Plagiarism

Tuesday's show,  I'm sure everyone will agree, was pretty much The Endive Report instead of The Colbert Report. And all because Stephen mentioned Adam and Endive in a previous show, and then got a case of endive from Rich Collins of California Endive Farms out there in California I presume, and all because he knows the correct way to say endive. (It's On-Deev not N-Dive.) I wouldn't mind a free case of endive, so here goes. "On-Deev." I'll be watching my doorstep every day in hopes of getting free endive. In the meantime, go over here and read all about endive. They even have a recipe for Endive Pizza!

Stephen shared his enthusiasm for endive.

He went on to share some money making tips in "The Word." Did you know you can make top money by selling your kidney? No. You can't. It's illegal to sell a kidney even though we usually are born with two which is obviously one too many. He went on to mention our work ethic and highlighted Dick Cheney. He had many ideas for buying and selling body parts.

We haven't heard much about politics from anybody in a long time and so Stephen brought us up to date. In Virginia there will be an election for Governor soon. A Washington Post poll is out about the two leading candidates and it shows Terry McAuliffe at 51% while Ken Cuccinelli at 39%.  There are many reasons for the wide split and Stephen talked about that.

To help win back support, Ken Cuccinelli called upon Rand Paul to help out on the campaign trail. But msnbc's The Rachel Maddow found fault with Senator Paul's research methodology. (Please note that although that is exactly what Stephen said on his show, I see no need to credit those words to him or to provide footnotes because this blog is not some sort of academic paper.) It seems he quoted passages from Wikipedia on at least two occasions. One was from "Gattaca" and the other from "Stand and Deliver." (One thing I like about Wikipedia is that it is often updated and current. Be sure to read the last paragraphs at both of those Wikipedia links. )

And for those of you who might not know who Rand Paul is, here's what Stephen said. And just for fun, go over to this completely different link and be sure to read the last paragraph in the section "Tenure" under "U.S. Senate career."

Poet Laureate, Billy Collins, was Stephen's guest. He's a popular poet which Stephen seems to think means he can't really be a Poet Laureate. Around 400 years ago in England, the job of the Poet Laureate was to document historical events. Nowadays, we have radio, TV, Internet, etc., but still we hang on to our Poet Laureate. "Aimless Love" is the book he wrote recently and also one of the poems in the book. The two men read from page 189 of the book and Stephen's audience loved it! So, it sounds like a great book. Go buy it.

It's Art, It's Lousy Art

Stephen shared with us his "I'm With Mitt" photos. It was a great summary of Election Night minus the fireworks.

Do you know any Difference Makers? I'm sure you do, but none quite like Steven Dick, Jr. He owes a ton of back taxes but refused to pay them because New York tax law has an exemption (according to Dick) for his type of business establishment. Stephen presented a mini-documentary that was a wonderful mixture of legal information along with musical and dramatic performances.

Contrary to what was published in "The New England Journal of When Harry Met Sally," men and women can't be just friends. Harry was right and Sally was wrong. Stephen shared his thoughts about the 700,000 women viewers who watch his show.

Thursday night's guest was Rachel Maddow of "The Rachel Maddow Show" fame. She was one of the newscasters who stayed up late on Election Night to report the results. "What was it like?" asked Stephen. Well, Rachel admitted that she had pudding brain after not having enough sleep. When Ohio was called for Obama and Obama had won re-election, they were caught off guard, they weren't expecting it to happen then.

Stephen commented that the folks over at Fox seemed more freaked out than the folks at msnbc seemed elated. Probably the folks over at msnbc were simply reporting the news fairly and balanacedly, so no emotion needed.  We also find out that predicting the outcome of an election based on enthusiastic crowds is a lousy way to predict elections.

One thing that Stephen respects is the way Rachel Maddow can deconstruct the news. She mixes it up a bit and then reconstructs the news. According to Stephen this ends up being a conservative killing machine.

Stephen plugged Rachel Maddow's book "Drift: The Unmooring of American Military Power." But not before discussing his view of how hurricanes are spawned. I don't think Rachel Maddow believed his fuzzy science.

My Beak is on Fire, My Beak is on Fire!

Stephen welcomed his Thursday audience (the best), shared Lindsey Graham's strategy for getting more votes, and promoted his new line of Formula 401, Seeds of Discontent. The big highlight of the opening sequence was an appearance by Stephen's colleague Esteban Colberto, prompted no doubt by appearances on Univision by Mitt Romney and Barack Obama. We found out how effective self-deportation can be, as evidenced by the self-deportation of many conservatives from support of Mitt Romney.

Esteban always looks so suave and debonair. Stephen and Esteban had a deep discussion about Latino support, or lack of support, for Mitt Romney. We then found out that Esteban has a certain weakness for Rachel Maddow. Esteban found out from Stephen that Rachel Maddow is a .... liberal. And Stephen found out that Esteban thinks he can changer her. 

Moving easily from Mexico to Spain, we learned about Cecilia Gimenez. I guess you could call her  Spain's Grandma Moses. She restored an old fresco of Jesus. We know who it is because every time Stephen sees the newly restored portrait, he says, "Jesus!" It is so popular, fans are being turned away. It is so marvelous, Stephen became absolutely giddy on the show. For her wonderful work, Stephen makes her his Alpha Dog of the Week. We can only hope she gets the praise and rewards she deserves.

Errol Morris, documentarian and author of "A Wilderness of Error - the Trial of Jeffery MacDonald," was Stephen's guest. The first thing the two men had to do was to try to come to an agreement of what "guilty" and "allegedly guilty" mean. Next word for them to come to terms with was "evidence." Stephen was able to point out the fallacy of believing in evidence.

Interrotron versus the iPad was the last thing they had to sort out. Both men had their own version of a machine to better interview people. Stephen plans on wearing his Ask-o-Matic to bars. He should fit right in.

The Best New Thing in the World Today

This really is different and way off topic, but it's also really cool. I happened to watch part of The Rachel Maddow Show on msnbc last night. At the end of the show she has a segment called "The Best New Thing in The World Today". Last night she talked a little bit about General Dempsey who might become the next chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

And you know how you go to a wedding and someone's drunk uncle grabs a microphone and embarrasses everyone by singing some song and does a horrible job? Well Rachel played a video of General Dempsey singing at what looks like someone's wedding and he was GREAT! He sang New York, New York and you should give a listen. He's as good as Frank Sinatra. If he wasn't in the Army, he could have a successful singing career. (I also think it would be a good idea for Stephen to have General Dempsey on The Colbert Report and they could sing a duo.)

Impressive. General Martin Dempsey sings "New York, New York"

We're Off to See the Blizzard

I just love all the catchy phrases Stephen comes up with. Darn, I forgot my good grammar. Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Oh, well. Tonight Stephen talked about Global Warming. We've all had lots of snow and some states have been having tons, literally, of snow. Blizzards even. And so the usual suspects have been wondering "What does Al Gore say about Global Warming now?!?!"

Al Gore did not need to speak to these doubters. Stephen handled it in his own unique way, using the Dopplest 9000, which is way better than anybody's Doppler Radar.

Many other people (Jon Stewart, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olberman, Aasif Mandvi) also went over Global Warming again, in short sentences, using tiny words to make it easy for all to understand. Global Warming is just one symptom of Climate Change. Global means the whole Earth. The entire planet. That area bigger than what you see when you look out your kitchen window. Climate means the weather over a very long period of time. It doesn't mean this week or even this year. It has to do with science.

NASA has determined (using science and lots and lots of data) that 2009 was the second warmest year on record and it was the end of the warmest decade.

Stephen said about the most recent blizzard, "Whatever just happened is the only thing that is happening." And of course by that he actually means that there are a multitude of things happening all over the place. I can't remember if it was Stephen or someone else who said this: "Sometimes I don't get my words right, but I know what is in my heart is right." Probably someone else, but the sentiment is appropriate to Stephen. And so it stings just a little bit to report what one of his guests said. In his "Better Know a District" segment, Stephen talked with Mike Quigley, Congressman from the 5th District of Illinois. Representative Quigley summed up their interview by telling Stephen, "You have a point. It's not a good point, but you have a point."

The Dopplest 9000 will be a welcome addition to The Colbert Report. Weather Channel, you had better upgrade your equipment. Soon, in addition to getting all my news from the Colbert Report, I will also get my weather forecasts and reports from Stephen.

* Photo not of actual Dopplest 9000.