Don't Eat It, Stephen

I admit that I did not watch the first Presidential Debate. I figured Stephen would fill in the important details, and he did. He had a great segment where he showed us how the debate looked. That only took about 30 seconds to watch, saving me a quite a bit of time. And he analyzed some of his fellow media analysts as they analyzed the debates. So it was helpful to get that analysis from people who make their career by digging into the details of what makes a good president. For example, Brit Hume shared that Mitt Romney was wearing a half smile, not a smirk during the debate. Stephen modeled both for us. That helps me decide who to vote for.

One of the things I learned was that Romney, who has been promising tax cuts for the rich, was scheduled to come across as warm and fuzzy in the debates according to his campaign. This is great, especially after that secret video came out where Romney said he doesn't care about 47% of Americans. If he can look into the camera, (probably a really big camera , making it easy for Romney to know there is a camera) and say, "I care," then people will believe that and forget the whole 47% fiasco.

Many times we hear pundits talking about our politicians. It's not often that we get to see a visual representation of what these candidates are like. Stephen was able to do that. He had an Etch-A-Sketch with the words "Tax Cuts" etched onto the screen. (By the way, if you don't know what an Etch-A-Sketch is, click here and then be sure to keep hitting refresh.) So, Stephen took that Etch-A-Sketch, put it in a paint can, took it over to his studio paint shaker and shook that can of paint. I have to stop here and wonder if Stephen always has a paint shaker in his studio, or did he bring it from home, or did he borrow it from Home Depot? Just wondering. Anyway, he shook up that paint can really good, took it over to his desk, got out his tool, (yes we got to see Stephen's tool), and opened it up. Just as expected, it contained something warm and fuzzy. From tax cuts to warm and fuzzy in just one step. Or as Stephen said, "Prest-o Change-o."

With the November elections coming up in November (coincidence???), Stephen reminded us that he is very concerned about stomping out voter fraud. I wonder if he is aware of the voter fraud problems in Florida. He should be! He said that if even one fraudster shows up at the polls in November, that would tarnish the integrity of an election that the Koch Brothers paid good money for. Stephen did have two voter fraud alerts.

1. Six days before the election, millions of Americans will disguise themselves. That's why we need Photo ID. (Although personally I wonder about that because it's not that hard to get a fake ID and if these people disguise themselves, then wouldn't they need a photo taken while they are in disguise?)

2. A judge in Pennsylvania ruled against the Voter ID law being used for this election. But there is a silver lining, sort of. "Election officials...can ask for photo identification..." but they "...cannot prevent people from voting if they don't have it..."

I guess if you live in Pennsylvania and you don't have an ID, just go vote like you would any other year. Read about voting here, here, and here. And no matter which state you live in, be informed before you go to the polls. Your country is counting on you.

But, on with the show. Stephen's guest was Dr. George Church, Professor of Genetics, Harvard Medical School. He is working on mapping human genomes and Stephen sincerely hopes he isn't using an iPhone 5 to do the mapping. First question - what is the personal genome project? It's sharing genes, traits and environmental data information with the whole world. Stephen suggested an alternate process. The two of them discussed all sorts of sciencey stuff - splicing genes, making replacement petroleum, bringing back the woolly mammoth. Finally, Stephen asked the big question. "How do you think your work will eventually destroy all mankind? Killer virus... mutant killer squid man?"

We did not actually get a definitive answer to that question from Dr. George Church. So, they went on to the next topic, a new book. As usual, it has a very long title. I guess all the short titles have been used up. So, the book is, "Regenesis - How Synthetic Biology Will Reinvent Nature and Ourselves."

Stephen had great questions about the book. "Do we need reinventing? Are you playing God, sir, 'cause you certainly have the beard for it?" And remember how Stephen has been plugging his book on his show when other people plug their book? Well, this guy brought 20 million copies of his book to the interview! He reached into his pocket, took out a small vial and presented Stephen with a piece of paper about the size of a Fortune Cookie fortune. On the paper was a dot. Through the magic of science, that dot had 20 million copies of the book on it.

He told Stephen not to eat it. Stephen did not eat it, but he most certainly was tempted. I can just imagine if the show had been any longer, the audience would have started chanting, "Eat the books. Eat the books. Eat the books."

Etch A Sketch

Stephen is back and apparently I was completely wrong about where he was and what he was doing all last week. He was actually on Spring Break, enjoying 84 degree weather while we were stuck with 82 degree weather. Although Stephen seemed to have enjoyed the pleasant weather for his Spring Break, he also seemed miffed that spring had sprung. He blamed it all on Punxsutawney Phil. Probably he should be renamed Prevaricator Phil.

Even though it was Spring Break, Stephen kept up with the news and politics. President Obama expressed sympathy for the family of Trayvon Martin. And Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich expressed outrage that the President did this. We can't ask Trayvon Martin what happened. But there is a top legal mind who fingered the real culprit - The Hoodie. According to Fox News contributor Gerlado Rivera, "The Hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin's death as George Zimmerman was."

I know that you can find images over at Google of Geraldo Rivera wearing Hoodies, so we know he is aware of fashion. Perhaps Geraldo Rivera could write some sort of book where he gives all kinds of fashion advice of what kids like Trayvon are permitted to wear and what they are not permitted to wear. Stephen even suggested that Congress pass Hoodie control legislation.

Toys seemed to be a favorite topic tonight. That old favorite Etch A Sketch has been in the news quite a bit lately. Romney Campaign Senior Adviser Eric Fehrnstrom made a comment about political campaigns and Etch A Sketch that seemed to point out Romney's reputation as a flip-flopper. Rick Santorum said after that comment by Fehrnstrom that, "My public policy isn't written on a Etch A Sketch. It's written on my heart."

"Of course," said Stephen, "the only way to read what's written on Rick Santorum's heart is with a Trans Vaginal Ultrasound." Stephen went on to mention other toys, Mr. Potato Head, the Magical Treasure Troll, the totally smooth Ken Doll, Silly Putty, Lincoln Logs and a Lego man with a nice head of hair. Anyway, sales are through the roof for Etch A Sketch, and hopefully the other toys got The Colbert Bump and will see increased profits.

Stephen's Guest tonight was Dr. David Page, MIT Professor and Director of Whitehead Institute for Biomedical Research. In keeping with Stephen's fondness for toys tonight, Dr. David Page brought something that seems to me is probably a toy, but I don't know the name for it. He used it as a prop for X and Y chromosomes. Last time I checked, chromosomes were much smaller than what he had on the show. He explained that we all have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Of those 23 pairs, 22 are the same in males and females. The 23rd pair is two matched X chromosomes in females, but it men, it is a mismatched X and Y chromosome. Stephen asked about his fear, based on rumors, that the Y chromosome is becoming extinct and that eventually males will not be on this planet. Dr. Page assured Stephen that he need not worry. The Y chromosome and men in general are not going to disappear.