Text REDCROSS to 90999

Stephen's final advice for the night was to Text REDCROSS to 90999 to help with Disaster Relief from Hurricane Sandy.

Tomorrow I'll write more about tonight's show, but I have been out for 7 hours trick-or-treating and I am so tired. I'll be rested tomorrow and will have candy to sustain me for a long, long time.

Abandoned House, Or Is It?

There is a photo of an "abandoned house in Ontario" today over at bing. Go take a look, if you dare, and then keep watching. Abandoned? I don't think so!!!

Bwahahahaha!!!!!

???????????????????????????????????????

On a more practical note, it looks like The Colbert Report is on track to be on tonight. The guest will be Lilly Ledbetter. Do your homework and prepare for tonight's show by looking at the Lilly Ledbetter website and reading about the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. Do one thing today that is NOT scary.

Google Halloween

Time for a little diversion. Head over to Google for the scary Google Doodle. A cat, a crow, a dancing skeleton and something behind the noisy doors.

Last year I told you about this. If you haven't visited Ben & Jerry's Halloween pages recently, head over their now.

And just to mention in case you haven't been paying attention, Red Cross needs your donations for Hurricane Sandy assistance.

Canceled Again

Nation, tonight's episode of The Colbert Report is canceled due to Hurricane Sandy. If you reserved tickets for tonight, please check your email for further details.

Again, that is what is over at ColbertNation.com about Tonight's Taping. Tonight's rerun will therefore be with Mitch Daniels. He wrote a book that reminds Stephen of an excellent book written by someone else. Read my post here about Mitch Daniels and find out who wrote that excellent other book. Hint: The other book is about America and Greatness.

But if you are at a loss of what to do if you don't want to watch a rerun of The Colbert Report, here's a list of suggestions.

1.First of all, go over to RedCross.org and donate some money to help victims of Hurricane Sandy.

2. Read all my posts at The Colbert Bump, starting with the first one.

3. Donate blood. "Hurricane Sandy has forced the cancellation of approximately 300 American Red Cross blood drives in 14 states along the East Coast, resulting in a shortfall of nearly 9,000 units of blood and platelets thus far." Go to the American Red Cross Website to find out how you can become a blood donor. You'll get a free cookie! There's great information about first-time donors, eligibility requirements, and even a Search for blood drives by Zip Code.

4. Go over to bing and look at cute Arctic fox cub.

5. Get out your To Do List and do some of the jobs on it.

6. Read books by Stephen Colbert:
Stephen Colbert's Tek Jansen
I Am America (And So Can You)
I Am a Pole (And So Can You)
America Again: Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't

7. Write an actual letter on paper to someone you haven't seen in a while, put it in an actual envelope with correct address on it, put actual postage stamp on it, and mail it.

8. Start a new hobby. Might I suggest Juggling!!! Watch the video and you will be able to juggle in no time at all. Blue shows how it's done.

9. Take the dog for a walk. Good exercise for you and a real treat for the dog.

10. Find out about the local elections in your area. Yes we have a presidential election, but there are also state, county, city, school elections on the ballot as well as questions, amendments, and other important stuff. Election day is Tuesday, November 6. Go to your polling place and vote on Tuesday. I'm sure Stephen will talk about the elections in the coming days.

Of course, you can always just watch The Colbert Report tonight as usual. Even if you have seen it before, it is fascinating, informative and at times even humorous.

Due to Weather...

Nation, tonight's episode of The Colbert Report is canceled due to Hurricane Sandy. If you reserved tickets for tonight, please check your email for further details.

That's what you saw over at ColbertNation.com yesterday. And it was a repeat show, or encore episode on TV last night. Why? If you haven't been paying attention, it's because of Hurricane Sandy.

Okay, you know the drill. When something like this happens, you reach into your wallet and just take out a five or ten dollar bill and send it on to the Red Cross. Or better yet and easier, just go over to RedCross.org and donate online. You know Stephen would want you to do it, so make Stephen happy.

It looks like the show is on again as regularly scheduled and the guest will be Former Senator Al Simpson. Now here's something that I kind of want to crow about, but I also feel a little guilty pointing it out. Perhaps the last person out of the studio before the weather got so bad did not have time to check the website over at ColbertNation.com as closely as they usually do.

There's a teeny tiny teeny tiny error. It says that Al Simpson is former Senator of Wisconsin, but actually he is the former Senator from Wyoming. Both states' names contain the letters that spell out WIN, so it's easy to see how there could be this little mix-up. It's not a big deal. I'm sure it will still be Al Simpson on the show talking about his book, "Shooting from the Lip: The Life of Senator Al Simpson."

So, looking forward to Tuesday night's show and clearing up the Wisconsin/Wyoming kerfuffle. Also planning on donating to Red Cross even before Stephen urges us to. I'm sure Jon Stewart will talk about that, too. He can be a nice guy, same as Stephen is.

Huckabee Called Me

Okay, it wasn't really him, it was his Robot. That's because it was a robocall and I think only Robots are allowed to make robocalls. It was a few weeks ago that Huckabee's Robot called me. It was supposedly some survey. I was wondering whether I should respond when Huckabee's Robot repeated the question again. Well, golly. Give me some time to think!

After a little bit more of this, Huckabee's Robot just told me to listen to Huckabee's (real person, not Robot) radio show. Listen up, Robot. I don't watch radio. And I get all my news and commentary from The Colbert Report. After all, Stephen Colbert is known around the world for Truthiness. So, you're not going to get me to fall for your spiel, especially when you can't even call me in person.

If you want to know if Huckabee's Robot has called you, here is the Caller ID information"

2012 FREERSRCH
202-769-1087

I don't have any idea what Huckabee's Robot looks like, but I'm thinking it probably is something like this.

You Said it Was For Charity

First of all, and most importantly, who will decide this election? Women. But, enough about that.It's time for Stephen Ghoulbert's Spooky-time Halloween Fun Guide. This should be good and just in time for Halloween.

All You Need
1. Big Bowl of Candy
2. Big Bowl of Razor Blades - This will prove that there are no razor blades in the bowl of candy. Makes perfect sense.

Ding Dong. Who's at the door? More importantly, why is there a front door on the set right next to Stephen's desk? Where did that come from? And who could it be? Could it be Clint Eastwood? Could it be Donald Trump? Could it be a BEAR? Yes, it could be all of those, but it's actually Tom Hanks. They made small talk and then Stephen went on and on about Tom Hank's movie, Cloud Atlas, which opens on October 26. Coincidence? I don't believe in coincidences.

Tom was here to show off great Halloween costumes. Then kids started showing up one by one for Trick-or-Treating. Here's a list of some of the kids. See if you notice anything about them.

1. Kid in Cowboy outfit saying, "There's a snake in my boot."
2. Kid in Astronaut uniform saying, "Houston, we have a problem."
3. Kid in the briefest of clothes, sporting long hair and a beard, holding a FedEx package. His candy bucket happens to be a volleyball with the top cut open. Is this sounding familiar?
4. Next were four kids that Stephen did not recognize. What do you think the chances are that these are characters from Cloud Atlas?
5. One more time the doorbell rang and Tom Hanks rushed to answer it first. After some yelling and fist pounding, Tom Hanks pulled in a kid, Army Man.

Just as Stephen was apologizing to Tom Hanks, the door burst open and someone, a life-sized Army Man, threw the door open and said, "What's the deal, Hanks?" No need to apologize, Stephen. This was a shameless movie plug for Cloud Atlas, opening October 26 in theaters and IMAX.

Also mentioned was the movie Argo. And then Tom Hanks looked into the camera and said, "Go see Cloud Atlas."

Next up was guest Mitch Daniels, who will be Governor of Indiana for only 2 more months. It's pretty hard to follow a big star like Tom Hanks. Mitch Daniels has a book out in paperback, "Keeping the Republic - Saving America by Trusting Americans." Stephen mentioned how he doesn't want to trust the 47% of Americans who are parasites. The two men then had what some might call a subtle pissing contest, Mitch Daniels being all concerned about people getting help from the government in choosing a mortgage and Stephen with his desire to live next to a nuclear plant and not have all those burdensome regulations on it.

Mitch Daniels is concerned about the huge debt we have. Stephen does know his history and so schooled Mitch Daniels a bit. "We had a surplus when Bill Clinton left office, and you were George W. Bush's Director of Management and Budget. Who came in and chloroformed you and stole all the money?"

Thetwo then talked about books. Stephen told Mitch Daniels what his book reminded him of. Stephen's book, "America Again, Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't." Both men agreed to endorse each others' book. I'm pleased to report that Stephen's book got the better endorsement.

If you think tonight was Shameless Plug Night, you are correct. Now, go read every post on my blog.

Simian, Simmer Down Now

Remember the Monkey on the Gram? Well, his life of freedom is over. That's right. After more than three years living the life of leisure in Florida, he has been captured. It's a happy day, or a sad day, depending on your point of view. But one thing is clear. Stephen Colbert is given credit in the NPR article by Mark Memmott for staying on top of this story!

Very Very Big, Very Big

Let's get right to it. Donald Trump has been talking. His latest promotion is this: If President Barack Obama shows some assorted college and passport papers to Donald Trump, then Donald Trump promises he will give $5,000,000 to a charity of President Barack Obama's choice. There is a caveat. (Neat that he used that term considering who the guest was later in the show.) It must be by 5:00 p.m. (Neat again - another Latin term!) on October 31, 2012. If Obama does this, Trump will be totally satisfied.

Stephen has a generous and selfless counter-offer for Donald Trump with an offer of $1,000,000 from the Colbert Super PAC to any charity. All Trump has to do is basically just relax and stop talking for a little while. Let his cares melt away. Be one with the world. There is, however,  a similar caveat from Stephen. It also must happen by 5:00 p.m. on Halloween.

Is it possible to show a link between FOX, a bunch of questions, and a vigorous exercise routine? I think so and Stephen demonstrated how that could be done last night. He brought up the topic of Libya and then immediately showed many of the FOX newsypeople asking questions, such as, "Who?" "What"? "Why?" and "How?" (They forgot When and Where, but that was a few weeks ago in Libya.) Stephen asked a very important question. "If you put a statement in the form of a question, is that journalism?" We also got to see FOX Legal Analyst Peter Johnson, Jr. (or Richard Richard Richard as Stephen pointed out), admit, "I have no evidence of this."

But this whole question and question session was also a demonstration of what I assume is Stephen's exercise regimen that keeps his 6-pack firing on all six cylinders. He power-walked the studio. He danced down the steps. He climbed monkey bars. He tread on a treadmill. Even after this vigorous workout, he was still able to keep on with journalism by asking one last question. "But ultimately, the question is, how many questions do we have to ask before voters forget? President Obama killed Osama bin Laden."

Moving from journalism to politics, Stephen brought out his "Days Without a GOP Rape Mention" board. It had been at 13, but he had to erase that, write in a 0 (zero), sniff the marker before putting the cap back on it, and continue with his explanation. The latest GOP personality to blunder into the rape controversy is Richard Mourdock, Indiana candidate for U.S. Senate. He has said that even when a pregnancy results from rape, it is something that God intended to happen.

Stephen reminded us why he has to keep track on his "Days Without a GOP Rape Mention" board. There's Todd Akin with his "...the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down..." comment, Steve King who never heard of a girl getting pregnant from statutory rape, Tom Smith who equated rape with out of wedlock pregnancy, and Roger Rivard who offered advice that "... some girls, they rape so easy..."

"Well, some political careers they end so quickly," reported Stephen.  He calls them Team Rape. Stephen admits they probably don't appreciate that designation, but, "Come on, they're kinda asking for it."

Stephen felt the need to remind his fellow conservatives that in 1920, women won the right to vote. He then offered great advice to these fellow conservative men should they ever be in a conversation and feel the need to say something about rape. This was so important that he told them to go grab a pencil. He proceeded to give them wonderful advice, advice that should spare them the awkward positions they might get in by talking about rape or abortion.

Sadly this advice comes to late for Richard Mourdock. His campaign is in shambles, but Stephen realized this is just something God intended to happen.

Stephen's guest was not ancient, but he did talk about an ancient culture - the Romans. Anthony Everitt joined Stephen and he knows a whole lot about ancient Rome and has written many books. The most recent is "The Rise of Rome - the Making of the World's Greatest Empire." Although you might think someone who wrote about the ancient Romans would be all stuffy and boring, I actually think there was more humor and back and forth banter than with someone who is a movie star or comedian. Both men were obviously experts about Rome and Romans. Good times.

There's a Squirrel on Your Head

In my effort today to predict what Stephen will talk about, here's another link. And again, it's by Dylan Stableford over at Yahoo! News.

So, yes it is about The Donald, and he said his announcement would be Big which is better than Huge in the Trump Dictionary, but the comments, or tweet treats (copyrighted) are the fun part. Just what we need for this Halloween season. Enjoy.

Ann Coulter - Offensive Tweet - Huh?

I stumbled upon this article by Dylan Stableford over at Yahoo! News. I couldn't believe my ears, or eyes, or whatever. Ann Coulter is a paid Provo Caterer? I did not know that.

Anyway, she tweeted something offensive. How'd that slip past her personal standards for civility in the twitter world?

Here's the link if you want to read about it.

Every day I listen to the news on the TV machine and read all the newspapers that have been put in front of me. I try to analyze them and predict which stories Stephen will report about on his news segments on The Colbert Report. I'm usually wrong, sadly. Let's see if he covers this story tonight. He is, after all, one of the best tweeters in world.

Attractive Default Expression

Fans of The Colbert Report may be surprised to learn that a Parachute is Not Included. You've been warned.

Stephen watched the Presidential Debate last night and admitted to playing a drinking game. You know how that always turns out. We did learn that basically (n)+4 years=4 years more than (n). No surprise there. I'm pretty sure Mitt Romney was depressed that he didn't get to play back-up acoustic guitar on Barack Obama's successful Apology Tour. Brit Hume awarded the coveted "Attractive Default Expression" to Mitt Romney. For a while, I thought Stephen was going to spend the rest of the show just gazing at Mitt's Attractive Default Expression, but luckily, as Stephen often says, "moving on. "

Nell was featured for a short segment on the show. She is apparently one of the Undecided Voters. The typical Undecided is a single white female, 18-29 years old, employed but has a low income, comes from a Union household, didn't graduate from college, is Protestant but doesn't go to church, and most likely skipped watching the debate. After learning all that, we also learned that she while she is happy, she is still undecided.

Anyone who rides bicycles is most certainly aware that Lance Armstrong has been having some problems lately. Fans of the show will of course know that Stephen started his own Wriststrong charity to highlight wrist injuries. He explained in some detail certain aspects of his own life in colorful detail and his decision and the rationale behind that decision to step down as Chairman of Wriststrong. He will remain on the Board of Directors, and as the only person on the Board, will serve as interim Chairman. Friends of Colbert Nation will remember that the Wriststrong bracelets help raise money for the Yellow Ribbon Fund.

Just one more thing. Stephen will still keep his title, The Reverend Sir Doctor Stephen T. Mos Def Colbert D.F.A., Heavyweight Champion of the World but now he will be putting two large asterisks after it, so it will now be The Reverend Sir Doctor Stephen T. Mos Def Colbert D.F.A., Heavyweight Champion of the World**.

Stephen's guest was John Grisham who brought his newest book, "The Racketeer." Stephen mentioned another author, Stephen King, and although it's not a contest, Stephen King is winning with 48 books compared to John Grisham's 30 books. Stephen Colbert did say that "The Racketeer" is a great book. John Grisham said, "It's brilliant." Even though neither man is a comedian, the discussion seemed to generate more than the usual amount of laughter from the audience.

When the Sun Doesn't Shine

While Voter Fraud seems to be a real problem over at FOX, Stephen did not show us any examples of Voter Fraud because it is virtually nonexistent. However there is an arrest linked to Voter Registration that Stephen told us about. It seems Colin Small has been charged with destruction of voter registration applications. It's very interesting reading. I wonder if this is the big October surprise some people are talking about.

To continue with the voting theme, Stephen talked about more voting issues. (Oh, great. Now my phone is ringing. Hold on. ...... Okay, I'm back but I missed what Stephen was talking about.)

Here is voting information that you can check out yourself. I apologize for not getting exactly what Stephen said, but this should be helpful. Here's more info if you need it.

Yet more about elections, but this this time with a "who's the boss" flavor to it. It seems the boss is encouraging employees who to vote for in that they are saying things like, "Vote for Romney. I'm not saying you'll lose your job is you vote for Obama, but I am saying you should vote for Romney, wink wink nod nod." Stephen had the example of David Siegel, but there are others also. And while some may call it CEO black mail, Stephen prefers to use the term "Efficient Use of Resources."

In a related development, Stephen nailed his intern Jay into a crate to be mailed off to Ohio to knock on doors for Romney. Stephen all but ignored Jay's declaration that he will be voting for Obama. Luckily for Jay, there are air holes in the crate. Unluckily, there is no food. The only solution was, of course, for Stephen to sprinkle Cheerios into the air holes. Good luck, Jay!

Finally, in something political and yet somewhat pharmaceutical, Stephen explained the situation in New York where Governor Andrew Cuomo has or had plans to decriminalize possession of small amounts of marijuana. This was turning into an interesting segment with Stephen making valid points until he "messed" up. (Please substitute a word of your choice for "messed.") Get your act together Stephen!

Stephen got his act together in time for the guest, Donald Sadoway, Professor of Materials Chemistry at MIT. After finding out what Materials Chemistry and Modern Material Science is, Stephen especially wanted to know how to remove that sticky residue left from price tags and labels on the products we buy. But what Donald Sadoway really wanted to talk about was a liquid metal battery. He had a photo of a prototype. Stephen could tell it looked like a sandwich. He was instructed that it is not edible.

In the question and answer part, Stephen got into the guts of this science with great questions.

"Why do we need a new battery?"
-- "Batteries of today are too expensive and they don't last long enough."

"Is this going to replace what we're using now?"
-- "Yes."

Stephen thinks two nails in a lemon is a perfectly fine battery and said as much when he asked,
"So, you built a better lemon?"

(What can you say to a question like that? Obviously the guy thinks he built something great, but if he admits to building a better lemon, well, that doesn't sound that great.)

Best question:
"If this thing works, are you a Gajillionaire?"
-- "Maybe."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Update/Apology/Mea Culpa - After saying that Stephen should get his act together, it took me two days to remember that Andrew Cuomo is Governor of New York, not Mayor of New York City. What was my brain thinking????

Rodents For Romney

President Barack Obama may have lots of Hollywood stars supporting him, but Mitt Romney has the all important squirrel vote. Sounds like a done deal to me.

I think this could be because Mitt Romney has an ambitious agenda. This is what Mitt Romney has been saying he will do on that all important Day One. (Not to be confused with One Day or someday.)

3/31 Repeal Obamacare
6/15 Americans back to work
12/16 Label China a currency manipulator
6/14 Get approval for pipeline from Canada
6/14 Put a halt to all regulations from Obama years

(Let me just put in a word about regulations. It can be cheaper to make things and sell things without all those pesky regulations getting in the way. Regulations such as food safety for example. None of us want to have exploding ketchup. Am I right or am I right???  So, let's not be so quick to get rid of regulations. Just sayin'.)

Stephen just happens to have Mitt Romney's Day One Schedule:

January 20, 2013
8:00 a.m. to Noon  ---  Inauguration
12:30 --- Appoint Cabinet
1:00  ---  Take photo for White House ID
1:07  ---  Retake Photo!!!!
1:45  ---  Repeal Obamacare
2:30  ---  Examine remains of Roswell Aliens
3:00  ---  Unwrap Oval Office label maker
3:15  ---  Label China a currency manipulator
4:00  ---  Pick nuclear launch codes: Zip code+Ann's birthday (?)
6:00  ---  Take down Biden's Old Eric Estrada posters
6:15  ---  Get everyone in America a job
8:00  ---  Activate self-deportation
9:00  ---  Immigration solved
10:00 --- With Presidency completed, resign and attend inauguration of President Ryan


Corn may be something you think of as eating with your meat loaf and mashed potatoes. But it is important for so many more reasons that just a food for supper. Stuff, lots of stuff, is made from corn, including candy. That is turning out to be a better meal option for cows. Yes, cows are turning away from, or being turned away from, corn and instead eating candy corn. It may seem appropriate at this time of year to be reporting about candy corn, but it is even more timely than that. Stephen took us to Mitchell, South Dakota and uncovers every kernel of truth about the Corn Palace there. Due to the drought, there is not as much corn, and as a result, the Corn Palace will not have as many colors this year. It's sad, so sad. I'm heartbroken.

Guests on the show Thursday night were The Killers. According to Wikipedia's entry about The Killers, their band originated in Las Vegas. Obviously what happens in Las Vegas doesn't necessarily stay in Las Vegas. (They have been traveling around to lots of cities playing their music and singing!) If you did not see them on The Colbert Report, you can always go over to Colbert Nation to view recent episodes.

Lighthouse Park

Are you feeling tired, stressed-out, worried? Take a few seconds to relax by looking at bing's photo for today. There's a nice video of Lighthouse Park with waves slowly cascading onto the rocky shore with majestic trees in the background. Feel your worries just melt away as the gentle action of the waves soothes your soul.

(As always, you can use the left arrow on the bing screen to go back if you missed looking today. You can view bing images for about one week using the arrow at bottom right side of bing screen.)

I Like the Rose Garden, The Roses Are the Right Height

Stephen was excited about the presidential debate on Tuesday night. He talked about some of the preparation by Mitt Romney which included bar-stool sitting. He's a Mormon, so he has no experience in sitting on stools.

Everyone seemed to be in agreement with Stephen about how great the debate was. One of the hotly debated topics was Libya and the attack that happened in Libya. Mitt was all prepared to score and Stephen was excited by that prospect.

Mitt Romney: "I think it's interesting the President just said something which which is on the day after the attack he went in the Rose Garden and said this was an act of terror."

Barack Obama: "That's right, sir."

Mitt Romney: "You said in the Rose Garden the day after the attack it was an act of terror?"

And then, Mitt Romney gave Barack Obama the dreaded googly-eyed stare and a nod of his head down.

Mitt Romney: "It was not a spontaneous demonstration? Is that what you're saying?"

Barack Obama: "Please proceed, Governor."

Mitt Romney: "I want to make sure we get that for the record because it took the President 14 days before he called the attack in Benhgazi an act of terror."

Barack Obama: "Get the transcript."

The moderator clarified the whole issue by saying the President did in fact say it was an act of terror on the day after the attacks.

Barack Obama: "Can you say that a little louder, Candy?"

Stephen had a conniption and Mitt Romney had that kind of "deer staring into headlights" look.

Stephen Colbert: "It's supposed to shake things up the other way!" This was not going well for either Stephen or Mitt.

Part of the blame could be the questions. According to Megyn Kelly, the questions were stupid ones about topics we haven't heard before. And there were crazy subjects such as equal pay for women and gun violence. (How do we get more of the first one and less of the second?)

Mitt Romney had a suggestion on how to cut down on gun violence: "But, gosh, to tell our kids that before they have babies they ought to think of getting married to someone. That's a great idea." So, gun violence - solved.

Alpha Dog of the Week. Lately Stephen has been having Alpha Dogs that have been sort of wimpy. Not tonight. Tonight he told us about  Dr. Scott Desjarlais. (It has something to do with hypocrisy.)

There are a lot of reasons why he gets top billing in the dog department. First of all, he says he is pro-life. According to his website, "All life should be cherished and protected. We are pro-life." Secondly, he had an affair with a patient. When she said she was pregnant, Dr. Desjarlais urged her to get an abortion. That's not enough to get Alpha Dog billing, though. Additionally, he made a tape of the conversation with his mistress about an abortion. And he did this because he thought it would  repair his marriage. Stephen tells us that for some reason his wife still divorced him, so ladies, he's available. Technically, he's remarried but that never stopped him before. So, for growling at abortion and then begging for it, Stephen made Dr. Scott Desjarlais the Alpha Dog of the Week.

Stephen's guest last night was a writer, a director, a producer, and a star. It was really one person, not four - Tyler Perry. Stephen mentioned, as he often does, that it's not a contest but he's winning. (I think Stephen is perhaps somewhat competitive, but I'm not going to say that.) They talked about Tyler Perry's new movie, "Alex Cross." Stephen thought it was a comedy, but it appears to be more of a fast-paced action thriller.

Next question asked was if Tyler Perry was a Romney guy. Tyler Perry avoided answering that question, so we will never know who Tyler Perry supports for president. One thing we did learn is that he is ready for the election to be over with. "Let's just vote already!" he told Stephen.

The two men ended the show in prayer with Stephen praying that Alex Cross would be a huge success.

# Filling Air Time

Stephen told his audience that when they chant his name it is the best Karaoke song ever. He also told us about some cool technology that he saw on CNN. They have the ability to capture what was just on CNN and then send it to their friends. So, not only can you tell someone you are watching Wolf Blitzer, you can show them. It's basically #fillingairtime.

Speaking of skeletal figures dressed in black robes at this time of year, the Supreme Court will be deciding if Abigail Fischer should have been able to go to the University of Texas like she wanted to or to Louisiana State University like she had to. Joining Stephen briefly was Emily Bazelon to discuss Affirmative Action. This was an issue that was dear and near to Stephen because he had to go to Dartmouth instead of Hogwarts.

For hungry fans of the show, there was a Soup to Nuts segment where we learned about volunteering. Paul Ryan "volunteered" at a St. Vincent De Paul Soup Kitchen. You can see video here of Paul Ryan and his shiny pan scrubbing.  What a hoot. I wonder if he was being punked because anyone could see those pots and pans that he scrubbed were already as shiny as the day they were born. Perhaps Paul Ryan needs to get his eyes checked. This episode with Paul Ryan reminds me of his Marathon Days. Paul Ryan is in good shape and yet he keeps tripping over his own feet (or his own tongue). I think what happened is that someone told him he should pretend to be washing dishes, but no one realized that everybody would see that they didn't need to be washed. Ooh, ooh, ooh! Now I'm thinking of something else. It's on the tip of my tongue. Oh, yeah, now I remember. Click here to see what I'm thinking of. Hint: Hans Christian Andersen.

Perhaps in an effort to help Paul Ryan do a better job of running for Vice President, Stephen has come up with a way to provide assistance. It's called, "Save the Candidates." Turning to the camera and speaking softly, Stephen shows us a photo of Paul Ryan and says, "This is Paul. He wants to be Vice President but he needs your help." Stephen goes on to urge us to spend just a few minutes a day and provide Paul with the photo opps he needs, perhaps with orphans or veterans. You can help this young man (Paul Ryan) live up to his dream of cutting all your government funding. Stephen was so sincere, I expect there will be some takers.

The guest last night was friend of the show, Cory Booker, Mayor of Newark, New Jersey. The last time Cory Booker was on the show, Stephen awarded him alpha dog for running into a burning building which also alarmed Stephen who wondered if his studio was on fire. (It wasn't!)

Stephen Colbert asked questions like, "Why wasn't "God" in the Democratic Platform?" Said Cory Booker, "Religion was in there. Faith was in there. And it favored faith-based programs." He had read the Republican Party Platform and it was shinier in that they talked about going back to the gold standard.

But they didn't just talk about God and gold. They talked about #waywire. Stephen summed it up as video communication and activism at the same time. Cory was impressed with the summation. Unfortunately he had just admitted that he liked a soundbite. That's okay. Soundbites are also delicious.

Simian Psycho

The world is apparently all atwitter with Felix Baumgartner. He is supposedly a daredevil and set some new world record. Whoopie-do. He jumped and then he fell and then he landed. But I suppose it was somewhat difficult, so I will give him the benefit of the doubt. He had better luck than Icarus. Stephen said on his show, "Icarus had a parachute, right?" Sadly, Stephen, I think not.

It's a crazy, mixed-up world we live in and some people think it should be mixed up even more! That's right, the folks over at SPLC, Southern Poverty Law Center, want to Mix It Up at Lunch. Instead of sitting with the same kids, day after day, some are promoting sitting with someone different on October 30. Who would come up with something as drastic as this? No one has done studies as far as I have been able to find out (in that I thought about it for a while) about what this will do to the space-time continuum. Different kids have different weights. They take up different amounts of space. Changing where they sit would have profound effects all over the world.

But back to what Stephen was saying about this. While sitting with someone else for lunch might seem like a fine thing to do, the American Family Association see this as, well maybe not the end of the world, but as something bad, bad, bad. I remember school lunch. We did not have much time to eat. It was pretty much stand in line, get our food, stuff our mouths and get on to our next class. But, hey, what do I know? What does Stephen know? What does the Southern Poverty Law Center know?

Lucky audience members last night got a free t-shirt. Stephen talked about his previous segments about Monkey on the Lam. It seems now that a monkey who is on the lam in St. Petersburg has bitten an elderly woman and so now it becomes Monkey on the Gram. And the t-shirts? Well, they said 'Stop the Simian Psycho." Unfortunately, that was not the nickname that the media came up with and so, a bunch of useless t-shirts. And the lucky audience members? They happened to be in the right place at the right time when Stephen threw the t-shirts out into the audience. Oh how I wish I had been there.

Stephen's guest was Evan Thomas. He had a new book. Who doesn't nowadays? "Ike's Bluff - President Eishenhower's Secret Battle to Save the World," is the title (and not the first chapter) of this book. Stephen had a beef with Ike. I won't mention it here because it's not that important. But the two men did discuss some of the accomplishments and character flaws/attributes of Ike. He knew how horrible war was and wanted to avoid that. Military spending wen down instead of up under him. He believed in infrastructure. He was a moderate Republican. Stephen mentioned that his audience was young and so asked Evan Thomas to explain to those young audience members just what exactly a moderate Republican was. Unfortunately they ran out of time, and so we will never know.

Big Bird Wins 83% of Votes

My poll is over and the results are in. If Stephen Colbert was unable to be the host on The Colbert Report, 83% voted for Big Bird and 16% voted for Mitt Romney to fill in as host.

It seems like common sense that Big Bird would fill in. Just think of Stephen Colbert standing next to Big Bird. They look so much alike in that both are good looking. They both have lots of friends. Many important and influential people make guest appearances on both of their shows.

Stephen is a Conservative. And Big Bird, while not politically active, seems to share some of the same qualities as Stephen. I found this article in Time by James Poniewozik about Big Bird.

Of course, Stephen is very healthy and loves his work, so other than the occasional time off when he does things such as going on boat rides, I don't foresee him missing a show and needing a substitute host. But if that happens, Big Bird would be the obvious choice.

Winsor McCay

Just for fun, go over to Google. Neat animation. Hurry before it's gone.

Update: It's gone now, but it was about Winsor McCay and Little Nemo, so you can just Google those names and find out more.

Do You Know the Way to Santa Fe?

I have been trying since Thursday night to get to Santa Fe. I think I should be able to get there in just three seconds by using the nodules on my fingertips, but I am having no success at all. I finally decided to give up trying and get back to posting here. If anyone figures it out, let me know.

Meanwhile...

Stephen's audience was again quite boisterous. Perhaps Stephen is providing snacks or something to get them so excited. It is refreshing to have such enthusiasm.

You may have watched the Veep Debate, the one with Martha Raddatz and also Joe Biden and Paul Ryan.  Some people are saying that there was a clear political bias in that choice of a moderator. You see, years ago, in 1991, Barack Obama attended the wedding of a classmate. That classmate happened to be marrying Martha Raddatz. She ended up getting divorced, but Stephen pointed out that surely she would still hold a special place in her heart for a classmate of her ex-husband. Right?

None of that is important now. Stephen introduced a new segment: "This Changes Everything." In what can really be called game-changing, we found out from Stephen's relentless search for, I dunno, maybe the truth, that Time Travel is possible. We know this because Andrew Basiago has done it. He has traveled through time. He did so when he was a kid, a young kid. He said that they used "jump rooms" to do the time travel. He also traveled to Mars with Barack Obama. Stephen showed video footage of an expert, Captain James Kirk discussing this. Whoooooosshhhhhh. He explained it very well. I understood it completely. "Priceline.com" Priceline.com." Only William Shatner can make something like this understandable. It's classic. I hope you saw it on the TV machine or go catch it over at Colbert Nation. This Changes Everything. (Full disclosure: Some people are skeptical of these claims of Andrew Basiago. I mean, time travel.... teleportation.... really?... really?)

Political News is almost a certainty with the election so close. Mitt Romney has for two years been a severe Conservative, but now Mitt Romney has moved to the Center. Therefore, it was time for Stephen Colbert to debate Stephen Colbert in, yes you guessed it, Formidable Opponent. First of all, Stephen autographed his new book, "America Again: Re-Becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't" for Stephen. Shameless plug, yes, but I endorse him for doing so. Somehow, the two of them were able to bring Honey Boo Boo into the debate but then quickly got over to Romney Care and Obama Care and how the two were so similar. Plan probably is for Mitt Romney, if elected, to repeal Obama Care, clone it and replace it with Romney Care. Stephen was confounded and confused by Stephen. So they physically exchanged places. Apparently, Stephen tripped Stephen in the process. It got more confusing and the two of them wondered how Mitt Romney manages all the switching of positions or flip-flops.

The guest was Chrystia Freeland talking about Plutocrats. Interestingly enough, she has a new book out - "Plutocrats, The Rise of the New Global Super Rich and the Fall of Everyone Else." Stephen was upset that he is not one of the super rich. That would be the richest of the richest. If you are reading this, I'm pretty sure you are not in that group either. But, the good news is that would at least put you in the same group as Stephen. Well, anyway, it is a little bit scary what they were talking about. It's a winner take all, ALL!, economy. That may not be be a great way to run things in terms of the collective good.

Stephen was going to remind us all of what Thomas Jefferson said, but, the audience (boisterous) applauded the guest, Chrystia Freeland. This hurt Stephen's feelings and so we never found out what was so important that Thomas Jefferson said.

As a service to all of you reading this now, I looked through some of Thomas Jefferson's quotes to try to determine what Stephen was going to reveal. I do not know, but I can suggest that maybe it was this quote by Thomas Jefferson:

"Experience demands that man is the only animal which devours his own kind, for I can apply no milder term to the general prey of the rich on the poor."

On the other hand, maybe Stephen was going to quote this from Jefferson: "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on."

Like It Says On The Side Of My Van

Stephen's audience last night was the best, or at least the loudest, and most attentive, of any audience I can remember seeing/hearing on The Colbert Report. I wonder if they got an award.

Presidential election. It should be easy to figure out who will win. Just travel all over the country, ask millions of people what they think and who they will vote for. Or, get a cup of coffee at 7-Eleven. It seems that in the past 2 presidential elections, 7-Eleven has been able to accurately predict the winner. You walk in, grab a blue Obama coffee cup or a red Romney coffee cup and the rest is or will be history. Currently, Obama has 60% compared to Romney's 40%. Stephen pointed out the obvious flaw in this poll. Mormons can't drink coffee! Stephen has suggested that we should be requiring voter ID of anyone buying a cup of joe.

Next in presidential election news is pizza. Pizza Hut is also throwing their pizza into the ring. It has prompted some to say they are promoting product placement when we should be promoting democracy. Kurt Kane, CMO of Pizza Hut, issued a statement about this:

"We recognize there are a lot of serious issues to be debated, but we also know a lot less serious - but no less important - ones are being discussed every night inside houses across the country."

Stephen did not have a photo of Kurt Kane, but he did have a visual approximation. We all know that visual approximations are just as good as actual photograph.

Stephen moved away from presidential elections and over to education. An article in US News from a while back talked about Kids in Poor Neighborhoods Fall Behind in School. While there might be many obvious and good solutions, Stephen brought up another one. Dr. Michael Anderson prescribes Adderall for struggling students.

As you all most likely know, Stephen considers bears to be a great threat. Tonight he talked about bears who steal iPads, bears who shop at Sears and bears who eat at Olive Garden. I guess he is right to be so afraid of bears.

Naomi Wolf was the guest on the show. Stephen had lots of questions, lots of answers and generally kept her in good spirits. She has a new book out, Vagina: A New Biography. Some of his questions were of the general type, variations of, "How are you?" Other questions were more specific, such as "Where is this lab?" I think he came away from the interview with increased knowledge and appreciation of Naomi's observations of many topics.

Free Range Interns

I'll be brief. (Halloween AND the upcoming election are keeping me so very busy.)

Mitt Romney now has a plausible chance at winning. Stephen had very detailed suggestions for what the supporters of President Obama need to do. The Arctic Sea Ice is shrinking - well, duh, that water is freezing cold. Of course it's gonna shrink. There's a lot more interest in that whole Arctic region by nearly everyone. But really, it belongs to Santa.

Mitt Romney will solve all the Mideast problems. For example, he will put the leaders on Iran on notice. Stephen demonstrated with the On Notice Board. Wow. That was easy. Problem solved.

The guest tonight was Morrissey. They had a very vigorous discussion about the queen and what people should eat. For as serious as the discussion was, it sure brought out the laughs from the audience. I wonder if it was something Stephen said.

Whew, I hope stuff settles down so I can write more.

Mousetronaut

The unemployment rate has dropped. Not so surprising really, it has been coming down steadily. What's big about this small number is that it is now under 8%. It's at 7.8% now, so yes, that is lower than 8%. The reason that is making news is, for one thing, the Republicans have been kind of drawing attention for some time now that the rate is over 8% and now it isn't. So that's kind of a yikes moment. And the other thing is that some people have been saying the books are cooked. That is not a good recipe, believe me. Lots of fiber but not much flavor.

If you like to look at charts, here is a chart that shows private sector job growth. Personally, I love charts. You can see a whole bunch of information at a quick glance. This one shows a constant upward trend. The red lines show the last year of George W. Bush in the White House and the blue lines show Barack Obama in the White House.

Stephen has been paying close attention to the plight of the rich. As he put it, "It's not easy having green." In the recent stock market recovery, the top one percent of earners only got 93% of the gains. The wealthy are paying the lowest tax rate since the 1950s. The Dow last week closed at its highest in five years. Granted those things sound good, but the rich still have "trickle down tears." You see, they might end up having to pay a little bit more for their private jet. Can't we convince the middle class and the poor to help out? One thing Stephen was able to do for them was to create a Certificate of Richness.

Official Stephen Colbert Certificate of Richness
The Holder of This Document Has Amassed Inconceivable Wealth That He Truly Deserves, and More Importantly, Someone Likes Him.

It is signed by Stephen Colbert, has a nice blue border, has a gold seal on it and is available for $1 million.

Another thing Stephen has done is create a new political party, the
Protecting Industry Titans & Yachtsmen party. Hopefully this will help. Stephen does what he can and America is thankful for that.

Election Day is coming up soon - November 6. Stephen talked about Arkansas where the Koch Brothers have pledged to spend nearly $1 million there on Republican candidates. And then he talked about Maine where Colleen Lachowicz is running for State Senate, but she plays online video games. Stephen hinted at the possibility that she may have played Risk, Monopoly and Operation in her younger years. So, judge for yourself. I mean, have you ever played a game?

The guest last night was great, in that he also is an author. Mark Kelly was on to promote his new book, "Mousetronaut." There were a few things that confused me or befuddled me last night. First of all, the title of his book. "Mousetronaut." That's it. Today's books have long titles. Shouldn't it have a long title too, something like, "Mousetronaut - The Short Tale of a Brave Mouse and His Long Tail." Or maybe, "Mousetronaut - How One Rodent Singlepawedly Saved a Mission and Restored NASA To The Glory of the Moon Walking Days Not the Moonwalk Like Michael Jackson But The Moonwalk Like Neil Armstrong." Eh, maybe "Mousetronaut" will work fine.

The other think that confused me was my TV listing for last night's show. It said the guest was Author Mark Kelly. Okay, maybe that is to show that he has a lot in common with Stephen Colbert. Couldn't the listing also have mentioned that Mark Kelly was an astronaut? The only thing I can figure out is that it was easy for him to bring the tools of his trade as an author to The Colbert Report - a book. For him to bring the tools of his trade as an astronaut might have been more expensive, more labor intensive and it would have taken up too much room in the studio. What could he do, bring a shuttle?

Luckily, Stephen was able to get that whole outer space connection into the discussion when he casually mentioned the Combined Operational Load-Bearing External Resistance Treadmill. For that we say thank you, Stephen.

Blame Big Bird

It seems to be that one thing that stands out from the first presidential debates. I am of course talking about Mitt Romney saying he likes Big Bird, but he doesn't seem to want to pay Big Bird's wages anymore. Well, this has caused an uproar, or maybe upsquawk would be the proper term.

Big Bird is very famous. He is a television icon. He is a movie star. He even has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame! (Who else has a star there? Ronald Reagan.) And he is loved by millions. Millions of moms who enjoyed watching Sesame Street with millions of kid who are now of voting age. Millions of dads who pretended to be the Count when teaching their own kids how to count their toes and fingers. Millions of grandparents who are on Medicare but still want their grandchildren to be able to enjoy all the fun and educational benefits of Sesame Street.

So, was this another gaffe?  I think so. It's people in the 47% that look to Big Bird and Sesame Street for the type of learning for their kids that might be out of reach for their finances. Perhaps they can't afford a nursery school for their small children, but they can turn on Sesame Street and watch with their kids while Big Bird and his many friends teach the alphabet, counting, important concepts such as "Near/Far," and just getting along with the people in your neighborhood.

Who else is as beloved as Big Bird? Who else is a television icon? Who else is a movie star? Who else is loved by millions? Oh, yeah. It's Stephen Colbert. How would we feel, how would this country survive without Stephen Colbert keeping us informed of all that matters in this world, if he was no longer on The Colbert Report? That brings it down to the gut level that we all can relate to.

Who do you think is more connected with the voters, with the television audience, with moms and pops and kids and grandparents? Well, here's one way to find out. I'll put up a poll. No, not a presidential poll. We all know Big Bird is too young to be president, plus, he is non-partisan. But what about this? Suppose Stephen were sick one night and could not do The Colbert Report. One solution would be reruns of previous episodes. Have they ever considered a substitute host for a night or two, just until Stephen got over his illness? (Remarkably, Stephen has not missed a show due to illness as far as I can remember. How does he stay in such good health?)

Okay, here it is. If Stephen were sick and could not do the show, who would you rather watch, Big Bird or Mitt Romney?

And just in case you don't know how serious this is, if you have the fortitude for it, go look at this.

Don't Eat It, Stephen

I admit that I did not watch the first Presidential Debate. I figured Stephen would fill in the important details, and he did. He had a great segment where he showed us how the debate looked. That only took about 30 seconds to watch, saving me a quite a bit of time. And he analyzed some of his fellow media analysts as they analyzed the debates. So it was helpful to get that analysis from people who make their career by digging into the details of what makes a good president. For example, Brit Hume shared that Mitt Romney was wearing a half smile, not a smirk during the debate. Stephen modeled both for us. That helps me decide who to vote for.

One of the things I learned was that Romney, who has been promising tax cuts for the rich, was scheduled to come across as warm and fuzzy in the debates according to his campaign. This is great, especially after that secret video came out where Romney said he doesn't care about 47% of Americans. If he can look into the camera, (probably a really big camera , making it easy for Romney to know there is a camera) and say, "I care," then people will believe that and forget the whole 47% fiasco.

Many times we hear pundits talking about our politicians. It's not often that we get to see a visual representation of what these candidates are like. Stephen was able to do that. He had an Etch-A-Sketch with the words "Tax Cuts" etched onto the screen. (By the way, if you don't know what an Etch-A-Sketch is, click here and then be sure to keep hitting refresh.) So, Stephen took that Etch-A-Sketch, put it in a paint can, took it over to his studio paint shaker and shook that can of paint. I have to stop here and wonder if Stephen always has a paint shaker in his studio, or did he bring it from home, or did he borrow it from Home Depot? Just wondering. Anyway, he shook up that paint can really good, took it over to his desk, got out his tool, (yes we got to see Stephen's tool), and opened it up. Just as expected, it contained something warm and fuzzy. From tax cuts to warm and fuzzy in just one step. Or as Stephen said, "Prest-o Change-o."

With the November elections coming up in November (coincidence???), Stephen reminded us that he is very concerned about stomping out voter fraud. I wonder if he is aware of the voter fraud problems in Florida. He should be! He said that if even one fraudster shows up at the polls in November, that would tarnish the integrity of an election that the Koch Brothers paid good money for. Stephen did have two voter fraud alerts.

1. Six days before the election, millions of Americans will disguise themselves. That's why we need Photo ID. (Although personally I wonder about that because it's not that hard to get a fake ID and if these people disguise themselves, then wouldn't they need a photo taken while they are in disguise?)

2. A judge in Pennsylvania ruled against the Voter ID law being used for this election. But there is a silver lining, sort of. "Election officials...can ask for photo identification..." but they "...cannot prevent people from voting if they don't have it..."

I guess if you live in Pennsylvania and you don't have an ID, just go vote like you would any other year. Read about voting here, here, and here. And no matter which state you live in, be informed before you go to the polls. Your country is counting on you.

But, on with the show. Stephen's guest was Dr. George Church, Professor of Genetics, Harvard Medical School. He is working on mapping human genomes and Stephen sincerely hopes he isn't using an iPhone 5 to do the mapping. First question - what is the personal genome project? It's sharing genes, traits and environmental data information with the whole world. Stephen suggested an alternate process. The two of them discussed all sorts of sciencey stuff - splicing genes, making replacement petroleum, bringing back the woolly mammoth. Finally, Stephen asked the big question. "How do you think your work will eventually destroy all mankind? Killer virus... mutant killer squid man?"

We did not actually get a definitive answer to that question from Dr. George Church. So, they went on to the next topic, a new book. As usual, it has a very long title. I guess all the short titles have been used up. So, the book is, "Regenesis - How Synthetic Biology Will Reinvent Nature and Ourselves."

Stephen had great questions about the book. "Do we need reinventing? Are you playing God, sir, 'cause you certainly have the beard for it?" And remember how Stephen has been plugging his book on his show when other people plug their book? Well, this guy brought 20 million copies of his book to the interview! He reached into his pocket, took out a small vial and presented Stephen with a piece of paper about the size of a Fortune Cookie fortune. On the paper was a dot. Through the magic of science, that dot had 20 million copies of the book on it.

He told Stephen not to eat it. Stephen did not eat it, but he most certainly was tempted. I can just imagine if the show had been any longer, the audience would have started chanting, "Eat the books. Eat the books. Eat the books."

I Don't See It

Nature is nice. That's a little oversimplified maybe. What I mean is that when you are working too hard or under a lot of stress, it's relaxing to just look at some beautiful scenery. Of course, you know I often send you to look at the daily photos over at bing. Today is one of those days, so go take a look. There's a photo, no wait, it's a video, of beautiful autumn trees with golden yellow leaves. There's just a gentle breeze, enough so that a few leaves slowly drift down to the green grass. As time goes by, the grass will be covered with yellow leaves and the branches will be bare. Next spring, it will start all over again with tiny buds that turn into green leaves for the summer.

If you put your cursor on the "i" at bottom right of the screen you can find out information about the photo/video of the day. Today it is "Forest on the Volga River in Volzhsky District, Samara Oblast, Russia." But I don't see it. Where's the forest? All I see is some trees. Maybe that's the problem. Too many trees. I can't see the forest for the trees.

Vote For Me, You Parasites!

Speaking of Stephen being on The Daily Show - he was! He was there to help Jon Stewart with debate preparation and would you believe, Stephen plugged his new book, "American Again, Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't."

Over at the The Colbert Report, we got to see all the media people talking about the debates, the real debates, between President Obama and Mitt Romney. It's debatable whether the debates matter or not. Stephen even featured some video of Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly talking about today's distractions including the Blueberry. Stephen demonstrated making a phone call on his Blueberry and then of course his other device, a banana, had an incoming call also. It was classic Bert and Ernie.

George Will has this idea that America likes Obama, not because he is so great, but because they are afraid to fire him, because he is, well, African American. It's pretty much a given if you don't fire someone, they are black. Why does George Will keep writing this stuff? Why won't the Washington Post fire him? What are they, ooohhhhhh. George Will. Unfireable? Stephen has figured out something about George Will that no one else has seemed to pick up on. Incredible.

 Low T is a problem. There are solutions, but they come with problems such as blood clots, liver damage, and prostate cancer.  Prescott Pharmaceuticals has just the fix: Vasca-Testostragen. It balances that shot of testosterone with estrogen. Stephen showed what huge benefits a man can expect. Thanks Stephen for Cheating Death again.

Kenny Rogers was the guest last night. He is a famous country star and has written a book, "Luck or Something Like It - A Memoir." Stephen used the opportunity to again plug his own book. See first paragraph above for the name of Stephen's book. Kenny Rogers has had a great career. That's putting it mildly. He has had a phenomenal career! There were even five miniseries based on one of his most popular songs, "The Gambler." Stephen and Kenny Rogers talked at great length about all the metaphors in the song. Stephen also tried to get Kenny Rogers to reveal how you know when to hold them and when to fold them. Maybe some other time in the future that will be revealed, but tonight we did not learn that secret. Kenny Rogers has another famous song that he performed with Dolly Parton, "Islands in the Stream." And he performed "Lady" with Lionel Richie. This prompted questions from Stephen, probing questions, but the answers were always "No."

Buy the Book, Buy the Book

In a real change from tradition, when the show started, the audience chanted, "Buy the book. Buy the book. Buy the book. Buy the book. Buy the book. Buy the book."

Nah, I'm just pulling your leg. They chanted "Stephen. Stephen. Stephen..." as usual. However, the reason I'm saying this is that Stephen's latest best seller (of course it will be a best seller) went on sale on October 2. So, go out and buy "America Again: Re-Becoming The Greatness We Never Weren't", or just go over to Colbert Nation and you can order it there.

Stephen explained to his younger viewers just exactly what a "book"is. "A book is a blog for people with attention spans." Okay. Now I'm offended. I am writing this blog. And you should be offended too, because you are reading this blog. I doubt that any of us have short attention spans. In fact, I am so offended I am not going to buy his book - today. I will wait until tomorrow. That sends a very clear message to Stephen. I hope he has learned from this whole unpleasant episode.

But anyway, Stephen reminded us that there are only 35 shopping days until the election, so there's a good reason to buy the book. The Koch Brothers are smart. They bought their candidate early. Buy the book. Buy the book. It makes great gifts for friends and family.

Coming up this Sunday, because of a law passed in 1954, (wherein churches can't be politically active), a whole gaggle of preachers, or is it a flock of preachers... no that's the people in the pews, so yeah, gaggle of preachers are going to give a sermon and get all political just to irk the IRS. Mike Huckabee calls it Pulpit Freedom Sunday. Wow, they are going to preach and then violate the law by endorsing one of the candidates, either Mitt Romney or Not Obama. They'll record their sermons and then send them to the IRS.

Here to speak to the issue is none other than Dr. Jim Garlow. He explained that he wants freedom of speech. Stephen explained to him that he wants in on the sweet deal to have his speech subsidized, tax free!, by the government. Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin's names were dropped and yet they weren't men enough to come on the show like Dr. Jim Garlow was. Stephen explained many reasons why he agrees with the pastor. For one thing, Stephen has always supported Mitt Romney, but it is in conflict with his (Stephen's) Catholic faith. He (Romney) is in a cult, he is an apostate heretic, and therefore should not hold the office of President.

There was a little bit of awkwardness when the pastor questioned whether Stephen was a preacher. Duh. His congregation is sitting right there. Double Duh.

Stephen believes there is not enough politics in our religion. If his preacher says vote for a certain candidate and the candidate loses, Stephen knows he's got a loser God. Or if the preacher is corrupt, Stephen knows his God is false and he can move on to another God. Amen brother.

This discussion was very helpful. Yahweh surely is pleased.

Everything to be changed!

Wednesday is the first debate. Everyone says the debates could change everything. The Romney Campaign is heaping praise on the ability of of President Obama to speak, to debate, to thrill audiences. The only defense available to Mitt Romney is Zingers. He has been practicing ever since August.

Additional punctuation is needed for tonight's guest, Jorge Ramos. Stephen assured us that he will begin every question with an upside down question mark. First question was that age-old conundrum, Hispanic or Latino. Jorge Ramos told him that it is sort of an east coast, west coast thing. Hispanic on the east coast and Latino on the west coast. It's not mandatory or written in stone, but probably similar to pop vs. soda debate.

Polls have been consistently giving Mitt Romney about 21% of the Hispanic vote even though his Mitt Romney's father was born in Mexico. The two discussed the two candidates and self deportation. Jorge Ramos has talked with thousands of immigrants and none of them have said they will self deport. Part of the reason, a big part, of why the immigrants are here is because people in the United States hire them to care for young children, to do the yard work, to build houses, etc. Stephen and Jorge Ramos went on to talk about George W. Bush who got about 44% of the Hispanic vote. Jorge Ramos said that George W. Bush was the first American president who thought that he spoke Spanish. Stephen reminded Jorge Ramos that George W. Bush thought he spoke English too.

Revenue Neutral

We found out a little bit about math on the show, --- just a teeny tiny bit. Paul Ryan doesn't give specifics of Mitt Romney's tax plan because it would take too long to go through all the math. So, now we know why we don't know what everyone has been waiting to know. It was a great answer that Paul Ryan gave to Chris Wallace, but it would take Stephen too long to explain why it is a great answer so just trust Stephen and by default I imagine we should trust Paul Ryan.

Stephen informed us that President Obama is a net job creator, in other words, more jobs created than lost, so that's a nice thing.

In The Word, we found out that it is possible to get a jobs in manufacturing that pay 23 cents an hour! There is a catch, you need to be in prison to get these jobs. There is this law that dates way back to the 1930s establishing Unicor. In some ways, it seems good because it provides work and training for prisoners. Labor is very cheap, obviously, but prices don't have to be. The down side is that it makes it hard for other companies to compete with those kinds of labor costs. Sounds like no easy answers on this one.

In New York, it is the last day of the General Assembly of the UN. And you know what that means. Shopping!!! While Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in New York, his entourage has been snatching up great bargains at various stores around town. Stephen did have some concerns about this, but I think he may have been confused, so not as bad as he thought.

Everything on the show seemed to have a strong tie to math, or a strong time to not using math (see Paul Ryan above). Even the guest(s) had a mathematical leaning. The Musical guests were Ben Folds Five, which you would think would be a band with five people in it but actually, it's only three guys. They were there to talk with Stephen about the name of their band and other more interesting stuff. They performed "Do It Anyway," from their album "The Sound of the Life of the Mind." You know how you often can go over to Colbert Nation and hear a bonus song? Well, not so this time folks. The message at the bottom of the screen said, "For Bonus Song, go buy their album. There's nothing on our website."

So, go buy it.