Call Me Ishmael

Last night Stephen talked briefly about Bridgegate and Chris Christie. He promised he will have more team coverage on tonight's show. There are lots of articles floating around on the internet, so I'll just link to the first one I found here.

In medical news, tiny tiny magnets are in our future of health care but the whole idea made me a little uneasy so I'm not going to talk about it other than to mention that Prescott Pharmaceutical has improved Stephen's Formula 401. It is now Formula 4010101001.

How cold is it? While most journalists simply threw hot water out in the cold air to demonstrate, I don't know maybe science.... a creative journalist, Rachel Slavik in the Cherokee Heights Park area of St. Paul, Minnesota, demonstrated just how cold it is by hammering a nail into a board using a frozen banana. Now that is what I call real science that you can use!

And by the way, Al Roker showed everyone that the term "polar vortex" is at least as old as 1959. "So stuff it," he advised all the naysayers.


Ishmael Beah was Stephen's guest last night. It was an uplifting interview which seems hard to believe since Ishmael Beah spent his early teen years as a child soldier in Sierra Leone. He describes himself as a hopeful person. It was Unicef that removed him from the fighting. As frightening as that experience was for a young boy, he admitted he also finds the cold weather in New York's wintertime also quite scary. He previously wrote the book "A Long Way Gone." His newest book is "Radiance of Tomorrow."

You Want Proof?

I am way too busy. I won't get all my shopping done if I don't get out to the Mall. So, posts are likely to be abbreviated and by that I mean short and concise.

Sleep aids can have bad side effects. Prescott Pharmaceuticals has better ideas for sleeping.

Megyn Kelly of Fox News said Santa Claus and Jesus are white. However, Santa Claus was on Saturday Night Live last Saturday and he was black. That's all the proof I need. And Jesus, being born over in Bethlehem, well, he wasn't European, that's for sure.

George Packer was the guest talking about his book "The Unwinding - An Inner History of the New America." The book seems to be getting a lot of attention, but I would have thought they could have found a newer looking American flag for the cover. (You can read an excerpt from the book over at that link, for free!)

Quick Get In The Car

There has been a lot of food in the news lately and not always in a food sort of way. (Chicken comes to mind!) Here's more food related stuff. Papa John's Pizza may end up costing us up to 14 cents more because of the improvements in health care as a result of the Affordable Care Act, you know, Obamacare.

And then there's pills that have potato batteries built into them and your skin patch sends a message to your smart phone and then every one of your friends know your pills are working. (I wonder if I got that right. It sounds a bit confusing now that I read it back. hmph.)

Stephen has better products made by Prescott Pharmaceuticals. For example, you can get Facelift Bungee for $25, but for a mere $24, you can get something just as good from Prescott. It's the Vacsa Strap - a prescription strength adhesive celluloid ribbon, undetectable at a range of 50 meters or more. Stephen demonstrated it. For sure he looked different, whether or not he looked younger is a not as certain. One thing I know for sure though, I really wanted to see him take that thing off! Unfortunately, he did it during the commercial break, so only the studio audience got to see.

More food again. Cheerios, that tasty oat cereal made by General Mills. (Ooh, there' recipes at their website. Yum.) It seems they are welcoming and inclusive of folks. This got Michael Leisner mad. He only wants to be accepting of some people, not all people, so his bright idea was to set some Cheerios on fire in front of General Mills in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Good idea. After all, what could possibly go wrong? Here's some info about the video and the man.

And here's the video, at least for now.

As a side note, when I looked at this page with the Michael Leisner video, up in the top left hand corner was a photo of Tim Pawlenty and this link to another story: T-Paw's Wikipedia on lockdown thanks to Colbert. Well, what did Stephen expect? Oh, right, he did expect that.

Liza Mundy was the guest on the show. Her latest book (half of which seems to be on the front cover) is "The Richer Sex, How the New Majority of Female Breadwinners Is Transforming Sex, Love and Family." You can read about the book over at New York Times. Both Liza and Stephen had interesting questions and interesting observations. We will have to wait until the future gets here to decide if this is a good thing.

PAC

If you watched The Colbert Report last Thursday, you may have heard Stephen tell us that he is off for a week. So, alas, it is repeats this week. The guests are Jonathan Safran Foer, Audra McDonald, Katherine Boo, and Mark McKinnon, so if you did not see those shows, you can watch them this week.

Okay, but what is Stephen doing this week? No one knows for sure, but I do have some ideas of what he might be doing and also some suggestions of what he should be doing. First of all, a suggestion. As you most likely know, he has a Super PAC, specifically the Colbert Super PAC. He has made some TV ads and a few other things with the money, and that's great. But I have a wonderful opportunity that is just a natural for Stephen to be doing this week.

Prescott Pharmaceuticals
Colbert Super PAC
Pacquin's Hand Cream

These three things all go together wonderfully. First of all, Prescott Pharmaceuticals is a company that constantly manufactures and markets all sorts of wonderful health and beauty aids. Colbert Super PAC has lots of money and influence. Pacquin's Hand Cream has a huge-normous-gantic loyal following of consumers who have paid around $5 a jar for Pacquin's Hand Cream but would probably be willing to pay $10 a jar if they could get their dry, cracked hands on this miracle product. (I once found a jar going for $85 on ebay!) Just Google "Pacquin's Hand Cream" and you will see what I mean. People are desperate for this old stand-by. There is nothing that compares to it.

And it is just such a natural fit for the Super PAC. I mean, PAC ... Pacquin's. It's right there in the name!!!!!

Oh, I know what you will say. There are substitutes out there. Yes there are and they absolutely can't hold a candle to Pacquin's Hand Cream. For one thing, there's not many products that are hand creams anymore. Most are hand lotions. The lotions are greasy and they don't really do very much to make hands soft and help with the dryness or cracked skin.

Think of what a substitute is. Basically, you can't get the product you want, so you get something that is not what you want. It's like the nutritionist who tells you that instead of eating potato chips, eat some celery with salt on it. Crispy, salty, so just as good as potato chips, right? Oh, yeah sure, like there's any comparison. So a substitute for Pacquin's Hand Cream is no substitute. Only the real thing will do, the Real McCoy, basically.

So, Stephen, listen up. Use your Super PAC money, and your influence in the world, and get Pacquin's back. I think it is Johnson and Johnson who now hold the patent, but they aren't making the product. All it takes is good marketing and they could make such an enormous profit on Pacquin's Hand Cream. A simple "Go back to a simpler time" could be the message and people would eat it up. Well, not eat it, but use it on their hands.

Maye it's time, at the start of the show, that people yell, Pac-quins, Pac-quins, Pac-quins instead of Ste-phen, Ste-phen, Ste-phen. Help bring back Pacquin's Hand Cream. Thousands of hands across the nation would sing your praises, Stephen.

You Don't Want to Know

Stephen provided us with a great update on what some states are doing to provide Homeland Security. Michigan, for example, is spending money to be ready to handle bruises and thirst.

But more importantly, he talked about health in his Cheating Death segment. Funny story. It seems that back in 1998, The Lancet published a study that said Mercury preservatives in common vaccines could cause autism. This seemed to have the effect of causing a decline in the rate of vaccinations of kindergartners against such diseases as chicken pox. Since then, The Lancet has retracted that autism study as fraud.

Some parents have come up with a way that they think is an acceptable alternative. They buy lollipops that have been infected with chicken pox (sick kids lick them) and give them to their own healthy kids to lick. The hope and the plan is that their kids will get chicken pox and won't need a vaccination.

Just in time, Stephen's Prescott Pharmaceuticals is selling Vacsa-yummies. These tasty lollipops have been rubbed on the poles in subway cars, so there's bound to be some germs to satisfy anybody's desire for disease and ill health.

Gut health - enough said.

Stephen talked about Christmas a little bit and then welcomed his guest Jack Abramoff. You may remember him. He was the lobbyist who went to jail. He now has a book out, "Capitol Punishment."

Another Reason to Join

Stephen is going to air his first political ad from his SuperPac in Iowa soon. And while he suggested you move to Iowa so that you can see it, an easier way is to just join his Colbert Super PAC. If you do that, on the night the ad airs in Iowa, you will get an email with a link to the really neat ad. And if you do join, there is also a bonus!

Prescott Pharmaceuticals has branched out again. Now they are marketing the Live Box 10 so that you can live. All you have to do is to make sure there are friends who will lower your Live Box 10 into a 6-foot deep hole and you can be safe living there as long as your food, water and air hold out. It's just great for the End Times.

Stephen's guest, Nassir Ghaemi, author of the book, "A First-Rate Madness", had interesting things to say about mental illness. Stephen even asked his opinion of the many GOP candidates for US president.

Pacquin Hand Cream

Merry*Christmas.

Well, since Stephen is on vacation, I'm left with no other choice but to fill in for him with the stories that I think he would have had on his show if he was actually working this week.

I'll start off today with one of his favorite topics - pharmaceuticals and by that I mean health and beauty aids. There is a cornucopia of hand and body lotions out there for the American consumers to buy. They're okay. However the best one out there is no longer out there. Well, one or two jars are out there. Today there is a 4-oz jar of the Medicated Pacquin Hand Cream on ebay for $75. Why $75? Because Pacquin Hand & Body Cream has been discontinued. I'm assuming the Pacquin product line was bought out by Johnson and Johnson, and then Johnson and Johnson discontinued the product. Back when you could buy Pacquin Hand & Body Cream in any corner drug store, the price was in the $5.00 to $7.00 range for an 8-oz jar!

So, what this means is that Stephen should have Prescott Pharmaceuticals purchase the patent for Pacquin Hand & Body Cream and start making and selling it. With his name and picture on the jar and with the very loyal consumers who are just begging for this product back, he could make hundreds and by hundreds I really mean millions of dollars.

Pacquin Hand and Body Cream needs the famous "Colbert Bump".