A Bump in the R..., Water Under the Br....

Michelle Obama has been promoting healthy lifestyles for our children by emphasizing healthy eating and being physically active. And obesity rates are going down. So that's the good news.

But, bad news is overshadowing everything else. Bob and Babs, never mind their last name or where they live. They could be you. They could live where you live. A horrible crime happened to them. During the night, at 2:00 a.m., their dogs barked, but they ignored the barking. The next morning, to their horror, they discovered that their Gumby statue had been stolen from their yard. There are numerous similar crimes all across the country. Who did it and why? Gumby can't talk or perhaps we could find out more. Stephen's warning: Protect your Gumby before it's too late.

Stephen talked about some of the potential GOP candidates for the 2016 Presidential Election. He got a little hung up using unfortunate phrases when talking about Chris Christie, so he went on to talk about of the other candidates and then on to one of the potential Democratic candidates. Some people over on the conservative side are noting that Hillary Clinton is not a spring chicken and thus not suited for public office. This could backfire, though. Stephen pointed out that Ronald Reagan was older than Hillary would be upon taking office, (if she runs and if she's elected).

Is this a good idea? Should the GOP say that old women are not capable of doing important stuff? I kind of think they should check out their binders of women and maybe not go down that path. Besides, I think lots of old women vote and they might not like being told that old women are too old.

Every once in a while, Stephen will have on more that one guest for his interview segment. That was the case on Wednesday night. Olympic Gold Winners Meryl Davis and Charlie White were on. I must first declare that I was expecting that we would get to see their winning Gold Medal performance right there on Stephen's set, but that did not happen. That was a bit disappointing but I got over it. It was a lovely interview, with Charlie feeding Stephen's ego by laughing at nearly everything Stephen said. That's okay, I would do the same thing if I was being interviewed by Stephen. One exciting thing did happen. We got to see Stephen twizzling. He did it well.

It is probably a good thing that Stephen did not interview them before the Olympics. I can just imagine being out on the ice, ready to start, and then you think about something Stephen said during the interview and all your concentration would be gone. Even great hair could not save a person then.

Jimmy, Eddie, Mary, Billy, Margo, Tommy, Jay, Lulu, Paul, Peter, Stephen

It should come as no surprise to anyone that follows the news from journalist Stephen Colbert that Stephen reported on the state of our defense in this country. Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel is proposing some cuts to our military spending. While some people (Elisabeth Hasselbeck)find this to be a devastating blow to our security, Shep Smith went rogue over at Fox and reported that we need to keep in mind that our military budget is bigger than the next ten military budgets in the world combined.

Stephen had maps of China, Russia, United Kingdom, Japan, France, Saudi Arabia, India, Germany, Italy, and Brazil up on the screen, so I'm assuming we are bigger and better than all those countries. Sounds like we are still holding our own.

But some of the other people over at Fox had a graph, and that beats out Shep Smith with his plain standing and talking. The graph had blue and red bars for each year 2008, 2010, 2012 and 2014. And there were four large numbers on the left side:  500B, 1.0T, 1.5 T, and 2.0 T. I'm going out on a branch here and saying that they stand for $500 billion, $1 trillion, $1.5 trillion, and $2.0 trillion. And with this graph, Steve Doocy went on to talk about the graph. "As you can see, back in 1990," and it went downhill for him from there. Something that perhaps needs to be investigated is whether Steve Doocy might be colorblind. He seemed to get the colors red and blue mixed up. And then one might wonder about his number sense. He had a hard time reading those numbers. I mean, two trillion. You try saying that out loud and see how well you do! Stephen came to the conclusion from this graph that the other guy named Steve should not be on television.

Stephen Colbert went on to do an amazing "The Word" that showed how much money is being wasted with military spending. For example, lots of fancy stuff is being made - such as tanks and planes - that don't work well or aren't even needed by the army, and then some of them just go to Arizona and sit unused. Sounds like entitlement spending for tanks to me. What would that be? Entanklement Spending? Just for fun, Google "Arizona Boneyard" or "Aircraft Boneyard" and look at the Images or Maps to see a bunch of stuff just sitting around. I even spotted airplanes with missing parts.

The reason for all of these military accessories is that it provides jobs for people. Stephen had a great idea for a new weapon system. It has everything. It's the FU435 Employmentator. It's part tank, part jet and part aircraft carrier. Why is it that Stephen has all the good ideas?

Stephen's guest last night was St. Vincent who was born Annie Erin Clark. She brought her Einstein hair with her, and as is often the case with guests on the show, lost at the game of "How Fast Can You Name Them." Stephen always wins. Only an only child could come out ahead in that competition. I'm also thinking that Comedy Central could have a game show called, "How Fast Can You Name Them." My idea, but I'm giving it away free to Comedy Central. You're welcome.

Anyway, St. Vincent performed a song from her album last night and of course there's a bonus song over at Colbert Nation. The similarities between her performance and the performance by Darlene Love the night before are uncanny. It's almost like watching a rerun from the night before. See what you think.

Da Doo Ron Ron

Stephen talked last night about the Olympics being over. He also mentioned what a drag it was for the choice of uniforms that the Speed Skaters wore. Apparently the vents caused drag and thus they did not do very well in Sochi. That's okay, it meant we got to see Stephen's choice of clothing when he is out and about driving his car. Looking good, Stephen. But of course I must say, "Kids, don't try this at home."

And then somehow, Stephen was able to turn the focus of the show to an interview by Jillert Anema which resulted in Stephen vowing to get rid of his doggone wooden shoes. (Jillert Anema, Netherlands Speedskating Coach, had an opinion of the whole situation of winners and losers in Speedskating which was not shared by Stephen.) Now, if you would like to get a pair of wooden shoes just like the Windmill Design Wooden Shoes that Stephen got rid of, check out Dutch Village Shopping (conveniently located in Holland, Michigan) and purchase your special pair.

To wear with your fashionable Windmill Design Wooden Shoes, why not also chip in a mere $30 and get a beautiful blue Blade in the USA T-shirt and help out the American Speedskating team at the same time.

Ukraine. Gideon Rose, Editor for "Foreign Affairs," joined Stephen to catch up on the news coming out of the Ukraine. It can go either way for the Ukraine and we will be hearing lots of news about this country in days and weeks to come.

Stephen's guest last night was a real treat - Rock and Roll Hall of Famer, who stars in "20 Feet From Stardom," Darlene Love. Back in the 1960s, Darlene Love was a background singer for such musicians and groups as Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Aretha Franklin, The Beach Boys, Tom Jones, Sam Cooke, The Righteous Brothers, Cher, Dionne Warwick, and The Mamas and The Papas. And now she's a Lead Singer. They briefly discussed the different skills needed for doing background singing or lead singing. We got to hear answers to such questions as "Did you have any bad boys?" and "How much about African American, Soul or Blues music did you learn from Elvis Presley?"

For those of you who don't think you have heard Darlene Love sing all that often, remember, she was in the background quite a bit. If you Google Darlene Love and David Letterman, you will find out that she shows up at Christmas to sing on The Late Show with Letterman Show. Also, fans of Saturday Night Live might remember that it was Darlene Love singing "Christmastime for the Jews" which had a guest appearance by friend of the show, Jon Stewart.

We were treated to Darlene Love singing "He's a Rebel." That's a tender song, sung with gusto, about the benefits of always seeing the good side of people, even when others might not agree with you.

Go to Colbert Nation for a web exclusive of Darlene Love singing "Da Doo Ron Ron."

At the end of the show, Stephen gave a tribute to Harold Ramis who died recently. He brought so many great moments (as an actor or director, etc) --- Ghostbusters, Stripes, Animal House, Meatballs, Caddyshack, Vacation, Groundhog Day, The Human Centipede and much more. He was a role model for Stephen Colbert. Here's a short clip of Harold Ramis in "Stripes" doing "Da Doo Ron Ron."

The Bone Ranger $9,999,999

If you remember, Stephen stole Bill O'Reilly's microwave, (which is just like Bill O'Reilly: a little old, a little square, and does not care what you are saying) and Stephen is auctioning it off. Why, then, is Stephen sad? It seems that Papa Bear actually appears to think that Stephen is mocking him and therefore he called Stephen a ______. He would not say what he thought of Stephen.

Probably it is one of these, according to Stephen.

-- Humanitarian
-- Stud Muffin
-- The Wind Beneath Bill O'Reilly's Wings

The bidding for Bill O'Reilly's interview notes shot up to $9,999,999 before dropping down to $30,000 because he didn't get only verified bids. "Bill, with all due respect, you're an idiot."

The bidding for Stephen's auction of Bill O'Reilly's microwave shot up to $98,000.00 before then dropping down to $3,100 because the $98,000.00 was not a verified bid and Stephen made an honest mistake that could happen to anyone.

Stephen said that he used that microwave for many things, including melting an action figure of Al Franken. Whoa, that was way back on January 30, 2007. I don't even remember him doing that! By now the auction is over. I hope we find out tonight who had the winning bid. Maybe it will be Bill O'Reilly.

Again we were treated to another report live via satellite (in Sochi) from Buddy Cole who hoped to meet up with Bode Miller, U.S. Olympic Skier. Surprise surprise - Bode Miller was live in Stephen's studio. What a treat!!! Stephen asked if he would continue to ski and try for even more medals. Bode Miller is not sure and Stephen grabbed that opportunity to suggest he join the Olympic Curling team.

We had a bit of a commercial endorsement for Aflac and it made me wonder if we might see the Aflac duck on as a guest sometime soon. That would be a great show. Are you listening, Stephen?

Anyway, back to Buddy Cole. He finally was able to finish up his documentary in Sochi and surprisingly it was in a gay bar. Due to time zone differences, Buddy Cole was able to fly back from Sochi during the airing of the last video about Sochi and appear on the set next to Stephen. Something most of us did not realize but Stephen did is that Buddy Cole is actually a Canadian. I hope this is not the last we see of Buddy Cole just because the Olympics are over. I also hope this is not the last we see of Buddy Cole just because he is Canadian.

General Stanley A. McChrystal was Stephen's guest. You may know him from Rolling Stone or from his book, "My Share of the Task: A Memoir." Stanley McChrystal said he was in favor of one year of paid national service by all our young people. It doesn't have to be military service. It could be education or health care service.

I Want a Drink. I Want a Drink. I Want a Drink.

Sadly, the Olympics in Sochi, Russia are over. But that means time for me to get caught up on all kinds of things including eating, sleeping, and posting.

On last Wednesday's show, we got to see Stephen's interpretation of Ice Dancing, and all this while he was still in his chair. Also, poor Bob Costas. Stephen showed a photo of him covered in snow, wearing a dark scarf around his neck, a stylish hat on top of his head, and an eye that looked like a burst blackberry. Hope that pink eye gets better for him soon.

Happily, we got to see quite an extensive mini-documentary/show-and-tell from Buddy about the gay threat to Sochi. Of course I hope you all got to see his extensive training exercises he taught to the Speed Skating team on an earlier episode of The Colbert Report. But this time Buddy actually went to the actual Olympics in actual Sochi, Russia.

After finding winter, Buddy talked to natives of Sochi, dressed in his finest winter wear. The Souvenir Shop held lots of appeal for Buddy Cole. That's the one place I would have been sure to visit if I had been able to go to Sochi. After many questions, Buddy Cole traveled the 70 kilometers to the Free Speech Protest Zone. Unfortunately he seemed to be the only protester and then in another blow to free speech, he was "asked" to stop speaking and the producer convinced him that free speech isn't all that important. Come home soon, Buddy.

Stephen's guest was Oscar winning and Oscar nominated director Alexander Payne. We got to see a video clip of "Nebraska" the movie from someone who actually lives in Nebraska. The movie "Nebraska" was shot in black and white, although Stephen commented that at this time of year, it could be shot in color and who would really be able to tell the difference.

Alexander Payne is more relaxed that lots of the Hollywood type of directors. For example, he likes to go on road trips in the car or even enjoy the relaxation of a nice train trip on Amtrak. He believes in that old, it's not the destination, it's the journey type of travel.

Welcome to Tonight

The Olympics are still going strong and I am spending most of my waking time watching as much as I can. So, yes very short posts. If only I could be in Sochi to watch it live...

The most important thing that happened on Tuesday's show was that we got to see Stephen with a short cameo appearance on "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon." (Friend of the show.) Stephen showered Jimmy Fallon with much praise and welcomed him to the world of nighttime news and entertainment television. Jimmy was speechless.

In another of the episodes where Stephen has a mini-guest and a real guest, we got to meet Janet Mock who talked about her book, "Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More,"

We also got to meet Brian Greene, a scientist, so you know he's probably as smart as Stephen. He and Stephen talked about World Science U. It's even better than vinegar and baking soda. Go look at it.

I Stole the Gravy Boat

Stephen dined in style on the same night of the State Dinner but I won't say where. You will have to figure that out. And he was in quite good company but I won't say who it was.

Bill O'Reilly is auctioning off his notes from the interview he did with President Obama on Super Bo... I mean the Big Game Sunday. So Stephen is auctioning off the microwave oven he "took" from O'Reilly's Green Room. Inside the microwave is a "Spin Zone." Proceeds from the microwave will go to the Yellow Ribbon Fund. If you can't afford to bid on the microwave, you can get a Xerox copy of the iPhone photo of the microwave.

After a lovely segment on menu reading, Stephen welcomed his guest Godfrey Reggio to talk about his film "Visitors." It was quite interesting. Stephen asked the hard questions, such as, "When do I start drooling?"

The Party's Over

Again, I am soaking up all the Olympic competition I can find on the TV machine, so not so much time spent posting here. I'm thinking I might come back and add more to this a bit later. Hoping...

Buddy Cole was on again last night doing wonderful reporting about the Olympics. He has great journalistic instincts and is almost as good as Stephen at finding out all the news in a news story. Let's hope we see more of him.

We found out about the stress of being a pro football player.

And Charlie Crist was on talking about his book, "The Party's Over: How the Extreme right Hijacked the GOP and I Became a Democrat."

From Russia With Love

Buddy Cole was on the show to discuss the Sochi Olympics, the controversy over in Russia as it relates to anti-gay propaganda laws, as well as his long friendship with Stephen. Their friendship goes way back to Theater Camp which sounded like it was a lot of fun for both of them.

Stephen's guest last night was Patrick Kennedy to talk about marijuana and Project SAM. There is a lot of good information on the website, so go read it now. Take the time to think about it.

I'm off to watch more Olympics now. It was better last time when Stephen was in Vancouver, but it is still exciting even it he is not there.

Speaking of Fossils

The Sochi Olympics are in full swing so I won't be having as much spare time as usual. I am too busy watching the sports and the fashion and the spectacle. I hope Stephen does not think that I think less of his show than I do of a bunch of people in tights dancing and prancing around on ice and snow.

So, in brief.... Papa Bear interviewed Prez Barack (I am using abbreviated names there to save time. I mean Bill O'Reilly and President Barack Obama in case there are some of you out there who do not know who I am referring to.) Papa Bear asked hard questions and then went on to answer the questions himself.

At the Olympics in Sochi, there is a bit of a problem with yogurt. Chobani Yogurt is being delayed from reaching the Team USA athletes. Not everything in Sochi is done being built. Water problems, sidewalk problems, stray dog in your hotel room problems are just some of the examples we heard about. The most worrisome problem that Stephen mentioned was that some manholes do not have manhole covers on them.

In Tip/Wag we learned that it is extremely important to have labels on your bottles of liquid.

Paul Krugman was Stephen's guest to explain how good ObamaCare (Affordable Care Act or ACA) is really actually working well. People shouldn't be believing all the naysayers out there. Stephen tried to come up with naysaying, including talking about some of the women he knows who might have reasons for wanting health insurance coverage, but Paul Krugman had very good reasons why ObamaCare is a good thing.

He also had to clarify for Stephen and us what others have distorted over and over again. The CBO did not say ObamaCare will kill jobs. The CBO said now that people have the health care that they need, the can voluntarily choose to work fewer hours.

Most important on Thursday's show was the announcement that Jay the Intern has welcomed a little intern to his own family, Baby Eli the Intern. So cute!

Buckle Deductible

Stephen talked about other people talking about ObamaCare, or the Affordable Care Act (ACA). The Congressional Budget Office issued a report that says fewer people will work because they don't have to in order to get health insurance. That immediately got turned into "job killer" by all the talking heads. Here's a bit of an explanation about it over at Slate.

I also would mention that Stephen had nice bumper stickers on the show. What really impressed me the most, though, was that apparently you can get a license plate in California with no identifying numbers or letters on it. I don't know how you would tell it apart from any other license plate, but it sure would be easy to keep it clean and shiny.

The best part of the segment about Obama Care (Affordable Care Act) (ACA) was when Stephen talked about Pilgrims and the "Buckle Deductible." He said it well. Now it's your turn to say it. Repeat after me. Buckle Deductible. Buckle Deductible. Buckle Deductible. Buckle Deductible.

Everyone loves watching rich people on TV. We got treated to clips of Tom Perkins talking about how great it is to be rich. We also got to see a little bit of Mort Zuckerman talking about how it would also be nice if poor people had a little bit of money. I think it would be great to have to two men meet and discuss that topic. Maybe sometime in the future Stephen can do that on his show.

Stephen had Lake Street Dive on last night. There's four of them in the band. I like the photo over at their website for Bad Self Portraits. Yes they sang and yes there's a bonus song over at Colbert Nation.

Pussy Riot

It's February and Stephen reminded us what that means. It's Black History Month and also Children's Dental Health Month. Remember to floss.

Stephen's blood is boiling and just because Evidence "Exists." David Wildstein supposedly has evidence that Chris Christie knew about the lane closures while they were happening. But, can we believe what David Wildstein says? Is he trustworthy. Some would say he isn't.

On the show to give us some background on the two men was their first grade teacher, Mrs. Lutemeyer (sp?). She shared that David was not the most endearing student, somewhat of a ruffian, while Christopher was such a joy. Students like him are why she teaches. But when she started reading from a script, Stephen became suspicious that she was not being completely honest with him. She broke down and revealed that she was afraid after two lunch lines were closed and the class goldfish died suddenly. Luckily, Stephen offered her asylum at the studio.

Last night's guests were Masha Alekhina and Nadya Tolokonnikova of Pussy Riot. Also there was Anna to act as the interpreter since Stephen only speaks English. It was one of the longest interview segments I remember seeing on the show. Perhaps that was because the questions and answers would take longer due to the language barrier.

I find it interesting that just one night after his expose of the Coca Cola ad which had languages other than English that Stephen would have guests that spoke a language other than English. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed listening to the discussion. I find different languages fascinating. Still, I wondered why Stephen didn't stick to English Only guests.

I also found it somewhat amusing that last night's interview was so different from the night before with Jennifer Senior. In that interview, Stephen dominated the conversation and had his guest laughing at many of his comments. In last night's interview, Stephen would try to get in a laugh but was usually upstaged. He would come back with a quick quip, only to be upstaged yet again.

One of the reasons Masha Alekhina and Nadya Tolokonnikova are here in the US is to tour prisons and to talk to human rights activists. Stephen noted that our prisons are just wonderful.

The actual number of members of Pussy Riot is a secret but apparently Stephen could be in Pussy Riot. Stephen complimented the two on their decision to use English words for the name of the band. They explained to Stephen about the extensive choice of vocabulary in the Russian language.

So, it was a great cultural exchange last night. Stephen seemed to fit right in with Pussy Riot. Everyone had a great time. If you didn't get to see it, head over to Colbert Nation.

Je Ne Sais Quoi

Stephen teased us with his review of the commercials that aired during the Big Game. He kept hinting at nuts which made all of us think he was talking about the Pistachio commercial that he was in. (No wonder he kept talking about football and the Big Game all last week!) But then we found out he was talking about the super controversial Coca Cola ad. It was really bad. Can you just imagine a commercial with different scenes of different people with different voices singing "America the Beautiful in different languages?" Granted the singers were on key and kept up the correct tempo and were quite lovely, but still, English has always been the only language spoken here since time began and it will always be that way. And Coca Cola has to honor that myth.

You can see it here, oops I mean see the Coca Cola ad here. Stephen also played part of the ad on the show last night until the pain in his head nearly ended the show right then and there. Stephen was warned by the folks over at Fox and by Rush Limbaugh, but still he watched and listened.

Everyone is upset by this. Allen West had this to say about it, " It started rather patriotically with the words of 'America the Beautiful.' Then the words went from English to languages I didn't recognize." Stephen noted that Allen West once was a Congressman from Florida and served in the army over in Afghanistan. Who could really expect him to recognize Spanish or Arabic?

Even Michael Leahy weighed in thusly: "The company used such an iconic song, one often sung in churches on the 4th of July that represents the old "E Pluribus Unum' view of how American society is integrated, to push multiculturalism down our throats.." You could look up the Latin phrase "E Pluribus Unum" at the Google machine. Or you could just take Stephen's word for it that it means, "Speaka da Engliss."

Stephen gave us just a little bit of history about the song, "America The Beautiful" when noting that the ad also showed a gay couple while the song was still playing in the background. The lyrics were written by Katharine Lee Bates who had a Boston marriage with her partner of 25 years, Katharine Coman.Who knew?

We can only hope that this controversy will show up in the presidential election of 2016 because, after all, Coca Cola is a carbonated beverage that many people enjoy in a tall glass with ice cubes. What could be more important for our leaders to talk about than this? Are you listening Fox News? Keep this issue in the headlines.

Back to the show. Hat/Finger or Tip/Wag or Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger. The Oakland Cheerleaders are suing the Oakland Raiders because they haven't been paid enough. Works out to about $5.00 per hour all things considered. More importantly in this segment, we got to see a photo of Stephen from his school days. And that's what really matters for me.

Pope Francis is on the cover of Rolling Stone and Stephen is somewhat upset and so used last night as a soapbox to show off his knowledge of all the other Popes.

Sadly, China's Jade Rabbit is perhaps going to fail. And the snowstorm has whipped up a lot of winter pollen and has made Stephen cry. Or something like that. The Jade Rabbit spoke to all of us and Stephen was profoundly moved by it.

Wonder of all wonders, we got to see the Stephen Colbert Wonderful Pistachios commercial. I'm assuming everyone watching got to see the ad. Sometimes ads play to a local market, but I think this one would have been aired for everyone to enjoy. And then there was an ad for the Lego Movie (starts Friday). You know what would be great? If Stephen could have some of the actors from that movie on as guests. That would be so "very" cool. (You may substitute another word for "very" if you would like.)

And again, back to the show. Stephen talked briefly about Harry Potter (a handsome young lad with dark hair and glasses) and the current thoughts of author J.K. Rowling. Stephen suggested  some new books that should be written to bring the relationships up to date.

Stephen's guest last night was Jennifer Senior. She has a new fun book out, "All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood." It seemed like it was going to be a short interview, but then it did go a bit longer. It was one of those strange interviews where the interviewee laughed somewhat and tried to get words in edgewise because the interviewer was kind of monopolizing the discussion. Interestingly enough Jennifer Senior did mention that it used to be that children were considered "staff." Now, parents are the staff. But think back to times when many people lived on farms. Children were expected to work on the farm at whatever tasks they could.

It was a short yet fast interview. Come back in twenty years to find out how well Jennifer Senior did on raising her own kid.

Pistachio

Stephen's Superb Owl coverage continued last Thursday night with a lot of people talking about a lot of football issues. Stephen covered medicinal products for injured football players. He discussed sports injuries with guests Steve Fainaru and Mark Fainaru-Wada and talked about their book "League of Denial: The NFL, Concussions and the Battle for Truth."

Also on as guests were the Mayors of the two "Big Game" cities - Mayor Ed Murray of Seattle and Mayor Michael Hancock of Denver. They had the typical little friendly wager that happens this time every year. A steak from Denver vs some salmon from Seattle. What a mistake. That's gambling and is illegal in New York and Stephen had them arrested. They should have seen that coming since Stephen was wearing a wire.

Then the real guest was Drew Brees, quarterback for New Orleans. Of course they talked a lot about football and the upcoming Big Game.

All week long Stephen talked about football and Big Game. Thursday was all football. Now as I write this, the Big Game is over. We know who won. We know which commercials were the best. I am sure Stephen had a favorite commercial and I am sure he will talk about that commercial tonight. If you can't wait until tonight's show to find out his favorite commercial spot, you can head over to Colbert Nation and I think you will discover his favorite.