Vote For Me, You Parasites!

Speaking of Stephen being on The Daily Show - he was! He was there to help Jon Stewart with debate preparation and would you believe, Stephen plugged his new book, "American Again, Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't."

Over at the The Colbert Report, we got to see all the media people talking about the debates, the real debates, between President Obama and Mitt Romney. It's debatable whether the debates matter or not. Stephen even featured some video of Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly talking about today's distractions including the Blueberry. Stephen demonstrated making a phone call on his Blueberry and then of course his other device, a banana, had an incoming call also. It was classic Bert and Ernie.

George Will has this idea that America likes Obama, not because he is so great, but because they are afraid to fire him, because he is, well, African American. It's pretty much a given if you don't fire someone, they are black. Why does George Will keep writing this stuff? Why won't the Washington Post fire him? What are they, ooohhhhhh. George Will. Unfireable? Stephen has figured out something about George Will that no one else has seemed to pick up on. Incredible.

 Low T is a problem. There are solutions, but they come with problems such as blood clots, liver damage, and prostate cancer.  Prescott Pharmaceuticals has just the fix: Vasca-Testostragen. It balances that shot of testosterone with estrogen. Stephen showed what huge benefits a man can expect. Thanks Stephen for Cheating Death again.

Kenny Rogers was the guest last night. He is a famous country star and has written a book, "Luck or Something Like It - A Memoir." Stephen used the opportunity to again plug his own book. See first paragraph above for the name of Stephen's book. Kenny Rogers has had a great career. That's putting it mildly. He has had a phenomenal career! There were even five miniseries based on one of his most popular songs, "The Gambler." Stephen and Kenny Rogers talked at great length about all the metaphors in the song. Stephen also tried to get Kenny Rogers to reveal how you know when to hold them and when to fold them. Maybe some other time in the future that will be revealed, but tonight we did not learn that secret. Kenny Rogers has another famous song that he performed with Dolly Parton, "Islands in the Stream." And he performed "Lady" with Lionel Richie. This prompted questions from Stephen, probing questions, but the answers were always "No."

One Hot Woman To Another

Stephen is back and had tons of news to report on. The most important news was about awards. Stephen won his second Peabody Award and is hoping for his third. That wasn't the only award he won recently. In what can be called earth shattering, Stephen Colbert is #69 on the list of the Top 100 Hottest Women in the World! That's correct, it is not a typo. Stephen Colbert is the first man ever to make Maxim's Hottest Women in the World!!! That means only 68 women in the entire world are hotter than he is. Stephen hopes in the future to win best dog and best car. Time will tell.

In political news, George Will was on "This Week" recently and showed that there is a solid connection between the amount of money a person has and the IQ of that person. Donald Trump honored George Will with a comment on Twitter.

Stephen talked briefly about world news, focusing on the Egyptian Revolution. Showing his grasp of world affairs and history, he was able to tie together Arizona politics and ancient Egyptian politics. I did not see that one coming.

The guest last night was fellow hot woman Charlize Theron. I guess the part she plays in that new fairy tale movie "Snow White and the Huntsman" is not quite so cute as I had thought. She is more of a wicked queen than a benevolent queen. We got to see a short clip from the movie and it does seem like you do not want to make her angry. In the last minute of the show, Stephen and Charlize discussed another new film, "Prometheus" in detail.

It sure is nice having Stephen back I can hardly wait to hear what award he wins next week.

Republicans Crave Fun

Yep, Republicans crave fun. Or so says George Will. It seems almost not worth the ink to write something like that because it should be obvious to everyone.

Something else that should come as no surprise to Colbert fans. Stephen is a huge fan of Pat Robertson. You may remember Pat from his incredibly powerful "Age Defying Protein Pancakes." Stephen is also a fan of those pancakes. You can tell the pancakes really work because neither Stephen nor Pat Robertson has aged in all the years they both have been on TV.

Good News from Pat. God told him who the next president will be but Pat isn't going to tell us. Nope, that's his little secret. Pat also had an extensive conversation with God and God told him it will be a time of maximum stress and peril.

Will it be massive power threat? - No!
Will it be North Korea Nuclear Threat? - No!
Will it be Mayan Galaxy alignment? - No!
(At this point, Stephen had a Mayan hat on and a flustered chicken in his lap.)

So, what is it? Drum roll........ It is economic collapse.

How can that be you ask. Well, this is what Pat Robertson said.

"God said and I quote. This is not my judgement. They are bringing it upon themselves. Your country will be torn apart by internal stress. Your president holds a radical view of the direction of your country which is at odds with the majority. Expect chaos and paralysis. This is a spiritual battle which can only be won by overwhelming prayer."

So Stephen donned his lucky red prayer hat but then took it up a level to his prayer sombrero, or som-prayer-o. He put on his large foam prayer hands and had his stagehands bring out stacks of speakers. (I assume so that God could hear better.)

Let us pray, well, let Stephen pray.

"Dear Lord,
We have heard you speak through your Pat Puppet. We mortals are heartily sorry we elected Barack Obama. Help us defeat him in 2012, although Pat says you already know what's going to happen so either this prayer has already worked or it hasn't which means it's either unnecessary or pointless.

"Oh, and one more thing Lord. Why'd you tell Pat Robertson? I'm not complaining but what about me? Is there some sort of next president phone tree I can get on, you know like in case there's a snow day? Anyway, if it's something I've done, (other than you know that thing I keep trying to stop doing), I'm sorry.

"Amen. Jesus Number One!"

Tonight's guest was not George Will or Pat Robertson, although that would be interesting. It was Steve Case, founder of AOL.

Stephen reminded Steve that Steve introduced the greatest waster of time in the workplace. But now Steve has another company, Revolution, which seems to be about sharing. Stephen informed Steve that sharing seems Marxist, and seems to be a socialist idea.

But Stephen warmed up to the idea, even offering his own suggestion for sharing toasters. Instead of all of us owning one and keeping it in the kitchen, there could be one central place where people go to borrow the toaster, bring it home to make toast, and then bring it back. When Steve said that was a good idea, Stephen pulled the rug out from under that notion by saying it is the stupidest idea he's heard of.

I agree with Stephen. It's a stupid idea. So stupid, it just might work.