Kids vs. Janitors vs. Newt

You may have heard Newt Gingrich talk about his plan for replacing one out of two janitors in a school with 37 kids. He says it would be good idea. It's not. For one thing, you would need to supervise these kids. Obviously. I mean, when the kids are in class, there's teachers supervising the kids, right? Will there just be one janitor spending all his (or her) time supervising these kids and telling them what needs to be done? If nothing else, someone has to say, clean the floor in this room, the floor in that room has already been done, and by the way, someone threw up in the cafeteria, any volunteers to go get a mop?

But, just for fun, I made a Top Ten List of Reasons Why Newt's Plan is Dumb. See what you think.

10. Kids should be in class interacting with their peers and forming friendships and relationships.

9. There are too many chances for a kid to get injured either by using equipment such as lawn mower or snow blower or from exposure to hazardous cleaning solutions.

8. Janitors often have to clean up after a kid throws up. Having kids clean up this little mishap would most likely start a chain reaction of kids throwing up when they see the vomit on the floor and then that kid throws up and the next kid who is called to clean it up throws up and on and on. (That's similar to what happened in The Goonies.)

7. If a school has two janitors, there will be two brooms, two vacuum cleaners, etc. Replace one janitor with 37 kids and you may need to buy lots more brooms and vacuum cleaners for all of them.

6. Often a class gets cleaned on a rotation schedule when each class goes out to recess. Will one kid clean and vacuum the room in that amount of time, or will you have 37 kids with 37 brooms in that room?

5. Will the kids skip reading class to clean out the kitchen and cafeteria after lunch? But then how will they know how to read the cautionary label on the cleaning supplies that will be used?

4. Will they be skipping class time to work as a janitor or will they be skipping after-school time when they should be doing homework, getting tutoring help, learning team building skills at basketball or football practice or going home to babysit younger siblings while Mom or Dad is at work?

3. Are they really qualified to be a janitor? In my town, janitors need a boiler license to operate the furnace.

2. Janitors have master keys to every lock in the school. Considering the amount of books, mittens, and even shoes in the Lost and Found, are you going to give the kids the keys to the school and trust that these keys won't get lost?

1. Have you ever tried to get a kid to clean his bedroom? And now you want him to clean a school. Really? Seriously? Are you kidding?