The Handwriting's on the Wall

Congratulations to Congress! The current Congress, the 112th, is the least productive Congress ever. One thing they did accomplish was to cut food stamps for the poor.

There is now a Chimp Retirement Plan for research chimps. But do they really need to retire? They have the experience to do some jobs in our country that would be helpful. Stephen highlighted just one of those jobs and gave details on why the chimps have the necessary credentials. Judging by the audience response, it was a popular idea.

In the Tip/Wag segment, it's always a treat when Stephen shares his 6th grade school picture with us. You can just see the sparkle in his eyes that tells you he was thinking journalism way back then. And to be a good journalist, you need to know how to write and that of course means cursive writing, or penmanship as we called it some years back. Ah the satisfaction of writing a row of e's or l's! I remember it fondly.

Remember Common Core? Those are educational standards and they don't include cursive? What?!? How can that be? Settle down, settle down. Instead of cursive, schools are teaching typing, or keyboarding to be more specific. Some people will not let this abandonment of cursive go easily though and there's a website, Cursive is Cool, with the details. (I only wish there website was in a cursive font, but I suppose there's no pleasing everyone.)


Personally, I can see advantages and benefits to teaching cursive. I think it is good to know how to curse when you are writing, but there is only so much time in the day, and would anyone say that kids today should not learn keyboarding? You can't even run a junkyard without having a computer inventory of all your junk cars and parts.

And did I mention that they have a website? The thing is, someone had to do keyboarding to put up that website.

There are many reasons for teaching and using cursive handwriting, in fact, there is even a list of 50 Reasons to Learn Cursive. Number 19 talks about the cost of handwriting versus technology:

"19. Handwriting is less expensive. Reducing cost is constantly an important factor with educational institutions. A simple piece and paper pencil is less expensive than keeping up with the latest electronic technology."

That is true, paper pencils are pretty darn cheap, but who is going to enroll their kid in a school that boasts "We don't use computers, we use paper and pencils!" And if you don't have computers, how will you look up the website for Cursive is Cool?

Stephen pointed out that AHAF (American Handwriting Analysis Foundation) is behind the website. So, if no one does handwriting, they will be out a job.

Rosa Parks sat on the bus all those years ago and it was important. The RNC posted on Twitter about her and then they posted again and kept it up until they finally had to stop. First they said, "Today we remember Rosa Parks' bold stand and her role in ending racism."


For more on Rosa Parks, you might really enjoy this segment by Jon Stewart over at the Daily Show. That's right, I'm sending Colbert fans over to take a look at Stewart. He has some good ideas also.

For Platinum Members, Stephen highlighted Freedom Ship. If you hurry, you can reserve your place on the ship for a mere $9 million. But that comes with amenities, carpets, lights, and finished walls.

Curse me. I spent so much time on Cursive Writing that I've run out of my ability to type any more letters. Typing takes so very long. Bryan Stevenson was Stephen's guest way back last Wednesday and he talked about the Equal Justice Initiative. I urge you to go take a look at the website. You can also view the interview with Stephen at that website or over at Colbert Nation.

Breaking Gov - Getting Paid

"We're very excited. It's exactly what we wanted and we got it." Stephen is excited about the upcoming government shutdown, but that's not who that quote is from. It's from friend of the show, Michele Bachmann (R-MN). All day long I have been watching the news and it shows that if you are true to your ideals, and work non-stop towards them, you can accomplish anything. And that is what the Republicans have been working for since, well, since President Obama was elected. To shut down our government. Way to go, Patriots! So lots of folks won't go to their government jobs. And things like museums and parks will be closed. I wonder if Yosemite will close. I see over at Google that it's the 123rd Anniversary of Yosemite!

And of course, with museums and parks closed, there won't be the tourist trade at nearby shops, motels, restaurants, etc. Here's one funny thing about the shutdown. You're going to laugh at this. Although various government workers will come up short as far as being able to work or being able to be paid or get certain government services, (get ready to start laughing) Members of Congress still Get Paid if there is a Shutdown.

I wonder what it would be like if Oprah had run her show like this way back when all the audience members got a new car. It might have been more like this: "I get a new car and I get a new car, and I get a new car. I - get - all - the - new - cars!!!

Did I mention that Members of Congress Get Paid even if there is a Shutdown?

Stephen had video of the negotiations in Washington and it was looking better than I would have imagined.

Tip/Wag: Finally men will be answering that phone when you call the Butterball Turkey Line. There was an interesting piece in the New York Times about Losers. What we get out of that is that Stephen thinks Ashley Merryman is a loser. And he wonders why all this hoopla right now about trophies just after Stephen won two Emmys.

Holy Water is not as clean as one might expect. Don't drink that water!!!

Vince Gilligan was on the show to be interviewed. The two had a lengthy interview. He wrote Breaking Bad and (spoiler alert) that show has ended. Stephen thinks it could go on for at least a little more time. If you are a regular watcher of Breaking Bad, you will know what they talked about. If you are not, then you will be lost in this interview. So, it really makes no sense for me to try to inform those who know more than I do. Or to try to inform the clueless.

All I will say is that there is a slim possibility that there may be more episodes of Breaking Bad. You just have to find the right motivation for some people. Stephen hit upon just the right motivation for Vince Gilligan.

And I Quote Her, "Thank God"

Without fail when Stephen goes on vacation, something big happens. Or, is it because he goes on vacation that something big happens? Perhaps there are some in the political world or entertainment world or sports world that just wait until he is not on the TV machine to make their bold announcements, mistakenly thinking that no one will notice and report on it.

So, is it possible that's what happened this week? Michele Bachmann has had enough of being on the Government payroll. She is going to quit after this term runs out. Knowing how people would respond to this news, she made a video where she sadly announced her plans. You can watch the whole thing here over at Vanity Fair.

I can't know how this will affect Stephen. He never got the chance to have her on his Better Know a District segment. And now the chances of that ever happening look pretty slim. Maybe she will come on the The Colbert Report and be interviewed after she writes a new book. Heaven knows she could use the Colbert Bump to sell a few copies of her first book. That will change once she agrees to spend a little TV time with Stephen. Her books will fly off the shelves after she talks with him.

In the video over at Vanity Fair, she said that eight years is enough time to spend in Congress. No, wait a minute. She said "... eight years is also long enough for an individual to serve as a Representative for a specific Congressional District." What does she mean when she says the word "specific?" Is she thinking of running in a different district? You do know she doesn't actually live in the District she represents, right? Is she going to run in the District in which she lives?

She goes on to say none of those scandals that you have been reading about influenced her decision to not run again. And the narrow margin by which she won (or the huge margin by which she won, depending on how you spin it) had no bearing on her decision either.

She says some more stuff, stuff we've heard before, so you can ignore that part of the video.

As for her future plans. Well she tells us near the end of the video that basically all deals are on the table. She will do anything if it will help save our wonderful nation for future generations.

So there you have it. Michele Bachmann is giving up on Congress, but still willing to save the world. Maybe there's a future in Hollywood for her. Surely someone can come up with another superhero?

I Told You So

Stephen talked about immigration last night. It seems that Alabama is now tough on immigration. And it seems that the produce in Alabama is rotting in the fields because there's no one to pick it. And those two things are related. Who would have thought?

Well, Stephen, that's who. He was himself a farm worker for one day. Anyone can sign up to do the work.

So what is needed to keep those fruits and vegetables coming to a grocery store near you? Here's what Representative Jeremy Oden (R-AL) (not to be confused with a bald Dwight Schrute) has to say about the problem (NPR October 24, 2011):

"Look, we need a federal program, a migrant program that we can apply in our state and get these skilled laborers to stay and help these people out."

So, Alabama has a tough law on immigrants and all the skilled laborers have left Alabama, but they want a way for skilled laborers to stay there and work. Sounds like they have a bit of a problem.

Stephen did testify to Congress about this. "Most soil is at ground level."

On last night's show, we also learned about Jesus-Ween, where people are supposed to dress in white and hand out Bibles instead of candy on Halloween. The interview guest was Taylor Branch who has a new book out, "The Cartel," which is actually about NCAA.

Stephen also used his time on the show to urge us to (not) buy these two books by staff members:

Sad Monsters by Frank Lesser
Bad for the Jews by Scott Sherman

You have a choice of books you can buy, or you could just as easily buy all three.

Holy Smoke Satan Sandwich Recipe

In honor of Congress, I have created this Holy Smoke Satan Sandwich recipe. Soon it should be available in the Congressional Cafeteria, at least I hope so.

Holy Smoke Satan Sandwich Recipe
5 onions, diced
1 pound hot and spicy ground pork
1 pound lean ground beef
1 Tablespoon crushed red pepper flakes
1 Tablespoon Tabasco sauce
1 teaspoon Liquid Smoke
1/2 cup hot ketchup
1/2 cup hot barbecue sauce
1 can Vegetable soup (or soup of your choice)
Shredded Pepper Cheese for garnish
Hamburger Buns or Ciabatta Bread

In a large frying pan, saute onions, then add both meats and brown completely. Add the red pepper flakes, Tabasco sauce, Liquid Smoke, ketchup, barbecue sauce and soup. Simmer for 20 minutes. Butter the hamburger buns or Ciabatta bread and grill on frying pan for few seconds until browned. Spoon meat mixture onto buns or bread, sprinkle with Pepper Cheese and enjoy.

In keeping with Washington D.C. traditions, this recipe has not been tested.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Tonight, Stephen's guest was Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos.com and author of the book, "Delivering Happiness" which is different than delivering shoes and yet I somehow think it might just be the same thing. Both Stephen and Tony agreed that tonight's interview was a happy interview. I have this impression that working at Zappos might be fun and I get that impression from Tony Hsieh because he says at Zappos, they look for fun-loving people to hire.