Still Missing Stephen

That says it all. I am still missing Stephen. When I get all sad and misty eyed, I come back here and read through the old posts and it reminds me of all the fun times we had. Sigh. The only consolation is that we will get to see him later this year when he takes over for David Letterman.

And of course, knowing that we still have Jon Stewart on the The Daily Show. At least that is something we can always count on to lift our spirits and keep our hearts bright.

It's Really Important to Me That I Have Crushed You

Gloating is good. Gloating is fun. Gloating is very satisfying.

As good as The Colbert Report is, occasionally there are glitches. Stephen thought he had video of President Barack Obama making history, but instead it was the announcement at the Emmys that The Colbert Report had won. After ten years of The Daily Show winning an Emmy for Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series, The Colbert Report stole that honor away from Jon Stewart.

It felt good. Stephen was happy. He called Jon Stewart just so that he could rub Jon's face in it. Surprisingly, (was anyone surprised?) Jon Stewart came out from the back halls of the studio over at The Colbert Report, talking on his cell phone with Stephen.

Funny thing though. It turns out that Jon Stewart and the Stewart Country (trademarked) are happy that Stephen won his Emmys. He's proud of Stephen. This is where it starts getting emotionally complicated. Stephen is happy that The Colbert Report won. So is Jon. Jon being happy makes Stephen sad. Jon feels sorry for Stephen and is just about to be sad so as to make Stephen happy until Jon announces that basically it doesn't matter that The Daily Show did not win because, and here's the strange part, Jon is the Executive Producer of The Colbert Report. No matter which show wins, Jon also wins.

No tears please folks. The two men put aside their differences and congratulated each other. Gloating is better when you can share it with a friend.

Religion, specifically Pope Kumbaya, is on Stephen's mind a lot lately. And being the biblical scholar that he is, Stephen righteously and rightly criticized this new Pope, Pope Francis, for being all Jesus-like, what with his love of people over the enforcement of rules and regulations. (He even made it onto the "On Notice" board.)  The Chaplain of the Colbert Nation and friend of the show, Father James (Jim) Martin, was on the show to help Stephen understand the workings of the Pope's mind. The"love" and "compassion" and "mercy" that the Pope is showing to people all over the world is mysteriously bringing people back to the Catholic Church!

One last thing about Stephen's criticism of the Pope - Father James (Jim) Martin advised Stephen that Jesus doesn't actually want people to be judging others. Is Father judging Stephen by saying that though? Oh, great, another dilemma.

The guest last night was a band by the name of Metallica, I think that's it, and apparently they're doing okay for themselves. They laughed at Stephen's jokes and made jokes of their own and then it was time for a song. You can read a little bit about them over at Wikipedia and of course, as always, there's a bonus song over at Colbert Nation.

John Oliver

Oh, I know what you're going to say. This is supposed to be about Stephen Colbert. Well, it will be tomorrow or whenever I get a chance to watch tonight's The Colbert Report. But Stephen is going on break and we won't see him until September 3. I'll surely have time in that long break to get caught up on past shows.

So I just wanted to take a chance to give a shout-out to John Oliver for doing a smashing fine job filling in for Jon Stewart on The Daily Show while Jon was directing Rosewater. Many of the other correspondents, past and present, also gave John Oliver a shout-out on the Daily Show tonight. They all had choice words for John Oliver.

Jon Stewart comes back, coincidentally, also on September 3. I hope that Jon enjoyed his time off and I also hope he will be glad to be back. Just like I can't imagine The Colbert Report with anyone other than Stephen Colbert at the helm, I can't imagine The Daily Show without Jon Stewart. But I will say again, John Oliver did a smashing fine job filling in. Smashing fine.

Don't Tell Mom

It's Colbchella '013 (or StePhest Colbchella for purists) time! That means a big sponsor and great, great music. Daft Punk was supposedly the guest, (back on August 6, yes, I'm behind on posts, you all know that already) but that whole Daft Punk deal fell through because of MTV and the VMAs. It's all very confusing and sad, and what's worse, Stephen already cashed the check from Hyundai. I don't know how that whole deal played out. Stephen is still doing the show, so probably something that was agreeable to both sides was worked out which benefits Hyundai, Stephen, and of course all of us - his loyal fans- because we still get to watch him every night on the TV machine. Well, not every night, just Monday through Thursday and not every week because he takes vacations all the time. Oops. Sidetracked. Sorry.

So. Not to be disappointed, we got to see Stephen dance and dance and dance. Along with nearly everyone else in the entertainment world. That's great. It shows that news journalists and musicians and entertainers can come together for meaningful dialogue and dance. If you did not see it last week and if you haven't watched it yet somewhere on the internet, or on any one of a number of other news shows, of course you can see it over at Colbert Nation. You can also see all these people:

Hugh Laurie
The Rockettes
Jeff Bridges
Jimmy Fallon
Jon Stewart
Charlie Rose
Anna Gunn
Aaron Paul
Vince Gilligan
Bryan Cranston
Matt Damon
Henry Kissinger
Tek Jansen
Mel B
Nick Cannon
Howie Mandel
Heidi Klum
Howard Stern

Go here to see one of Stephen's best performances yet.

Finally, in what has to be the most fortunate event in TV history, Robin Thicke just happened to be in the audience for this show of all shows and agreed to sing for Stephen, thus saving Stephen's career. Stephen has officially dubbed "Blurred Lines" as the song of the summer. He does have that authority, so there you have it, the Song of the Summer.

Don't You Dare Clap!

Stephen talked some about Edward Snowden and NSA and the inventor of the Clapper, John Clapper. He promises there will be more about this tomorrow, so it must be really big. Currently, Snowden is in Hong Kong.

Bigger than that though is the revelation that Jon Stewart, host of the Daily Show, headed to Jordan to direct a "serious movie" (Stephen's air quotes). He was replaced by a foreigner - from England.

Speaking of the Middle East, The Imploding Muslim Country of the Week Booth was in the studio. Stephen stepped in, Jimmy started up the fans so that the slips of paper, each with a different Middle Eastern country, could swirl around colorfully, and after only about 10 minutes, Stephen was able to catch one slip of paper. Tonight's country??? Turkey! It only took Stephen another minute to get the door open and head back to his desk.

In Turkey, conservative Recep Tayyip Erdogan has declared that women should have at least three children, that there should be single-sex beaches, and that there should be new regulations on the sale of alcohol. Omer Taspinar, of the Brookings Institute, joined Stephen to help make it all clear for him.

At long last, Stephen had a Cold War Update. I think the people who are griping about their jobs as missile launchers are going to move to being FOX correspondents. To help them make the transition, Stephen introduced his new video game. Sounds like lots of fun: Call of Duty: Padded Chair. Seems like it needs some work to make it more, um, versatile. Stephen pretty much ended the game within a minute.

Stephen's guest was Dan Savage. His new book is called "American Savage - Insights, Slights and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love and Politics." Soon the Supreme Court will be handing down decisions. One is about DOMA, the other is about California. They got into heated, well not heated, but warm debate about marriage. Both are married, but Stephen feels that he is more married than Dan. The show seemed longer than usual, but I think that's because both men were talking at the same time, so twice as much content. Dan Savage said he wants equal rights not a double standard.

I Know This, I Know This, I Know This, Don't Tell Me

In political and international news, Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela, has died. In seemingly unrelated news, Jon Stewart will be taking some time off from The Daily Show. Stephen has learned that Jon Stewart will be running the country of Venezuela during his time off this summer.

More political news involves Barack Obama's upcoming visit to Israel this spring. Stephen pointed out that George W. Bush was a better friend of Israel. In 2007, Bush gave a whopping $2.3 Billion in foreign aid to Israel. Obama only plans on giving a paltry $3.1 Billion in aid to Israel. While in Israel, Obama will be awarded the Presidential Medal of Distinction. President Obama will be meeting with Prime Minister Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu while in Israel which may be a little bit awkward since Netanyahu seemed to be a supporter of, ... Whatshisname (Matz Latke?, Bris Schmaltzy?, Putz Schmuckney?) in the last election in November.

To learn more about Israel, Stephen welcomed Michael Oren, Israeli Ambassador to the United States, on the show. It was very helpful because we did get a brief update on what is happening in Israel and the region around Israel. At one point, Stephen remarked that Oren is just like Captain Kirk. "I work in space, I'm from Iowa." (Kirk was born in Riverside Iowa on March 22, 2228.)

This is turning out to be Queasy Week on the The Colbert Report. Dennis Tito wants to send a couple on a round trip mission to Mars. It will be just like a Carnival Cruise. Except for one thing. Radiation will be a bit of a problem, but there is a solution. As I said, Queasy. But it also presents opportunity. The lucky couple will be able to redecorate while in the space capsule and that will solve other problems, namely radiation and stuff that can't be recycled and therefore will need to be reused or re-purposed as people call it now.

Stephen's guest last night was friend of the show and actor, director, author, poet and model James Franco. More important than any of those was his interview with Stephen. And it was delightful. James Franco is the lead character in "Oz the Great and Powerful." I'm pretty sure this is not going to be as tame as the movie, "The Wizard of Oz." In the 2013 movie, we find out what happened before Dorothy came to Oz. Interestingly enough, in the description of Oscar Diggs over at imdb for "Oz the Great and Powerful," we find that Oscar Diggs must decide if he will be a good man or a great man. Who do we know that always asks whether someone or something is good or great? Yep, it's Stephen.

But back to the interview. In real life, James Franco also had a voyage of discovery, trying out many venues and exploring his inner self. And just like the scarecrow, he wanted a brain. Then, almost like Dorothy, he discovered what he really wanted out of life and that he had it all along.

In discussing the witches in the movie, Stephen brought up that ever popular game, "Marry, Hit That, or Throw a Pail of Water on Her." Lot of soul-searching is needed for that game. It prompted Stephen to ask of James Franco, "Do you want a Good Witch or a Wicked Witch?" I got the impression they were straying from actual discussion of the movie at times. Eventually, though, the discussion moved on to Home Construction with Stephen coming up with ideas of ideal places for where a house could be "placed."

Up next for James Franco is "Of Mice and Men." There is a character in that play that has not yet been cast. The obvious choice, at least for the audience, is Stephen. James Franco and Stephen Colbert ended the show with a Tolkien Showdown. Stephen's grasp of Trivia is amazing and the show ended with Stephen yelling, "How Dare You! How Dare You!"

Due to Weather...

Nation, tonight's episode of The Colbert Report is canceled due to Hurricane Sandy. If you reserved tickets for tonight, please check your email for further details.

That's what you saw over at ColbertNation.com yesterday. And it was a repeat show, or encore episode on TV last night. Why? If you haven't been paying attention, it's because of Hurricane Sandy.

Okay, you know the drill. When something like this happens, you reach into your wallet and just take out a five or ten dollar bill and send it on to the Red Cross. Or better yet and easier, just go over to RedCross.org and donate online. You know Stephen would want you to do it, so make Stephen happy.

It looks like the show is on again as regularly scheduled and the guest will be Former Senator Al Simpson. Now here's something that I kind of want to crow about, but I also feel a little guilty pointing it out. Perhaps the last person out of the studio before the weather got so bad did not have time to check the website over at ColbertNation.com as closely as they usually do.

There's a teeny tiny teeny tiny error. It says that Al Simpson is former Senator of Wisconsin, but actually he is the former Senator from Wyoming. Both states' names contain the letters that spell out WIN, so it's easy to see how there could be this little mix-up. It's not a big deal. I'm sure it will still be Al Simpson on the show talking about his book, "Shooting from the Lip: The Life of Senator Al Simpson."

So, looking forward to Tuesday night's show and clearing up the Wisconsin/Wyoming kerfuffle. Also planning on donating to Red Cross even before Stephen urges us to. I'm sure Jon Stewart will talk about that, too. He can be a nice guy, same as Stephen is.

Vote For Me, You Parasites!

Speaking of Stephen being on The Daily Show - he was! He was there to help Jon Stewart with debate preparation and would you believe, Stephen plugged his new book, "American Again, Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't."

Over at the The Colbert Report, we got to see all the media people talking about the debates, the real debates, between President Obama and Mitt Romney. It's debatable whether the debates matter or not. Stephen even featured some video of Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly talking about today's distractions including the Blueberry. Stephen demonstrated making a phone call on his Blueberry and then of course his other device, a banana, had an incoming call also. It was classic Bert and Ernie.

George Will has this idea that America likes Obama, not because he is so great, but because they are afraid to fire him, because he is, well, African American. It's pretty much a given if you don't fire someone, they are black. Why does George Will keep writing this stuff? Why won't the Washington Post fire him? What are they, ooohhhhhh. George Will. Unfireable? Stephen has figured out something about George Will that no one else has seemed to pick up on. Incredible.

 Low T is a problem. There are solutions, but they come with problems such as blood clots, liver damage, and prostate cancer.  Prescott Pharmaceuticals has just the fix: Vasca-Testostragen. It balances that shot of testosterone with estrogen. Stephen showed what huge benefits a man can expect. Thanks Stephen for Cheating Death again.

Kenny Rogers was the guest last night. He is a famous country star and has written a book, "Luck or Something Like It - A Memoir." Stephen used the opportunity to again plug his own book. See first paragraph above for the name of Stephen's book. Kenny Rogers has had a great career. That's putting it mildly. He has had a phenomenal career! There were even five miniseries based on one of his most popular songs, "The Gambler." Stephen and Kenny Rogers talked at great length about all the metaphors in the song. Stephen also tried to get Kenny Rogers to reveal how you know when to hold them and when to fold them. Maybe some other time in the future that will be revealed, but tonight we did not learn that secret. Kenny Rogers has another famous song that he performed with Dolly Parton, "Islands in the Stream." And he performed "Lady" with Lionel Richie. This prompted questions from Stephen, probing questions, but the answers were always "No."

Jon Stewart, Michele Bachmann, and Bacon

I admit it. I also watch Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. I hope this does not offend Stephen. I am still able to laugh, cheer, and applaud Stephen's show even though I typically just laughed, cheered and applauded Jon's show. I found this over at Huffington Post so that now you too can watch part of last last night's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Don't you just love charts?

Higgs Boson

"The Higgs boson has not been discovered yet, but its mass is 125 billion electron volts."

That's a joke that's making the round in physics circles. And as long as we're on humor, here's the Dilbert joke about the Higgs boson.

To show that he appreciates the subtle aspects of humor, Stephen continued with, "Speaking of not really being there, Mitt Romney." After weeks and weeks of all the political pundits saying Mitt would be the inevitable candidate for the Republicans, we had Super Tuesday and now everyone is saying it's still too close to call. This is very vexing to Stephen. The good news is that if it comes down to a draw and no one knows who to nominate and if they were to consider Sarah Palin, she "wouldn't close that door." One can only wonder what Palin as President would be like.

CNN is also vexed by the thought of an indecisive decision and so they had a virtual brokered convention. If you want to see how that went down, Jon Stewart had a segment on his show tonight about CNN and you can view his show online. (Of course, wait until tomorrow for that episode to be posted.) Stephen, on the other hand, conducted his own virtual convention, which did require a bit of imagination, but it was much better than CNN's convention. After Stephen's virtual convention was complete, the candidate was still, oh no, Mitt Romney!

Who is nine feet tall and has four arms? Willem Dafoe! But only when he' being Tars Tarkas. Willem Dafoe was the guest tonight and as usual, Stephen asked if he was an actor or a movie star. The way to know, according to Stephen, boils down to this: "Do you wait tables for a living?" Dafoe doesn't, therefore that makes him a movie star. The movie, of course, is John Carter.

Get the Dough Out

I have it on good authority that Ben and Jerry will be on The Colbert Report tonight. (Well, I saw Ben and Jerry on The Dylan Ratigan Show today and Dylan Ratigan said they will be on The Colbert Report tonight, so I assume it will happen.) Ben is a human being. Jerry is a human being. But Ben and Jerry's is not a human being. That is probably what Ben and Jerry will be talking about with Stephen. And also, get the DOUGH out.org will most likely be mentioned. And ice cream. They'll hopefully talk about ice cream, too.

Everybody is glad that Stephen is back from vacation. Jon Stewart will be back on his show, The Daily Show, which is the warm-up act for The Colbert Report. We can all now breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy the night again. I know it has been stressful for people when they can't watch Colbert and Stewart.

*** Just a few days left to vote in the very important "Name the New State on the Moon" poll. Even if you don't plan on living on the Moon, go ahead and cast your vote for your choice. You will have to write that state name of envelopes when you send birthday cards to your friends up there, so while you may not have a huge stake in what happens up there, it still is important what the name of the state will be. I'm sure that Stephen COLBERT would want you to vote. Stephen COLBERT would want you to look over the complete list and choose a name, whether it be the first name on the list, or something that reflects the fact that it will be the newest state, or whatever you as a viewer of The COLBERT Report think would be the best name.

The Great Chase

If you missed seeing The Great Chase on The Daily Show last night, you can see it now over at Colbert Nation.

I Raised that Money From a Baby

The best part of The Colbert Report happened at the end of The Daily Show. Jon Stewart was wrapping up (a bit early if you ask me) when who should appear but Stephen Colbert in the flesh! He was desperately trying to get his Super PAC back from Jon. Jon had gotten quite used to it and did not want to give it up. A chase ensued and, well, with some shenanigans, Stephen was able to get his Super PAC back. By Tuesday, I would think you could go watch the episode of The Daily Show online.

On the actual Colbert Report, Stephen talked about his Super PAC and also that January 31 is the deadline for reporting about Super PACs. We will be able to find out just how much money the Super PAC has and who the donors (of $200 and more) actually are. In fact, Stephen read a few of the donor names. Imagine the surprise of those people to hear their names being read on TV!

Stephen did report on a few stories making the rounds in the journalistic world, such as dolphins and cocaine (actually dolphins, and also cocaine, not dolphins using cocaine, different stories). But then he got into the interesting stuff, politics. It seems there just hasn't been enough politics lately on the news shows. We need to hear more about the candidates, their wives, their affairs, their birthplace, and so I was reminded of why so many people watch Stephen on TV.

He talked about Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney courting the Latino vote. And they should be able to get it because I have heard both of them say who they are in Spanish. One little problem for Newt though. Here is what he said in 2007:

"We should replace bilingual education with emergence, with immersion in English so people learn the common language of the country and so they learn the language of prosperity, - - - not the language of living in a ghetto."

Did you catch what he did there to help people learn English? He pretended to use the wrong word (emergence) and then used the correct word (immersion) when talking about bilingual education. Already, just by listening to him speak one sentence, people will have learned that although those two words sound very similar, the meaning is very different. We are so lucky that Newt Gingrich knows his English language so well. I can feel myself getting smarter already.

For some reason, certain people have taken offense to that statement he made in 2007. I guess it has something to do with an attitude that people who may speak with an accent live in a ghetto. Or that in order to prosper, you must speak English. However, if you were to ask Newt Gingrich if that was offensive, I am sure he would say, "no."

Stephen's guest was Laurence H. Tribe. As you can see here and here, he teaches at Harvard and so he must be smart. He and Stephen talked about Constitutional Law. They talked about the importance of the Constitution. Stephen wanted to know if it really is important, and how it affects him every day. It was great to see Stephen discussing the very framework of our government with someone so knowledgeable. But when it came right down to it, Stephen realized he was just as smart as Tribe.

"Freedom to be free. Is that so tough? I should teach at Harvard."

Once Upon a Time

It is Day Two of what's come to be known as the Colbert SuperPAC Hostage Crisis. Jon Stewart has the money and took off in his Zeppelin to avoid having to give it back to Stephen. The only possible solution is for everyone to send money to Colbert Super PAC and to give recklessly.

Politics continues to be a favorite topic. In last night's show, Stephen mentioned the possibility of a wet t-shirt contest. He was convinced that Newt Gingrich would win that contest.

Stephen ventured into the world of children's literature (Kiddy Lit as it is sometimes called). He thinks he should get into that venue since so many celebrities are writing books. And Stephen is a celebrity, so he should be able to write a children's book and make lots of money.

We had the pleasure of seeing Stephen interview Maurice Sendak, well-known author of children's books. He now has a new book out - Bumble-Ardy. Stephen and Maurice had a very lively discussion. Although Maurice has kept busy writing children's books, he still has time to closely follow the career of Newt Gingrich. He shared some of his observations of Gingrich. Stephen and Maurice went on to talk about another of Maurice Sendak's book, "In the Night Kitchen." Stephen approved of that book so much, he improved it.

Be sure to keep watching The Colbert Report to see the conclusion of Stephen's interview with Maurice Sendak.

Stephen also mentioned that he is a huge fan of Rick Santorum, because the name Santorum is synonymous with leadership. If you have been paying attention to the news you will know that Rick Santorum was in a bit of a sticky spot recently. A woman in the audience at one of the events Santorum was at said this:

"I never refer to Obama as President Obama because legally he is not. He is an avowed Muslim. He has no legal right to be calling himself President."

When asked about this on Morning Joe, about why he did not correct the woman who said that, he had an excuse. "This was an elderly lady. She was there leaning on a cane. She was quite wobbly. Uh, and I'm not going to sit there and, and slam an older lady, uh, because she has some way-out, you know, some, some bizarre beliefs."

"Bravo," said our fearless host. "You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive." Well, as luck, or maybe misfortune, would have it, there just happened to be an elderly lady with a cane in the audience. And she spoke her mind with no opposition from anyone.

"I know for a fact that Rick Santorum runs a white slavery ring." She seemed to have the facts to back it up, and even if she was wrong, she had a cane, no wait, 2 canes. Stephen was very hesitant to correct her until she said something that was way out of line. She then received prompt and courteous assistance of two men who were willing to help her walk off into the sunset.

The actual real sit-down guest was Andrew Sullivan of The Daily Beast. He wrote the cover article in the January 23 issue of Newsweek entitled "Why are Obama's Critics So Dumb?" That did not sit well with Stephen.The discussion became so lively and yes, even loud some times. Here's some of what the two men said:

"Checkmate."

"It is the truth."

"Who cares what's true?"

"Let's go with what feels right."

Stephen was willing to repeat things he (Colbert) said so that they could then be considered to have more truthiness. If anyone would know about truthiness, it is Stephen Colbert.

I'm Doing It

"Nation, I have a major announcement to make. For over a day now the people of South Carolina have been crying out for someone who can restore our Nation's greatness to its current perfection. Well, America, that someone is now. I am proud to announce that I am forming an exploratory committee to lay the groundwork for my possible candidacy for the President of the United States of South Carolina.

"I'M DOING IT! AND WITH YOUR HELP AND POSSIBLY THE HELP OF SOME SORT OF OUTSIDE GROUP THAT I AM NOT COORDINATING WITH, WE CAN EXPLORE TAKING THIS COUNTRY BACK. THANK YOU. GOD BESS YOU ALL. AND GOD BLESS CITIZENS UNITED."

Balloons all over and the audience went crazy.

Stephen promised a major decision tonight and he did not disappoint.

But first I should tell you what went on at the beginning of the show, before this major decision. After showing a webcam video of himself exercising and pointing out his stylish gold curlicue toe slippers, Stephen talked about the various Super PACs that candidates have. No, wait - that's wrong. What I mean to say is that candidates do not have Super PACs. That would be illegal. He talked about the Super PACs that support, but do not coordinate with, the candidates.

Mitt Romney benefits from Restore Our Future which was started by Romney's lawyer, Charles R. Spies.

Newt Gingrich benefits from Winning Our Future which is run by Newt's former staffer Becky Burkett.

Rick Perry (Parry) benefits from Make us Great Again started by Mike Toomey, who once was Governor Perry's (Parry') chief of staff AND co-owner of a resort island with Dave Carney, chief strategist for the Perry (Parry) campaign.

So, that brought about a difficult decision for Stephen. He was joined by friend of the show, Trevor Potter. All he wanted was a simple answer to this question: "Can I run for president and keep my Super PAC?"

"No." There you have it, a simple answer from Trevor Potter for Stephen.

If you did not see the show tonight, you may want to head over to Colbert Nation tomorrow and watch it. It is fascinating because of all the ins and outs of the legal system as it pertains to election law. Plus there seemed to be some magic that happened.

Long story short, Jon Stewart will be taking over as head of the Colbert Super PAC, he will still get to retain all the staff currently working for the PAC, and the Super PAC can now, legally, run ads for Stephen and attacking potential opponents.

All they need to do is to make sure that Jon (and staff) doesn't coordinate with Stephen.

For fans of crossword puzzles, there was a segment about Will Shortz. Stephen was a clue in the New York Times crossword puzzle back in October of 2010, so he most likely has a warm spot in his heart for crossword puzzles.

Tonight's guest was Mike Allen of Politico which was quite appropriate for such an important show. Even as the two men were shaking hands, Mike told Stephen that Politico had a story about Stephen's candidacy already posted on Politico. That is so impressive. It's like they just wait for news to happen and then write about it right away!

Mike Allen recently wrote the eBook, "The Right Fights Back," which is available for $2.99.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Politics was on the menu tonight on The Report. First of all Stephen talked about Mitt Romney who likes to fire people. And then Stephen continued with politics in Tip of The Hat, Wag of The Finger. He either tipped or wagged at Rick Santorum about Health Insurance.

When asked about the 50 thousand uninsured Americans dying due to a lack of health care every year, Santorum said this:

"I reject that number completely, that people die in America because of lack of health insurance. People die in America because people die in America." He continued, " ... people make poor decisions with respect to their health and their health care. And they don't go to the emergency room or they don't go to the doctor when they need to."

(Okay, I think Santorum is missing the whole connection between health insurance and the paying for the medical care. But I digress.)

Stephen apparently agreed with Santorum because he explained it in simple terms that anyone can understand.

"If you're dying of cancer, it's your own fault for not going to the doctor and if you can't go to the doctor because you don't have insurance, then it's your own fault for not having a job, and if you don't have a job because you're dying of cancer, get yourself to a doctor. What is wrong with you? Other than the cancer, obviously."

Stephen can talk circles around anyone!

Some folks have been complaining about a Halloween Party at the White House in 2009. And while it would have been easy for Stephen to cover up these complaints, he didn't. He had video of Sean Hannity saying, "The White House had an Alice In Wonderland party when the unemployment rate is at 9.9% in the country." And he showed Rush Limbaugh outraged and telling his fans, "The White House went Out --- Of --- The --- Way--- to cover this up." Thankfully Stephen never hesitates to tell it like it is. Of course, that's not the way it was.

You know, I'm thinking that maybe I remember Jon Stewart of Daily Show fame talking about that very same Halloween Party on his show way back then because he was making fun of Robert Gibbs in a Darth Vader costume. Seeing Robert Gibbs in a Darth Vader costume is memorable.

Anyway, Eric Schultz said this on January 8 of this year (2012):

If we wanted this event to be a secret, we probably wouldn't have invited the press corps to cover it, release photos of it to Flickr, or post a video from it on the White House website."

Go read more about it, and see a photo of the Obamas at the party here at the White House blog.

Next up was tonight's guest, Bill Moyers of Moyers fame. He actually served as White House Press Secretary some years back. When Stephen asked if he had ever withheld information from the Press Corp, Moyers (jokingly) admitted that he withheld information from President Johnson which was much more dangerous. They both had a good laugh about that.

Bill Moyers has a new show, Moyers & Company which naturally brought the conversation to the subject of people and corporations. Moyers had two things to say about this subject. First, "You can not have a people's democracy as long as corporations are considered people." Secondly, one of Moyers friends in Texas "will believe corporations are people when Texas executes one."

Daniel Radcliffe

I wasn't aware of this when I posted about Harry Potter, but Daniel Radcliffe is going to be the guest on The Daily Show this coming Monday, July 18. I just happened to look at the website for Jon Stewart and his The Daily Show and there it was - Daniel Radcliffe. I know it's a little bit off topic to be talking about Jon Stewart, but I figure it's a good idea to branch out occasionally and talk about something other than The Colbert Report.

I imagine for Daniel Radcliffe's visit to The Daily Show, the green room will be stocked with the usual snacks, plus also some Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Jelly Beans.

Driving Miss Crazy

It seems as if everyone is reporting on Sarah Palin's "just your typical American vacation" this week. You know, just like the vacations you went on when you were a kid. You get yourself a nice coach bus. Paint it all patriotic and such. Sign your name across it. Travel around to various destinations and have your picture taken gawking at historical monuments. Yeah, we've all been there.

Even Jon Stewart over at The Daily Show talked about Joan of Alaska. He said reporters were following her around and asking questions such as, "Why are we following your bus?" and "What's wrong with us?" (And now you know why this post is called "Driving Miss Crazy!" Thanks, Jon.) He reported that she says it's not about her and it's not a publicity seeking tour. Duh. He goes on to ask us, "Have you seen her bus? Could it be any more about her than that?"

But last night, Stephen also reported on the One Nation bus. And yes he talked about the Lame Stream Media. And he lamented on the fact that Sarah Palin was ambushed with gotcha questions such as, "Where are you going?" and "Why are you doing this?"

Perhaps we can get a clue about this bus trip from what was posted at SarahPac. "Even Piper was able to grasp the significance of being in the presence of our first President - who had such diverse interests - when she told me later 'how hard he must have worked to keep that farm going!' "

To be fair, George Washington probably did not do all the work or even any of the labor-intensive farm work himself. Most likely he used what Stephen called "African volunteers." I wonder if Sarah Palin shared that bit of information with Piper. (Yikes! Who's holding her baby boy? Anyone? Anyone?)

Which lead naturally into the next topic, Colbert SuperPAC. Stephen is still working on that. In fact he had an actual letter from the FEC with 13 legal questions to be answered. So he did what he always did in high school, paid a rich kid to give him the answers. Last night that person was none other than friend of the show and Stephen's lawyer, Trevor Potter. Stephen expressed his admiration for the hard work done by the people over at the FEC and his hope that they will be paid adequately for the job they do. If Stephen does get his ColbertPAC, he will be able to take his kids on a "for profit" vacation.

Of course you all remember Stephen was sailing this past week. If you go to Colbert Nation, you can watch the show from May 31 and see just what a sailor looks like. Argh.

Stephen's guest last night was James Stewart. That's the truth. It was actually interesting and says a lot about the direction this nation is heading.

*Photo not actually of George Washington's farm.

Stephen Already Has an iPad 2

I don't know what to think. Last night Stephen revealed that he got an iPad 2 on the first day! It sounds like he actually went out and paid money for it. At least he didn't make a big deal about it, so one can only assume that there was no special deal worked out.

So now we can evaluate the Poll about when he would get it. I'm not even sure whether or not to say someone correctly guessed the correct time when Stephen would get his iPad 2. We can review the answers offered to see which ones were selected.

One person guessed he would have it the next time he did a show. One guessed he would get it after Jon Stewart got one and one person guessed Never. No one guessed that he would get it for his birthday, so everyone who did not vote that way was correct since his birthday is, oops, I better not spill the beans on when that is. (I'm planning a surprise about something or for someone, but can't say what.)

And I don't know if Jon Stewart got an iPad. So it is possible that Stephen got an iPad 2 after Jon Stewart got an iPad 2, but at this point in time, we just can't say if that was the correct answer. And since he had his iPad but didn't tell us, well it gets really murky trying to figure out if anyone was correct on their guess for the Poll.

I will have to redo my thinking on what to ask for the next Poll. It will need to have answers that are more likely to be either right or else wrong. The Poll needs to have a much better truthiness quotient than my first Poll had.

Capital Letter Equity

I want to say something about the show on Thursday and yet I have some qualms. Jimmy Fallon showed up, as did Jon Stewart. Jimmy Fallon now has a Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream named after him. So, hurray for Jimmy. But, well, will this mean that people will cross over to the Fallon side and thus leave Stephen behind?

I sincerely hope not. Best thing would be for people to continue to eat the Stephen Colbert Americone Dream (Vanilla Ice Cream with Fudge Covered Waffle Cone Pieces & a Caramel Swirl) as much as always and then have the Jimmy Fallon Late Night Snack (Vanilla Bean Ice Cream with a Salty Caramel Swirl & Fudge Covered Potato Chip Clusters) as a dessert after eating the Americone Dream Ice Cream.

I tossed and turned all weekend wondering whether or not to even mention Jimmy Fallon. But I am also a fan of Jimmy, so how could it possibly be wrong?

Okay, I'll tell you how it could be wrong. If you go to Ben & Jerry's website, you will find that a cow supposedly loves both flavors. You can even click on the cow's pink conversation bubble to watch Stephen, Jimmy and Bessy on The Colbert Report. That's fine.

But.

Click on the Flavors, and then click on Our Flavors and breeze through the seven pages of flavors. On page 2 you will find Late Night Snack (2nd row, container 3). Click on it and read the description. And then on page 3 you can find Americone Dream (2nd row, first container). Click and read about that. Now go to page 5 (bottom row, first container). There's Late Night Snack again. Click and read about that flavor again. Then go to page 6 (first row, 3rd container) to read about Americone Dream. Click and read.

Okay, that's a lot of clicking and reading. But here's my beef. Jimmy Fallon's flavors are on pages 2 and 5. Stephen Colbert's flavors are on pages 3 and 6. Why are Jimmy's flavors featured before Stephen's flavors? And here's the real kicker. On page 6, the description of Americone Dream has only one Capital Letter at the Beginning of the Sentence! That's just not fair. Both of the descriptions about Jimmy's ice creams have capital letters all over the place. Why does Stephen have only one description that is bathed in capital letters?

I know this is a lot to digest, but it just hurts so much.

Please Ben and Jerry, fix the description so that there is Capital Letter Equity for Stephen Colbert.

Note: I just updated this post with the website link for Ben and Jerry. Sorry I waited until March 10 to do so.