The Beauty of Being at Sea

The Bermuda Charleston Race is over. All arrived safely in Bermuda. If you weren't able to be in Bermuda for the Awards Ceremony on the terrace of the Royal Bermuda Yacht Club, you can watch it online and also check the final scoring.

You can see a few photos and catch a short interview with Stephen after the race here at Bernews which I'm assuming is news about Bermuda.

All in all it was a great race, especially for those of us who could just sit at home and watch the progress online. It's a more serene pace than the usual races we typically watch and it's not the type of race where you can get a good seat and watch the action. The participants were usually alone with the sea, the weather and each other.

And you know, I've learned something today. I've learned how tiny Bermuda is and how difficult it must be to find the island out in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. I've learned that Sailing isn't as easy as it looks. I've also learned that Stephen does have a pair of pink Bermuda shorts and we can only hope to see him wearing them the next time we see him on The Colbert Report. This was such a big news story and I am surprised that it was not reported in the all of the MSM when it happened.

Colbert and Spirit of Juno Finish Second

Read about it at Charleston Bermuda Race. Stephen and crew got in at about 4:00 a.m. due in part to diminished winds after sunset. More news will follow, but it was a good race.

Who Can? Tucana Can

Tucana crossed the finish line first at around 8:00 p.m. EDT.

But that doesn't mean Tucana is the winner. There's still technical stuff to figure out. I don't understand it all, but Spirit of Juno still has a chance if she can make good time. I'll post when she crosses the finish line.

Lightly Scrambled With a Side of Tucana

Where do they come up with these good headings? That's the latest news from the Charleston Bermuda Race and it's not looking good for Stephen. In fact, I am thinking someone should air drop a map for them. I'm wondering if he got the spelling wrong and is heading for Brazil instead of Bermuda.

Tucana has only 11.8 nm to go and is traveling at 6.90 knots while Spirit of Juno has 53.4 nm to go and even at 8.00 knots, I don't think they can pull a rabbit out of a hat and get ahead of Tucana.

I'm not giving up hope, but let's just say the Credits are probably rolling right now and the announcer is thanking the producer and camera operators and linesmen.

If Stephen loses, that also means he won't have bragging rights. Hey. Wait a Minute! When has losing ever kept Stephen from bragging? Yeah. He'll be okay. He'll probably get all dressed up in his island best clothes and have a night on the town. He can wear sunglasses and no one will notice him so he can have a relaxing time while dining on, what, more fish???

The Best New Thing in the World Today

This really is different and way off topic, but it's also really cool. I happened to watch part of The Rachel Maddow Show on msnbc last night. At the end of the show she has a segment called "The Best New Thing in The World Today". Last night she talked a little bit about General Dempsey who might become the next chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

And you know how you go to a wedding and someone's drunk uncle grabs a microphone and embarrasses everyone by singing some song and does a horrible job? Well Rachel played a video of General Dempsey singing at what looks like someone's wedding and he was GREAT! He sang New York, New York and you should give a listen. He's as good as Frank Sinatra. If he wasn't in the Army, he could have a successful singing career. (I also think it would be a good idea for Stephen to have General Dempsey on The Colbert Report and they could sing a duo.)

Impressive. General Martin Dempsey sings "New York, New York"

Race Update

Are you going to Charleston Bermuda Race to get daily updates? The Race Updates there are quite interesting and informative. For example, I now know that there is a difference between a Rhumbline and a Rumba Line.

The most recent entry was actually good news to me. At first, I looked at Yellowbrick tracking and was heartbroken to see that Yanosha and Gratitude have passed Spirit of Juno, and the Spirit of Minerva was gaining on the Spirit of Juno. But it's not as bad as it looks. The Race Update commentary reassures us that they are not pulling ahead in the race. They are almost certainly using their motors and thus, have essentially dropped out of the race. Whew.

That just means that Tucana is really the only boat ahead of the Spirit of Juno. However, Tucana is only 106.7 nm away from the finish line, while Spirit of Juno is 143.4 nm out. That's a lot of distance to make up before the shores of Bermuda! Can Stephen and crew do it?

I think Stephen has some grand plan that will get him to Bermuda first. He just has to give himself the Colbert Bump.

Stephen, You're Going the WRONG Way!!!!!

Have the spiders taken over the Spirit of Juno? Or did the wind break and they can't go towards Bermuda? What if Stephen and crew don't win? Will he get some kind of "participation trophy" or maybe a coupon for $10 off a pair of pink Bermuda shorts?

It looks like a lot of the boats have been sightseeing on their way lately. Yanosha and Gratitude seem to be heading straight for Bermuda while TSOJ heads north and Tucana heads south. Will this race be decided by a nose? Is there a jockey involved? Will they all put down anchor if it's nightfall when they get to Bermuda and wait until the sun comes up? They would have much better photos if they do wait. Someone tell the crews of Tucana, Yanosha and Gratitude to slow down and take a nap so they are rested for all the hoopla at the end of the race. And then tell TSOJ to go for all they're worth! They can still win this thing!

Spiders! Spiders Everywhere!

It was fun while it lasted. Tucana is again in the lead. She is 161.1 nm Distance to Finish and going 6.00 knots while TSOJ (The Spirit of Juno) is 168 nm DtF and going 3.4 knots. In third spot is still Yanosha with 179.2 DtF and going 4.6 knots.

It's been reported that everyone is down in the doldrums, literally speaking. Those boats north of the rhumbline are expected to get more favorable winds later in the day which should help with what is being called a mid-ocean parking lot.

But for more extensive coverage of the Charleston Bermuda Race, you should really check out today's update, "Windless and Wacky, The Adventure Continues." Then you can find out about the Spiders! Spiders Everywhere!

They're Winning

Read it at the Charleston Bermuda Race website:

"World's Greatest Sailor Takes the Lead as Fleet Compresses."

There is a nice update there. If you don't have time to read it now, here's a very brief summary of what's happening. (You really should go read it though.)

The Spirit of Juno has pulled ahead of the pack and are in the lead. But, they are going really slow, only .40 knots. but the Distance to Finish is only 187.2 nm.

The next boat is Tucana with 193 nm to go, however they are whizzing by at 3.10 knots.

And then there is Yanosha with 199.1 nm to go, but they also are not exactly breaking speed records at a pace of .90 knots.

Let's hope Stephen and crew can pick up the pace a bit and stay in the lead.

I wonder if they will have to bring the boats back to Charleston. That would mean another week away from The Colbert Report. But this being Memorial Day Weekend, maybe that's the plan anyway. Of course, they could all race back to Charleston -- that would be fun.

He's Winning, I Think

Okay, so I don't know everything about sailing and maybe there's more to it than meets the eye. But, at least for now, Spirit of Juno is winning. That is to say, Spirit of Juno has the fewest miles left to travel. Here's a little chart to show how it stands now.

Spirit of Juno 197.7 nm 4.10 knots
Tucana 202.8 nm 2.50 knots
Yanosha 204.7 nm 2.00 knots

So, if I am understanding that correctly, Stephen and the Spirit of Juno are closer to Bermuda and they are going faster.

Time will tell.

Charleston Bermuda Race

The excitement is almost too much to endure. Tucana is in the lead going 4 knots with 210 nm left to go. Oops, just updated and Tucana is now going 3.5 knots with 208.6 nm before she reaches Bermuda. Spirit of Juno is clipping along at 5.3 knots with 210.1 nm to go. But both need to look over their shoulder. Yanosha has been making good progress and is catching up with 4.7 knots and 212.2 nm left to travel.

Spirit of Juno could make it to first place if they can keep up the pace. Surely Stephen took my advice and is helping by towing the boat behind him. There's still a ways to go yet, but I'm holding out hope that they can win this race.

If you can stand the excitement, track the Charleston Bermuda Race here by clicking on Tracking under the Participate button.

The Teams

It just dawned on me that I should mention the Teams for the Race. You can see them if you track the race with YellowBrick. The teams are, in no particular order except alphabetical, Eagles' Wings, First Light, Gratitude, Halcyon, Pied'a Mer, Santosha, Solarus, Spirit of Juno, Spirit of Minerva, Tucana, and Yanosha.

I did a little bit more poking around at the YellowBrick tracking screen and clicked on YellowBrick down at the bottom of the screen. Then I clicked on their Gallery of Photos and found out that YellowBrick is actually, sort of, a yellow brick that you can put on your bike or boat or car and track its location and progress.

I'm having a flashback to Dorothy and the Munchkins singing "Follow the Yellow Brick Road." Oh, if only Dorothy could have had YellowBrick tracking where she was. She might have been able to avoid the Wicked Witch completely and get back to Kansas much quicker.

Two Beautiful Places. One Ocean Challenge.

I've been talking about the Race, you know, the Charleston Bermuda Race. You can track the progress of the race by clicking on "Tracking" under the "Participate" button. Then just click on the link that says: "Click here to track your favorite all the way to the finish line!"

All boats will be equipped with YellowBrick trackers. It's fun so you really should check it out at least once before the race ends, which will be any day now. You can see all the boats heading east to Bermuda with Spirit of Juno typically in 2nd place. You can zoom in on the boats, and find out the names of the boats along with their current speed and distance left to travel. You can also replay the race so far. Just fool around with the toggles and arrows at bottom of the screen.

You can see one spot where Stephen's boat was doing some crazy maneuvers. My fear is that he said something like, "Hey, what's that big fish over there?" And then maybe they went off course to look at it. Or, since everyone seemed to be having trouble staying on course, perhaps someone broke the wind.

Maybe there's time to catch up. But I think it's time for Stephen to start taking some heroic action. He should put on a life preserver, tie a rope to his waist, jump in the water in front of the boat and start swimming. With his weight off the boat, and with his paddling and kicking, that should be just enough to gain the advantage. If that fails, when they get close to the finish line, he needs to point away from Bermuda and holler over at the Tucana, "Hey, look over there! It's a Pirate Ship loaded with treasure."

Good and Pawlenty

As you all know, Stephen is out to sea. So, I'll fill in with tidbits of this and that while he is out of the studio.

This was funny. On the day that Tim Pawlenty, former Governor of Minnesota, finally came out of the "running for president" closet, one of the home town papers, the Star Tribune had this cartoon by Steve Sack.

The thing is, that's one of my favorite candy choices. Good and Plenty candies are pink and white candy-coated licorice. Sweet on the outside, chewy on the inside.

Anyway, the No-Doz reference is hinting at (quite pointedly) that you need something to keep you from falling asleep when listening to Tim Pawlenty.

Some of you may remember that Michele Bachmann, Congresswoman from Minnesota, is also thinking about running for president, but she's waiting until all the "signs" are right before she decides.

So, for Minnesotans, this could be awkward. Perhaps it will end up being just like the Gingham Dog and the Calico Cat.

We All Smell Wonderful

Spirit of Juno is doing quite well. Almost in first place, which I think is showing restraint and polite consideration of other teams and boats. We can look to the finish of the race when Stephen and the entire crew of the Spirit of Juno will most certainly come in first place.

The most recent update has Stephen's crew and boat doing 3.30 knots with 488.6 nm to finish. Yikes, get the lead out. They need to pick up the pace a little bit. Most everyone else is going faster than that.

You can keep checking the progress at Charleston Bermuda Race and get updates via Stephen's emails to race headquarters.

"We are in good position thanks to our skipper, Tim Scarisbrick, first mate Bertie Whitley and second mate Chris Miller. We all smell wonderful. See you in Bermuda!"

The only complaint I have is that they keep referring to Stephen as comedian Stephen Colbert. Is he not a major political pundit and widely acclaimed world news correspondent and reporter? Yes, I thought so.

Perhaps for the next race you will want to participate. It's simple, just get a boat and some friends and follow these simple rules found in the Notice of Race. Probably the most interesting one is the concept of "leave-no-trace" which I would assume to mean don't be throwing garbage overboard, etc. (They probably should not have brought Stephen Colbert with. He always leaves traces of himself wherever he goes!)

Crusty Seaman

Here's a short article from the "The Post and Courier" about the Charleston Bermuda Race. There's also a great photo of the crew for the Spirit of Juno. There's only one comment now and I think that comment suggests that Stephen is an amateur. That's okay. By the end of the race, if seasickness doesn't plague Stephen, he will surely look like a pro.

Greatest Sailor in the World

I hope you are all following the boat race out on the Big Pond, or the Atlantic Ocean as it is more commonly know. Stephen's boat is currently the fastest - 10.50 knots with only 581.9 nm to go - and if that continues, they can get to first place soon. Then just keep up that speed until they get to Bermuda and they will win. I wish I could get a message to Stephen of my winning strategy.

I was luckily able to do a little bit of reading at Charleston Bermuda Race. Someone had written the following:

"Other than the Colbert media circus..."

What?!? Stephen is not at the Circus. He is on the Spirit of the Juno.

Oh, there's a message from Stephen:

"Dear land-based forms,

Fantastic day. We started with windless bobbing from 4:00 a.m. until 8:00 a.m. We punctuated this inertia by catching, on a hand line, two mahi-mahi, a very beautiful fish-fish! They both were laid to rest in a small Tupperware coffin surrounded by lime juice and chopped onions."

You can track the progress, see photos and learn a whole bunch about the race here. You might even want to be in the race next time.

659.8 NM

Wowwww. Woooowwwww.

Stephen and the Spirit of Juno have only 659.8 nautical miles to go to Bermuda. That's not first place, but there's lots of time for the Spirit of Juno to pull ahead and get to Bermuda first. I'll check in occasionally and post how he's doing here.

May 22 and Here We Are

I just looked in a mirror and apparently I'm still here.

That's right, everything is the same today as it was yesterday except that we are all a little bit older and a little bit wiser. We can continue to go to work, do the laundry, shop for groceries and plant a garden.

I bet this guy probably feels like such a fool.

If you need proof that everything is fine, just pinch yourself.

Tune in Next Week

So much happened on tonight's show that I can only briefly mention selected segments.

First of all, Sir John Lithgow was on and you just have to watch him at Colbert Nation if you didn't watch the show tonight. Is it any wonder he's a Sir?

Next Stephen solved a host of problems with his Clergy-Matic Ecclesi-Action Center 3:16. Just a simple Do this and Don't do that and problems solved.

Tonight's guest was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to talk about his documentary "On the Shoulders of Giants."

Stephen had a quick reminder to all of us to adjust our clocks this Saturday. And more importantly an announcement that he will be on the "Spirit of Juno" for the Charleston Bermuda Race this Saturday. You can follow his progress online.

Stephen ended the show with a very brief history of humanity, including the hula hoop, David after Dentist and Truthiness.

Tune in next week for more of The Colbert Report and be sure to keep reading The Colbert Bump blog. We'll be back and hope to see you too. Only problem is that the race is expected to take about a week. So, does that mean our only updates from Stephen will be just about the race and nothing about the national and international news? Will we be watching reruns? Time will tell. Just be patient and hang in there. More shows soon.

PanderTron 8000

Over the weekend, Newt Gingrich ws on Meet the Press and said some things to David Gregory. But whatever you do, do NOT quote him. Because Newt Gingrich has now said, and I quote, "Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood." (He said stuff, he's on videotape saying it, but he is calling it a falsehood if he's quoted saying what he said. So, is that clear now?)

Poor Newt. He was somewhat befuddled and confused with the format and questions on Meet the Press with David Gregory. And who can blame him? It was only the 35th time that Newt was on Meet the Press.

So, that's the background for last night's Colbert Report. Stephen was trying, real hard, to sort it all out but he couldn't get the logic to work out and he required some help. He was getting all tongue-tied as evidenced by his statement and I quote: "The more accurate ....... you are about ........ his inaccuracies the more ..... false you become......... I need some help!"

Enter the Pandertron 8000.

In case you didn't know, the Pandertron 8000 is the most sophisticated candidate positioning tracking technology available today. Awesome. However, when Stephen uploaded Newt's statements about Paul Ryan, it "did not compute." (See Lost in Space to read about robots who have trouble with statements that do not compute.)

Pandertron 8000 analyzed but unfortunately came to the conclusion that "True equals False." (Error. Error. Error.) He could not reconcile human contradictions. I can't bear to tell you what happened next. Suffice it to say, Stephen somehow was able to come back after commercial to continue with the show.

If you did not see it, you can catch it later (check local TV listings) or watch it online as always at Colbert Nation.com.

*Note: Robot pictured is not actual Pandertron 8000.

Colbert Trumps Trump

I'm not much of a card player, so I hope I'm using that verb correctly. As some of you may recall, back on October 9, 2009, I had a post about Conservapedia entitled Special Message from Conservapedia where I suggested that Conservapedia had given Stephen Colbert the famous Colbert Bump. I also mentioned that Pat Robertson had 9,180 hits on his page while Stephen Colbert had 95,815 hits on his page.

Today I decided to see how those numbers have changed. Pat Robertson has increased his numbers to 13,443 while Stephen is now at 176,176! Wow, I think Conservapedia really did give Stephen the Colbert Bump.

Then I decided to check out a few other people. First I searched for Newt, but all I got was this short article:

"Newt are amphibians with four legs, and a tail. They are outwardly similar to lizards, despite being members of a different class of the animal kingdom - like lizards, they can regenerate limbs, but unlike lizards, they have soft slimy skin instead of scales."

Well that seemed strange, so then I searched for Newt Gingrich and then I found the guy who is going to run for the GOP nomination for president. If you don't remember him, he's the guy who loves his wife so much that he's had three of them so far. Anyway, his page has been accessed 15,531 times.

Then I looked for Tim Pawlenty, the old T Paw, and found that his page has been accessed 4,380 times. For Sarah Palin, (wow, they had almost a book on her page) there were 1,005,585 hits for that page. For Michele Bachmann, the number stands at 69,171. And for The Donald (Donald Trump, not Donald Pellview) the grand total is 5,711 times.

A few more names and numbers: Ron Paul is at 42,590. OMG, Barack Obama is so popular on Conservapedia that 2,204,356 people have looked at his page. I guess conservatives must like Obama as much as liberals do. Interesting. Mitt Romney is at 32,200 times that his page has been accessed. Mike Huckabee has 31,561 for his number.

I don't know that any of those number mean anything especially important, it's just interesting on a rainy day to do a little Conservative reading. If you want to get your own Colbert Bump, you can read about Stephen Colbert on Conservapedia here.

You Be the Judge

Did you know that you can read the actual FEC Advisory Opinion Request for Stephen that was written by Trevor Potter, Joseph M. Birkenstock and Matthew T. Sanderson of Caplin & Drysdale, Chtd?

That's right, just go to Stephen's SuperPAC and click on the gray box that says VIEW Stephen's FEC Advisory Opinion Request. It's only eight pages and you can skip all the footnotes, so it wont' take very long to read.

Apparently the idea for the PAC and then the SuperPAC came to Stephen after seeing (former) Governor Tim Pawlenty's (yawn) dynamic, almost wrestling mania type of commercial that Pawlenty (yawn) used to hint at the possibility of thinking about considering perhaps running for office, maybe even President.

Stephen Colbert's request seems like a good idea to me. And after reading the letter from the lawyers, I think I would agree with everything that Stephen is asking for. Yep, my opinion is go for it!

What do you think?

Building a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow

Well of course tonight Stephen talked about the news that neither Mike Huckabee nor The Donald (Donald Trump not Donald Pellview) is running for GOP nomination for president. Chris Matthews put it this way,"Trump, bump, hump, dump.

But the big news is Stephen Colbert! He did go to the FEC (Federal Election Commission) on his birthday - May 13. He was there in Washington D.C. to drop off his request for a SuperPAC. He spoke briefly on the steps of FEC and reminded people that he was standing on the same spot where George Washington stood 250 years ago to get his permission way back then to form a SuperPac.

He compared it to standing at an American Crossroads, not to be confused with Karl Rove's American Crossroads. ( If that link doesn't work, try here or here. I've been having trouble getting that link to work right, so be patient.)

The crowd, and it was crowded, chanted that famous of famous mottoes with him: Building a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow. And while there may be cynics that will claim Tomorrow never comes, thanks to his lawyer, Trevor Potter, Tomorrow just got one day closer.

A while back, a young man gave Stephen $10 so that Stephen could accomplish what was on a list that the man also gave Stephen. That man was Ben Donaldsonson and Stephen lost the list. But it inspired Stephen to do the right thing and for $1, people could shake Stephen's hand. The response was overwhelming and Stephen had to start putting the dollar bills in his mouth. (Does he know where that money has been? Take it from me, you don't want to know.)

Stephen collected a whopping grand total of $31. That is, for lack of another word, impressive. Truly Stephen Colbert is willing to put his money where his mouth is.

Unfortunately, the FEC has 60 days to make its ruling. That's a long time to wait. Let's hope we get the decision sooner.

Moving on, tonight's guest was Alison Klayman talking about her documentary "Ai Weiwei, Never Sorry" which is about Chinese artist Ai Weiwei. You probably know the Birdnest that was built for the Olympics in China. He helped design the Birdnest. You can read a lot of information about Ai Weiwei at Wikipedia. You should go take a look. He has really neat art stuff and it's a very interesting story.

Dr. Brainio

A big treat Saturday when I watched Saturday Night Live was the popular cartoon series "The Ambiguously Gay Duo." It seems like it has been quite a long time since there was an episode on, so it was nice to finally catch up on what's happening. All the usual characters were on and then, they went from being animated to being actual living human beings, except for the one who looked like a lizard and except for the snake.

And who do you think was playing the part of Dr. Brainio? Why would I even ask if it wasn't, you guessed it, Stephen Colbert! He was marvelous, as is to be expected. This should qualify him for a Grammy nomination. I'm not sure what category it would be in, but someone will figure that part out.

Also taking part as real live beings were Jon Hamm, Jimmy Fallon, Steve Carell, Ed Helms, and Fred Armisen.

It makes sense that someone as intelligent as Stephen Colbert would play the part of Dr. Brainio.

New Poll

I put up a new poll here on the blog and took down the old one. It's a real simple question. Have you joined Stephen's SuperPAC?

Also, Happy Birthday to Stephen Colbert. Do you remember what you were doing on May 13, 1964? Probably not, but Stephen was being born that day! It's not quite a National Holiday (yet) but we should still all celebrate.

And while he won't be in the studio today for The Colbert Report, Stephen has been busy. He is at the FEC and I expect we will hear about that next week. I can't wait to find out how that went.

So, today everyone should sing Happy Birthday to Stephen at least once. And take a look at the poll this week and mark either Yes or No.

Admiral John Q. Buzzschackler, Esq.

Unfortunately, Stephen is still having troubles with the legalities of his SuperPAC. He needed to have famed lawyer Trevor Potter on the show (again) to help him sort through all the various laws and restrictions about PACs and Super PACs.

The background on this is a letter from Viacom Lawyers that Stephen read recently on The Colbert Report. It starts out as follows: "Please do not read this on the air."

Oops.

The letter was quite lengthy, so Stephen paraphrased it. Paraphrasing legal jargon is always a good idea. I highly recommend it.

Here's what the Viacom lawyers told Stephen (as paraphrased by Stephen):

"We are stupid lawyers who hate fun. If you do this, we're all scared because people might get mad at us. I think we just peed a little. So, even though we know it is totally legal and everything, and everybody wants you to do it, we're not going to let you.
Sincerely,
Admiral John Q. Buzzschackler, Esq."

Legally, it is illegal. With all the integrity and sincerity that Colbert followers have come to expect from him, Stephen did the right thing and exploited the loophole.

Here's how it all plays out: Stephen can't talk about his PAC. But, if Stephen "reported" on his PAC or did "analysis" of it, then his SuperPAC would be covered under the "News Exemption" which is why FOX can go on, and on, and on, talking about SuperPACs.

Long story short, Trevor Potter just happened to have a letter that he had already drafted to get the "Media Exemption" for Stephen. However, the process may take up to 60 days, so Stephen put a "Lincoln" in with the letter, not as a bribe, but as Free Speech.

So, hopefully Stephen will get his "News Exemption" so that he can have his SuperPAC and talk, I mean "report" or "analyze" about it, too.

* Image is not actual Five Dollar Bill.

Lupe Fiasco

Lupe Fiasco was on The Colbert Report last night and thus received the famous "Colbert Bump." And since I am blogging about him here, that's another Colbert Bump for him.

As always, if you missed the show last night, you can catch it at Colbert Nation, maybe not right now, but most likely tomorrow.

To quote StephenAtHome, "Ironically, Lupe Fiasco's performance was neither a fiasco nor loopy."

Isn't it amazing that one day you don't know who someone is and the next day, you run right out and buy an album by that person?

I'm Back and I Feel Like Such a Fool

I hinted in earlier post about weddings and the Queen and perhaps you might have thought I was going to England for the Royal Wedding to see Prince William get married to Catherine Middleton. So did I.

As you all probably learned in school, England is also called Great Britain or the British Empire. That's because even though she is a small island in the Atlantic Ocean, England built a vast empire all across the world for many years. Thus, you could call England an Empire Builder, could you not?

And so, I naturally assumed that if I bought a ticket on the Empire Builder, I would end up in the Empire Built by England. That's just such a no-brainer. But, I did not make it. Instead of going to England, the British Empire or Great Britain, I ended up on the west coast of the United States in Seattle. Apparently, Empire Builder is an Amtrak train that goes from Chicago, Illinois to Portland, Oregon or to Seattle, Washington. It does not go to England.

I was crushed, but perhaps it was all for the best. I am now finding out that you needed an actual invitation to the wedding. I did not have an invitation. I would have been out of luck. I feel like such a fool.