Like It Says On The Side Of My Van

Stephen's audience last night was the best, or at least the loudest, and most attentive, of any audience I can remember seeing/hearing on The Colbert Report. I wonder if they got an award.

Presidential election. It should be easy to figure out who will win. Just travel all over the country, ask millions of people what they think and who they will vote for. Or, get a cup of coffee at 7-Eleven. It seems that in the past 2 presidential elections, 7-Eleven has been able to accurately predict the winner. You walk in, grab a blue Obama coffee cup or a red Romney coffee cup and the rest is or will be history. Currently, Obama has 60% compared to Romney's 40%. Stephen pointed out the obvious flaw in this poll. Mormons can't drink coffee! Stephen has suggested that we should be requiring voter ID of anyone buying a cup of joe.

Next in presidential election news is pizza. Pizza Hut is also throwing their pizza into the ring. It has prompted some to say they are promoting product placement when we should be promoting democracy. Kurt Kane, CMO of Pizza Hut, issued a statement about this:

"We recognize there are a lot of serious issues to be debated, but we also know a lot less serious - but no less important - ones are being discussed every night inside houses across the country."

Stephen did not have a photo of Kurt Kane, but he did have a visual approximation. We all know that visual approximations are just as good as actual photograph.

Stephen moved away from presidential elections and over to education. An article in US News from a while back talked about Kids in Poor Neighborhoods Fall Behind in School. While there might be many obvious and good solutions, Stephen brought up another one. Dr. Michael Anderson prescribes Adderall for struggling students.

As you all most likely know, Stephen considers bears to be a great threat. Tonight he talked about bears who steal iPads, bears who shop at Sears and bears who eat at Olive Garden. I guess he is right to be so afraid of bears.

Naomi Wolf was the guest on the show. Stephen had lots of questions, lots of answers and generally kept her in good spirits. She has a new book out, Vagina: A New Biography. Some of his questions were of the general type, variations of, "How are you?" Other questions were more specific, such as "Where is this lab?" I think he came away from the interview with increased knowledge and appreciation of Naomi's observations of many topics.

Bears and Broccoli

We all know that Stephen has a love/hate relationship with bears. We know about bears driving cars and bears hanging out in the beer cooler, and now we find out that up in Ketchikan, Alaska,a tiny bear cub will walk right into the grocery store and head for the Produce Section, obviously in search of broccoli.

I'm reluctant to even speak of this in case it scares Stephen, but he is so knowledgeable that he probably already knows about it. Don't worry, Stephen, it was just a tiny bear, so cute, so cuddly, so just stay calm.

Speaking of produce, and considering that Halloween is coming up, here's a clip about good old Produce Pete with Steve Carell when he was on the Daily Show in 2003.

A Bear Shifts in the Woods

Yes, tonight there were lots of people helping out in front of the camera. Herman Cain was featured at least twice, but only for a second teach time. Jeffrey Toobin was on to help Stephen understand the workings of the Supreme Court. It's that time of the year when they are in session again. One of the cases they will be deciding is the so-called ObamaCare. Jeffrey Toobin predicts it will be either 4-5 or 5-4 vote.

And yes he had guest Dr. Jerome Groopman, Professor at Harvard Medical School. He has written the book, "Your Medical Mind." Professor Groopman was there to talk about Medicine. "Medicine is not "black and white" he said. As an example he talked about mammograms. Stephen was speechless for a while, but then he explained, saying he got caught once.

At what age should a person begin having mammograms?Ask four different medical experts and you will get four different answers. People need to be more involved in making their own medical decisions. And Dr. Groopman did say that he thinks there should be universal coverage in this country.

But the most important thing Stephen talked about tonight, and the most disturbing thing, was bears. That's right. Bears! You can't turn on the TV without hearing news story after news story about bears. From bears drinking vodka in the Ukraine to bears in people's back yards raiding the bird feeders, to bears climbing in cars and driving them until they crash, bears are all around us.

However, there is a sinister turn of events. Remember the Terminator? He would look through the phone book to find and hunt down everyone with the same name. Well, it turns out that the bear in the back yard in Connecticut was at the home of Rich Colbert. It doesn't take very long going through the alphabet to get from Rich to Stephen.

So, if a bear asks you, (insert photo of Jimmy Fallon here) this is Stephen Colbert!

Bear Belly

Good thing Stephen wasn't in Hayward, Wisconsin on Thursday night. A bear, that's right, a bear, meandered into a grocery store and headed for the beer cooler. He seemed happy to just be in the cooler. DNR tranquilized him and got him out of there. Most likely he was underage because he did not drink any beer while he was there.

Stephen is not a fan of bears. They scare him. Surprising for someone who often talks about Papa Bear.

How did that bear know where the beer cooler was? Did anyone card him? Was he planning on stocking up for the long winter? Will Stephen even mention this on his program? Darn, probably not. I think he is on vacation for a week. What? Vacation? That means there is the possibility that he is in Wisconsin since that is a wonderful place to take a vacation, what with the lakes and the trees and the fishing and the wildlife and the things of that nature.

Noooooooooooo!