It's the Most Fun You Can Possibly Have .... Besides This

As we watched last week come to an end, Stephen was frosting on Wedding Cake on Thursday's show. It was not the best Wedding Cake I have ever seen. In fact, he was kind of sloppy about slopping the frosting on. But I am sure anyone would have been thrilled to have a cake baked and frosted and decorated by him at their wedding. From what he said, I expect he will be making more cakes. It seems like destiny and I say, "Good Job Stephen and Congratulations to the Happy Couple."

Stephen celebrated Black History Month by basically admitting he was not well prepared. He had a cartoon about Laser Klan. I'm still waiting for another Tek Jansen episode, so hopefully we will see that soon. Maybe Tek Jansen has moved on to other acting pursuits or even directing or producing movies. Maybe he could just do a cameo appearance in something.

Jeff Goldblum was Stephen's guest and he was actually interviewed this time. Of course, most people will remember him from "Tenspeed and Brown Shoe." Currently he is starring in the Wes Anderson movie, "The Grand Budapest Hotel," which, judging by the photo of it at that link, looks like an elegant hotel that would make for a relaxing few days away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

Stephen was able to push Jeff Goldblum to admit that he is a liberal, you know, on the side of the more progressive thinkers. Luckily, Stephen had Jimmy edit that part out so we didn't see that faux pas. Stephen saw the movie and said he cried. But he also said it was hilarious. If you were lucky enough to be in that movie, I guess you were able to have fantastic dinners each night. Stephen might be willing to take a bit part in a gig like that, just for the fun and food.

By the way, you might want to consider watching "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon" on Friday night of this week. No special reason, just an idea.

I'm a Ladder, You're a Ladder, Everyone's a Ladder.

Stephen claims to be a huge fan of the comic book genre but he is concerned about an old character getting a face lift. It's Ms.Marvel, or Ms. Marvelle as Ms. Rodriguez says. Stephen, who is often one of a quartet, is concerned that Ms. Marvel is a Shape Shifter. White that may indeed be a great super-hero attribute or talent, it still concerns him. For all we know, that lamp sitting on the dresser could be Ms. Marvel. I too am concerned about Shape Shifters. You never know when you are seeing one. And speaking of comic book fans, when are we going to see some more Tek Jansen? I don't know why I have to keep reminding Stephen of this.

And now something for the youngsters. It's a field trip on the Meet the Trees Foundation bus to visit the forest. Hah, but that was just a ruse to get the kids onto the bus. It's a Toys R (where is my backward R key?) Us ad. That's right, a bunch of kids get on the bus with "Ranger Brad," he starts quizzing them about different kinds of leaves, and then presto-change-o, he's taking them all to a Toys R Us store. The kids go wild, at least some of them do. Stephen pointed out the magic of "having a stranger take your kids on a bus, lie about where they're going, then take off his clothes and promise them toys." (Note to parents: Tell your kids not to get on a bus or in a car with someone who says he will buy them toys/ give them candy/ let them see a puppy.) Stephen gave Toys R Us a Tip of the Hat for reminding us that "Nature Sucks." And Stephen also added that Nature is Boring.

There are two things that bother me about that ad, besides just the creepiness that Stephen was so sharp to pick up on.

One. Remember how there's that joke that on Christmas morning the kids play with the box that the toy came in rather than the shiny, noisy, expensive toy you bought, I mean Santa delivered? Well, pay attention. Maybe, instead of all those electronic toys with bells and whistles, you should be getting simple toys that allow kids to, yes I'm going to say it, use their imagination. Buy them a toy that requires them to run and jump, not a toy that they watch someone else run and jump. And buy them toys that are educationally fun. Good old board games like Monopoly (classic edition that requires them to shake dice and count money), Scrabble, Clue, Battleship (I think that is a favorite of Stephen's) or Candyland for the younger set.

Two. This is the one that really worries me. Have you looked closely at that commercial? Have you looked at those kids? Pay close attention. Here's what "Ranger Brad" said. "Let's play Name That Leaf. What's this one?" (Notice the older girl with long brown hair in the red shirt.) "He says it's an Oak leaf. It's a Field Maple. That's okay." (Notice the young, curly haired kid wearing a blue shirt.) "I'm a big fan of trees, I don't know if you could tell." (Notice the little girl with white shirt and the one in the seat behind that girl who is wearing a pink sweater with a large collar.) "But we're not going to the forest today. We're going to Toys R Us." (And the  young, curly haired kid wearing a blue shirt is back!)

Okay. It is humanly impossible for kids to change seats on a bus that quickly. Ranger Brad was is in mid sentence. I know what's really going on. Those kids, all of them, are Shape Shifters! There is no other explanation.

So a warning to everyone. Buy toys wisely and watch out for Shape Shifters. Of course, I guess I don't know that Shape Shifters are bad actually. In fact now that I think of it, it might be a good thing. Say you're in a toy store and there's a really neat toy you want to buy but it's up on a tall shelf that you can't reach. If there's a little kid in the same aisle, ask if he is a Shape Shifter. If he says yes, ask him to Shape-shift into a tall basketball player and reach that toy for you! Or ask him to Shape-shift into a ladder and just climb up and get the toy yourself.

Stephen's guest last night was Brian Lehrer of Brian Lehrer Show fame. He's on the radio in New York City on WNYC. The two discussed the recent election. There will be a new mayor in New York City, Bill  de Blasio. Both men agreed that the new mayor has cool looking kids. But then they disagreed on other important stuff. Brian Lehrer seemed to think taxing the very rich people just a tiny bit more in order to send four-year-olds to Pre-K was a smart idea. Stephen, who would have to pay more in taxes, wondered about the wisdom of sending kids to school when they can't even read yet. As far as Mayor Bloomberg's legacy, Brian Lehrer said it will be all the good things he did for public health. And it could have been better had it not been for the Lollipop Guild.

And, on a final note, here's the reason I tune in to The Colbert Report. Stephen always has the breaking news before anyone else even knows it fell off the shelf. Stephen alerted us to the fact that the Empire State Building is going to be turned into public housing. I guess I better take that trip to New York City and see the Empire State Building while I can still ride the elevator to the top.

Don't Tell Mom

It's Colbchella '013 (or StePhest Colbchella for purists) time! That means a big sponsor and great, great music. Daft Punk was supposedly the guest, (back on August 6, yes, I'm behind on posts, you all know that already) but that whole Daft Punk deal fell through because of MTV and the VMAs. It's all very confusing and sad, and what's worse, Stephen already cashed the check from Hyundai. I don't know how that whole deal played out. Stephen is still doing the show, so probably something that was agreeable to both sides was worked out which benefits Hyundai, Stephen, and of course all of us - his loyal fans- because we still get to watch him every night on the TV machine. Well, not every night, just Monday through Thursday and not every week because he takes vacations all the time. Oops. Sidetracked. Sorry.

So. Not to be disappointed, we got to see Stephen dance and dance and dance. Along with nearly everyone else in the entertainment world. That's great. It shows that news journalists and musicians and entertainers can come together for meaningful dialogue and dance. If you did not see it last week and if you haven't watched it yet somewhere on the internet, or on any one of a number of other news shows, of course you can see it over at Colbert Nation. You can also see all these people:

Hugh Laurie
The Rockettes
Jeff Bridges
Jimmy Fallon
Jon Stewart
Charlie Rose
Anna Gunn
Aaron Paul
Vince Gilligan
Bryan Cranston
Matt Damon
Henry Kissinger
Tek Jansen
Mel B
Nick Cannon
Howie Mandel
Heidi Klum
Howard Stern

Go here to see one of Stephen's best performances yet.

Finally, in what has to be the most fortunate event in TV history, Robin Thicke just happened to be in the audience for this show of all shows and agreed to sing for Stephen, thus saving Stephen's career. Stephen has officially dubbed "Blurred Lines" as the song of the summer. He does have that authority, so there you have it, the Song of the Summer.

Carry Me Back to Old South Carolina

The news this summer coming from Stephen's beloved South Carolina has not been good. I'm pretty sure it would be even too over-the-top for an episode of Tek Jansen. Republican Congressman Joe Wilson shouting out to President Barack Obama, "You Lie" and Republican Governor Mark Sanford disappearing to Argentina to meet with his girlfriend while ignoring his family on Fathers Day needs some damage control. I think Stephen could and should either bump some sense into them or bump them out of power. That would be just the kind of selfless act of courage that could win him an Emmy next year.

Ironically, while Congressman Joe Wilson called out that President Obama was a liar about illegal immigrants and health care reform, in actuality, the President was absolutely correct. And, funny story, in 2003, (tip of the hat to Wikipedia) Wilson voted to authorize $250,000 annually for taxpayer money to reimburse hospitals for treating illegal immigrants. He flip-flopped his thinking on this issue in 2009.

Another funny story, apparently Joe Wilson favored a cover-up rather than speaking the truth about Strom Thurmond's daughter Essie Mae Washington-Williams. Wilson originally doubted the veracity of her claim, but then said that even if it was true, she should keep it secret. I guess he figured a cover-up was better than the truth, otherwise it would make Thurmond look bad.

Anyway, Stephen Colbert needs to take a few days off from the best show on TV ever, head down to South Carolina, and fix it. Just fix it.