We Don't Get to Vote?

Do you know where your emails are? Apparently, email accounts of the Bush family have been hacked. Yes, we should all be worried about our own accounts. I'm pretty sure the Secret Service won't investigate on our behalf, so be careful what you write.

Some of the more interesting findings indicate what George W. Bush has been doing since he left the White House. He has been painting. Self portraits. Of himself. In the shower. And the bathtub. The paintings are all over the internet now. You can find them if you look. Apparently someone named Guccifer is responsible for doing this. Stephen did have a police composite drawing of the hacker. Personally, I find it interesting that this has happened now, at the same time as someone else has a lot of time on his "hands" and could be monkeying around on the internet. In no way am I saying that this could in fact be Guccifer. But look at the drawing of Guccifer Stephen displayed, and then look at that someone else sitting around in a hospital bed, and tell me you don't also think they could be one and the same.

But back to the paintings. Stephen did not think they were that great. About all he can come up with is the comment that "faces are hard." Oh sure, I would just like to see Stephen try to do the same with some paint and brushes. Just paint your own self-portrait, Stephen. Go ahead. I would love to see you do that. Seriously, I would love to see self portraits of Stephen in the shower and bathtub.

Moving on. The Pope is out. Stephen thought it meant out of the closet, but actually Pope Benedict is retiring. He's realizing that he's not a young man any more and it's time to get a part-time job, play golf, or maybe take up a hobby such as painting. That means the job is open. Time to check out the Papal Speculatron 7500. There are many good choices all around the world, but Stephen's favorite is an American, New York Cardinal Dolan. And surprise, he's a BFF, (Bishop Friend Forever) of Stephen Colbert. Stephen even had the photo of the two of them to prove it. A photo of two people standing together always proves they are best buddies. Stephen gave Cardinal Dolan the famous "The Colbert Bump" and urged all Catholics to vote for Cardinal Dolan. Sadly and to Stephen's dismay, only Cardinals get to vote for the next Pope.

Stephen needed answers and he needed those answers from the Colbert Nation Chaplain - Father James Martin. Father Martin was not completely surprised by the Pope's resignation, but found it was understandable. There will be a mini-Pope for a while, then the Papal election,  then there will be a new Pope. If an American gets to be Pope, Father Martin agreed with Stephen that Cardinal Dolan would be a shoo-in, but he said it is very unlikely that an American would get the job. Typically it takes at least a few votes before any one man gets enough support to be Pope. The reason why this happens is explained by Stephen. On the first ballot each guy votes for himself. That's just human nature. By the way, Father James Martin has a new ebook out - "Together on Retreat."

The guest last night on Stephen's All Catholic show was Garry Wills.  He talked with Stephen about his new book, "Why Priests? A Failed Tradition." Their discussion had barely started when Stephen told him, "You hold it right there, buddy. Are you a Catholic? Are you a Catholic?" The two of them went on to disagree on various aspects of religion. Stephen quoted scripture but that did not stop Garry Wills from throwing out more worrisome ideas about priests. They discussed the author of Hebrews in that they didn't know who wrote it. He admitted to Stephen that he does not need a priest to give him Last Rites. Stephen said that Popes are sort of like Super Priests.  And finally, Stephen asked which Barnes & Noble was next on his agenda of places to go to.

I'm hoping when a new Pope is chosen that Stephen will have him on the show. That would be so cool.