No Dice, No Money

No Fun!

After talking about Super Heroes, the North Dakota Territory, and Sharia Weather, Stephen got right down to the #1 Threat to America.

The game of Monopoly.

That's right. Hasbro is shortening and simplifying many of its popular games. Why? I don't know why, but I suppose it's some lame excuse such as people are too busy now or kids demand more bells and whistles on their games.

So new Monopoly has a Control Tower in the middle of the board. There's no dice, no cash and no chance of having fun. And for sure no chance of learning. I admit it. I like the educational potential of the old Monopoly.

Supposedly the kids today can't do math. Well, if they played Monopoly, they would learn some basic addition facts. After a while, they would learn that when they roll a three and a four, it always ends up being seven. And if they get six and six - doubles - they get to go 12 spaces! They also learn to count money and to make change when paying rent. And when they buy houses and hotels, they are learning to multiply and add larger numbers. And of course, there is some reading involved, not a lot granted, but more reading than in Candyland or even Chess.

(Now, I'm not saying that Idiocracy is in our future if we give up the old Monopoly, but sometimes the old ways are the best and we should pay attention when Stephen warns us about the #1 Threat.)

After a nice impression of a Tyrannosaurus Rex, Stephen discussed Health and Human Services. And of course, Stephen is always right. He did show a video clip of FOX News Contributor and Spray Tan Victim Sandy Rios. And I will admit, she was just as sure that she was 100% right as Stephen is. (Of course, the difference being that Stephen IS always right.)

Among other comical ideas, she had this to say: "Now we're gonna cover birth control, breast pumps, ah, counseling for abuse. Are we gonna do pedicures and manicures as well?"

You see, that's what I mean. She obviously has been playing the New Monopoly rather than the Old Monopoly. To equate the health care benefits of birth control to the health care benefits of pedicures is not exactly a logical comparison. The educational aspects of Monopoly were probably left behind as she went for the non-thinking version of the game. She should not pass Go.

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Robert K. Wittman was on the show tonight to talk about his book, "Priceless." He is an investigator in art crime. I hope you were able to watch the show tonight. If not, you should buy the book or at least look at his picture on the front of the book. Unfortunately, you can't see his face. But get to recognize him from the back. Then, if you are ever in an art museum and just about ready to steal a famous painting and you see him, STOP. Don't steal the painting. You'll get caught. He's watching you.