I Piaffed It

First of all, Stephen compared the question asked of Mitt Romney about whether or not London is ready to do the Olympics with that question that Hank Williams Jr used to ask us, "Are you ready for some football?" And of course references to Mitt Romney's staff asking for a kiss from the press.

But enough of world affairs and presidential elections, on to the really important stuff.

Dressage.

Oh, wait, back to some presidential stuff. There will be no announcement about Mitt Romney's choice for a Vice President running mate until after Rafalca competes. This can only mean one thing according to Stephen. Mitt Romney has chosen Rafalca as his running mate. It's an obvious choice as Stephen compares Rafalca with Sarah Palin. You may remember Sarah Palin from four years ago. She was John McCain's running mate. Anyway, Stephen reminded us that both Sarah Palin and Rafalca are female. Both do not read newspapers. And both have completed the same number of terms as governor. I don't know what more proof anyone would need to see what is so apparent to Stephen. Let's hope that Rafalca gets to ride inside Air Force One and not have to be strapped on top of the plane.

Dressage.

"Money is not something that defines dressage. It's something you can do with a normal budget." This is according to Jan Ebeling who will be riding Rafalca. Absolutely. You know that it is true because even the Romneys can afford it with their normal budget.

Dressage.

Not only is it affordable for nearly everyone, it is also very easy to do. Stephen proved that the sport can be mastered with only 20 minutes of instruction. He cracked a whip and said "That brings back some memories." He asked about the likelihood of the horse, Conchita, kicking his skull off his shoulders. "The likelihood ... is about zero," claimed Michael Barisone. Those odds were not reassuring to Stephen who then asked if he should be wearing a cup. Then the unexpected happened which caused Stephen to piaffe a little bit. Not to worry. Stephen and Conchita are both fine. After just a little bit more coaxing and training from Michael Barisone, Stephen, sitting proudly on Conchita, performed a perfect Piaffe. He won the coveted prize. Stephen was so pumped he performed his own version of a Piaffe without benefit of a horse, so to speak. The two men celebrated with champagne.

The only thing missing from all this horseplay, in my opinion, was that Michael Barisone should have gotten the gold for, how to say this politely, putting up with Stephen.

Last year was the StePhest Colbchella '011. This year will be the StePhest Colbchella '012 Rocktaugustfest and you can get all the details over at Colbert Nation. Block out August 10 on your calendar!

Jeff Koons was indeed the guest last night. Why does he do what he does? "I like art." Perhaps more important than his balloon dogs is his support for Studio in a School. Go look at the website if you didn't look at it yesterday. Can you ever imagine a teacher saying it is time for art and the students all groan and say ,"Do we have to have art now?" That won't happen! Yeah, art is important.

So, there you have it. Art, music and dressage all in one show. Great job Stephen.

Stephen Colbefrajilympic Expealacoverage '012

Stephen is correct. They do open the Olympics with the Half Time Show. Everyone is waiting for Dressage, so they should open with that event.

Of course Rafalca will be in London, and lest anyone wonders, Dressage is Legal!

When Stephen was in Vancouver for the Winter Olympics, we got to see him do Speed Skating. On Tuesday, we will get to see him do Dressage. (Horse Ballet) To accomplish this sport, he traveled to Hawthorne Hill in Long Valley, New Jersey and met with former Olympian Michael Barisone. Stephen dressed appropriately. He asked appropriate questions of Michael Barisone, such as "What is it?" and "What are you doing?" and "How do you get the skates on the horses?"

I think you are going to want to watch on Tuesday for sure or else catch that episode at Colbert Nation on Wednesday. Stephen is going to get his Dressage on. And just so you know, dressage sort of rhymes with massage. I would hate for you to be embarrassed down at your local bar by pronouncing it wrong.

Tony Robbins is a motivational speaker, which I guess means come listen to me talk and oh by the way, give me lots of money. Well, I don't know, maybe it's not a lot of money. But Stephen did remind us that if we were going to attend one of his conferences, not to settle for the cheap general admission seats at $595, but to go for the diamond premiere seats at $2595. Those seats are in front sections and you get a free lunch on Friday and Saturday. So, well worth it. I know how much I hate having to buy my own lunch when I go to seminars, conferences and workshops. You may also have heard about Tony Robbins being in the news lately. It seems 21 people were burned when they walked on coals. Who knew? Except I did notice in the Wikipedia entry on Tony Robbins this quote about the incident: "A representative of the fire department said they discourage people from walking over hot coals." Like I said, Who knew?

Not to be outdone, Stephen will soon have his own set of seminars, "Roll in a Pit of Broken Glass." Sounds like fun. Go on over to http://www.seminaroutsiders.com to learn more.

Joan Rivers was Stephen's guest and would you believe, it was one joke after another. She has a new book out, "I Hate Everyone ... Starting With Me."

I wonder what it would be like to have Tony Robbins and Joan Rivers do a seminar together. One presenter would be telling the audience that they can do anything they put their mind to. The other one would be telling the audience she hates them. Now that would be worth the $2595 seats!