Whoosh! Whoosh! Very Loud! Zoom In Now

It's no secret that I turn to the Journalism Guru over at the The Colbert Report when I need up-to-the-minute news reporting. Stephen Colbert has all the trophies to prove his superiority, yet others keep trying to gain an advantage. Recently, Fox updated their news room with Big Area Touchscreens or BATS.

Well, that doesn't compare at all to the size of stuff over at the Colbert Studios. Stephen uses Big Unbelievably Large LED Super Hyper Information Technology. And, he has Feline Media Managers. It's a complicated yet streamlined process whereby important news goes to the Print Center, then to the News Separator. Next it is upshoveled to the Kinetic Journal Chamber where a journalist hand selects the most relevant news. (Is it just me or does that journalist in the Kinetic Journal Chamber look more like an art teacher than a journalist?)  News is delivered to Stephen by Mr. Falcon and then Stephen feeds it to Mr. Tweetbot, the Social Media Coordinator.

So, after all this news gathering and digesting, we found out this important news story:

Miley Cyrus has gone too far.

Oops, after a verification process, we found out that Miley Cyrus has not gone too far. In a sad turn of events, we had to actually watch Stephen being unverified.

Luckily, Stephen survived being unverified and came back after the break. As proof of the journalistic talent and also investigative reporting skill of Stephen Colbert and his team of news makers and takers, we found out that yes, there is some graffiti on the walls of the Colbert Report Studio and surprisingly it was not done by Banksy. Through clever thinking and analysis, Stephen reported that it was actually Tom Hanks, or Hanksy, that did the artffiti.  I would not have expected that from Tom Hanks.

Stephen welcomed Reed Albergotti and Vanessa O'Connell to the show to talk about bicycles. Actually, they talked about their book, "Wheelmen: Lance Armstrong, the Tour de France, and the Greatest Sports Conspiracy Ever."

They combined their knowledge of white collar crime and dope to come up with the scoop on Lance Armstrong. Stephen doesn't think it's such a big deal because it's not as if it was the Tour de America. The story though is about all the conspiracy and secrets and lying.

We got to learn about all sorts of ways to dope and not dope. One would hope that there will maybe be more scrutiny in the future. One can hope.

* In case you didn't know, Stephen is on break this week. This post is about last Thursday's show.