A Pile of Lunch Meat Chose the White Bread

Stephen is back from vacationing in the Cayman Islands with his money and was sad that he didn't get to cover the crowning of  a new Pope. (Note: Pope Francis was not crowned and seems unlikely to want riches of that sort.) Actually, Stephen wanted to cover the naming of a new Pope. It is as important as the Superbowl but without so many "Thank-you Jesus thanks prayers." Stephen did has some coverage about the new Pope and showed Fox News with the safe analysis of the smoke. "It's gray." Can't go wrong with that.

Stephen told us about a book based on a movie based on the Bible. It was very confusing. It seems like it will be a big ratings winner and isn't that what the Bible is all about?

The really big news that everyone is talking about is the renaming of the Conference Room over at The Campaign Legal Center. The president is Trevor Potter. That name should be familiar to you. If not, read more here and also here. Or you can just read posts here about Trevor Potter. Anyway, the Conference Room was renamed in honor of Ham Rove. I would just love to have my next committee meeting in "THE HAM ROVE MEMORIAL CONFERENCE ROOM." It is such a fitting tribute to Ham Rove and also to Karl Rove who was the mentor for Ham Rove. Now admittedly there could be some confusion for a small minority of people about the difference between the mentor and the mentee. So, before you enjoy your Easter dinner, first ask, "Did you ever put anti-gay marriage legislation in swing states to tip the scales in the 2004 Presidential Election?" If it answers Yes or if it answers anything at all, best not to eat that Ham. It could be Karl Rove.

Stephen extended an invitation for Karl Rove to join him this Sunday for an Easter Feast.

Stephen's guest last night was Junot Diaz. He has a very impressive set of credentials, but Stephen, being a humble man, was not impressed. Among other things, he teaches Writing at MIT. And he is on the Board of Freedom University. Freedom University is dedicated to teaching undocumented immigrants. Junot Diaz had an interesting comparison. Think about Superman. He arrived here from Krypton through no plans of his own and yet we accepted him. Think about all the positive things Superman accomplished here! Right. So it just makes sense to me that we should be doing more to help these other immigrants achieve all that they can. Stephen raised many pertinent questions which Junot Diaz answered well and yet not to Stephen's liking. They discussed the Eternal Question of what language is spoken on Krypton. I must admit that I do not know the answer to that question.

As important as this University seems to be to Junot Diaz and as committed as he seems to be to the University, he admitted that there is no official sweatshirt for the school. Stephen was ready to help him out. He brought out a sweatshirt, a nice grey hoodie, with red letters that say "Freedom University - Established 2011" on it. Junot Diaz was overwhelmed with joy. "This is great!" Actually, it just had the initials for Freedom University on it, but you get the idea.

Give Stephen an iPad

What is the problem? Stephen wants an iPad. He has said "Gimme." Therefore he should get one. Never mind that he can afford to buy one himself. If he wants, he should get. I'm sure that is in the Bible somewhere. Or Stephen would like it to be in the Bible. Go to the Wikipedia page on Bible and put that in.

Benefits are many.
1.) Stephen would have an iPad.
2.) He would promote it and make everyone want one.
3.) Everyone would buy one.

Another brilliant idea is to give him two iPads. Then he should send one to me.

Andy Schlafly

Stephen's guest last night was Andy Schlafly, son of Phyllis Schlafly and creator of Conservapedia. In case you don't know about Conservapedia, it is perhaps the best source of truthful truth. They do not allow liberal bias to deceive and distort, so all of the bias that they use to deceive and distort will, of course, be conservative bias.

They claim that "The truth shall set you free," and to prove it, they have an article on how pretzels got their shape. Already I am starting to feel more free.

One of the projects of Andy's is to rewrite the Bible. Unfortunately, sometimes his efforts are vandalized, e.g. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with Steven Colbert, and the Word was Steven Colbert."

It was an interesting show. Stephen had many good points and as usual, Stephen's guest had a hard time keeping up.

Special Message from Conservapedia

Mischief is afoot. I checked out Conservapedia today. (See previous post if you haven't read that yet.) On the right hand side of the Conservapedia website, under "In the News" it said this:

"Special message to the Colbert show watchers: do yourselves a favor and watch less television. Colbert and his advertisers want to make money off you, but you can accomplish some good instead by unplugging the TV. You could even pick up a Bible."

I agree with some of that special message but disagree with other parts of it. Let me explain. The only times I remember Stephen asking for money was for charities. For example, if you buy a $7.50 WRISTSTRONG Bracelet, $5.00 will be donated to The Yellow Ribbon Fund. (Okay, so he advertises some pharmaceuticals, but isn't that the American way to get rich? I mean, it's practically in the Constitution.) So he's not trying to make money off of people, he's supporting our troops.

But take for example on Pat Robertson's 700 Club website, he asks for as much as $834 each and every month! And you do not even get a bracelet!

I do thank Conservapedia for suggesting that people unplug their TV. If we all do that when we are not watching The Colbert Report, or something else such as Jon Stewart on The Daily Show, it would save a little bit of electricity and all that little bit adds up to help stop global warming. So a Tip of the Hat to Conservapedia for their concern about Global Warming.

And I like that they are telling people to pick up a Bible. Again, it's these small things that can make a difference. Pick it up, put it down. Do this for 20 repetitions each day and you will see improvement in your arm muscles.

But here is one of my complaints. On their Pat Robertson page, they talk about his run for the presidency. But do they even mention that Stephen also ran for president? No. Just because Pat stayed in the race longer and raised more money and had more votes, they consider it to be more pertinent. Well, when did being pertinent ever pertain to things that are important or relevant?

How would the election have turned out for either of these two men if they had stayed in the race all the way to election day? We can never know how the elections of 1988, 1992, or 2008 would have turned out. But here is a good indicator. Pat Robertson's page on Conservapedia shows only 9,180 hits while Stephen Colbert's page on Conservapedia shows 95,815 hits. It 's pretty clear from those statistics who would have had a better chance at winning the election. Never mind that they didn't even run in the same years.

But all in all, it is nice of Conservapedia to recognize Stephen Colbert. I think they may actually be giving Stephen that famous Colbert Bump!

The Gospel According to Stephen

On tonight's show, Stephen mentioned that the folks over at Conservapedia are trying to rewrite the Bible. Read about it here: Conservative Bible Project Cuts Out Liberal Passages at The Huffington Post.

After talking about it a little bit, he suggested to his Colbert Nation that they all go to Conservapedia and write Stephen Colbert into the Bible, to make him a biblical character, e.g. Moses.

I Googled Conservapedia and checked out the website. All I found was "Service Temporarily Unavailable." That's about what I expected. When Stephen commands, I mean suggests, something be done by his Nation, there is an immediate and immense response. It is possible, even probable that they either crashed the website or Conservapedia found out about his mischief excursion and shut down their own website rather than have their re-written Bible be re-re-written by the Colbert Nation.