Republicans Crave Fun

Yep, Republicans crave fun. Or so says George Will. It seems almost not worth the ink to write something like that because it should be obvious to everyone.

Something else that should come as no surprise to Colbert fans. Stephen is a huge fan of Pat Robertson. You may remember Pat from his incredibly powerful "Age Defying Protein Pancakes." Stephen is also a fan of those pancakes. You can tell the pancakes really work because neither Stephen nor Pat Robertson has aged in all the years they both have been on TV.

Good News from Pat. God told him who the next president will be but Pat isn't going to tell us. Nope, that's his little secret. Pat also had an extensive conversation with God and God told him it will be a time of maximum stress and peril.

Will it be massive power threat? - No!
Will it be North Korea Nuclear Threat? - No!
Will it be Mayan Galaxy alignment? - No!
(At this point, Stephen had a Mayan hat on and a flustered chicken in his lap.)

So, what is it? Drum roll........ It is economic collapse.

How can that be you ask. Well, this is what Pat Robertson said.

"God said and I quote. This is not my judgement. They are bringing it upon themselves. Your country will be torn apart by internal stress. Your president holds a radical view of the direction of your country which is at odds with the majority. Expect chaos and paralysis. This is a spiritual battle which can only be won by overwhelming prayer."

So Stephen donned his lucky red prayer hat but then took it up a level to his prayer sombrero, or som-prayer-o. He put on his large foam prayer hands and had his stagehands bring out stacks of speakers. (I assume so that God could hear better.)

Let us pray, well, let Stephen pray.

"Dear Lord,
We have heard you speak through your Pat Puppet. We mortals are heartily sorry we elected Barack Obama. Help us defeat him in 2012, although Pat says you already know what's going to happen so either this prayer has already worked or it hasn't which means it's either unnecessary or pointless.

"Oh, and one more thing Lord. Why'd you tell Pat Robertson? I'm not complaining but what about me? Is there some sort of next president phone tree I can get on, you know like in case there's a snow day? Anyway, if it's something I've done, (other than you know that thing I keep trying to stop doing), I'm sorry.

"Amen. Jesus Number One!"

Tonight's guest was not George Will or Pat Robertson, although that would be interesting. It was Steve Case, founder of AOL.

Stephen reminded Steve that Steve introduced the greatest waster of time in the workplace. But now Steve has another company, Revolution, which seems to be about sharing. Stephen informed Steve that sharing seems Marxist, and seems to be a socialist idea.

But Stephen warmed up to the idea, even offering his own suggestion for sharing toasters. Instead of all of us owning one and keeping it in the kitchen, there could be one central place where people go to borrow the toaster, bring it home to make toast, and then bring it back. When Steve said that was a good idea, Stephen pulled the rug out from under that notion by saying it is the stupidest idea he's heard of.

I agree with Stephen. It's a stupid idea. So stupid, it just might work.