The Secret Life Of Phil Robertson

Finally I'm done wrapping gifts and then opening all of them I wrapped for myself.

On Stephen's last show of the year, we got to see how the really rich send out Christmas cards. We learned from Fox News all the nasty Christmas scams to avoid. But probably the biggest gift of the season is the hoopla caused by Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty. And not because of all the hoopla, but because we got to see what Stephen would look like if he was a Duck Dynastian with a beard. (Part of me wonders if Stephen will use the two weeks off to grow a real beard. That would be wonderful.) Phil Robertson had his hand slapped, but he's back again and everyone's happy.

Ben Stiller was on to talk about his latest movie, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. And the Blind Boys of Alabama were on to sing "Go Tell It On The Mountain" with Stephen.

MusiCorps

There was more about on the War on Christmas, the chapter on Santa Claus/Saint Nicholas. The Honorable Hans Beinholz, U.N. Ambassador, stopped by to help Stephen explain it all to us. (Kinda reminds me of the jolly old elf, wouldn't you agree?)

Keanu Reeves was on the show Wednesday and he really makes Stephen angry because they are both the same age and yet Keanu Reeves looks much younger. Anyway, they talked about 47 Ronin and we got to see a video clip. Somewhat exciting and fast paced. And a bit of a chick flick.

It was one of the quietest interviews ever. Would have been better if Keanu Reeves didn't keep spoiling it by talking.

The music last night was MusiCorps Wounded Warrior Band and Aaron Neville.

For All Ages

Edward Snowden wants to go to Brazil, not surprising since it is December and the Southern Hemisphere is the place to be this time of year. No one wants to go to China right now because the smog is so bad, at least in Shanghai. But that can be a good thing.

There is a new coloring book out for Rafael Edward Cruz, or "Ted" Cruz as you probably know him. It's very interesting because, while you might think it's for kids, it's actually For All Ages.

Tuesday's guest was Garry Trudeau talking about Alpha House. There were many interesting portions of the interview, but two things stood out for me. One was that Stephen forced Garry Trudeau to say "Merry Christmas." The second was that we got to see a clip of Alpha House and Stephen Colbert was in the clip!

Joining Stephen for the Christmas Carol portion was Alan Cumming and Cyndi Lauper.

Ewok Breeding Program

Stephen is worried about Google buying up all kinds of robot companies, and buy that I mean companies that build robots, not companies that are run by robots. To protect all of us from that, he is planning on breeding Ewoks because they will be able to save us. He had a prototype Ewok and they are so cute. I feel safe knowing Ewoks will be helping protect us from robots.

Stephen introduced another wonderful idea of his, Total Analog Personal Encryption, which will allow you to disable the spying of you via your webcam when you don't even know someone is watching you. Stephen showed a product in a silver color, but I have also seen it in various other colors.

You will remember that Stephen is up for a Grammy. While discussing his competition and his acceptance speech, none other than Billy Crystal showed up on the show to, um, discuss family matters and relationships, as in who is the son of whom.

Jonah Peretti, Founder of BuzzFeed, was the guest on Monday night. (Yes, I'm slow getting posts up this week. I actually thought and planned that Stephen would have three weeks off, including this week. Silly me.)

Musical Christmas guests were Gregg Allman and The National. You can watch performances over at Colbert Nation if you missed seeing it on the TV machine.

You Want Proof?

I am way too busy. I won't get all my shopping done if I don't get out to the Mall. So, posts are likely to be abbreviated and by that I mean short and concise.

Sleep aids can have bad side effects. Prescott Pharmaceuticals has better ideas for sleeping.

Megyn Kelly of Fox News said Santa Claus and Jesus are white. However, Santa Claus was on Saturday Night Live last Saturday and he was black. That's all the proof I need. And Jesus, being born over in Bethlehem, well, he wasn't European, that's for sure.

George Packer was the guest talking about his book "The Unwinding - An Inner History of the New America." The book seems to be getting a lot of attention, but I would have thought they could have found a newer looking American flag for the cover. (You can read an excerpt from the book over at that link, for free!)

I'm Outraged, Outraged I Tells Ya

Gretchen Carlson is outraged. Blame Frank Costanza. There's a Festivus Pole in Florida's Capitol rotunda. As you can see from the photo at that link, it's huge. Gretchen Carlson, apparently, drives her kids down to Florida in search of Nativity scenes, and they can't see the Baby Jesus because the Festivus Pole blocks the view from Gretchen Carlson's kids.

I'd be upset too if I drove all the way to Florida. That's got to be about a 20 hour trip, give or take a few hours or days. If only there was another Nativity scene somewhere else, she wouldn't have to drive that far.

This really points out a larger problem though. Holiday Traditions are set in stone. They cannot be changed. Not for different times. Not for different cultures. Not for different beliefs. I know what some of you are thinking. "But what about the first time a holiday is celebrated?" Well, there's a starting point for Holiday Protocol, and once that is established, nothing can change. No new holidays can start. No old holiday traditions can lapse.

I'm not sure what the Holiday Protocol timeline is for Christmas, but I'm pretty sure Jesus had all his holiday shopping done by the first week of December. That just makes sense. He would be crazy busy by December 25th each year.

Anyway, to get back to the show, Stephen highlighted different traditions that contributed to what some now celebrate at this time of year. For example, gift giving comes from Saturnalia. Santa Claus has evolved through the years from Saint Nicholas, a Greek bishop.

Enough about Christmas, at least for now. In political news, Barack Obama shook hands, at Nelson Mandela's funeral, with Raul Castro which has some complaining, but then wouldn't they also complain if he had not made a simple gesture to shake hands and instead just walked past the man???

Again, back to the show. Stephen shared with us the story of Kevin Hitler which was interesting. If you need to move, Kevin's the guy to call. The reason he brought up Kevin Hitler at all was to illustrate brothers of famous leaders of nations. Raul is Fidel's brother.

Perhaps you have heard the controversy regarding the man who was the sign language interpreter for the funeral. That was a bit of a kerfuffle. I think most people watching him after a while would realize that the signing he was doing was basically the same few movements over and over. We got to see Stephen's interpretation of signing and while I must say that I did understand somewhat better what Stephen was attempting to communicate compared to what Thamsanqa Jantjie was "saying," I do not recommend that Stephen give up his day job. Enough said.

Stephen had a Christmas Music segment and he is not going to get nominated for a Grammy for that music. I did kind of like the dog CD though.

Stephen's guest on Wednesday was Elizabeth Gilbert, author of The Signature of All Things. You may remember her from her earlier book, Eat, Pray, Love. She and Stephen did not eat or pray or love on the show, but they did cover a lot of interesting topics on the show. Of course you can always go see it at Colbert Nation if you missed it live.

Squirrel With Martini

Tuesday night was great because we got to see another cute photo of a young Stephen. This time it was of him in second grade if I remember correctly.

But on to the other stuff. WalMart recently opened two stores in Washington D.C. There were 600 job openings and 23,000 applicants for those jobs. Do the math. Less than 3% would be hired. Stephen pointed out that more people get into Harvard!

Alex Blumberg was the guest and he was selling his T-shirt, "Squirrel with Martini." And he also talked about poverty as it relates to countries like Bangladesh where people sew T-shirts.

Tata Vanilla

Nelson Mandela has died and Stephen talked about other people talking about that. Rick Santorum had some nice things to say and then he basically said that ObamaCare equals Apartheid. Stephen honored Rick Santorum by dubbing him Tata Vanilla.

In keeping with a general charity theme, Stephen played a video clip of Bill O'Reilly talking about feeding the Poor. Papa Bear (not to be confused with Tata Vanilla) stressed how important it is to make sure the Poor, even if they are young children, are worthy enough to be fed. If Bill O'Reilly gives money, he makes sure he hands the money directly to the kids and not to the parents because the parents might be losers. Stephen pointed out how important that is. "Remember kids. You can trust people who hand money to you and say, 'Don't tell your parents!'"

Guess who is up for a Grammy!  Pete Seeger, along with David Sedaris, Billy Crystal, Carol Burnett, and yes, Stephen Colbert. That's a whole lot of talent. How can anyone choose the best person for this honor? I'm glad I don't have to decide. Perhaps Stephen should just practice saying, "It's an honor to just be nominated." If he wins, on the other hand, well he is already gloating, so he will handle that like a pro.

David Keith, author of "A Case for Climate Engineering," was the guest on Monday night. He told Stephen of his idea to spray sulfuric acid into the atmosphere as a way to slow down climate change, at least temporarily.

The Handwriting's on the Wall

Congratulations to Congress! The current Congress, the 112th, is the least productive Congress ever. One thing they did accomplish was to cut food stamps for the poor.

There is now a Chimp Retirement Plan for research chimps. But do they really need to retire? They have the experience to do some jobs in our country that would be helpful. Stephen highlighted just one of those jobs and gave details on why the chimps have the necessary credentials. Judging by the audience response, it was a popular idea.

In the Tip/Wag segment, it's always a treat when Stephen shares his 6th grade school picture with us. You can just see the sparkle in his eyes that tells you he was thinking journalism way back then. And to be a good journalist, you need to know how to write and that of course means cursive writing, or penmanship as we called it some years back. Ah the satisfaction of writing a row of e's or l's! I remember it fondly.

Remember Common Core? Those are educational standards and they don't include cursive? What?!? How can that be? Settle down, settle down. Instead of cursive, schools are teaching typing, or keyboarding to be more specific. Some people will not let this abandonment of cursive go easily though and there's a website, Cursive is Cool, with the details. (I only wish there website was in a cursive font, but I suppose there's no pleasing everyone.)


Personally, I can see advantages and benefits to teaching cursive. I think it is good to know how to curse when you are writing, but there is only so much time in the day, and would anyone say that kids today should not learn keyboarding? You can't even run a junkyard without having a computer inventory of all your junk cars and parts.

And did I mention that they have a website? The thing is, someone had to do keyboarding to put up that website.

There are many reasons for teaching and using cursive handwriting, in fact, there is even a list of 50 Reasons to Learn Cursive. Number 19 talks about the cost of handwriting versus technology:

"19. Handwriting is less expensive. Reducing cost is constantly an important factor with educational institutions. A simple piece and paper pencil is less expensive than keeping up with the latest electronic technology."

That is true, paper pencils are pretty darn cheap, but who is going to enroll their kid in a school that boasts "We don't use computers, we use paper and pencils!" And if you don't have computers, how will you look up the website for Cursive is Cool?

Stephen pointed out that AHAF (American Handwriting Analysis Foundation) is behind the website. So, if no one does handwriting, they will be out a job.

Rosa Parks sat on the bus all those years ago and it was important. The RNC posted on Twitter about her and then they posted again and kept it up until they finally had to stop. First they said, "Today we remember Rosa Parks' bold stand and her role in ending racism."


For more on Rosa Parks, you might really enjoy this segment by Jon Stewart over at the Daily Show. That's right, I'm sending Colbert fans over to take a look at Stewart. He has some good ideas also.

For Platinum Members, Stephen highlighted Freedom Ship. If you hurry, you can reserve your place on the ship for a mere $9 million. But that comes with amenities, carpets, lights, and finished walls.

Curse me. I spent so much time on Cursive Writing that I've run out of my ability to type any more letters. Typing takes so very long. Bryan Stevenson was Stephen's guest way back last Wednesday and he talked about the Equal Justice Initiative. I urge you to go take a look at the website. You can also view the interview with Stephen at that website or over at Colbert Nation.

Stephen Colbert vs. David Letterman

Perhaps I shouldn't say versus. Really, I just mean that Stephen Colbert will be a guest on David Letterman tonight. CBS at 10:35 p.m. How will I decide which sow to watch - David Letterman or The Colbert Report? Oh, yeah, I'll just TiVo both of them.

But more importantly, how can Stephen be in two places at once? Does he have an identical twin? Or maybe two identical triplets? David Letterman is on at 10:35 p.m. and The Colbert Report is on at 10:30 p.m. This will almost require magic to pull this amazing time-juggling miracle off.

However he does it, I'm just looking forward to Stephen being in the guest chair instead of the host chair. It promises to be interesting and entertaining.

Goodnight Moon

The new Pope is so Popish that he goes out at night and helps people. Stephen (and I presume others) are calling him BatPope. For those of you who do not remember what the old TV Batman show was like, you can watch Hi Diddle Riddle here. While I don't see the resemblance between Batman and BatPope, it's true that both men help people.

Typically, I get hungry when watching the The Colbert Report. Maybe that's because he often has the Thought for Food segment. Last night was about Trans Fat and interestingly enough, it's not actually food, it's really just an ingredient. It's all in the media because the FDA wants to ban it in food. And with media exposure comes opinions and controversy. This prompted Stephen to stand up for another conservative newsman, Tucker Carlson who said it's probably delicious. Said Stephen in his defense, "Now that might sound like an idiotic thing to say, but let me be the only person standing up for Tucker Carlson. If he's so stupid, why is he on Fox News?"

Even Rand Paul has weighed in on Trans Fat by saying, "They're coming after your Donuts."

Actually, they can just go back to making donuts the old fashioned way, you know, like grandma did.

Also in the Thought for Food Segment, we got to see a photo of a McD's frozen rib. oohh.

Stephen demonstrated the Double Robotics Double, basically an iPad on a Segway. But I've seen it before on South Park, the episode about Blockbuster on Halloween, so I wasn't impressed. Plus, it made me quite sad when Jay the Intern was fired.

Stephen's guest last night was Dr. Ed Stone, creator of the Space Age. The two men talked about Voyager, the Interstellar Mission. We have great photos of the larger planets, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune, and tons of information, thanks to Voyager. We also got to see, at the end of the show, Stephen Tiberius Colbert (channeling Sandra Bullock) present a NASA Distinguished Public Service Medal to Ed Stone.

Stephen signed off last night with a simple, "Goodnight, Moon."

The Colbert Rapport

Perhaps you've heard about amazon's new drone delivery system. Okay, it's not here yet and there may be some bugs to work out, but perhaps in 5 years you can have that item you just must have now delivered in 30 minutes. Some people have concerns, even amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, about such things as a drone landing on somebody's head. I wonder about the container it's delivered in. Do you just throw that yellow pod away? What if your cat pounces on the drone and destroys it? Do you have to pay for a new drone? Will it wait on the front step while you try on the sweater or bathing suit to see if it fits and immediately take it back if it's the wrong size?

Stephen came up with an idea that is much better. He told us all to close our eyes and imagine, but for those of us who couldn't resist the temptation to peek, he did have photos and graphics. His wonderful system would give shoppers instant gratification. He would have Spending Habit Opportunity Places strategically located near where people live and work. They would then go in these buildings, see the actual item they desire on a shelf, put it in a container called a cart, pay for it and it's theirs to keep, instantly. He would call it amazon live and it could be up and running by 2025.

It's December and you know what that means, it's War on Christmastime! Perhaps I'll write more about this in a later post, but if you want any information, just keep your ears and eyes open. It's everywhere.

Stephen's guest last night was Daniel Goleman. His newest book is Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence. The two of them talked about focus, when Stephen was paying attention, and also about empathy. Daniel Goleman said that perhaps the ability to pay attention could be a great predictor of later success. He mentioned Bill Gates and the Pope and their work with the poor of the world and how empathy enters in to that type of charity and caring.

The discussion between the two explored many avenues of intelligence or awareness. For example, Stephen brought up instances of how, at certain times, cavemen would be likely to be extremely focused. When Stephen asked about varying levels of focusing, Daniel Goleman brought up an example of when people are likely to be most focused. To prove he was actually paying attention, Stephen suggested a scenario where someone might combine maximum focus and minimum focus. According to Daniel Goleman, that would probably average out to 50% focus.

I think we can all agree that while Stephen might come across as somewhat self-focused, he does possess quite a bit of empathy and rapport if you get to know him well.

Birds and Bees

Do you like to eat food? Yeah, we all do. We have even seen Stephen eating a Thanksgiving Feast on his last show before he went on his Turkey Vacation. So today, before Stephen even gets a chance to talk about it before me, I have two food related tidbits that you can sample.

First, the birds. LoLa is a chicken. So is LoLa and also LoLa. (Every chicken is named LoLa!) Actually LoLa stands for LocallyLaid. Eggs. LoLa and all her friends are in the running to be on TV. You can find out more about LoLa here. You can even see a Peep Show. The voting ended December 1st, but it won't be too long before we know who wins. This is Egg-citing.

Next, the bees. Yes, they make honey and that is so sweet. But did you know they also are "critical in maintaining our diverse food supply?" They pollinate our food crops. What good is an apple tree if there are no apples on it? Am I right?

But bees are struggling to survive. And remember, you do like to eat food, don't you? So go over here and sign the petition at Save-Bees.org. There are 473 Total Signers now. Let's get that up to 1,000 by the time Stephen has his show tonight and then tell your friends and let's get that up to 10,000 before the week is out.

Bon Appetit!