Global Warming

I am sure you have heard that it is cold in the Midwest. It's true. Very cold. And if you are reading this, then it just follows that you have seen Stephen doing his famous impression of Richard Nixon pretending to be cold and saying "Brrrrr," and shaking his head back and forth. (Even Dan Aykroyd has done that famous Nixon "Brrrr" impression.) Recently Stephen talked about the current president and one of his tweets.

It goes something like this:

"In the beautiful Midwest, windchill temperatures are reaching minus 60 degrees, the coldest ever recorded. In coming days, expected to get even colder. People can't last outside even for minutes. What the (heck) is going on with Global Waming? Please come back fast, we need you!"

I used the word heck. You can figure out what was really used but I'm not going to say that here.

There are a few things wrong with that tweet.

First, of course is the Miss Spelling of Warming. Stephen pointed that out.

Second, there is the fact that he (current president) does not understand the concept of weather versus climate. Weather is your basic day to day conditions. You wake up and wonder what the weather will be like today. Will it be hot? Will it be cold? Will it rain? Will it snow? You know, the kind of stuff the weatherman (woman) talks about on the TV machine.

Climate is studying a whole bunch of weather over a long period of time for someplace. No one ever had a job on TV as a climateman (woman). No one wakes up and wonders what the climate will be like today.

Third, he is wrong about it being the coldest ever recorded. Wind chill temperatures of minus 60 means the temperature is cold, maybe 45 degrees below zero. When you add in the blowing wind, then it seems as cold as if it was minus 60.

But there are records of temperatures being as cold as minus 60 degrees and that isn't even taking the wind into consideration. It would feel even colder and therefore the wind chill would be lower than minus 60. Fact: There are wind chills of minus 67 that have been recorded in Minnesota. (I found that on the internet.)

Fourth, and I think this is actually the most important thing that is wrong with that tweet, he had it all backwards, or inside out, or kitty-wumpus. Every other president would have written something like this:

"It's winter and the Midwest is experiencing extremely cold temperatures and even colder wind chills. And it is expected to get worse. Stay inside. If you must travel, dress warmly in layers. Cover all exposed skin. Have emergency kit in your car. Let your loved ones know when you leave and when you are expected at your destination. Look out for your neighbors, especially elderly people and people that live alone. Get medical help if you have any signs of frostbite. We need to look out for each other."

We're Off to See the Blizzard

I just love all the catchy phrases Stephen comes up with. Darn, I forgot my good grammar. Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Oh, well. Tonight Stephen talked about Global Warming. We've all had lots of snow and some states have been having tons, literally, of snow. Blizzards even. And so the usual suspects have been wondering "What does Al Gore say about Global Warming now?!?!"

Al Gore did not need to speak to these doubters. Stephen handled it in his own unique way, using the Dopplest 9000, which is way better than anybody's Doppler Radar.

Many other people (Jon Stewart, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olberman, Aasif Mandvi) also went over Global Warming again, in short sentences, using tiny words to make it easy for all to understand. Global Warming is just one symptom of Climate Change. Global means the whole Earth. The entire planet. That area bigger than what you see when you look out your kitchen window. Climate means the weather over a very long period of time. It doesn't mean this week or even this year. It has to do with science.

NASA has determined (using science and lots and lots of data) that 2009 was the second warmest year on record and it was the end of the warmest decade.

Stephen said about the most recent blizzard, "Whatever just happened is the only thing that is happening." And of course by that he actually means that there are a multitude of things happening all over the place. I can't remember if it was Stephen or someone else who said this: "Sometimes I don't get my words right, but I know what is in my heart is right." Probably someone else, but the sentiment is appropriate to Stephen. And so it stings just a little bit to report what one of his guests said. In his "Better Know a District" segment, Stephen talked with Mike Quigley, Congressman from the 5th District of Illinois. Representative Quigley summed up their interview by telling Stephen, "You have a point. It's not a good point, but you have a point."

The Dopplest 9000 will be a welcome addition to The Colbert Report. Weather Channel, you had better upgrade your equipment. Soon, in addition to getting all my news from the Colbert Report, I will also get my weather forecasts and reports from Stephen.

* Photo not of actual Dopplest 9000.