I Did No Lobbying

There was a lot about politicians tonight, mostly those who tend to be somewhat overweight and older and with white or whitish hair. Actually, it was mostly about two politicians, Newt Gingrich and Barney Frank. They seem to have at least one thing in common. They have the same opinion of each other.

There was just a short bit about Newt Gingrich, and thus he gets the title of the post. Newt Gingrich charges $60,000 for a speech and he gives a lot of speeches. Hopefully using one of his quotes for the title here will make him feel like he got equal time on the show tonight.

Stephen stopped for a quick taste of Bud Light Lime. And then a few more sips. He had a good reason for doing so, but I wonder if he was trying to send a message to Newt Gingrich to lose some weight. It seemed a little bit pointed to me to be drinking light beer immediately after talking about Newt Gingrich.

Barney Frank is retiring. Stephen talked about Barney Frank, about his acting career as one of the stars in Wizard of Oz, and then we really lucked out tonight. Stephen showed an encore presentation of one of his first segments of Better Know a District. It was the one with Barney Frank. This was one of my favorite BKD segments. For one thing, both men were much younger then. Basically, more abs, less flab, if you know what I mean. And Stephen was more serious back then.

We got to hear Stephen ask Barney Frank, an admitted left-handed liberal, if he thought Bush (that would be George W. Bush) was a great president or the greatest president. Barney Frank answered, "I think he's been a disaster," which is code for great.

"I'll put you down for great," is what Stephen said. There was more talk and then at one point Stephen apologized and then felt compelled to apologize for apologizing. That is interesting. First, because Stephen apologized. Usually it's the guest that apologizes and Stephen always accepts the apology. But, isn't apologizing for apologizing similar to using a double negative in a sentence? I don't not know the answer to that puzzling question.

As a real treat tonight, we got to see Stephen and Barney Frank walking down a hall, perhaps the halls of Congress, I'm not sure. But I am sure that just the simple fact of walking in the halls of Congress automatically makes a person more dignified. When I think of Stephen Colbert, I think of dignity.

The guest tonight was Stephen Sondheim. He wrote the book, "Look, I Made a Hat," which is most likely not an instructional book on hat making. The two Stephens have some history together. Stephen invited Stephen and Stephen accepted Stephen's invitation to be in "Company." Stephen asked for Stephen's opinion.

"My performance of Harry, --- great interpretation of Sondheim or the greatest interpretation of Sondheim?"

I don't remember what Stephen told Stephen, but Stephen said, "OK, I'll put you down for great."

Tinariwen

Religion was highlighted tonight. Stephen told us that he is the most famous Catholic on television, so he is basically an expert on the subject. With no further delay, bring on Yahweh or No Way!

Question: Are the changes to the Mass what God wants?
Answer: No Way.

Stephen advises us that Consubstantial in now Istanbul.

Question: Should the Pope fasten his seat belt?
Answer: No Way.

Stephen advises us that the PopeMobile averages 6 mph, so unlikely to have any serious accident.

Question: Is the ad offensive?
Answer: Yahweh!

Stephen advises us that Christmas is not the time to sell vodka or Wodka. This came up because of the billboard that talked about Christmas Quality but for a less expensive price.

Tinariwen

Stephen welcomed the musicians of Tinariwen from Mali. What was it he told them first? I think it was that he (Stephen Colbert) is a very handsome man. There was an interpreter who helped bridge the language gap. They chatted for a while and then Tinariwwen performed a song from their latest album, Tassili.

Silly Goose

Stephen is back from the Thanksgiving break and has already started celebrating the Christmas season by reminding us about all the fun people had on Black Friday, the traditional day to shop early and shop often. His only warning was to remember to use only Non-lethal weapons as we usher in that time of year when we celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace.

Wag of the Finger tonight was for President Barack Obama. However it also applies to other presidents. (This I know from watching Jon Stewart tonight.) Anyway, Barack Obama had this little speech or something on YouTube and talked about Thanksgiving but he did not say God in his speech at all. It seems like this totally ruined the holiday for some people, and by some people I mean his critics. If President Obama had said God in his speech, there would have been absolutely no criticism. The critics would have said what a nice guy Obama is. (And then we wouldn't call them critics.)

Not to be left out in the cold, Mitt Romney also got a segment on the show tonight. He got a Tip of the Hat. It's for his ad. In the ad he quotes Barack Obama as saying, "If we keep talking about the economy, we're going to lose." Funny thing. If you listen to the whole quote, the whole sentence that Barack Obama said, it goes like this: "Senator McCain's campaign actually said and I quote, 'If we keep talking about the economy, we're going to lose.' "

What a silly goose Mitt is. Coincidentally, Mitt and also Stephen made many references to geese. There was also an old duck that Stephen mentioned.

But just think of all the possibilities if people only use portions of sentences. Herman Cain's tax plan would simply be, "Nine."

Other simplified ( meaning partial) quotes include the following. (If you want the full quotes, you can do some Googling.) Can you figure out what the whole quote was for the following?

Ron Paul: "I believe this nation has drifted"
Herman Cain: "I felt like Moses"
Rick Santorum "Drive morality out of the laws of this country"
Mitt Romney: "God did not create this country" and "Spend more" and "It's high time"

There's lots of fun to be had and mischief to be made by using just snippets of what people say.

If you have been watching all of the "The Colbert Report" shows, you know that since R.E.M. is calling it quits, Stephen has placed Michael Stipe on one of the shelves in the studio. Stephen acknowledged Stipe briefly and then went on with the show.

Stephen checked in with one of his meReporters and found out from Terry Ward at the Situation Bus Stop that the #11 bus is late again.

Wrapping up tonight, the guest was Siddhartha Mukhergee talking about his Pulitzer winning book, "The Emperor of All Maladies - A Biography of Cancer." Stephen and Dr. Mukhergee had an interesting discussion about cancer, somewhat philosophical and also somewhat practical and informative. Good news is that a cancer diagnosis is not nearly as life threatening now as it was only 40 years ago. Lots of treatments are available and cures are even possible.

Marcel the Shell With Shoes On

This is very popular, so maybe you've seen it. But if you haven't, now is your chance. You are sure to be entertained and amused.

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

and after you have watched that, go over to Huffington Post to watch

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, Two

Enjoy!

Oh yeah. These documentaries are by Jenny Slate and Dean Fleischer-Camp. You may remember Jenny Slate from Saturday Night Live.

Frank to the Rescue

Poor Michele Bachmann. Everyone picks on her. She can't get a break anywhere. Oh, woe is her. Woe is her.

ABC
There was this trouble a while ago with ABC. "We didn't have time for any questions."

CBS
Then this. "He is a piece of ____ . He is a fraud and he should be fired."

NBC
And most recently this. "... likely they could have fired the drummer, "

There are obviously some people who are not with the program, so to speak. Everyone is supposed to be supporting Michele Bachmann. No one is supposed to say anything negative. Is it because she is a woman? It's time we let women out of the kitchen. No longer should they be content with the jobs of yesteryear: nurse, teacher and waitress.

OOPS! She just made herself into a waitress. Yikes. Granted she was able to take up nearly a minute of time with the focus all on her.

Dr. Frank Luntz, friend of the show, came through with the perfect words to move the debate along. After all, he is somewhat of a wordsmith. He made Michele Bachmann think that she was going to speak first and that got her to sit down right away. He is so smart. No wonder Stephen has him on the show so often.

Pregnant Pause

(Stephen is on break this week, so I will fill in with news and commentary that I think is pertinent.)

A pregnant pause is a pause that's maybe a little bit longer than usual, but Herman Cain took it to new levels in his interview at the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. He paused, a lot, when asked about Libya, specifically whether he agreed with the way that President Barack Obama handled Libya. You can read about it over at the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and you can even watch the video of the Libya part of the interview about midway down the page. (Note: If you need to take a break while you are watching the approximately 5-minute video, just hit the pause button.)

A few things come to mind. And I will note that lots of other blogs and news outlets have some of the very same concerns so I'm not pretending to be the first person to write about the pause.

First off, Herman Cain doesn't seem to know how to answer the question. He seems to be looking to the heavens for inspiration, in much the same way that a high schooler will look at the ceiling hoping to find answers to the SAT up there. Cain's answer is not really an answer, he is dodging the question. Just imagine a beauty contest contestant taking that long to answer a question about world peace. Or if Mommy asks little Johnny if he took the last cookie out of the cookie jar. "Cookies, ummm, let me think. Now are you asking about ginger cookies and do you mean today? And is it the cookie jar on the table or that old one in the pantry? I need more information before I can give you a yes or no answer to that question, Mommy."

I also suspect that he has no idea of what President Obama has done in the past few years about Libya. That is what made it so hard for him to answer whether he agreed or disagreed about what the president did.

More telling is what Herman Cain has said after the interview about his awkwardness with the question.

"It was a pause!" Cain said in a tone of disbelief. "That's all it was! Good Grief!"

Anyone watching the video, other than Cain's "EBCs" (Early Believers in Cain) knows that it was not a simple pause. A pause is when you're at the counter at McDonalds and the guy behind the counter asks if you want fries with your burger. "Um, okay, yeah. Fries would taste good. I'll take a medium bag of fries."

So, while everyone knows it was much more than a pause, Herman Cain keeps insisting that it was nothing more than a pause.

Now backtrack to the allegations of harassment. If Cain doesn't recognize his befuddlement over the Libya question, how can he understand what harassment is? And when he claims that there was no harassment, that it was nothing but a comparison of how tall someone was in comparison to his wife, well it makes me wonder about that situation also. If he can't come to grips on the whole Libya pause thing, then what can we expect in the future? How will he handle difficult issues and the stress of the job? I like humor as well as the next person, but there should be some serious discussion with well-thought solutions when someone is running for President.

Rin Tin Tin

I couldn't decide whether to lead with Rin Tin Tin or Bradley Cooper. Granted Bradley Cooper is the Sexiest Man according to People Magazine. But Stephen was not impressed with that choice. And he seemed to be quite impressed with Rin Tin Tin.

More about Mr. Tin later. There was lots of stuff on the show tonight, maybe because next week is a "week off" and so Stephen needed to get everything in before the break. Here's a quick overview of the important stuff.

The Super Committee is charged with finding 1.2 trillion dollars in budget cuts and so far they have come up with nothing.

In the Word, we found out that plans are to reduce vets' health care, sort of a semper fu situation. Stephen did honor the sacrifice of our military folks by declaring, "I honor your sacrifice." (If memory serves me right, though, he did go over to Iraq for a week and really honored the troops there.)

Stephen has a new product - Settin' Square. It's obviously much better than Pushy Pops or Hunger Hammer. It's a piece of plastic about 12 inches by 12 inches and you can set all your favorite foods on it. A newer version also comes in a circular model!

But on to the interview. You might think from the title of this post that the guest tonight was Rin Tin Tin, but no, it is the woman who wrote about Rin Tin Tin. Yes, Susan Orlean wrote the book Rin Tin Tin - The Life and the Legend. I had no idea just how famous Rin Tin Tin was. You can buy the book or get a short introduction to this Hollywood Star over at Wikipedia.

It is curious that Rin Tin Tin and JFK both have important connections to World War I. Was this coincidental or did Stephen plan it this way? I do not know the answer to that, but it is something to ponder.

Final note: Stephen told us all to buy the self-titled album by The Black Belles over at Third Man Records.

JFK

We find out from Stephen the best way to learn about Foreign Policy and World Economics. Go on a luxury cruise the way Newt Gingrich did. That's how Newt researched the current situation in Greece. It makes me want to study global finance because I think I could get used to the "classroom" if you know what I mean.

While Ron Paul is busy getting a calendar made for 2012, complete with very attractive young women for each month, some of the other presidential candidates are declaring their support for waterboarding.

Stephen talked about recent reports of police using pepper spray on protesters. He has no problem with that because pepper spray is not that bad. He even had quotes to back up this belief. But sometimes just saying something is not good enough. A demonstration is much better. Stephen is just the man to be willing to back up his words with action. He demonstrated right on his show how perfectly harmless pepper spray is.

"Jimmy, send in the 10 year-old boy!" It was a good demonstration. It went about the way I expected it would. I'm just glad he didn't demonstrate waterboarding.

Chris Matthews was on the show tonight for the interview. He has written another book, maybe you've already heard about it. "Jack Kennedy - Elusive Hero." Most of us know that John F. Kennedy was the 35th President and that he was assassinated. Some even know he was a war hero. But there is so much more about Kennedy that is truly important in understanding his life. The book by Chris Matthews does sound interesting and intriguing. So, now I should decide if I want a calendar or a book in my Christmas Stocking this year.

As a special treat tonight, Stephen read a bedtime story. It had all the usual characters but their names were quite confusing to me.

Note: Chris Matthews was on The Colbert Report back when Donald Pellview was filling in for Stephen. You can read that post here.

Not Just a Stick

Typically I look at Bing almost every day to see what the photo of the day is. Today I looked and thought it was quite plain, just a stick. But I'm wrong. It's not just a stick. Go look at Bing today. Cute.

(New day, new photo. So, use the back arrow at bottom right of Bing photo to get back to the photo of the stick. Of course, the lemurs are also very cute. As always, the photos are new each day. After about a week, you may have to try your luck searching for photos in the archives. Try insects or walking stick.)

Feet That Are Happy

We were lucky tonight to get investment advice from Stephen. Gold is good, at least according to his source, Klondike Zeke. However, there is some risk attached whenever you invest your hard earned money.

Apparently, Goldline International has been accused of defrauding customers. Stephen was happy with the gold he got from them. It was shiny and the chocolate middle was delicious. I don't remember Stephen mentioning Glenn Beck when talking about Goldline International, but wasn't it Glenn Beck who said something like this: "Watch out, the economy is bad. Only gold will save you. Oh, look here's someone who sells gold. It's Goldline International. " I don't remember how he would phrase it, but I think he did like their gold and encouraged viewers to buy some.

Stephen's guest was Elijah Wood and it was almost a magical interview. They talked about the movie "Happy Feet 2" which was the happy part of the interview. The other part of the interview was a bit more violent. Stephen and Elijah had an actual sword fight. The suspense was something that words can not even express.

Toaster Project

As you may know, there have been many GOP debates recently, and there will probably be more to come yet. After the recent one at CBS, Michele Bachmann was outraged because she did not get to be in the limelight. As is her custom, she sent out another one of her urgent, "this is an outrage" emails to supporters telling them to send her more money. By the way, you can read about limelights here at Wikipedia.

Sometimes, Stephen highlights what other news anchors have talked about and tonight he featured a lot of news from FOX. There's talk about the Keystone Pipeline Project. According to FOX, it would create at least 20,000 jobs; it would create at least 50,000 jobs; a total of about 118,000 indirect jobs; it would create 120,000 jobs, it could provide up to a million new high paying jobs. Stay tuned. I'm sure Stephen will let us know when FOX has it up to a billion new jobs.

Congratulations to Jay the Intern as he welcomed his cute new baby boy into the world.

Stephen's guest tonight was Thomas Thwaites, author of The Toaster Project. At first I thought it would be boring, but it was quite interesting. Thwaites built a toaster from scratch. By that I mean he even tried smelting iron in his mom's microwave. To help him know what to do, he bought a cheap toaster and took that apart. Take a guess. How many parts in the toaster? Would you believe 400 parts?!? That website is interesting because it is one of the few that you need to scroll across from left to right, rather than scrolling from top to bottom.

So, while a toaster might not seem very interesting, if you think about what you would have to do to build it totally from scratch, it would keep a person busy for quite a while.

Imagine if he had tried to build a car, a computer or a television!

Prohibition and Vacation

Well, no, I'm not actually going on vacation, but I will be super busy next week and I don't know if I will even be able to watch TV when Stephen is on. So, I may or may not have posts up for next week.

But don't despair. I think you can watch a lot of the video of the Prohibition film that Ken Burns did. You may remember I wrote about that previously. Anyway, go over to PBS and click on all the links to watch the Prohibition series. I did watch when it was on TV and it was more interesting than I expected. It's not just about people not being able to drink alcohol. There's a lot of insight into what the country was like at various times during that period. It touches on the economics, the politics, religion and changing roles of many groups of people.

It's definitely worth the time to watch. (I admit, I did not check out the links to see if the whole series was there, but it probably is.)

Please Give Generously

Stephen reported on a story that probably should have been revealed to us on Halloween. I am not going to report on it but if you want to read about it, you can find it over at Huffington Post. It's the story about Euclid, Ohio and ghosts. That's all I'm going to say about it!

We learned yet a little bit more about Herman Cain and I imagine we will continue to learn more. Didn't Stephen invite Herman Cain to be on The Colbert Report? Now would seem to be a good time. It seems like Herman Cain could use the Colbert Bump.

The highlight of the night was when Jay the Intern came out to talk with Stephen. They do seem to get along quite well, and Stephen seems to be anxious to encourage Jay the Intern to learn new strategies for climbing to the top of the talent ladder in the news and entertainment world. Just when it was getting interesting, the station experienced "Technical Difficulties." I hate when that happens. We missed the best part. We'll never know what was in the "Agreement" that Jay signed. And by the way, now would be a great time to donate to the Colbert SuperPAC. They are getting close to their goal of more money, so donate today.

Stephen's guest tonight was Nathan Wolfe, Smarty Pants. Actually the more common title would be Microbiologist. He has a book out now, "The Viral Storm - The Dawn of a New Pandemic Age." I'm going to go out on a limb and say this doesn't sound like the type of book that you want to read while you are sitting in front of the fireplace with a hot cup of cocoa and a plate of cookies. But, it does sound like the type of book that you should read. So, wash your hands before you eat those cookies, and take a bite out of this book.

National EAS Test

Loyal readers know that sometimes I sometimes post information that I consider to be public service messages. Information about telemarketer calls is just one example.

Today I saw this announcement on my TV machine about the National EAS Test. It will be nationwide, thus the word National. It is the Emergency Alert System, thus the initials EAS. Most importantly, and I cannot stress this enough, it is only a Test, and so yes, the word Test.

There you have it, the National EAS Test. The guy on TV said to share the information with friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc. You can visit the FCC website to find out more information. Perhaps one other important detail would be when this test happens, so here it is:

National Emergency Alert System Test
November 9, 2011
2:00 PM EST

If I remember my geography correctly, that would mean 1:00 PM Central, 12:00 Noon Mountain, and 11:00 AM Pacific time.

Now I'm really going rogue and I'm going to make a fun suggestion. When this happens, everyone start jogging in place. We will all be a little bit healthier. It will help us remember what to do in case this had been a real emergency. And maybe, just maybe, the USA could get into the Guinness Book for most people jogging at one time.

Oh! And don't forget to set your clocks back an hour this weekend.

Small Insignificant States

Stephen talked, just briefly tonight, about foreign policy, in that he talked about Herman Cain's insight into foreign policy. Of course we all know that Herman Cain doesn't know who the leader of Ubeki Beki Beki Beki Stan Stan is. I must admit, I do not know either. But I also want to acknowledge all my readers from Ubeki Beki Beki Beki Stan Stan and hope that they keep reading my blog because I think their county is very important.

In order for Herman Cain to know who the leader of Ubeki Beki Beki Beki Stan Stan is, he would have to be able to see into the present. There are already plenty of people who can see into the present. News people and journalists come to mind. Herman Cain has something else to offer, a rare talent. He can see into the past.

Said Herman Cain recently, "I do view China as a potential military threat. They've indicated that they are trying to develop nuclear capability."

Stephen pointed out that it was in 1964 that China did develop that capability. Proof that Herman Cain can see into the past! We need someone like him on the GOP ticket. Perhaps that is why he is doing so well in the polls.

Stephen's guest tonight was friend of the show Michael Pollan talking about his book, "Food Rules, An Eater's Manual." Even before Michael Pollan started to speak with Stephen, there was controversy. Stephen said Rule #1 was:

Do not eat the book.

But Michael Pollan said that Rule #1 was:

Food is a costly antidepressant.

So, which is it? Although I believe that the antidepressant rule is probably the actual first rule in the book, Stephen's rule is more logical. Stephen figured eating is easy, just put stuff into your mouth. Michale Pollan wants people to use a little bit more restraint and eat healthy foods.

And then something I did not expect. We witnessed a sad event. Stephen, unhappy that the audience seemed to be in agreement with Michael Pollan about the wisdom of taxing soda, actually told his audience to be quiet. But the vulgar and rude way he did it will never be forgotten. Or forgiven. Here are the actual words he said/shouted:

"No, you. You shut up!" This is terrible. Does he expect his followers will still chant "Stephen, Stephen, Stephen?"

Update: Everyone forgives Stephen for telling the audience to shut up. And everyone has already forgotten.

Goat Rodeo Sessions

Stephen continued his discussion with Justin and Ketchup tonight. (I hope I used the correct spelling of her name.) If you figure that the person who talks the most, is the winner, then Stephen wins. However, the three of them did not come to a consensus even though Stephen tried. Delicious food, bubbly champagne and even a Japanese masseuse, could not convince Justin and Ketchup to go along with Stephen's plan. Not even a secret handshake could make them change their standards.

For the interview and special treat tonight, goat was on the menu. Wait, wait, that did not sound right. What I mean is that Yo Yo Ma, Chris Chris Thile, Edgar Edgar Meyer and Stuart Stuart Duncan stopped by to chat and to play a song from their new album. The album is called Goat Rodeo Sessions. It has some good reviews over at Amazon and you can also buy it there.

As far as what genre the music falls into, well it's kind of blue grass meets classical, but really it is "genre proof and totally American." So sounds very interesting. I did enjoy the song they played. There is also a bonus song over at Colbert Nation. Well not right now if you are reading this on Tuesday night. Wait a bit, or as the website says, "Bonus musical performance coming soon. Check back later." You can, however, already click on the link at Colbert Nation to buy the album (at iTunes) or visit the website at www.yo-yoma.com.

I will say this, listening to it made me want to build a barn or sew a quilt. That's how good the music is!