How Do You Most Often Communication With People?

Last night was one of those nights when there was so much news and commentary on The Colbert Report my head was spinning. It still is.

First off, the First Congressional District in South Carolina. The winner of the GOP Primary there was Mark Sanford. You may remember him as the "Appalachian Hiker with extremely poor sense of direction." Yes, he's the former South Carolina Governor who was unfaithful to his wife and betrayed the public trust by leaving the state, even the country, and going to see his mistress down in Argentina. Stephen compared his good fortune at getting a second chance  in politics to that of Silvio Berlusconi of Italy.

Who else is running to represent the First District? You might know this. Elizabeth Colbert Busch! Stephen's sister! Stephen whipped up a sparkling poster for her which is quite nice. It has all the right colors - red, white, And blue. It has stars on it and symbols from the flag of South Carolina on it, so I'm pretty sure that means she will win.

Stephen was not even going to mention this political race until Morning Joe basically brought it to Stephen. Morning Joe had his good buddy Mark Sanford on for an infomercial and said that Elizabeth Colbert Busch has her own show - The Colbert Report. The love fest was great but then they talked about Mark Sanford's honesty about his lies to the people of South Carolina. Stephen thinks he would have been just as honest if no one had caught him back when he was hiking. My thought was that age old Fortune Cookie saying, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." I don't know if they ever got around to discussing the trait Mark Sanford seems to be the most proud of, his humility.

Stephen went on to endorse Elizabeth Colbert Busch and to give credit to Morning Joe. It was because of Morning Joe that Stephen was inspired to make such a bold endorsement.

Good friend of the show and proud owner of the complete Petticoat Junction DVD Boxed Set Louie Gohmert had some views on gun control and gay marriage. He also is somewhat of a numbers person, often comparing the number 10 to the number 9 and the number 11. Stephen continued on with the numbers, even dabbling in some basic algebra. You know, If A=B and B=C, then, well something about bees and bacon and then sheep and zoos.

FUN SURVEY

Now comes the fun part of the show. The RNC is going to bond with young people by giving them a survey. It's over at Survey Monkey, the most trusted simian data collection service. Stephen even had a photograph of one of the monkeys who most likely is helping with the survey. The Survey Monkey had on a white lab coat, so that makes it legitimate. You can go over and take the survey. Oops, I take that back. If you are under 30 years of age you can take it. If you are 30 years of age or older, don't go to the survey here at www.surveymonkey.com/s/8PXHD8Y. (update: sadly, survey is closed.)

Lucky for us, Stephen is qualified to take the survey. He had some fave questions, for example, number 36. "Do you think that the Republican Party discriminates against people? If so, which people?" There were many options there, but Stephen pointed out that White People was the only option that the survey refers to as people. (Stephen marked the box for "The Republican Party does NOT discriminate against anyone.")

Stephen's absolute favorite question was number 38. "What is your sexual orientation?" One of the options was "In the closet." Stephen pointed out how smart it is to mark that on a Republican survey. Logically though, you can't mark "In the Closet" because then you would be out of the closet. Stephen really knows his way around all the intricacies of the survey.

I would point out some personal favorites of my own while there is a commercial airing. (It's not airing right now. I'm watching The Colbert Report on TiVo, but if I was watching live, then there would be a commercial now, but never mind.)

#3 is simple. It just asks for your zip code. This is extremely important. Later on, when they figure out what message will make you vote for Republicans, you will get stuff in the mail or hear commercials on the radio in your home town or see TV ads in your marketing area that will reflect what you want to hear. So be sure to fill in your zip code. Don't use 90210 unless you live in Beverly Hills.

#5 is about how you get your political information. I thought there should have been a separate category for "The Colbert Report" but there is a box for television, so I guess that will do.

#6 is great because of the creative use of words. "How do you most often communication with people?"

#14 was tricky for me. I couldn't decide on whether to choose the option with "want support them" or "want to support them." (Good thing they didn't have a question about speaking English. The grammar or spelling or proofreading is a bit shaky on some of these questions.)

#20 is maybe the most important question. It has a box for you to write your answer in. It asks, "What would a Republican have to do or say in order for you to vote for her/him?" This is where #3 about zip code comes in. You write down what a Republican has to say in order for you to vote for him/her. If a lot of people in the same zip code say the same thing, then that is what the Republican will say in that zip code area and voila! you vote for him/her. Good for you/he/she/it!

#22 the nice question. One wonders why there wasn't a nasty option.

#26 the answer is no. The Republican Party does not seem like fun. Only fun. is fun.

#41 you can ignore this unless you live in Washington State. It asks if you voted for Jay Inslee for governor or Rob McKenna. I don't know why they would ask that unless it is because it was such a close election and they think that can somehow help them figure out how to appeal to young folks.

#50 is your chance to say anything you want. (Hey, be nice.) It is optional. Of course the whole survey is optional, especially if you are old. Remember it's just for youngsters. If you can actually remember watching Petticoat Junction on TV, you are too old.

Anyway, that survey link again in case you lost it is www.surveymonkey.com/s/8PXHD8Y.(update: sadly survey is closed.)

A.C. GRAYLING

Stephen's guest last night (and of course by now it is tomorrow so I mean the night before last night) was A.C. Grayling. His latest book is "The God Argument - The Case Against Religion and for Humanism."

Stephen was worried that Humanism is similar to Veganism. You can see how that would be troubling. Stephen admitted, "I am delicious." So, yes he would be worried if the two 'isms are related. But actually, humanism is an attitude about how we live a moral life. As you could expect, Stephen defended religion while A.C. Grayling defended what could be called a more natural form of morality. A.C. Grayling even reached all the say back to Socrates for some moral teachings. Of course, things didn't end well for Socrates.