Fireworks

Happy New Year!

Go look at the fireworks at bing.com.

Note: To see last night's fireworks now, you will have to use the back arrow at bottom right corner of bing screen. Today it is a polar bear.

Lego Friends

Lego is coming out with a new product line - Lego Friends. It's for girls and yes it is pink plus other non-primary colors. I was prepared to complain about stereotypes, but now I am going to be a little bit more open-minded and wait until I pass judgement. On the one hand, I don't appreciate when people try to limit options for boys or girls, whether it's toys or career choices. But on the other hand, there is good research out there that supports the idea that, for at least some kids, boys and girls learn in different ways.

I found this article at Businessweek that has some of the background into the decision to make the Lego Friends product. It wasn't just some hour-long meeting where they decided to dip the Lego bricks in pink paint and call it a new product. There was a lot of research and I think they may have done their homework well. Time will tell.

So, if you have a bit of time and are interested in some background on the Lego brand, read the article. You can even read about the town of Billund in Denmark, home of Lego, and Ole Kirk Christiansen, the founder of Lego. I'm sure this will generate a lot of news as Lego Friends starts rolling off the shelves next month. Why not for Christmas you wonder? That also was planned so that there would be more shelf space that could be dedicated to Lego Friends.

Now I can only wonder if Stephen will buy Lego Friends. It could get interesting.

Dum Spiro Spero

That's Latin for, "While I breathe, I hope." It is also the motto of South Carolina, which is the home of Stephen Colbert. He's relaxing over the holidays in South Carolina, but while relaxing, he is still thinking and thus writing. I spotted this guest editorial today in "The State" by Stephen. (I saw it today, but it was in "The State" on December 22.) It clarifies the whole South Carolina primary hullabaloo. All he wants is to have the Republican primary named after him and to let South Carolinians decide if

(_) Corporations are people

or

(_) Only people are people.

It is fascinating to read because Stephen wrote it and everything he writes is fascinating, and it is very informative too. Information is good.

Colbert Guest Editorial: Naming Rights, State Mottoes and the GOP Primary + Video

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas. I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas is having a joyful time tonight. You know, Santa Claus is on his way to your house right now as I speak. If you are still awake and waiting for him, spend a little time with your friendly search engines. Both Bing and Google are festive on your behalf.

Google has animated Christmas icons and some music. Just click on each of those colored squares.

Bing has someone's house (not mine) with animated light show to show Santa the way to deliver toys.

Have a peaceful evening and day. Joy to all. Relax and enjoy your family and friends.

I Get It

It will soon be Christmas Day. Of course, it has been Christmas for a long time now, maybe even since Halloween! It seems that the stores have their Christmas merchandise on the shelves earlier and earlier each year. Some people complain about this. And yet, if we want to keep Christmas in our hearts all year, well then it just makes sense, right? Oh, I know it's more about profit than a sense of good will towards all that brings out the ornaments, cards, and sales for Christmas at your local mall.

Think about it, though. First of all, it probably takes a lot of effort and time and coordination to get everything ordered and delivered and set up at the stores. Gifts that we buy need to be wrapped and mailed. That takes time. Christmas cards also take time and effort to get out to everybody. (Note to self: Get going on Christmas letter. Time is running out!) And second of all, if people had to wait until December before any of the stores had Christmas stuff, there would be just as much complaining.

Here we are a few days from Christmas and I don't have the cards done yet. I think about making Christmas cookies, but in a way it is better if I don't because then I eat a lot of them. They are so tiny, they couldn't possibly have many calories, could they? I don't have many more people to buy gifts for. Luckily, most of that shopping is done. So in a way I am glad that Christmas starts earlier every year to help me focus on what needs to be done. On the other hand, I fall into the trap of thinking there's a lot of time yet, it's only Halloween, or Thanksgiving or early December and then, kapowie! Christmas is here and I'm not ready.

I guess you can't win, no matter what.

So, that brings me around to what this is all about today. Christmas should be a nice thing. (That's my opinion. You may have a different opinion. That's okay.) But I almost dread the first time I see something Christmas-y or hear a Christmas song on the radio. That is almost guaranteed to bring out the grinches. No, not the kind that steal Christmas. The kind that dictate to everyone exactly how they should celebrate Christmas. Don't you dare say "Happy Holidays" to those people. Free speech goes out the window when it comes to what they want you to say.

Case in point from Seattlepi.com. The very same people who call out others for the generic greeting are guilty themselves. "Fox and Friends" are upset with a "Holiday" parade. And yet they celebrate the "Fox and Friends Holiday Party."

I also found a website that also tells you the correct way to handle all things Christmas. Yet I can't help but wonder how serious and pious the guy behind it is. There are eleven ads on the page. Seems like it might be more of a money maker than a wish for blessings to those who navigate to his website.

And why really do we say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas?" There's most likely as many reasons why as there are days in December. For instance, say it's December 23 and I see an acquaintance in the grocery store. We talk a little bit and then I say Merry Christmas. I like this person and I wish him well, so should I also say Happy New Year? Or should I wait until after Christmas and then wish him a Happy New Year? What if I don't see him after Christmas and before New Year's Eve? Simple solution. Wish him Happy Holidays! I have extended a greeting to him that will keep him merry and happy for more than a week. Santa would be proud.

Now I'm getting down to the "Who do you think you are anyway?" part. Why do I have to celebrate this wonderful time of year the way you want me to? In this land of the free, don't I have the right to do what I want? If I want to have a huge dinner on Christmas Eve with my folks and siblings and all their family members, I should be able to do that. If I want to get together with a few friends on Christmas day and write poetry, I should be able to do that.

This constant battle (and I think it might even be a battle for TV ratings) about what everyone should and shouldn't do at Christmas is ruining it for all of us. Sit down. Shut up. Let us enjoy Christmas.

And when someone says a greeting to you, respond back with the same greeting, a similar greeting, or a plain "Thank-you." No matter who you are or what traditions you do or do not have, the person is saying it to be kind to you. Be kind back to them.

"I get it. The meaning of Christmas is the idea that Christmas has meaning and it can mean whatever we want." That is from Abed Nadir on a recent (although rerun) episode of "Community." His friends were trying to cheer him up because he wouldn't be seeing his mother this year for Christmas.

So, Happy Holidays. That says it all in two short words.

I Wish It Was Christmas Today

Stephen is off until next year, so I will fill in with whatever comes to mind. Last night on Saturday Night Live, the host was Jimmy Fallon. That' right, Stephen's sometime Best Friend for Six Months and now Eternal Enemy for Six Months. Most likely Stephen was home watching SNL because that friendship tie never ends even after six months. Lots of familiar faces were also on the show - Rachel Dratch, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Horatio Sanz, Tracy Morgan and Chris Kattan. With those last three being on, you can probably guess what musical treat we all enjoyed -- that all time favorite, "I Wish It Was Christmas Today." If you didn't get to watch SNL last night, enjoy it here from a few years ago when the guys were all younger.

I Wish It Was Christmas Today

I Am a Good Boy

If you care about democracy, and if you did not watch the show tonight, then you should go over to Colbert Nation and watch tonight's episode there. Here's why: Nat Geo Wild, Animal Planet, Stephen Colbert's South Carolina Serious, Classy Republican Debate and Cesar Millan. That should get you interested.

It's that time of year again and you know what that means. It's time for The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude. Some large department stores are no longer wrapping gifts and Santa is sometimes encouraging kids to lower their expectations, but we get the idea that a long time ago, a certain little boy was heartbroken because he did not get the bike he wanted for Christmas. That's okay. Stephen has moved on since then.

Stephen took a break from reporting on the important news of the day to tell a funny story. Seems like over at FOX recently, Megyn Kelly ran a graphic of the Republican front runners. There was Mitt Romney in second place at 17.2% in the poll. However, if you look closely, you see that it is actually a photo of President Barack Obama. This was a good time for Stephen to throw in Sigmund Freud's name, and a photo of Megyn Kelly. In all fairness, FOX did realize the error and corrected the mix-up. In her explanation, Megyn Kelly clarified, "As it turns out, they are not the same guy."

Daniel Craig was the guest tonight. You may remember him from James Bond movies. (Stephen certainly does.) Not only is he in James Bond movies, he also is in the soon to be in movie theaters, "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo."

The show just kept getting better and better. For one thing, there was a tense and intense arm wrestling competition and I won't spoil it by telling you who won. But the best of all things is Santa stopped by and left a wonderful present for Stephen. An extremely happy Stephen declared, "I am a good boy. I am a good boy."

We won't see Stephen again until 2012! Next year!! So, no more The Colbert Report for a while, but I will continue to post news, trivia, predictions, and whatever comes to mind. In no time at all, it will be 2012 and Stephen will be back. Hang in there.

Nat Geo Wild

More tonight about SCSCSCRD. That's right, Stephen Colbert's South Carolina Serious, Classy Republican Debate looks like the details are getting finalized. While initial plans were to have it on Animal Planet, now plans are to have it on Nat Geo Wild. And all because Stephen got an edible fruit bouquet. Mark your calendar. Stephen doesn't have a date yet, so yes that makes it difficult, but Stephen suggested marking every day next year so that you don't miss it.

You can expect that there will be political news any time you turn on the TV, listen to the radio or pick up a newspaper. Mitt Romney has picked up another endorsement from a political insider. Christine O'Donnell (of I'm not a witch fame) has endorsed Mitt Romney. But what about flip flops? No problem. You see, according to Christine O'Donnell, "He's been consistent since he changed his mind."

Commercial sponsors. Just go look. I can't believe this product exists, but Stephen demonstrated it on his show tonight.

Tonight's guest was Ray Odierno, Chief of Staff, United States Army. No, he did not wear a TV hat. Stephen and Ray Odierno talked about the troops. They are coming home from Iraq by the end of the year. Stephen asked what he would say to employers about these young people coming back and needing jobs and General Odierno made a pitch to employers to hire these highly qualified and well disciplined men and women.

And then, to refresh Stephen's memory, he asked, "Didn't we make a bet that when we finally left Iraq you would let me shave your head one more time?"

It's not often that guests can make Stephen laugh, but Stephen did laugh while denying that any such bet had been made. After an unsuccessful attempt to get General Odierno to throw his hat into the Republican ring, the two men sang "I'll Be Home For Christmas" as a tribute to the troops.

South Carolina Serious Classy Republican Debate

Trump is off. Stephen is on. As you may know, Donald Trump (The Donald) planned on hosting a Republican Debate. Unfortunately, no one was interested. Well, not no one. Two people were interested, but that would be somewhat, if not downright, boring. Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum were planning on attending. So, Donald called it off saying it might be inappropriate just in case he ran for President as an Independent.

Don't you cry. Don't you weep. Stephen is still planning on hosting the:

"Stephen Colbert's South Carolina Serious, Classy Republican Debate"

sometime in January. Plans are for it to be on the Animal Planet.

Stephen reported on the high cost of Free Speech tonight. He threw around numbers like $7.5 million and $270,000. Of course, he got those numbers from Wisconsin back when there were protests at the Wisconsin Capitol. There would not have been such a discrepancy in those numbers if the math teachers had not been fired. But, with the high cost of Free Speech, the answer to paying for it is, yes, Corporate Sponsorship. Problem solved.

Anderson Cooper, of CNN, honored Stephen Colbert recently. Stephen returned the favor tonight and honored Anderson Cooper.

Stephen's guest tonight was Mark Whitaker, Managing Editor of CNN. This seems a little bit suspicious to have him on the show right after a story about Anderson Cooper. Mark explained what a magazine is and Stephen clarified for us by explaining that it is a printed iPad.

As is the case with many of Stephen's guests, Mark Whitaker has a new book out. Mark Whitaker's book has a catchy title: "Mark Whitaker - My Long Trip Home." It is a memoir, so I'm assuming he wrote it from memory. Stephen had some kind words of encouragement for his own children for the day that they write a book about their own family experiences.

Like so many stories, this is a book about his family, but he said it is also a book about our country. Perhaps some of you would like to buy the book as a gift. That is just an idea, something for you to think about, but you would not have to worry about getting the wrong size for someone if you buy them a book.

The Mountaintop

Tonight we learned about anchor babies and grappling babies and apparently there is a difference between the two of them. I also think they both are very different from baby anchors.

The memory is a wonderful thing. It allows us to go back in time and recall what was happening. But it can't match the ability of someone with a host of interns to do research and shed light on how it affects the present and the future. Case in point. Newt Gingrich has a lot of good ideas, or so it would seem to the casual observer. However, Stephen had an in-depth look at Newt Gingrich and many of the James Bond movies that starred Pierce Brosnan. What seemed like a lot of good ideas at first glance ends up being the same ideas that many of the villains in those movies had. So, is a good idea still a good idea if it's the villain's idea? Something for us all to ponder. Thanks, Stephen for reporting on this.

And in what can only be called a sad shame, Norway has a severe butter shortage. Seems like they have a fad diet that lets you eat lots of butter and now it's all gone. (How will they be able to make Christmas cookies?) It's gotten so bad that butter can actually cost $740 for one pound of butter. With prices like that it was inevitable that butter would be smuggled across the border from Sweden. While Norway suffers from lack of butter, Stephen suffers from lack of common sense. One of Stephen's favorite ways to eat butter is the summer favorite butter on the cob. With those cute little holders on each end of the stick of butter, and some nice butter spread on the stick of butter, it makes for a tasty treat. It's easy to see why butter would be an important component of a great diet plan. Stephen really appreciated the commercials tonight.

Samuel L. Jackson was on the show tonight and it was somewhat ironic. You see, Samuel L. Jackson is portraying the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr. in the Broadway Play, "The Mountaintop." And Stephen Colbert was osmotically at King's March on Washington back in 1963.

There's also something I wondered about just as Stephen was dashing over for the interview. Samuel L. Jackson was tweeting, apparently for the benefit of Stephen's audience. What would the March on Washington have been like back in 1963 if the internet and Twitter would have been available? That sounds like a book that someone should write. It could be either science fiction or historical fiction, or a combination of the two.

You Don't Want to Know

Stephen provided us with a great update on what some states are doing to provide Homeland Security. Michigan, for example, is spending money to be ready to handle bruises and thirst.

But more importantly, he talked about health in his Cheating Death segment. Funny story. It seems that back in 1998, The Lancet published a study that said Mercury preservatives in common vaccines could cause autism. This seemed to have the effect of causing a decline in the rate of vaccinations of kindergartners against such diseases as chicken pox. Since then, The Lancet has retracted that autism study as fraud.

Some parents have come up with a way that they think is an acceptable alternative. They buy lollipops that have been infected with chicken pox (sick kids lick them) and give them to their own healthy kids to lick. The hope and the plan is that their kids will get chicken pox and won't need a vaccination.

Just in time, Stephen's Prescott Pharmaceuticals is selling Vacsa-yummies. These tasty lollipops have been rubbed on the poles in subway cars, so there's bound to be some germs to satisfy anybody's desire for disease and ill health.

Gut health - enough said.

Stephen talked about Christmas a little bit and then welcomed his guest Jack Abramoff. You may remember him. He was the lobbyist who went to jail. He now has a book out, "Capitol Punishment."

The Nutcracker

I don't usually do this, but I'm going to mix it up tonight. First of all, the guest. Would you believe it was a ballet dancer? That's right, David Hallberg, the first American to join Russia's Bolshoi Ballet was on The Colbert Report. David Hallberg is also with the American Ballet Theatre. That gave Stephen the perceived right to call him a double agent! They talked a little about his decision to be a ballet dancer, his admiration for Fred Astaire, and his comparison of real ballet to a popular movie that was out recently.

And then, like so many artists, he performed for the audience and us. Hold on a minute. Don't say you don't like ballet. Even if you hate ballet, you will love this performance. So, go over to Colbert Nation to watch if you did not see it live on TV tonight. Yes you will probably have to wait until tomorrow to see that episode online, but be sure to do it because the performance is like none you've ever seen.

If you like that and want some more ballet, here's a nice YouTube video.

Back to news and politics. Now that Donald Trump is going to have a debate, Stephen wants in also. He will invite all the Republican candidates, as well as John McCain to the debate that he moderates. Stephen is also working with Dick Harpootlian, Chairman of the Democratic Party of South Carolina, to get a referendum question on the ballot in South Carolina as follows:

In order to address the matter of Corporate Personhood, the enfranchised People of the Sovereighn State of South Carolina shall decree that: (note - O is for voter to fill in circle)

O Corporations are People
O People are People

Stephen will most likely use his SuperPac to finance that initiative. In other politics, we got to see what a TV ad might look like if someone's dad and mom did an ad. It was very family centered.

Now, are you going to remember to look at Colbert Nation tomorrow to see the ballet performance by David Hallberg? You really have to do that.

The Black Keys

I noticed last night that Stephen seems to be using one of his own "The Colbert Report: Logo Light Up Pen" on the show. Go on over to Colbert Nation to buy one for yourself.

Back to the important stuff. Iran seems to have captured on of our drones and it seems like Stephen Colbert is just the person to get it back for us. He presented a very convincing argument.

Donald Trump will host the next (and probably not the last) Republican debate on December 27. Then he will let the whole world know who he endorses.I can hardly wait. Many people have weighed in with their response to this news from The Donald.

Ari Fleischer: "invitation to a circus"

Karl Rove: "I think the Republican National Chairman ought to step in and say we strongly discourage every candidate from appearing."

Mark McKinnon: "this Trump debate is proof the inmates have taken over the asylum"

Apparently, however, Mitt Romney is not going to attend the debate. I wonder if that will make it harder for him to get the "The Donald Endorsement."

In response to all of this, Stephen Colbert is planning the South Carolina Serious, Classy Republican Debate. It will be sometime in January on the Animal Planet.

The Black Keys were on tonight. They are much quieter and more reserved when they are talking than when they are singing. Go to Colbert Nation to watch last night's show and hear them. Also, there's a bonus song on the web, so always a good reason to go to Colbert Nation.

Anything With An Engine

While some may think that Stephen is only interested in the nitty gritty news and politics, there is a more refined and sophisticated side of Stephen. He told us about his honoring of Yo Yo Ma at the Kennedy Center. You may remember Yo Yo Ma from his recent visit to The Colbert Report. Also, Stephen gave us a preview from the book he is writing, "1001 Cello Puns."

"There's always room for Cell-O."

New Segment: Mysteries of the Ancient Unknown - 2012 End of Times

Switching to something completely different, Stephen took us to the Denver International Airport. While some would say, "Welcome to the Denver International Airport," others, such as conspiracy expert Jesse Ventura, wonder about strange, yes, strange things at the airport. You go in to the airport, but you never come out. There is strange art. There is mysterious architecture. And there are signs. But are there UFOs? Is it the New World Order Elite Safe-haven?

Perhaps William Tapley has discovered the answer. He has earned 2 (self-bestowed) titles, Third Eagle of the Apoclypse and Co Prophet of the End Times. What can we learn from his knowledge and experience? Well, he sees phallic symbols everywhere at the airport. And so, logically, he has written many songs about the airport and the end times. We got to hear some of them and the audience even joined in when there was a sing-along.

Sad news to report. Herman Cain has suspended his campaign for President. Said Stephen about this, "That is a shame. He touched so many people."

Tonight's guest was Jimmie Johnson of NASCAR fame. In addition to talking about racing, he also promoted his game, "Anything With An Engine." In a way I was disappointed because there was no video of any of the races. There was no car on the set to look at. Being in a studio left little room for any demonstration of his sport. And yet, beyond all hopes, there was a race! Yes, yes, yes! The race was on. I will not spoil it by saying who won or who lost, but if you want to know, go over to Colbert Nation tomorrow and watch the show online.

914-227-5803

Yet again a recording on my answering machine. And it is a recorded message that is recording. Hope that is not too confusing. Basically, it's not a person, it's a machine, in other words, a non-person.

As usual, the message only starts after my answering machine greeting is complete, so I don't know what the beginning of the message was, but the ending is like this:

"... terms, conditions and associated changes before next billing cycle. This is your final notice as it relates to the financial stimulus."

And then I'm supposed to press 1 to talk to a real person. They never say who they are or exactly what it is that they are going to do for me. And that financial stimulus reference? Yeah, that's to make you think it is really, really, really important.

So, ignore them if they call. I also can probably guarantee that it won't be your final notice. In fact, they called me twice on the same day!

An Eye For an iPod

I am not unattractive.

No, I'm not talking about myself. And I'm not just giving more examples of double negatives like I did in yesterday's post. Actually, this is what Senator Lori Klein said when talking about her relationship with Herman Cain. Stephen had similar words to say about himself when he claimed, "I am not unhandsome." He also mentioned about Herman Cain canceling his appearance on The Colbert Report not once, but twice!

Copyright Infringement - Stephen had a back and forth discussion with Danny Goldberg, President of gold Village Entertainment and Jonathan Zittrain, Professor of Internet Law, Harvard Law School. It's not good to copy stuff on the internet, mmm okay? That is the issue the three of them discussed briefly. In other words, they did not discuss it at length, they discussed in at short-th. It's a discussion that will be ongoing I am sure. On the one hand, thousands, millions, perhaps even billions of dollars are lost in the US due to copyright infringement or downright piracy of intellectual property. But on the other hand, do we really want to throw someone like Justin Bieber in jail because he started out singing his favorite songs on YouTube? I didn't think so.

And just so that we keep the presidential race in mind, Stephen talked briefly about Mitt Romney and Bret Baier. Stephen does not like the hard questions Bret asked of Mitt.

Friend of the show Richard Branson, I mean Sir Richard Branson was on tonight. I think he must have seen the trouble that Brian Williams had with fire alarms recently because he brought a fire extinguisher with him. That seemed strange. Sir Richard Branson is an interesting person. For one thing, he has lots of money, so he most assuredly is in the 1%, and yet he seems to think and act like someone in the 99%. Go read about him over at Wikipedia. Read about his activism. Read about the Elders.

Tonight Sir Richard Branson was on to promote his new book, "Screw Business As Usual." You may remember when Sir Richard was on the show one other time that there was a bit of a water fight between host and guest. Well that did not happen tonight. I would send a warning to everyone, but especially the young folks. Kids, do not do this at home. (Go over to Colbert Nation and watch the episode live to see what I am talking about.)

I Did No Lobbying

There was a lot about politicians tonight, mostly those who tend to be somewhat overweight and older and with white or whitish hair. Actually, it was mostly about two politicians, Newt Gingrich and Barney Frank. They seem to have at least one thing in common. They have the same opinion of each other.

There was just a short bit about Newt Gingrich, and thus he gets the title of the post. Newt Gingrich charges $60,000 for a speech and he gives a lot of speeches. Hopefully using one of his quotes for the title here will make him feel like he got equal time on the show tonight.

Stephen stopped for a quick taste of Bud Light Lime. And then a few more sips. He had a good reason for doing so, but I wonder if he was trying to send a message to Newt Gingrich to lose some weight. It seemed a little bit pointed to me to be drinking light beer immediately after talking about Newt Gingrich.

Barney Frank is retiring. Stephen talked about Barney Frank, about his acting career as one of the stars in Wizard of Oz, and then we really lucked out tonight. Stephen showed an encore presentation of one of his first segments of Better Know a District. It was the one with Barney Frank. This was one of my favorite BKD segments. For one thing, both men were much younger then. Basically, more abs, less flab, if you know what I mean. And Stephen was more serious back then.

We got to hear Stephen ask Barney Frank, an admitted left-handed liberal, if he thought Bush (that would be George W. Bush) was a great president or the greatest president. Barney Frank answered, "I think he's been a disaster," which is code for great.

"I'll put you down for great," is what Stephen said. There was more talk and then at one point Stephen apologized and then felt compelled to apologize for apologizing. That is interesting. First, because Stephen apologized. Usually it's the guest that apologizes and Stephen always accepts the apology. But, isn't apologizing for apologizing similar to using a double negative in a sentence? I don't not know the answer to that puzzling question.

As a real treat tonight, we got to see Stephen and Barney Frank walking down a hall, perhaps the halls of Congress, I'm not sure. But I am sure that just the simple fact of walking in the halls of Congress automatically makes a person more dignified. When I think of Stephen Colbert, I think of dignity.

The guest tonight was Stephen Sondheim. He wrote the book, "Look, I Made a Hat," which is most likely not an instructional book on hat making. The two Stephens have some history together. Stephen invited Stephen and Stephen accepted Stephen's invitation to be in "Company." Stephen asked for Stephen's opinion.

"My performance of Harry, --- great interpretation of Sondheim or the greatest interpretation of Sondheim?"

I don't remember what Stephen told Stephen, but Stephen said, "OK, I'll put you down for great."

Tinariwen

Religion was highlighted tonight. Stephen told us that he is the most famous Catholic on television, so he is basically an expert on the subject. With no further delay, bring on Yahweh or No Way!

Question: Are the changes to the Mass what God wants?
Answer: No Way.

Stephen advises us that Consubstantial in now Istanbul.

Question: Should the Pope fasten his seat belt?
Answer: No Way.

Stephen advises us that the PopeMobile averages 6 mph, so unlikely to have any serious accident.

Question: Is the ad offensive?
Answer: Yahweh!

Stephen advises us that Christmas is not the time to sell vodka or Wodka. This came up because of the billboard that talked about Christmas Quality but for a less expensive price.

Tinariwen

Stephen welcomed the musicians of Tinariwen from Mali. What was it he told them first? I think it was that he (Stephen Colbert) is a very handsome man. There was an interpreter who helped bridge the language gap. They chatted for a while and then Tinariwwen performed a song from their latest album, Tassili.

Silly Goose

Stephen is back from the Thanksgiving break and has already started celebrating the Christmas season by reminding us about all the fun people had on Black Friday, the traditional day to shop early and shop often. His only warning was to remember to use only Non-lethal weapons as we usher in that time of year when we celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace.

Wag of the Finger tonight was for President Barack Obama. However it also applies to other presidents. (This I know from watching Jon Stewart tonight.) Anyway, Barack Obama had this little speech or something on YouTube and talked about Thanksgiving but he did not say God in his speech at all. It seems like this totally ruined the holiday for some people, and by some people I mean his critics. If President Obama had said God in his speech, there would have been absolutely no criticism. The critics would have said what a nice guy Obama is. (And then we wouldn't call them critics.)

Not to be left out in the cold, Mitt Romney also got a segment on the show tonight. He got a Tip of the Hat. It's for his ad. In the ad he quotes Barack Obama as saying, "If we keep talking about the economy, we're going to lose." Funny thing. If you listen to the whole quote, the whole sentence that Barack Obama said, it goes like this: "Senator McCain's campaign actually said and I quote, 'If we keep talking about the economy, we're going to lose.' "

What a silly goose Mitt is. Coincidentally, Mitt and also Stephen made many references to geese. There was also an old duck that Stephen mentioned.

But just think of all the possibilities if people only use portions of sentences. Herman Cain's tax plan would simply be, "Nine."

Other simplified ( meaning partial) quotes include the following. (If you want the full quotes, you can do some Googling.) Can you figure out what the whole quote was for the following?

Ron Paul: "I believe this nation has drifted"
Herman Cain: "I felt like Moses"
Rick Santorum "Drive morality out of the laws of this country"
Mitt Romney: "God did not create this country" and "Spend more" and "It's high time"

There's lots of fun to be had and mischief to be made by using just snippets of what people say.

If you have been watching all of the "The Colbert Report" shows, you know that since R.E.M. is calling it quits, Stephen has placed Michael Stipe on one of the shelves in the studio. Stephen acknowledged Stipe briefly and then went on with the show.

Stephen checked in with one of his meReporters and found out from Terry Ward at the Situation Bus Stop that the #11 bus is late again.

Wrapping up tonight, the guest was Siddhartha Mukhergee talking about his Pulitzer winning book, "The Emperor of All Maladies - A Biography of Cancer." Stephen and Dr. Mukhergee had an interesting discussion about cancer, somewhat philosophical and also somewhat practical and informative. Good news is that a cancer diagnosis is not nearly as life threatening now as it was only 40 years ago. Lots of treatments are available and cures are even possible.

Marcel the Shell With Shoes On

This is very popular, so maybe you've seen it. But if you haven't, now is your chance. You are sure to be entertained and amused.

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

and after you have watched that, go over to Huffington Post to watch

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, Two

Enjoy!

Oh yeah. These documentaries are by Jenny Slate and Dean Fleischer-Camp. You may remember Jenny Slate from Saturday Night Live.

Frank to the Rescue

Poor Michele Bachmann. Everyone picks on her. She can't get a break anywhere. Oh, woe is her. Woe is her.

ABC
There was this trouble a while ago with ABC. "We didn't have time for any questions."

CBS
Then this. "He is a piece of ____ . He is a fraud and he should be fired."

NBC
And most recently this. "... likely they could have fired the drummer, "

There are obviously some people who are not with the program, so to speak. Everyone is supposed to be supporting Michele Bachmann. No one is supposed to say anything negative. Is it because she is a woman? It's time we let women out of the kitchen. No longer should they be content with the jobs of yesteryear: nurse, teacher and waitress.

OOPS! She just made herself into a waitress. Yikes. Granted she was able to take up nearly a minute of time with the focus all on her.

Dr. Frank Luntz, friend of the show, came through with the perfect words to move the debate along. After all, he is somewhat of a wordsmith. He made Michele Bachmann think that she was going to speak first and that got her to sit down right away. He is so smart. No wonder Stephen has him on the show so often.

Pregnant Pause

(Stephen is on break this week, so I will fill in with news and commentary that I think is pertinent.)

A pregnant pause is a pause that's maybe a little bit longer than usual, but Herman Cain took it to new levels in his interview at the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. He paused, a lot, when asked about Libya, specifically whether he agreed with the way that President Barack Obama handled Libya. You can read about it over at the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and you can even watch the video of the Libya part of the interview about midway down the page. (Note: If you need to take a break while you are watching the approximately 5-minute video, just hit the pause button.)

A few things come to mind. And I will note that lots of other blogs and news outlets have some of the very same concerns so I'm not pretending to be the first person to write about the pause.

First off, Herman Cain doesn't seem to know how to answer the question. He seems to be looking to the heavens for inspiration, in much the same way that a high schooler will look at the ceiling hoping to find answers to the SAT up there. Cain's answer is not really an answer, he is dodging the question. Just imagine a beauty contest contestant taking that long to answer a question about world peace. Or if Mommy asks little Johnny if he took the last cookie out of the cookie jar. "Cookies, ummm, let me think. Now are you asking about ginger cookies and do you mean today? And is it the cookie jar on the table or that old one in the pantry? I need more information before I can give you a yes or no answer to that question, Mommy."

I also suspect that he has no idea of what President Obama has done in the past few years about Libya. That is what made it so hard for him to answer whether he agreed or disagreed about what the president did.

More telling is what Herman Cain has said after the interview about his awkwardness with the question.

"It was a pause!" Cain said in a tone of disbelief. "That's all it was! Good Grief!"

Anyone watching the video, other than Cain's "EBCs" (Early Believers in Cain) knows that it was not a simple pause. A pause is when you're at the counter at McDonalds and the guy behind the counter asks if you want fries with your burger. "Um, okay, yeah. Fries would taste good. I'll take a medium bag of fries."

So, while everyone knows it was much more than a pause, Herman Cain keeps insisting that it was nothing more than a pause.

Now backtrack to the allegations of harassment. If Cain doesn't recognize his befuddlement over the Libya question, how can he understand what harassment is? And when he claims that there was no harassment, that it was nothing but a comparison of how tall someone was in comparison to his wife, well it makes me wonder about that situation also. If he can't come to grips on the whole Libya pause thing, then what can we expect in the future? How will he handle difficult issues and the stress of the job? I like humor as well as the next person, but there should be some serious discussion with well-thought solutions when someone is running for President.

Rin Tin Tin

I couldn't decide whether to lead with Rin Tin Tin or Bradley Cooper. Granted Bradley Cooper is the Sexiest Man according to People Magazine. But Stephen was not impressed with that choice. And he seemed to be quite impressed with Rin Tin Tin.

More about Mr. Tin later. There was lots of stuff on the show tonight, maybe because next week is a "week off" and so Stephen needed to get everything in before the break. Here's a quick overview of the important stuff.

The Super Committee is charged with finding 1.2 trillion dollars in budget cuts and so far they have come up with nothing.

In the Word, we found out that plans are to reduce vets' health care, sort of a semper fu situation. Stephen did honor the sacrifice of our military folks by declaring, "I honor your sacrifice." (If memory serves me right, though, he did go over to Iraq for a week and really honored the troops there.)

Stephen has a new product - Settin' Square. It's obviously much better than Pushy Pops or Hunger Hammer. It's a piece of plastic about 12 inches by 12 inches and you can set all your favorite foods on it. A newer version also comes in a circular model!

But on to the interview. You might think from the title of this post that the guest tonight was Rin Tin Tin, but no, it is the woman who wrote about Rin Tin Tin. Yes, Susan Orlean wrote the book Rin Tin Tin - The Life and the Legend. I had no idea just how famous Rin Tin Tin was. You can buy the book or get a short introduction to this Hollywood Star over at Wikipedia.

It is curious that Rin Tin Tin and JFK both have important connections to World War I. Was this coincidental or did Stephen plan it this way? I do not know the answer to that, but it is something to ponder.

Final note: Stephen told us all to buy the self-titled album by The Black Belles over at Third Man Records.

JFK

We find out from Stephen the best way to learn about Foreign Policy and World Economics. Go on a luxury cruise the way Newt Gingrich did. That's how Newt researched the current situation in Greece. It makes me want to study global finance because I think I could get used to the "classroom" if you know what I mean.

While Ron Paul is busy getting a calendar made for 2012, complete with very attractive young women for each month, some of the other presidential candidates are declaring their support for waterboarding.

Stephen talked about recent reports of police using pepper spray on protesters. He has no problem with that because pepper spray is not that bad. He even had quotes to back up this belief. But sometimes just saying something is not good enough. A demonstration is much better. Stephen is just the man to be willing to back up his words with action. He demonstrated right on his show how perfectly harmless pepper spray is.

"Jimmy, send in the 10 year-old boy!" It was a good demonstration. It went about the way I expected it would. I'm just glad he didn't demonstrate waterboarding.

Chris Matthews was on the show tonight for the interview. He has written another book, maybe you've already heard about it. "Jack Kennedy - Elusive Hero." Most of us know that John F. Kennedy was the 35th President and that he was assassinated. Some even know he was a war hero. But there is so much more about Kennedy that is truly important in understanding his life. The book by Chris Matthews does sound interesting and intriguing. So, now I should decide if I want a calendar or a book in my Christmas Stocking this year.

As a special treat tonight, Stephen read a bedtime story. It had all the usual characters but their names were quite confusing to me.

Note: Chris Matthews was on The Colbert Report back when Donald Pellview was filling in for Stephen. You can read that post here.

Not Just a Stick

Typically I look at Bing almost every day to see what the photo of the day is. Today I looked and thought it was quite plain, just a stick. But I'm wrong. It's not just a stick. Go look at Bing today. Cute.

(New day, new photo. So, use the back arrow at bottom right of Bing photo to get back to the photo of the stick. Of course, the lemurs are also very cute. As always, the photos are new each day. After about a week, you may have to try your luck searching for photos in the archives. Try insects or walking stick.)

Feet That Are Happy

We were lucky tonight to get investment advice from Stephen. Gold is good, at least according to his source, Klondike Zeke. However, there is some risk attached whenever you invest your hard earned money.

Apparently, Goldline International has been accused of defrauding customers. Stephen was happy with the gold he got from them. It was shiny and the chocolate middle was delicious. I don't remember Stephen mentioning Glenn Beck when talking about Goldline International, but wasn't it Glenn Beck who said something like this: "Watch out, the economy is bad. Only gold will save you. Oh, look here's someone who sells gold. It's Goldline International. " I don't remember how he would phrase it, but I think he did like their gold and encouraged viewers to buy some.

Stephen's guest was Elijah Wood and it was almost a magical interview. They talked about the movie "Happy Feet 2" which was the happy part of the interview. The other part of the interview was a bit more violent. Stephen and Elijah had an actual sword fight. The suspense was something that words can not even express.

Toaster Project

As you may know, there have been many GOP debates recently, and there will probably be more to come yet. After the recent one at CBS, Michele Bachmann was outraged because she did not get to be in the limelight. As is her custom, she sent out another one of her urgent, "this is an outrage" emails to supporters telling them to send her more money. By the way, you can read about limelights here at Wikipedia.

Sometimes, Stephen highlights what other news anchors have talked about and tonight he featured a lot of news from FOX. There's talk about the Keystone Pipeline Project. According to FOX, it would create at least 20,000 jobs; it would create at least 50,000 jobs; a total of about 118,000 indirect jobs; it would create 120,000 jobs, it could provide up to a million new high paying jobs. Stay tuned. I'm sure Stephen will let us know when FOX has it up to a billion new jobs.

Congratulations to Jay the Intern as he welcomed his cute new baby boy into the world.

Stephen's guest tonight was Thomas Thwaites, author of The Toaster Project. At first I thought it would be boring, but it was quite interesting. Thwaites built a toaster from scratch. By that I mean he even tried smelting iron in his mom's microwave. To help him know what to do, he bought a cheap toaster and took that apart. Take a guess. How many parts in the toaster? Would you believe 400 parts?!? That website is interesting because it is one of the few that you need to scroll across from left to right, rather than scrolling from top to bottom.

So, while a toaster might not seem very interesting, if you think about what you would have to do to build it totally from scratch, it would keep a person busy for quite a while.

Imagine if he had tried to build a car, a computer or a television!

Prohibition and Vacation

Well, no, I'm not actually going on vacation, but I will be super busy next week and I don't know if I will even be able to watch TV when Stephen is on. So, I may or may not have posts up for next week.

But don't despair. I think you can watch a lot of the video of the Prohibition film that Ken Burns did. You may remember I wrote about that previously. Anyway, go over to PBS and click on all the links to watch the Prohibition series. I did watch when it was on TV and it was more interesting than I expected. It's not just about people not being able to drink alcohol. There's a lot of insight into what the country was like at various times during that period. It touches on the economics, the politics, religion and changing roles of many groups of people.

It's definitely worth the time to watch. (I admit, I did not check out the links to see if the whole series was there, but it probably is.)

Please Give Generously

Stephen reported on a story that probably should have been revealed to us on Halloween. I am not going to report on it but if you want to read about it, you can find it over at Huffington Post. It's the story about Euclid, Ohio and ghosts. That's all I'm going to say about it!

We learned yet a little bit more about Herman Cain and I imagine we will continue to learn more. Didn't Stephen invite Herman Cain to be on The Colbert Report? Now would seem to be a good time. It seems like Herman Cain could use the Colbert Bump.

The highlight of the night was when Jay the Intern came out to talk with Stephen. They do seem to get along quite well, and Stephen seems to be anxious to encourage Jay the Intern to learn new strategies for climbing to the top of the talent ladder in the news and entertainment world. Just when it was getting interesting, the station experienced "Technical Difficulties." I hate when that happens. We missed the best part. We'll never know what was in the "Agreement" that Jay signed. And by the way, now would be a great time to donate to the Colbert SuperPAC. They are getting close to their goal of more money, so donate today.

Stephen's guest tonight was Nathan Wolfe, Smarty Pants. Actually the more common title would be Microbiologist. He has a book out now, "The Viral Storm - The Dawn of a New Pandemic Age." I'm going to go out on a limb and say this doesn't sound like the type of book that you want to read while you are sitting in front of the fireplace with a hot cup of cocoa and a plate of cookies. But, it does sound like the type of book that you should read. So, wash your hands before you eat those cookies, and take a bite out of this book.

National EAS Test

Loyal readers know that sometimes I sometimes post information that I consider to be public service messages. Information about telemarketer calls is just one example.

Today I saw this announcement on my TV machine about the National EAS Test. It will be nationwide, thus the word National. It is the Emergency Alert System, thus the initials EAS. Most importantly, and I cannot stress this enough, it is only a Test, and so yes, the word Test.

There you have it, the National EAS Test. The guy on TV said to share the information with friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc. You can visit the FCC website to find out more information. Perhaps one other important detail would be when this test happens, so here it is:

National Emergency Alert System Test
November 9, 2011
2:00 PM EST

If I remember my geography correctly, that would mean 1:00 PM Central, 12:00 Noon Mountain, and 11:00 AM Pacific time.

Now I'm really going rogue and I'm going to make a fun suggestion. When this happens, everyone start jogging in place. We will all be a little bit healthier. It will help us remember what to do in case this had been a real emergency. And maybe, just maybe, the USA could get into the Guinness Book for most people jogging at one time.

Oh! And don't forget to set your clocks back an hour this weekend.

Small Insignificant States

Stephen talked, just briefly tonight, about foreign policy, in that he talked about Herman Cain's insight into foreign policy. Of course we all know that Herman Cain doesn't know who the leader of Ubeki Beki Beki Beki Stan Stan is. I must admit, I do not know either. But I also want to acknowledge all my readers from Ubeki Beki Beki Beki Stan Stan and hope that they keep reading my blog because I think their county is very important.

In order for Herman Cain to know who the leader of Ubeki Beki Beki Beki Stan Stan is, he would have to be able to see into the present. There are already plenty of people who can see into the present. News people and journalists come to mind. Herman Cain has something else to offer, a rare talent. He can see into the past.

Said Herman Cain recently, "I do view China as a potential military threat. They've indicated that they are trying to develop nuclear capability."

Stephen pointed out that it was in 1964 that China did develop that capability. Proof that Herman Cain can see into the past! We need someone like him on the GOP ticket. Perhaps that is why he is doing so well in the polls.

Stephen's guest tonight was friend of the show Michael Pollan talking about his book, "Food Rules, An Eater's Manual." Even before Michael Pollan started to speak with Stephen, there was controversy. Stephen said Rule #1 was:

Do not eat the book.

But Michael Pollan said that Rule #1 was:

Food is a costly antidepressant.

So, which is it? Although I believe that the antidepressant rule is probably the actual first rule in the book, Stephen's rule is more logical. Stephen figured eating is easy, just put stuff into your mouth. Michale Pollan wants people to use a little bit more restraint and eat healthy foods.

And then something I did not expect. We witnessed a sad event. Stephen, unhappy that the audience seemed to be in agreement with Michael Pollan about the wisdom of taxing soda, actually told his audience to be quiet. But the vulgar and rude way he did it will never be forgotten. Or forgiven. Here are the actual words he said/shouted:

"No, you. You shut up!" This is terrible. Does he expect his followers will still chant "Stephen, Stephen, Stephen?"

Update: Everyone forgives Stephen for telling the audience to shut up. And everyone has already forgotten.

Goat Rodeo Sessions

Stephen continued his discussion with Justin and Ketchup tonight. (I hope I used the correct spelling of her name.) If you figure that the person who talks the most, is the winner, then Stephen wins. However, the three of them did not come to a consensus even though Stephen tried. Delicious food, bubbly champagne and even a Japanese masseuse, could not convince Justin and Ketchup to go along with Stephen's plan. Not even a secret handshake could make them change their standards.

For the interview and special treat tonight, goat was on the menu. Wait, wait, that did not sound right. What I mean is that Yo Yo Ma, Chris Chris Thile, Edgar Edgar Meyer and Stuart Stuart Duncan stopped by to chat and to play a song from their new album. The album is called Goat Rodeo Sessions. It has some good reviews over at Amazon and you can also buy it there.

As far as what genre the music falls into, well it's kind of blue grass meets classical, but really it is "genre proof and totally American." So sounds very interesting. I did enjoy the song they played. There is also a bonus song over at Colbert Nation. Well not right now if you are reading this on Tuesday night. Wait a bit, or as the website says, "Bonus musical performance coming soon. Check back later." You can, however, already click on the link at Colbert Nation to buy the album (at iTunes) or visit the website at www.yo-yoma.com.

I will say this, listening to it made me want to build a barn or sew a quilt. That's how good the music is!

Super Consideration

Halloween is a year away again, but Stephen did give us a preview of what his costume for next year will be. I can hardly wait.

Of course, that's not as important as politics and the economy which now involves Occupy Wall Street folks. Stephen traveled, incognito, to one of the encampments inhabited by these occupiers and was able to snag two to take up to his scenic penthouse to try to discern what they wanted and when they wanted it.

It was a cordial discussion if not particularly effective at solving anything. Stephen wanted to be a cult leader but was blocked and fingered down. Ah, but Stephen point-of-ordered it and then put it up for super consideration. He says it passed and then he gave it an executive run-through and went around any concerns. In spite of all this, rarely did he get fingers in the air.

A cult leader can do what ever he wants. Moving on, Stephen gave a Tip of the Hat to Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin. Although still cameras and video cameras are banned in the State Capitol at Madison, (thank heavens), it's just fine to carry a concealed weapon into the Capitol.

Stephen's guest tonight was author Neil MacGregor. His book, "A History of the World in 100 Objects" sounds good. I especially appreciate the great grammar in the title. But, the two of them only talked about three of them. (Two people, three objects.) How can we judge a book when only 3% of it is revealed? Perhaps the discussion was limited due to the feisty audience that Stephen had tonight. I do wish the cameras would have been turned around so that we could see just who it was that seemed to challenge what Stephen was saying. Stephen always speaks the truth so there should have been no complaints.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween. Here's my photo of a bunch of apples dressed up as pumpkins!

If you have nothing better to do today, I have a few ideas. Go look at Google for today's Google Doodle. You can read a little bit about how it was accomplished at the Los Angeles Times. (Watch for a cameo appearance by Pegman and other celebrities when you click on the Google Doodle.)

Next, Friends of the Show Ben and Jerry have a fun little interactive Halloween theme at their website. You can spend a lot of time mousing around there. It seems quite kid-friendly, too. You can even find some safety tips from the Red Cross if you click on the right link. Check out all the "entries" at the Flavor Graveyard. Let's hope Americone Dream never ends up there.

567-248-4400

Rachel called this morning. Well, it was a recorded message, not actually Rachel on the phone. I think I remember that she said Credit Card Services or maybe it was some other name such as Card Member Services. It was urgent about my credit card account. She could lower my credit card interest. I should press "9" now. This is my final chance.

This was (of course) yet another in a long string of "final calls".

Two interesting things. First was what the Caller ID showed! It actually said PHONE SCAM. It would be interesting to know how that happened. Maybe there are so many complaints about that phone number that the technology is now able to show Phone Scam on my Caller ID. Cool.

Other thing is I Googled "Credit Card Services" and found this article in the Minneapolis Star Tribune about Rachel and Credit Card Services. The article is from 2009 but information is interesting. One note, if you do read the comments after the article in the Star Tribune, be wary. Anyone can post something and send you to their website which could be a bad idea. So read the article, take the comments with a grain of salt and don't answer if "Rachel" calls.

O! Say Can You See

Stephen talked about the protests and occupiers today. And an injury. We wish Scott Olsen well and hope for a full recovery.

Next was the NBA and two commercials from the Colbert Super PAC that were quite interesting. Apparently everyone is named Mark Cuban.

Toby Keith has a new album, Clancy's Tavern out now. Toby is a good, ... no, he's a Great friend of the show. He also is on tour, a true American heartland tour with the next stops being Edinburgh, Manchester, London, Amsterdam, Munich, Cologne, Hamburg, Helsinki, Basel, Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, and Berlin. Oh, Stephen had fun with that, but really, isn't everywhere actually the heartland? If your heart is there, it sure is!

So yes of course a performance by Toby Keith and then a commercial. And you know how after the commercials there are only a few seconds of the show left where Stephen says, "Good Night," or something similar? Well not tonight. Tonight was the Best Ever Performance of The Star Spangled Banner by Stephen Colbert and Toby Keith. It is well worth going over to Colbert Nation to watch the full episode and to listen to them sing. They got all the words right and they hit all the notes.

Most people can sing the lyrics to our National Anthem, but it's usually not so easy to just say them or write them. Try it now and see how well you do. Okay, now go on over to Wikipedia and look at the lyrics to all the verses for The Star Spangled Banner and read up a bit on the history of this song.

But for sure listen to the golden voices of Stephen and Toby. Awe-inspiring. Enthusiastic support from the audience also. Well done, sirs.

Note: You may also want to read what I wrote about the Star-Spangled Banner back in February of this year.

I Told You So

Stephen talked about immigration last night. It seems that Alabama is now tough on immigration. And it seems that the produce in Alabama is rotting in the fields because there's no one to pick it. And those two things are related. Who would have thought?

Well, Stephen, that's who. He was himself a farm worker for one day. Anyone can sign up to do the work.

So what is needed to keep those fruits and vegetables coming to a grocery store near you? Here's what Representative Jeremy Oden (R-AL) (not to be confused with a bald Dwight Schrute) has to say about the problem (NPR October 24, 2011):

"Look, we need a federal program, a migrant program that we can apply in our state and get these skilled laborers to stay and help these people out."

So, Alabama has a tough law on immigrants and all the skilled laborers have left Alabama, but they want a way for skilled laborers to stay there and work. Sounds like they have a bit of a problem.

Stephen did testify to Congress about this. "Most soil is at ground level."

On last night's show, we also learned about Jesus-Ween, where people are supposed to dress in white and hand out Bibles instead of candy on Halloween. The interview guest was Taylor Branch who has a new book out, "The Cartel," which is actually about NCAA.

Stephen also used his time on the show to urge us to (not) buy these two books by staff members:

Sad Monsters by Frank Lesser
Bad for the Jews by Scott Sherman

You have a choice of books you can buy, or you could just as easily buy all three.

877-897-9953

Troy called. I was excited at first thinking it was Troy from Community, but no, it was a professional fundraiser that called me. Typically with these types of calls, the person talks quite fast and this was no exception. I think he was going to send out some pledge forms and I should mail that back with a donation.

I always say "No" to phone solicitations like this because I get too many requests for donations anyway. There are plenty of local places I can donate to. There are plenty of well-known places I can donate to. And think about it. If you don't like getting these calls but you agree to donate, I guarantee you will get even more calls.

Details. It was to help out animals. That's good. But there were red flags, you know, things that seemed kind of hinky.

I asked for a website and he rattled the URL off but then said they don't take donations on the website. That seemed strange. Most charities, organizations, foundations, etc. are anxious to get funds in whatever way people are willing to donate. Perhaps he was just looking out for himself (a professional fundraiser) rather than the organization he was hired to get money for. Most likely he gets a commission and if the donation comes via the website, well no commission for him. And yet, there were plenty of "Donate Now" opportunities at the website he gave me, so yes they do actually accept donations at the website. I don't think he had the truthiness I would have expected from a good solid charity.

I did look at the website and that seemed a little hinky too. It seemed quite new based on the copyright date - 2011 - and some pages were "Coming Soon." I also found at least one instance of what seemed to be a note to the webmaster that should have been removed before that page went up live on their website.

They supposedly help animals and yet I could not find any place that I could tell them about animals that needed help. There's no details. I could not find their address listed on the website. I could not find them when I Googled them. (I did find similar sounding names, hmmm.)

Lots of photos but probably photos that you could get off the internet or purchase from those kind of services that provide generic photos for your website.

As I mentioned, their name is very, very similar to lots of other groups that showed up on Google. After the small amount of information on the phone, plus looking over their website, I realized that I still didn't know anything about them. Who are they? Not a single person's name. No board members. No staff members. Where are they? There's a map that shows where they are, but that could be a mailbox store or someone's apartment or office. Why no address where I could mail a check?

So, I'm not even going to give them publicity by saying what the name of the group is. Just the phone number. 877-897-9953. If they call you, beware. I do not give them the Colbert Bump.

Try these instead. There's a list over at Charity Navigator of many Animal Charities. You can look through the list, check the scores and websites of the groups and donate there. Or donate to your local animal charity.

Hot Coffee

Stephen did talk about Herman Cain's smoking ad tonight. Or should it be called Herman Cain's smiling ad? Well, whatever it's called, Stephen did give it some free air time. We got to see just how breezy the studio is, if you were paying close attention, that is. And we got to see how cool Stephen is. Of course, I'm sure he was just acting.

Even though Herman Cain constantly boasts about what a great businessman he is, his ads aren't as good as the ones that Stephen made for Cain 2012. But there is something quite disturbing about Herman Cain's ad. It's the music. In the background we hear "I Am America." Does that sound familiar? Think now....

I... Am... America. Yep. A certain book by that same title, "I Am America." Why doesn't Stephen have Herman Cain on the show to ask about this slap in the face? Oh, that's why. Herman Cain has chickened out twice so far. Well, yet another invitation was extended to Cain and if he does come on for the Colbert Bump, there will be a Smiling Contest. Oh, yes! And Stephen will win just like he did tonight when he gave us a preview.

But on to the Beverage Portion of the show. Hot Coffee. It refers to a documentary feature film about the woman who spilled hot coffee on herself and sued. You've heard of it (unless you live under a rock). And we keep hearing that's why we need tort reform.

Go watch the show to find out the real truth about, not tort reform but tort deform. Susan Saladoff was on the show tonight and discussed tort reform, hot coffee, and the 7th Amendment. Frivolous lawsuits are not a major problem, she says. The woman who sued was not trying to get rich. She only wanted the medical bills paid.

Anyway, the film won a whole bunch of awards. You probably should watch the film or at least watch the show over at Colbert Nation if you didn't catch it on TV.

Waiting to Exhale

Ooh, I just saw Cain's new ad on TV. On a news show of course. I sometimes think that's half the exposure that political ads get. Probably makes the candidates happy when that happens.

Anyway, it's of a guy smoking and then a close-up of Cain smiling. The smoker is Mark Block. He is one of Herman Cain's top people in the presidential campaign and previously worked for Americans for Prosperity (think Koch Brothers). He also had a bit of trouble in Wisconsin some years back with allegations of election law violations. But all that is smoke under the bridge now.

What caught my attention in the ad of Mark Block smoking is the lack of any smoke. If you see the ad, watch closely. He doesn't exhale. That's right. Smoking but no smoke. (Well, just a tiny bit, but mostly he tries to keep it in until ad is done.) I have noticed that same thing years ago in magazine ads for cigarettes. They show people holding lit cigarettes, but usually no smoke.

So now I wonder if Stephen will talk about this tonight. Typically I never seem to predict what he will talk about so mostly I just watch The Colbert Report and hope that once in a while I will talk about a story before he gets to it.

What is a Focus Group?

And what does it have to do with a "Chopper Pad?"

First off, a Focus Group. Those are the people that sit in the large room on chairs in rows in front of the one-way mirror. Is that the right term? No problem, I'll look it up in Wikipedia where all things are true. What? "A one-way mirror, also known as a two-way mirror, one-way glass, or two-way glass..." That could confuse some people. How can all those things refer to the same thing? Oh, never mind.

The important thing is that all those people sit there and answer questions that Dr. Luntz asks while Stephen sits behind the one-way/two-way mirror/glass and eats popcorn and drinks pop. From all the answers from all the people in the Focus Group, three things emerge.

1. Corporations are human.
2. Corporations are people - Will they be Chinese people or American people?
3. People are corporations.

Good, this will help Stephen and Dr. Luntz make a commercial for the Colbert SuperPAC that shows that Corporations are people. Of course, they should have the same rights as all people, the right to free speech, the right to bear arms and the right to get married, not gay married, but married. At least that is what Stephen wants Dr. Luntz to know.

Perhaps this would be a good time for me to inform people (and corporations too, I guess) that Dr. Luntz seems to sometimes be exasperated with Stephen. Maybe that's too strong of a word, but still, he must be getting paid well enough that it makes it worth his while. Maybe it's just that Stephen is a conservative and Dr. Luntz doesn't share his values. It's hard to figure.

Stephen had a presidential contender on his show tonight. And I don't mean that he interviewed himself. It was Jon Huntsman, former governor of the state of Utah. It was a short interview, as most of the interviews tend to be, but they covered a lot of ground. Jon Huntsman has worked for Reagan, Bush 41, Bush 43 and Obama. He speaks Mandarin Chinese, which is good considering he was Obama's Ambassador to China. I'm not sure if the speaking of Mandarin Chinese came first or if being Ambassador was first, but the one helps make the other possible and vice versa.

Tonight I really wished that I knew Mandarin Chinese. Jon Huntsman said a sentence or two in Mandarin Chinese. Since Stephen does not speak Mandarin Chinese, Jon Huntsman repeated it in English. He was looking for Stephen to possibly be his vice presidential running mate. Hey, if it was good enough for Sarah Palin, it certainly should be just fine for Stephen Colbert. But there's always that chance that it was just a joke and the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that Stephen probably does not have a good chance of being a vice presidential candidate this coming election.

Well, when all was said and done, Stephen said something that surprised me. Even after informing us that Huntsman is considered by some to be a moderate, Stephen was ready to give him the Colbert Bump. Huntsman has been polling at 2%, but Stephen promised to get him all the way up to whole milk.

* Chopper Pad is an endearing name Stephen used to refer to Dr. Luntz.

Pinheads and Patriots

Just one more thing about Bill O'Reilly's book "Pinheads and Patriots." I have been thinking about his arrangement for copies of the book to be mailed to the folks serving in Operation Enduring Freedom.

It seems a little bit, yes I'll say it, conceited to do so. It's kind of like those comedy sketches where some famous guy goes to a soup kitchen and hands out 8x10 glossy photos of himself.

Can you really imagine any soldier over in Afghanistan getting a package and in it is that book. "Oh wow! Just what I've always wanted - a book by some guy telling me what patriotism means." If you send a "gift" to someone, it should be something they want and need, not something that boasts about you or glorifies you.

Yeah, I'm thinking Food or Soap would have been a way better choice.

Food or Soap

So, I've been thinking about Thursday's show. Of course Coldplay was on and so if you didn't watch The Colbert Report then, go watch it online, you know, at Colbert Nation. If you did watch, you learned that since Coldplay has 7 Grammys and Stephen has 1 Grammy, they each have an average of 4 Grammys. Way to go Stephen Colbert!

Then there was the Tip of the Hat Wag of the Finger. You decide which was the tip and which the hat. It seems that Tea Party Nation, a For Profit grass roots group, emailed all 30,000 of its members asking them to take the following pledge:

"I, an American small business owner, part of the class that produces the vast majority of real, wealth producing jobs in the country, hereby resolve that I will not hire a single person until this war against business and my country is stopped."
October 18, 2011

Well, isn't that special? It kind of reminds me of the logic of that bumper sticker you often see around town: The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Yeah, wait - no, that doesn't make sense. If you choose to stagnate your own business, well, that's kind of stupid, isn't it? How can you expect anything to improve? Oh, maybe that's the plan. Run everything into the ground and then point to it and say look how bad it is.

Stephen expressed it best when he said, "Something must be done. That something ... nothing."

And then Bill O'Reilly, Papa Bear as he is known, has a new book out, "Pinheads and Patriots." I don't know much about football teams and at first I mistakenly thought it was a sports book. But never mind about that. It seems there's a deal to send his book over to the troops serving in Afghanistan. And it seems like some got burned. And someone posted a photo of it with this comment:

"Some jerk sent us two boxes of this awful book instead of anything soldiers at a remote outpost in Afghanistan might need, like, say food or soap."

Well, there you go. The very people who are over fighting for our Constitutional Right to Free Speech practiced that very same Free Speech over in Afghanistan. Yea for those brave Patriots saying what they think. Bill O'Reilly must be very proud of them.

866-498-7690

I had to ask twice for her to repeat who she was calling for. Finally she slowed down so I could catch it. Kids Wish Network. Just a short introductory statement and then she asked if I knew any sick kids. When I told her no, she then asked if she could mail something out for me to read and then make a donation. I told her no.

(Cold calls like that are troublesome. Is she really who she says she is? Is it a legitimate organization? How well do they do what they say they are going to do? And would she then ask for lots of information about that sick kid???)

So, she said thanks and hung up. I checked online and found this about Kids Wish Network over at Charity Navigator. Their overall score is 38.30 and they have 1 out of 4 stars. I like Charity Navigator. At the bottom of the screen they list similar charities. I found that there are three Make-A-Wish groups with scores of 61.10, 67.90 and 58.51. So that seems like a better place to send a donation.

Program Expenses for Make-A-Wish of Missouri, for example, are about three fourths of the money. That's making wise use of people's donations. At Kids Wish, it's only around the halfway mark. Half of the money Kids Wish brings in goes to pay for fundraising. So if you were to send Kids Wish Network $10, you would be paying $5 out of your donation for them to call you at home.

I also looked at Make-A-Wish website here and saw that on their front page under Fraud Alert, they let you know that they do not participate in telemarketing. That's way cool.

Judge for yourself. But now at least you know who is calling when Caller ID lists 866-498-7690.

And just to be totally fair, if you look at Charity Navigator enough times, you may get a pop up dialog box asking if you want to donate just a tiny bit to help them help us all in sorting through all the charities asking for your money.

Bears and Broccoli

We all know that Stephen has a love/hate relationship with bears. We know about bears driving cars and bears hanging out in the beer cooler, and now we find out that up in Ketchikan, Alaska,a tiny bear cub will walk right into the grocery store and head for the Produce Section, obviously in search of broccoli.

I'm reluctant to even speak of this in case it scares Stephen, but he is so knowledgeable that he probably already knows about it. Don't worry, Stephen, it was just a tiny bear, so cute, so cuddly, so just stay calm.

Speaking of produce, and considering that Halloween is coming up, here's a clip about good old Produce Pete with Steve Carell when he was on the Daily Show in 2003.

I Was There and He Wasn't

Stephen had two interesting people on tonight.

The first was Carol Browner, Senior Fellow at the Center for American Progress and former head of the E.P.A. (Environmental Protection Agency). She was there to try to set Stephen straight on the need for clean air and clean water and thus the E.P.A. I'm sure you've all heard about problems with pollution. I also am quite sure that you partake of breathing of the air and drinking of the water and so can appreciate having standards so that it stays that way.

Stephen also had clips of Rush Limbaugh talking on the radio, but that is not the same as having him on the show. Rush talked about how great the LRA - Lords of Resistance Army is in Uganda. It seems at first he was praising them and then, once he found out about the accusations against them of nasty stuff such as murder and abduction, Limbaugh sort of back pedaled and said he would do some more research about the LRA.

Then another real person on the show. Ali H. Soufan, former Special Agent for the FBI and counter-terrorism operator. He has a new book out: "The Black Banners - The inside Story of 9/11 and the War Against al-Qaeda." He has done some remarkable things, mostly by being smart and talking to suspects. Amazing how well that can work. He was able to get really good information that helped us a lot in the fight against terrorism. Go watch the show over at Colbert Nation if you didn't see it tonight.

Find out who Ali Soufan was talking about when he said, "I was there and he wasn't."

Nothing Up My Sleeve

Stephen started the show by demonstrating his creative genius for finding answers. Then he endorsed Herman Cain, or was he joking?

I'll explain. Herman Cain recently said that as president he would build a 20 foot high fence along the Mexican border and he would electrify it. (Most likely he is trying to have a better fence than what Michele Bachmann has planned.) Ah, but then he explained he was joking. No wait, then he said it might be a good idea and he hasn't really given up on that idea. So, depending on whether you like his ideas or not, he is joking or else he's not joking. This is true, I'm not joking about it.

And then in what can only be called some sort of horrifying Halloween scare tactic, Stephen told us that there's talk of limiting potatoes in school lunches. He explained, in great detail, why this would be bad, especially for young middle school boys who have only Tater Tots to sustain them, not just nutritionally but also emotionally.

In other food related news, we learned that Yum oops I mean Yum! Brands is applying for inclusion in the Food Stamp program. Currently, food stamps are only supposed to be used to buy food at grocery stores and not at fast food restaurants. Stephen weighed in on the issue and most likely he will weigh more after he weighed in on the issue. (Okay. He ate some food from Taco Bell. It's a joke. Or if you don't think it's funny, then it's not a joke.)

Stephen explained that Yum! includes Taco Bell, KFC, Long John Silver's and Pizza Hut. But it sort of does and sort of doesn't. You see, in January they put a "For Sale" sign on Long John Silver's and also A&W. And in September they announced that they had agreements to sell them, so right now it's a little bit confusing as to which restaurants are included at Yum!.

My feeling is that the food stamps should continue to be used at grocery stores only. If you let these fast food restaurants accept food stamps, then what would be next? Would all restaurants start accepting food stamps? Letting fast food restaurants accept food stamps for payment is just opening up a can of worms. Yikes, would that be the next thing that people could buy with food stamps?

Stephen's guest was Steven Pinker talking about his book, "The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined." He had some statistics which he shared with us. Statistics are always good. Prehistoric tribes killed each other at a rate of about 15%, but today, it's much less than a percentage point. Back in the Middle Ages, you were about 35% more likely to be murdered than you are today! To sum up and tie it all together, Stephen shared with Steven a nice example of irony.

The most exciting part of the show was at the very end. Yes, I know that is usually the saddest because the show is almost over, but there's a good reason. Stephen announced that "Tonight is the 6th year anniversary of The Colbert Report. Hard to believe because it was actually last night."

Whew, I thought I had it wrong on yesterday's post, but it actually was October 17.

Here's the part where you go to Colbert Nation for a great opportunity. Look for the link to Colbert Photo Show for Auction. Click on that for more information. You can bid on photos from The Colbert Report and help out Donors Choose.

And finally, you are probably wondering if Stephen unveiled his newest portrait of himself. And you are probably wondering if he has anything up his sleeve. Well, yes he did and yes he does!

World Population

It dawned on me today that what John McCain said (see previous post) about Federal Regulations and the billions and billions of jobs could also be viewed in relation to the world population. The world population is also billions and billions, but actually only a little bit less than seven billion people. So his claim that those regulations are costing the USA billions and billions of jobs just doesn't hold water. (I bet somewhere there are regulations that dictate how strong water towers need to be so that they don't leak on nearby houses and flood the homes of citizens!)

I just wanted to provide this update so that my millions and millions of readers would have a little bit more information in order to judge the statement by a person who is making thousands and thousands of decisions daily in the United States Senate.

Banana Boat Song

I wondered if Stephen would mention it and yes he did. Tonight is the 6th Anniversary of The Colbert Show. What ever did we do before October 17, 2005?

Stephen highlighted some news stories tonight:

Senator John McCain (AZ) said that Federal Regulations are costing us billions and billions of jobs. Stephen pointed out, as only he can, that what McCain said is not possible. Even if McCain only meant one billion jobs, that would still come out to approximately three jobs per person.

Population of USA: 312,400,000
One billion jobs: 1,000,000,000

Where is McCain getting those numbers? My gosh, we would need almost 700,000,000 more people just to take care of that first group of one billion jobs.

Representative Ritch Workman, a Republican from Florida, is doing his best to get jobs for Americans. Although he thinks it is offensive to do so, he wants dwarf tossing to be legal in Florida so that dwarfs can be tossed and thus (I guess) earn a living. Stephen highlighted many other job opportunities that could be available. I don't see why we can't have Representative Tossing too. Maybe it would take two people to do the tossing, but heck, Rep. Ritch Workman wouldn't have to hold any fundraisers other than being the guest of honor for Representative Tossing.

The Sport Report

Colbert Super PAC had an ad. You'll have to go watch it over at Colbert Nation if you want to know what it was about.

Harry Belafonte was Stephen's guest tonight and what a delightful interview it was. Stephen and Harry Belafonte even sang a bit of Jamaica Farewell. Belafonte is best known for singing the Banana Boat Song. For something a little bit more fun and lively, watch him singing Matilda.

Oh, yeah, and they also talked about Belafonte's book, "My Song: A Memoir," by Harry Belafonte and Michael Shnayerson.