The Guy With a Dead Crow on His Head

Tuesday night we saw the Best Episode Ever on The Colbert Report. Oh, yeah, I know I've said that before. I guess it's because Stephen just gets better and better with age. Not that he's old, I didn't say that.

So anyway, he was sad, had a heavy heart because the Congresswoman from Minnesota's Valley of the Dolls, Michele Bachmann, announced she was not going to seek a 5th term in Congress. (Finally, I reported on something before Stephen did. yes!)

I wondered if she had filmed the video in Stephen's studio while he was gone, but no, Stephen said it was in a Sears Portrait Studio.

I did not know how Stephen would react to the resignation of one of the giants in the Conservative Movement. Perhaps resignation is not the right word since she will continue in Congress until her current term is up. We can all take solace in her drive and ambition to continue with her strong focus.

"I will continue to work vehemently and robustly to fight back against what Most in The Other Party want to do to transform our country into becoming."

And Stephen agreed with her. "Yes. We must fight those Most before our country is transformed into becoming," he said. "Stupid Most." Well, duh. Who doesn't agree with that?

In a touching tribute to Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, Stephen looked fondly back on some of her Very Moments.

* Michele Bachmann and Marcus Bachmann dancing. She does like the twirling. And Marcus does love to twirl.

* "Planned Parenthood is a billion dollar a year entity. They want to become the Lens Crafter of Big Abortion."

* "It's a very sad life. It's Part of Satan, I think, to say that this is 'Gay'. It's anything but 'Gay' ... It leads to the personal enslavement of individuals because if you are involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it's bondage."

* "The very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States."

* "There's a woman who came up crying to me tonight after the debate. She said her daughter was given that vaccine. She told me her daughter suffered mental retardation as a result of that vaccine."

* "There isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas."

* "Our founders though taxation without representation was bad. What would they think of representation with taxation?"

* "I got two cupcakes for you. Did you get 'em. We got two cupcakes for you. Did you get 'em? We, we didn't know, we didn't know if you liked chocolate or vanilla."

She will be missed and Stephen kindly sent her two cupcakes. There was some confusion as to whether or not she got them.

Tip/Wag
Stephen knows it all. He had thought he might like some Google Glass, but unfortunately, some enhancements will not be available on the Google Glass. So, a Wag of his Finger to Google. He had more thoughts about this subject.

He also gave a Wag to The Lone Ranger, the current reboot. Back in the old days, you just didn't mess with a guy neatly dressed wearing a neck-kerchief. The Lone Ranger does not ever say his trademark Hi Ho Silver in this movie. And the Lone Ranger is not even the main character in The Lone Ranger.

Stephen did give a Tip of his Hat to 3-D Printed food. Yep, no longer to you have to have pizza delivered, you can print it on your own 3-D printer. Yum. There were some pros and some cons about this plan.

In a huge win for some guy with rhythm that we don't know, Stephen gave the famous The Colbert Bump to one of the famous IRS Dancers. Other guys just got a little air time for their troubles with the IRS. The beef Stephen has with the IRS is not that they dance or not that they only work one day a year on April 15. No, it's that they are not as efficient as they could be. It is a simple matter to work while you are dancing and Stephen did so to prove it. He is so light on his feet. If one of his guests ever failed to show up for an interview, I just know the studio audience and TV audience would be mesmerized by a segment of Stephen dancing. Move over Fred Astaire.

Stephen's guest last night was Academy Award-winning director, Alex Gibney. His new film is "We Steal Secrets - The Story of WikiLeaks." (Better send Jay the Intern into the Green Room to make sure no one stole the snacks and beverages.) Although on the one hand, Stephen was interested in what Alex Gibney had to say, on the other hand, he didn't want to hear any sensitive state secrets. I'm reluctant to report more on the interview because I feel like I would be giving away secrets of the interview.

Let's Swirl Up Some Journalism

Stephen has a new addition to his set. It's a Scandal Booth. Stephen hopped in to select the first scandal. And.... the first scandal to be scrutinized was Benghazi. In a recent poll, 41% of Republicans think it will be the biggest political scandal in US history. That number was 10% for Democrats and 20% for Independents.

(For those deficient in math, please realize that those numbers are not saying 61% of people think it is the biggest scandal. Don't make me get out my calculator. Don't make me do it. Fine. I'm getting my calculator. If you think that 61% think it is a scandal, then, using those same calculations, at least 229% of people do Not think it's a scandal.)

Next poll. Where is Benghazi? Among Republicans who believe it's the biggest scandal in US history, 10% think Benghazi is in Egypt, 9% think Benghazi is in Iran, 6% think Benghazi is in Cuba and 1% think Benghazi is in North Korea. Those numbers can legitimately be added and it tells us that 26% of Republicans who think Benghazi will be the biggest US scandal don't have any idea where Benghazi actually is located.

We got a hint at who one of Stephen's future interview guests will be. Jonathan Karl. He is someone who quotes quotes but not verbatim and not actually factually. Tuesday night (tonight) Stephen will have an exclusive interview with Jonathan Karl to discuss the Benghazi emails. Stephen shared the confirmation email with us.

"I would love to appear on The Colbert Report. My Name is Jonathan Karl.
P.S. My lower body is mostly raccoon."

To quote Stephen about that email: "Is that email real? Yes. Did I write it myself? Perhaps."

But Stephen also had other technology to confirm the content of that email so I'm convinced.

What a treat - another trip into the Scandal Booth. "Jimmy, let's swirl up some journalism" This time the scandal turns out to be IRS. By the way, for tax purposes, that Scandal Booth is Stephen's home office. You may have heard that some groups, especially tea drinking groups, have found themselves under scrutiny by the IRS. Funny thing is - there was no need for any of this to happen. The groups filed with the IRS but they didn't even have to do that! Friend of the show and Stephen's personal lawyer, Trevor Potter of the firm Caplin & Drysdale, was there, in the Scandal Booth, with briefcase in hand. He came out of that Scandal Booth and explained it all for us.

You may remember that Stephen has a Super PAC.  His tax exempt status was never granted because he never filed for tax exempt status. He doesn't have to file. Wow! All those tea groups that filed for tax exempt status had no legal requirement to file with the IRS but they did anyway? You can form a 501 (c) (4) without asking to form one.

I'm quoting Stephen here: "These Tea Party anti big government organizations didn't have to ask big government for permission, but they did anyway?"

I'm quoting Trevor Potter here: "Right."

I'm quoting Stephen here: "What a bunch of pussies."

Now the IRS is under scrutiny for putting others under scrutiny and this is Stephen's big opportunity. He now wants to apply. The IRS would be under pressure to approve applications going forward.

Trevor Potter just happens to have a 1024 with him and Stephen is ready with a nickname, a "Doing Business As" name. Stephen chose the following name in order to put just a little bit more pressure on the IRS.

---  Making America a Better Tea Party Patriot 9/12 Place to Constitution America Tea Party Nominally Social Welfare Conservative Political Action Tea Party Secret Money Liberty I Dare You to Deny This Application of America Tea Party  ---

It's a good thing.

The guest last night was David Sassoon of Inside Climate News. They had a discussion that was quite a bit of back and forth, give and take. Stephen prevailed when he said to the guest, "See this air between us. That's climate. Nothing happening." David Sassoon talked about the Dilbit Disaster and the two men sort of agreed that you "don't eat fish from Kalamazoo."

Stephen reminded us all that if we ignore the environment, it will just go away.