Turtles Don't Like Peanut Butter

Colbert Super PAC has got more than 10,000 heroes. And tonight, Stephen added two more heroes, Charlie, 10 and Grace, 8, to the Hero Crawl at the bottom of the screen. They sent him $13 to help with freedom or liberty or freeberty. Stephen needs to decide what he's going to do with his Super PAC. And he is confused, so he had friend of the show, Karl "Ham" Rove on for advice. But, you know what, he's shy.

Therefore Matthew Dowd, ABC News Political Analyst and Chief Strategist for George W. Bush's Re-election Campaign showed up to offer Stephen some good advice. Stephen's Super PAC needs to stand for something. Well that's going to be kind of tricky. What should it stand for? Luckily, you can tell Stephen. If you have signed up for the Colbert SuperPAC, like I have, then you should be getting an email from Stephen tonight. If not, go to Colbert Super PAC and click on the link "I Stand For" and let Stephen know what you stand for.





What should he spend the money on? Issues, Candidates, Negativity? Well, that was a little worrisome. However, Stephen did say this, whether that means he supports negativity or positivity, he did repeat this from his mother: "If you don't have anything nice to say, you better back it up with a lot of money."

Guess where Stephen should start running ads. Here's some hints.

1. It's a state.
2. It's one of the smaller states.
3. You only need four letters to spell this state.
4. There are more vowels than consonants in the name.
5. It rhymes with Pie-ow-a.

And as far as those turtles who don't like peanut butter, well while Stephen is getting used to having the power of this Super PAC, he just kind of blurts things out as if they are words of wisdom. Most recently, he blurted "Turtles Don't Like Peanut Butter" and then put it on a T-shirt and then, well what's next? Not even Stephen knows for sure, but he thinks he will be selling all those T-shirts on the website.

For all the political whiz kids out there, showing up as Stephen's interview guest tonight was former Louisiana Governor and Herman Cain look-alike, Buddy Roemer. He's running for president but he's not walking into Iowa, at least not for the big shindig. It takes $15,000 to get a booth at the GOP carnival that will soon be in Iowa, plus probably a whole lot more money to buy trinkets for Iowans in hopes that they will remember how much they like the trinkets. I hope I have all that right. Buddy did not elaborate, so I'm just kind of piecing together what lots of different people have said.

So, to summarize:
Turtles, ham, stand, Dowd, Roemer. If you don't have time to read the whole post, you can skip down to this paragraph and get the condensed version of tonight's The Colbert Report.

* * * Update March 30, 2012. For more information about Stephen's Super PAC and information on how to get a Turtles Don't Like Peanut Butter t-shirt plus lots of other neat stuff, read about the Texans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow Super PAC.