Bogusivity

America Strikes Back continues. Last night Stephen talked about the Vice President nominee, Paul Ryan. Especially about his speech. It was an important speech, a huge moment. You could tell that Stephen was just as proud as anyone because he complimented Paul Ryan for finally earning his Public Speaking Merit Badge and becoming an Eagle Scout. Only one, well maybe a few, well maybe more than a dozen, little teeny, itsy bitsy problems. Ryan said things that weren't exactly factual. Lots of news organizations called him out on that. (Here, here, here, here, and here.) By looking over the video tape of Paul Ryan's speech, Stephen was able to isolate when they said he was lying. It was when he started moving his lips.

Here's what one person, Sally Kohn of Fox News, said: "Ryan's speech was an apparent attempt to set the world record for the greatest number of blatant lies and misrepresentations slipped into a single political speech."

So? said the Romney campaign's Neil Newhouse on August 28, 2012. "We're not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers." Others pointed out that this was a speech of big ideas, huge ideas. "Such as: lying is handy," noted Stephen. "Ryan stretching the truth is just another form of doping in that if you believe him, you're a dope.

A big treat for Stephen's fans was presidential candidate and Mormon Jon Huntsman as the guest. Luckily for us he did not answer all of Stephen's questions in Mandarin Chinese, even though he speaks it fluently. Perhaps some of the interview might have gone better if he had spoken Mandarin Chinese. Because. He said this. "I hate Super PACs." and then, even worse, he admitted that he knew that would be a hurtful statement because he said next, "I knew you were going to take offense at that, Stephen."

Stephen knew exactly what to do. He promoted his own Super PAC and told Jon Huntsman that, "We are building a better tomorrow," (pauses, looks at his audience, and they all chime in together) "TOMORROW."

One of the hard hitting questions that Stephen asked of Jon Huntsman was this, "How important do YOU think the facts are to a political campaign?

Awkward pause. Audience laughs.

To close out the interview, Stephen asked Jon Huntsman to say what his honest opinion of Mitt Romney is, but to say it in Mandarin Chinese.

Jon Huntsman said it, what he really thinks of Mitt Romney. But, since it was in Mandarin Chinese, I didn't quite catch it, so we will just have to assume that we know what was said about Mitt Romney.

Decision of a Lifetime

I'm almost too excited to write about anything tonight. Tomorrow night there will be a major announcement, and by major announcement, I mean Major Announcement! Stephen reported that in Public Policy Polling of 1,112 likely GOP voters in the South Carolina GOP Primary, Jon Huntsman would get 4% of the vote, but Stephen Colbert would get 5% of the vote! And if you remember how excited Jon Huntsman was to come in at third place up in New Hampshire, well just imagine how excited Stephen would be to come in even better than Jon Huntsman. It's a good thing people like Tim Pawlenty, Michele Bachmann, and Herman Cain aren't hanging around the GOP tent any more. They would have no chance against Stephen Colbert in the South Carolina GOP Primary.

Oh, wait. I'm getting way ahead of everyone. There hasn't even been an announcement yet.

Tune in tomorrow to see what the Major Announcement is.

So, the show tonight. Well, Stephen talked about Mitt Romney. There's no fireworks with Mitt. Sort of like an arranged marriage. And then Andy Cohen (not to be confused with Andy Schlafly) stopped by to chat with Stephen about Mitt. (Mitt's good. But not great.)

And then Stephen talked a little bit about Phobos-Grunt spacecraft. Not that important, other than the fact that it's coming down this weekend. It will probably come down to earth west of Indonesia, but maybe not. If I am reading this map correctly, it could also come down in North America, South America, Africa, Europe, India, China, Australia or a few other places. Antarctica looks relatively safe and Russia seems to be in a good spot. But, not to worry, it will mostly burn up upon re-entry.

George Stephanopoulus was the guest tonight and showed his good manners by bringing Stephen a bottle containing a beverage so that they could each have a sip. George wished Stephen good luck in the South Carolina Primary. The two of them discussed politics some more with Stephen wondering what would happen if Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden were to change places. Well, George told Stephen the three places where that idea was not being discussed: Clinton's office, Biden's office and Obama's office.

Remember to tune in tomorrow for the Major Announcement.

New Hampshire Primary Results Are In!

At least from Dixville Notch. Here's the numbers from the bottom of that page at Wikipedia:

Democratic Primary:
Barack Obama -- 3

GOP Primary:
Jon Huntsman -- 2
Mitt Romney -- 2
Ron Paul -- 1
New Gingrich -- 1

I figured if enough time went by, Jon Huntsman would pull ahead. (He is the candidate that puts country first ahead of party.) Huntsman hasn't been getting a lot of attention lately and I figured out why. His entry over at Conservapedia is very short. Perhaps now that he is doing so well in New Hampshire, the Conservapedia staff and editors will expand that entry and give us more background and accomplishments for Jon Huntsman.

It seems there's just never enough Republican debates. This past weekend there were only two debates. Stephen made the mistake of playing the "Contraception Game." That's where you take a shot of booze every time someone says "Contraception." Oh my, oh my. Stephen got wasted.

Stephen commented on Rick Santorum's recent quotes. Santorum has said that "Even fathers in jail who had abandoned their kids were still better than no father at all to have in their children's lives." Thus, according to Stephen (based on what Santorum thinks), Charles Manson would be better at parenthood than Rosie O'Donnell.

Tonight's guest was Melissa Harris-Perry, professor of political science at Tulane University, and frequent guest on msnbc. She also will soon have her own show on msnbc beginning in February. She has written a new book, "Sister Citizen - Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women in America." I think that it is probably a very good book. The cover is quite intriguing and patriotic looking, so Stephen will appreciate that. And you know what they say, you can't judge a book by it's cover, so I guess you just have to read the book to find out. But considering that Stephen had her on the show, it's probably a good book. Here's your chance to use that Barnes and Noble gift card you got and get a book for some 2012 reading.

Fear the Vest

Unless you have been in a cave these past few months, you know that it is the Iowa Caucuses tonight. As Stephen so clearly pointed out, that means there's a bunch of old Midwestern people in a high school gym sitting on folding chairs.

Some might say each candidate in the GOP had their turn at flavor of the month. Remember Herman Cain? Perhaps he should have come on The Colbert Report way back when so that he could have received the famous Colbert Bump. (Too late now, Herman.) Jon Huntsman decided against coming to Iowa. Most of the GOP candidates have been crisscrossing Iowa in huge buses and drinking coffee in every small town. Millions of dollars have been spent on TV ads.

And after all of this, Stephen was ready to predict the outcome. He announced on his show tonight that he was predicting that Jon Huntsman would lose Iowa. It may have been this quote from Huntsman that, along with not bothering to show up, lost Iowa for him:

"The pick corn in Iowa. They actually pick presidents here in New Hampshire."

Stephen was not willing to predict who the winner would be, but he did talk about Rick Santorum. At one of his speeches, Santorum wore a sweater vest. That speech went over quite well and ever since, Santorum has been wearing sweater vests, a different color it seems, to each event, almost as if he had a rainbow of vests in his closet.

What Stephen was able to do for political junkies and Iowanians alike was to have Megyn Shelly on the show to predict the outcome. ( I don't know if Megyn Shelly and Marcel the Shell are related, but they do look somewhat alike, so I'm thinking maybe cousins.) Unfortunately, there really was not enough time for Meygn to make this determination, but Stephen is hopeful that within a month, Megyn will come through with the news we are all waiting for.

Senator Bernie Sanders, Independent Senator from Vermont, was Stephen's first guest of 2012. He brought along his book, "The Speech," which is essentially the speech he gave when he was filibustering in the Senate. Senator Sanders believes middle class people, you know - the hard working "man on the street" - are having a rough time while the rich can fully afford to pay their share of taxes. When Stephen confronted him about his attitude towards the job creators, Senator Sanders reminded him that the rich are not creating jobs, they are outsourcing them to China. Senator Sanders also talked about the need for a constitutional amendment to save American democracy. You can go over to his website, sanders.senate.gov, to find out more information. Stephen expects the process of getting the amendment passed and ratified should be pretty much wrapped up by May, but I think that might be a little bit optimistic. Time will tell.

What is a Focus Group?

And what does it have to do with a "Chopper Pad?"

First off, a Focus Group. Those are the people that sit in the large room on chairs in rows in front of the one-way mirror. Is that the right term? No problem, I'll look it up in Wikipedia where all things are true. What? "A one-way mirror, also known as a two-way mirror, one-way glass, or two-way glass..." That could confuse some people. How can all those things refer to the same thing? Oh, never mind.

The important thing is that all those people sit there and answer questions that Dr. Luntz asks while Stephen sits behind the one-way/two-way mirror/glass and eats popcorn and drinks pop. From all the answers from all the people in the Focus Group, three things emerge.

1. Corporations are human.
2. Corporations are people - Will they be Chinese people or American people?
3. People are corporations.

Good, this will help Stephen and Dr. Luntz make a commercial for the Colbert SuperPAC that shows that Corporations are people. Of course, they should have the same rights as all people, the right to free speech, the right to bear arms and the right to get married, not gay married, but married. At least that is what Stephen wants Dr. Luntz to know.

Perhaps this would be a good time for me to inform people (and corporations too, I guess) that Dr. Luntz seems to sometimes be exasperated with Stephen. Maybe that's too strong of a word, but still, he must be getting paid well enough that it makes it worth his while. Maybe it's just that Stephen is a conservative and Dr. Luntz doesn't share his values. It's hard to figure.

Stephen had a presidential contender on his show tonight. And I don't mean that he interviewed himself. It was Jon Huntsman, former governor of the state of Utah. It was a short interview, as most of the interviews tend to be, but they covered a lot of ground. Jon Huntsman has worked for Reagan, Bush 41, Bush 43 and Obama. He speaks Mandarin Chinese, which is good considering he was Obama's Ambassador to China. I'm not sure if the speaking of Mandarin Chinese came first or if being Ambassador was first, but the one helps make the other possible and vice versa.

Tonight I really wished that I knew Mandarin Chinese. Jon Huntsman said a sentence or two in Mandarin Chinese. Since Stephen does not speak Mandarin Chinese, Jon Huntsman repeated it in English. He was looking for Stephen to possibly be his vice presidential running mate. Hey, if it was good enough for Sarah Palin, it certainly should be just fine for Stephen Colbert. But there's always that chance that it was just a joke and the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that Stephen probably does not have a good chance of being a vice presidential candidate this coming election.

Well, when all was said and done, Stephen said something that surprised me. Even after informing us that Huntsman is considered by some to be a moderate, Stephen was ready to give him the Colbert Bump. Huntsman has been polling at 2%, but Stephen promised to get him all the way up to whole milk.

* Chopper Pad is an endearing name Stephen used to refer to Dr. Luntz.