To the Moon Newt, To the Moon

As you may remember, Newt wants to go to the Moon. And he wants other people to live there. And then he wants the moon base to become a state.

This would be great. We can stop thinking about making Washington D.C. a state, or Puerto Rico, and let the Moon jump to the top of the list of places that want to be the 51st State in the United States.

Of course with 13,000 residents, there would need to be a lot of amenities and infrastructure to get people interested in living there. First of all, a Starbucks. That goes without saying. Probably a few bus stops since not everyone will have a car to get around. A large grocery store and maybe a small one with a good deli. Two elementary schools, one combined middle and high school and a small college, something such as Greendale Community College.

Additionally, there will need to be places to live. For single folks, some studio and 1 bedroom apartments. A variety of houses from one-bedroom up to four-bedroom houses. And then some really nice houses, the kind suitable for people like Stephen Colbert, maybe even some lakefront property. (Lakes to come later when we get enough water to the Moon.)

When these people are all settled up there on the Moon, they can start a government. I think they should have two political parties, the Moonbeams and the Sunbeams. They can choose a mayor for now. Then representatives for some kind of council, probably thirteen representatives, one for each 1,000 people.

First order of business: Naming the state. That may prove to be a difficult task, so I'm going to make it easier by offering the future residents some suggestions and even conducting a non-scientific poll to find which name seems to be most popular. Here's my list. If you think you would like to go live on the Moon by the year 2020, you can vote in the poll. Here's the choices in no particular order:

New Colbertland
Newtizona
Mittigan
Santorumfornia
West Paulina
Perryland
Bachmannouri
Hermantown
Huntsmanville
Tpawbama
South Buddyton
Thaddeusota
Lunarchusetts

Once a name is decided by the residents, then someone will have to decide other important matters. What will the ZIP code be? Will they get one Representative and two Senators for Congress? Will taxpayers pay for them to travel to and from Washington D.C.? Or will the elected representatives have to foot the bill for each trip. (That could be expensive.)

Will they have a high school football team? Will they play all their games away, you know, on Earth? Something that many people haven't thought of: What about TV, radio and Internet connections? For goodness sakes, how will the people in (new state name goes here) watch The Colbert Report? Has anyone thought of that? Has Newt Gingrich thought of that?

That could be the stumbling block that makes his whole "To the Moon" plan crumble. Who on Earth would willingly give up their daily fix of Stephen Colbert?

Not me, that's for sure.