his way without getting lost.

Simon Garfield and Stephen had a lively discussion about maps, their importance throughout history and what the future might hold for maps. We also found out what the favorite map of Simon Garfield is. I'm pretty sure he was referring to this map. If you click on that link, it's the second one of London, the one with the red blob in the middle surrounded by a larger yellow blob with a blue River snaking through it.

I'm Just Me

If anyone is a uniter, it's Stephen Colbert. Last night he found a way to unify the whole nation, even before the show started, with the help of Celine Dion. (You can skip the ad after a few seconds.)

Sometimes Stephen has great news, funny news, happy news, but sometimes he has scary news. Apparently we now have to be scared of the zombie apocalypse. It is truly terrifying news that will have us all terrified as we think of the potential for terror. The CDC recently released a statement to reassure us that there are no zombies. But I think they are forgetting these documented facts about The Zombies.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger. These segments are always so fascinating that I forget which part gets the tip and which part gets the wag. Stephen talked about a Japanese invention called diet goggles. If you wear them while eating, it makes the food look larger, and therefore, you probably wouldn't eat so much of it. In tests and studies, they have found out that the goggles work sort of okay for round objects such as Oreos, but not so well for bananas and other irregularly shaped foods. Next, the global economy. You just have to give Stephen a hand for keeping on top of important issues. It turns out that frozen assets are one of our best exports and as a bonus, it provides steady employment for our young men. In honor of this global economy, Stephen announced new product lines for his Formula 401.

Stephen's guest was a teacher, someone who completed his foursome of very important people. Jill Biden, the 2nd Lady of the USA, was on to talk about her new children's book, "Don't Forget, God Bless Our Troops." Stephen sought and got a clarification from her. It's not, "Don't Forget God, Bless Our Troops," it's "Don't Forget, God Bless Our Troops." Of course Stephen would catch the subtle differences that moving a comma could make.

This would have been a great opportunity for Stephen to mention his latest book, "I'm a Pole And So Can You," so he did mention his book.

Jill Biden also teaches at a Community College and talked briefly about the virtues of the students. They are often working a job, raising a family, and still taking the time to attend college. Just like the people at my favorite Community College.

The Truthiness, The Whole Truthiness, and Nothing But the Truthiness

Previously I posted about Brad Rodu, Professor of Medicine at the University of Louisville. He holds an endowed chair in tobacco harm reduction research. You really do have to admire someone who employs the same scientific rigor that Stephen Colbert uses.

For example, on his blog he has a graph that shows how the Life Expectancy in the United States has gone up. It's at almost 78 years now. Think how great that is if you are 20 years old! Of course, it's not so great if you are 79 years old. Yowza.

But, for the most part, we are living longer. And that is the Truthiness of Brad Rodu (or should I say, Dr. Brad Rodu, D.D.S.) that Stephen Colbert, inventor of Truthiness, would approve of.

Here's where the Whole Truthiness and Nothing But The Truthiness comes in. According to CDC, i.e. Center for Disease Control, life expectancy for smokers is 14 years less than for non-smokers.

So, hurray for Dr. Rodu for using Truthiness to his advantage. Use the parts that you like and those other parts, well they can just be ignored. Never mind that CDC says that an average dose of smokeless tobacco contains at least twice the amount of nicotine found in the average cigarette. And never mind that nicotine is an addictive drug. Just stick to Truthiness. It is ever so much easier.