Do you want to get rich? You know, rich like Stephen Colbert? His strategy is to buy Forever Stamps. You buy them today for one price and then when the price goes up, like it is on January 27 of this year, you can still use the stamps that were the cheaper price. That's a good deal. But the idea of stamps going up in price a penny, one whole cent, made Stephen really mad. No more is he going to put a 46 cent stamp on a letter, mail it in Miami for delivery in Seattle. Nope. He will buy an airplane ticket and deliver all his mail himself. Yikes, for me that would have meant traveling to more than ten states to deliver my Christmas cards. Can I get an airplane ticket for less than 50 cents? Hmmm, I wonder.
Leading right from the cost of mailing a letter vs. delivering it yourself via air travel was Stephen's segment about anger. Someone said that getting angry can make you live longer. A better plan is to just take Vasca-Ternity Pills. Sadly, trying to get the bottle open made Stephen, yep, angry. Another way to stat young is to get a blood transfusion from a young person. Enter Jay the Intern, or rather, the Vacsa-Tern. Poor Jay the Intern.
Stephen's guest for January 8 was Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe. We learned that he is a nice football player in that he often gives the football to the other team. Plus he can flex which impressed Stephen somewhat... Most importantly, we found out about the extensive vocabulary that Chris Kluwe has. He mentioned the election from this past November, Minnesotans defeated an attempt to define marriage in their State Constitution. It seems to me that a Dictionary should define marriage and a Constitution should determine how a state is governed.
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Thursday, November 29, 2012
And They Lived Happily Ever After
Well, I didn't win. Not that I wanted to. Stephen won, or at least he was pretty sure he had won the huge Powerball drawing. His fantasies of the win went from sheer exuberance all the way to utter despair at spending his imagined winnings so quickly. Then he found out that he didn't win, and, luckily for all of us in the Colbert Nation, he went on with the show. Money can't buy you happiness.
First up on the show, Marriage. Polls show that while it used to be that men want to get married more than women do, now the reverse is true. More women want to get married than do men. That presents a problem in that there's not enough marrying men to go around. Here's what Suzanne Venker over at Fox News had to say about marriage.
"I've accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who've told me ... that they're never getting married. When I ask them why, the answer is always the same. Women aren't women anymore."
I've got some questions about all of this. First of all, where and how did she stumble upon this subculture? Who are these men in that subculture? Do they all actually say, "Women aren't women anymore?" And then I have some answers to the questions I just asked. If she stumbled, it was probably in a bar, that's where people usually stumble. The whole subculture and same answer thing. Well, it sort of goes in a circle. They are a subculture because they all had the same answer and yes they all said the same thing, that's what put them in the peculiar subculture. (How many men are you talking about anyway?)
Stephen had advice for women. Stop voting. Stop talking. This is how to return to that feminine ideal and thus solve the marriage crisis. Most likely Suzanne Venker will now see the errors of her ways for being a writer and get out of that business and become a docile woman that is the marrying kind.
This should make everyone happy.
Not making people happy is the Filibuster. If you thought the majority party was in control, you were wrong. Here's some more information about Filibuster. Stephen talked about the good old days when you could filibuster by reading the actual phone book. Boring? Yes, but worth every dollar we are paying those Senators to stand up there and waste time while important legislation is being ignored. Why does Harry Reid want to monkey around with this? Mitch McConnell is not happy about what Harry Reid wants to do. He wants to keep the ability to obstruct everything and if he can't, then he will obstruct everything. (That's called win/win. Only the taxpayers, voters, citizens end up losing.)
On to the fun part of the show, Frank Oz. Stephen introduced him as the voice of Miss Piggy, Grover Fozzie, Animal and Yoda. Frank Oz pointed out that 90%, no, make that 92% of the character is the puppetry part. The voice is important, but much of what is done for the characters is the puppetry part. Being a puppetry artist allows someone like Oz to go out and buy pork and beans or do his laundry at a laundromat and still be sort of a regular guy. People aren't likely to look at him and think of Miss Piggy.
Did you know that Frank Oz directed "Little Shop of Horrors?" Well, yeah, you have been paying attention, so I suppose you know that. Stephen and Frank Oz discussed the movie a bit, especially the fact that originally the ending wasn't the typical "happily ever after" ending. People were loving the movie until it got to the end. Then, not so much. And so, the ending was changed and it was happily ever after. Now, there's a new release with... well... with the original ending. Ahhhhhh.
Stephen asked a very important question then. "Are you ever tempted to use your voices to get out of situations?" For example, if pulled over by a cop, would Frank Oz ever say something like, "Not speeding was I, Officer," in his best Yoda voice. No, Oz does not do that, or at least if he does, he did not fess up.
I'm worried about Stephen. He was elated about winning the Powerball, then sad, but then went on as if nothing was wrong. And he did well with the interview. But, when he signed off for the night with his usual cheery "Goodnight Everybody," he just didn't look like himself. I can't quite put my finger on it, but he seemed to have shrunk and lost weight and his eyes were kind of buggy and he seemed sort of mechanical. Something was different. I'll pull some strings and see if I can't get more information from an inside source.
First up on the show, Marriage. Polls show that while it used to be that men want to get married more than women do, now the reverse is true. More women want to get married than do men. That presents a problem in that there's not enough marrying men to go around. Here's what Suzanne Venker over at Fox News had to say about marriage.
"I've accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who've told me ... that they're never getting married. When I ask them why, the answer is always the same. Women aren't women anymore."
I've got some questions about all of this. First of all, where and how did she stumble upon this subculture? Who are these men in that subculture? Do they all actually say, "Women aren't women anymore?" And then I have some answers to the questions I just asked. If she stumbled, it was probably in a bar, that's where people usually stumble. The whole subculture and same answer thing. Well, it sort of goes in a circle. They are a subculture because they all had the same answer and yes they all said the same thing, that's what put them in the peculiar subculture. (How many men are you talking about anyway?)
Stephen had advice for women. Stop voting. Stop talking. This is how to return to that feminine ideal and thus solve the marriage crisis. Most likely Suzanne Venker will now see the errors of her ways for being a writer and get out of that business and become a docile woman that is the marrying kind.
This should make everyone happy.
Not making people happy is the Filibuster. If you thought the majority party was in control, you were wrong. Here's some more information about Filibuster. Stephen talked about the good old days when you could filibuster by reading the actual phone book. Boring? Yes, but worth every dollar we are paying those Senators to stand up there and waste time while important legislation is being ignored. Why does Harry Reid want to monkey around with this? Mitch McConnell is not happy about what Harry Reid wants to do. He wants to keep the ability to obstruct everything and if he can't, then he will obstruct everything. (That's called win/win. Only the taxpayers, voters, citizens end up losing.)
On to the fun part of the show, Frank Oz. Stephen introduced him as the voice of Miss Piggy, Grover Fozzie, Animal and Yoda. Frank Oz pointed out that 90%, no, make that 92% of the character is the puppetry part. The voice is important, but much of what is done for the characters is the puppetry part. Being a puppetry artist allows someone like Oz to go out and buy pork and beans or do his laundry at a laundromat and still be sort of a regular guy. People aren't likely to look at him and think of Miss Piggy.
Did you know that Frank Oz directed "Little Shop of Horrors?" Well, yeah, you have been paying attention, so I suppose you know that. Stephen and Frank Oz discussed the movie a bit, especially the fact that originally the ending wasn't the typical "happily ever after" ending. People were loving the movie until it got to the end. Then, not so much. And so, the ending was changed and it was happily ever after. Now, there's a new release with... well... with the original ending. Ahhhhhh.
Stephen asked a very important question then. "Are you ever tempted to use your voices to get out of situations?" For example, if pulled over by a cop, would Frank Oz ever say something like, "Not speeding was I, Officer," in his best Yoda voice. No, Oz does not do that, or at least if he does, he did not fess up.
I'm worried about Stephen. He was elated about winning the Powerball, then sad, but then went on as if nothing was wrong. And he did well with the interview. But, when he signed off for the night with his usual cheery "Goodnight Everybody," he just didn't look like himself. I can't quite put my finger on it, but he seemed to have shrunk and lost weight and his eyes were kind of buggy and he seemed sort of mechanical. Something was different. I'll pull some strings and see if I can't get more information from an inside source.
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