When the Sun Doesn't Shine

While Voter Fraud seems to be a real problem over at FOX, Stephen did not show us any examples of Voter Fraud because it is virtually nonexistent. However there is an arrest linked to Voter Registration that Stephen told us about. It seems Colin Small has been charged with destruction of voter registration applications. It's very interesting reading. I wonder if this is the big October surprise some people are talking about.

To continue with the voting theme, Stephen talked about more voting issues. (Oh, great. Now my phone is ringing. Hold on. ...... Okay, I'm back but I missed what Stephen was talking about.)

Here is voting information that you can check out yourself. I apologize for not getting exactly what Stephen said, but this should be helpful. Here's more info if you need it.

Yet more about elections, but this this time with a "who's the boss" flavor to it. It seems the boss is encouraging employees who to vote for in that they are saying things like, "Vote for Romney. I'm not saying you'll lose your job is you vote for Obama, but I am saying you should vote for Romney, wink wink nod nod." Stephen had the example of David Siegel, but there are others also. And while some may call it CEO black mail, Stephen prefers to use the term "Efficient Use of Resources."

In a related development, Stephen nailed his intern Jay into a crate to be mailed off to Ohio to knock on doors for Romney. Stephen all but ignored Jay's declaration that he will be voting for Obama. Luckily for Jay, there are air holes in the crate. Unluckily, there is no food. The only solution was, of course, for Stephen to sprinkle Cheerios into the air holes. Good luck, Jay!

Finally, in something political and yet somewhat pharmaceutical, Stephen explained the situation in New York where Governor Andrew Cuomo has or had plans to decriminalize possession of small amounts of marijuana. This was turning into an interesting segment with Stephen making valid points until he "messed" up. (Please substitute a word of your choice for "messed.") Get your act together Stephen!

Stephen got his act together in time for the guest, Donald Sadoway, Professor of Materials Chemistry at MIT. After finding out what Materials Chemistry and Modern Material Science is, Stephen especially wanted to know how to remove that sticky residue left from price tags and labels on the products we buy. But what Donald Sadoway really wanted to talk about was a liquid metal battery. He had a photo of a prototype. Stephen could tell it looked like a sandwich. He was instructed that it is not edible.

In the question and answer part, Stephen got into the guts of this science with great questions.

"Why do we need a new battery?"
-- "Batteries of today are too expensive and they don't last long enough."

"Is this going to replace what we're using now?"
-- "Yes."

Stephen thinks two nails in a lemon is a perfectly fine battery and said as much when he asked,
"So, you built a better lemon?"

(What can you say to a question like that? Obviously the guy thinks he built something great, but if he admits to building a better lemon, well, that doesn't sound that great.)

Best question:
"If this thing works, are you a Gajillionaire?"
-- "Maybe."

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Update/Apology/Mea Culpa - After saying that Stephen should get his act together, it took me two days to remember that Andrew Cuomo is Governor of New York, not Mayor of New York City. What was my brain thinking????

Don't Eat It, Stephen

I admit that I did not watch the first Presidential Debate. I figured Stephen would fill in the important details, and he did. He had a great segment where he showed us how the debate looked. That only took about 30 seconds to watch, saving me a quite a bit of time. And he analyzed some of his fellow media analysts as they analyzed the debates. So it was helpful to get that analysis from people who make their career by digging into the details of what makes a good president. For example, Brit Hume shared that Mitt Romney was wearing a half smile, not a smirk during the debate. Stephen modeled both for us. That helps me decide who to vote for.

One of the things I learned was that Romney, who has been promising tax cuts for the rich, was scheduled to come across as warm and fuzzy in the debates according to his campaign. This is great, especially after that secret video came out where Romney said he doesn't care about 47% of Americans. If he can look into the camera, (probably a really big camera , making it easy for Romney to know there is a camera) and say, "I care," then people will believe that and forget the whole 47% fiasco.

Many times we hear pundits talking about our politicians. It's not often that we get to see a visual representation of what these candidates are like. Stephen was able to do that. He had an Etch-A-Sketch with the words "Tax Cuts" etched onto the screen. (By the way, if you don't know what an Etch-A-Sketch is, click here and then be sure to keep hitting refresh.) So, Stephen took that Etch-A-Sketch, put it in a paint can, took it over to his studio paint shaker and shook that can of paint. I have to stop here and wonder if Stephen always has a paint shaker in his studio, or did he bring it from home, or did he borrow it from Home Depot? Just wondering. Anyway, he shook up that paint can really good, took it over to his desk, got out his tool, (yes we got to see Stephen's tool), and opened it up. Just as expected, it contained something warm and fuzzy. From tax cuts to warm and fuzzy in just one step. Or as Stephen said, "Prest-o Change-o."

With the November elections coming up in November (coincidence???), Stephen reminded us that he is very concerned about stomping out voter fraud. I wonder if he is aware of the voter fraud problems in Florida. He should be! He said that if even one fraudster shows up at the polls in November, that would tarnish the integrity of an election that the Koch Brothers paid good money for. Stephen did have two voter fraud alerts.

1. Six days before the election, millions of Americans will disguise themselves. That's why we need Photo ID. (Although personally I wonder about that because it's not that hard to get a fake ID and if these people disguise themselves, then wouldn't they need a photo taken while they are in disguise?)

2. A judge in Pennsylvania ruled against the Voter ID law being used for this election. But there is a silver lining, sort of. "Election officials...can ask for photo identification..." but they "...cannot prevent people from voting if they don't have it..."

I guess if you live in Pennsylvania and you don't have an ID, just go vote like you would any other year. Read about voting here, here, and here. And no matter which state you live in, be informed before you go to the polls. Your country is counting on you.

But, on with the show. Stephen's guest was Dr. George Church, Professor of Genetics, Harvard Medical School. He is working on mapping human genomes and Stephen sincerely hopes he isn't using an iPhone 5 to do the mapping. First question - what is the personal genome project? It's sharing genes, traits and environmental data information with the whole world. Stephen suggested an alternate process. The two of them discussed all sorts of sciencey stuff - splicing genes, making replacement petroleum, bringing back the woolly mammoth. Finally, Stephen asked the big question. "How do you think your work will eventually destroy all mankind? Killer virus... mutant killer squid man?"

We did not actually get a definitive answer to that question from Dr. George Church. So, they went on to the next topic, a new book. As usual, it has a very long title. I guess all the short titles have been used up. So, the book is, "Regenesis - How Synthetic Biology Will Reinvent Nature and Ourselves."

Stephen had great questions about the book. "Do we need reinventing? Are you playing God, sir, 'cause you certainly have the beard for it?" And remember how Stephen has been plugging his book on his show when other people plug their book? Well, this guy brought 20 million copies of his book to the interview! He reached into his pocket, took out a small vial and presented Stephen with a piece of paper about the size of a Fortune Cookie fortune. On the paper was a dot. Through the magic of science, that dot had 20 million copies of the book on it.

He told Stephen not to eat it. Stephen did not eat it, but he most certainly was tempted. I can just imagine if the show had been any longer, the audience would have started chanting, "Eat the books. Eat the books. Eat the books."

How to "Win" an Election

First, choose your side.
Second, tell the other side to vote when it is too late.
Third, tell the other side the wrong place to send absentee ballots.
Fourth, claim it was all an honest mistake.

Stephen even made up a catchy poem to help the people in Wisconsin remember the wrong information that is being sent to voters in Democratic districts:

~ ~ ~ On August 11 make your selection
~ ~ ~ That's just two days after the actual election.

For the record, people in Wisconsin should vote on August 9, not on August 11.

I could write it all down, but here's the information everyone needs to know at Huffington Post.

Really, go read it at Huffington Post. You can find out information about such things as Voter Fraud, Americans for Prosperity, the Koch brothers, and typos.

Then watch the show at Colbert Nation if you did not see it tonight. He tells all about the snafu in Wisconsin. Plus you can see him model a certain article of clothing. You wouldn't want to miss that would you?

The Stupidest Thing Anyone Ever Did

Stephen Colbert got control of MLB twitter feed for 24 hours starting at midnight on August 5. Bad idea MLB. You should have known better. If you are interested, it's
twitter@mlb

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What were they thinking?

Tonight's guest was Anthony Bourdain. He likes to cook and he likes to eat, but not just anything. It needs to be good food.

Voter Fraud

Voter Fraud was one of the topics discussed tonight over at The Colbert Report. Just a few facts:

In Ohio in 2002 and 2004, out of 9,078,728 votes cast, there were 4 instances of ineligible persons voting. So, that would mean that there were 9,078,724 instances of eligible persons voting.

So, roughly speaking, 9 million eligible voters vs. 4 ineligible voters. Check out Brennan Center for Justice - Policy Brief on Voter Identification.

Quote from Rush Limbaugh:
"If people cannot even feed and clothe themselves, should they be allowed to vote?" (Well apparently Rush Limbaugh doesn't think nudists should vote. And it's also obvious that Rush would not ever be in a position of being denied the right to vote due to non-eating. You can bet I'm going to keep eating those potato chips and cookies!)

Quote from Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips:
"If you're not a property owner, you know, I'm sorry but property owners have a little bit more of a vested stake in the community than not property owners do." (Memo to Jesus: You can forget about voting if Judson Phillips has his way.)

In Texas, student IDs are not approved for the purpose of voting, but concealed hand-gun licenses are.

Tonight's show was thus the perfect opportunity for Stephen to show off one of his many fake IDs that he produced when he was in high school.

My conclusion: Fake IDs and Identity Theft are a much more serious problem than any perceived instance of Voter Fraud.

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Debbie Wasserman Schultz quote:

"The gentleman from Florida who represents thousands of Medicare beneficiaries, as do I, is supportive of this plan that would increase costs for Medicare beneficiaries. Unbelievable from a member from south Florida."

Congressman Allen B. West quote:

"Look Debbie, I understand that after I departed the House floor you directed your floor speech comments directly towards me. You want a personal fight, I am happy to oblige. You are the most vile, unprofessional and despicable member of the US House of Representatives. If you have something to say to me, stop being a coward and say it to my face. Otherwise, shut the heck up. Focus on your own Congressional District! You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady, therefore shall not be afforded due respect from me!

Stephen picked sides and apparently sided with Congressman Allen B. West. Stephen expressed his disagreement with Debbie Wasserman Schultz. He suggested that the next time she has something to say to Congressman West, she should say it to his face, just like West did to her --- in his email!

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Tonight's guest was Harvard professor Michael Sandel. He and Stephen talked about Sandel's book, "Justice: What's the Right Thing to Do?" Two interesting tidbits at Wikipedia about Michael Sandel. One is that tickets were scalped for some of his lectures. He then discusses the ethics of ticket scalping. The other interesting thing involves Montgomery Burns.

I think we can all agree that Stephen is the perfect person to decide the right thing to do, since he always does the right thing.