PAC

If you watched The Colbert Report last Thursday, you may have heard Stephen tell us that he is off for a week. So, alas, it is repeats this week. The guests are Jonathan Safran Foer, Audra McDonald, Katherine Boo, and Mark McKinnon, so if you did not see those shows, you can watch them this week.

Okay, but what is Stephen doing this week? No one knows for sure, but I do have some ideas of what he might be doing and also some suggestions of what he should be doing. First of all, a suggestion. As you most likely know, he has a Super PAC, specifically the Colbert Super PAC. He has made some TV ads and a few other things with the money, and that's great. But I have a wonderful opportunity that is just a natural for Stephen to be doing this week.

Prescott Pharmaceuticals
Colbert Super PAC
Pacquin's Hand Cream

These three things all go together wonderfully. First of all, Prescott Pharmaceuticals is a company that constantly manufactures and markets all sorts of wonderful health and beauty aids. Colbert Super PAC has lots of money and influence. Pacquin's Hand Cream has a huge-normous-gantic loyal following of consumers who have paid around $5 a jar for Pacquin's Hand Cream but would probably be willing to pay $10 a jar if they could get their dry, cracked hands on this miracle product. (I once found a jar going for $85 on ebay!) Just Google "Pacquin's Hand Cream" and you will see what I mean. People are desperate for this old stand-by. There is nothing that compares to it.

And it is just such a natural fit for the Super PAC. I mean, PAC ... Pacquin's. It's right there in the name!!!!!

Oh, I know what you will say. There are substitutes out there. Yes there are and they absolutely can't hold a candle to Pacquin's Hand Cream. For one thing, there's not many products that are hand creams anymore. Most are hand lotions. The lotions are greasy and they don't really do very much to make hands soft and help with the dryness or cracked skin.

Think of what a substitute is. Basically, you can't get the product you want, so you get something that is not what you want. It's like the nutritionist who tells you that instead of eating potato chips, eat some celery with salt on it. Crispy, salty, so just as good as potato chips, right? Oh, yeah sure, like there's any comparison. So a substitute for Pacquin's Hand Cream is no substitute. Only the real thing will do, the Real McCoy, basically.

So, Stephen, listen up. Use your Super PAC money, and your influence in the world, and get Pacquin's back. I think it is Johnson and Johnson who now hold the patent, but they aren't making the product. All it takes is good marketing and they could make such an enormous profit on Pacquin's Hand Cream. A simple "Go back to a simpler time" could be the message and people would eat it up. Well, not eat it, but use it on their hands.

Maye it's time, at the start of the show, that people yell, Pac-quins, Pac-quins, Pac-quins instead of Ste-phen, Ste-phen, Ste-phen. Help bring back Pacquin's Hand Cream. Thousands of hands across the nation would sing your praises, Stephen.