Much Ado About Lots of Things

Last Thursday Stephen talked about a lot of news makers. One of them was Mahmoud Ahmadinejad which in a way is sad. Mahmoud is on his way out as President of Iran, just when Stephen got the pronunciation of his name to finally roll off his tongue correctly. But it may be for the best since he was a controversial figure and there were some who did not like him.

Next was a small piece about Steve King. No, not Stephen King the guy who writes scary stuff. Steve King who is tired of chickens being able to stretch their legs.

Next in this apparent parade of scary dudes was Peter Brabeck who thinks that water should have a price on it so that people value it. This is great because he's at the head of Nestle and they have all kinds of bottle water that they sell. (Hey people, just go to the faucet, turn it on, and drink that water. It is so, so, so much cheaper and you're not adding to the pile of plastic water bottles everywhere. But, back to the show.)

Stephen's guest was Joss Whedon. He's now doing Shakespeare and it just might be quite popular. Stephen showed a clip from "Much Ado About Nothing" and it was quite funny in a Mr. Bean sort of way! So I think you should go see it. You can get culture and comedy at the same time.

So, a short posting, but I do want to point out how everything is connected. The first three news makers are of course controversial. The photo of Joss Whedon on that Wikipedia page shows that he has some bottled water sitting by him. Not sure of the brand, but still, it's a bottle of water. No judgement there, often people are provided bottled water when they are sitting at a table for interviews. And Shakespeare and Mr. Bean live in the same country, not all that far from Switzerland which is where Nestle's is located.

My hope is that soon Stephen will have William Shakespeare on the show to talk about how he originally planned "Much Ado About Nothing" to be filmed. It would be nice to get his perspective on that, just for some comparison and contrast.

Horatio Magellan Crunch

Stephen gave a touching tribute to his mother, Lorna. She was a special woman. We all can know her just a little bit by looking at Stephen.

But, now on with the show.

There is a scandal that has rocked the country. It couldn't have come at a worse time. Cap'n Crunch claims to be a Captain, but his uniform, more specifically the three stripes at the bottom of his sleeve, indicates he is merely a Commander. Will this cause a boycott of the cereal that he created? I doubt it. Like most scandals, there's not necessarily as much to the story as you might think.

If you Google "Horatio Magellan Crunch" and then look at Images, you will see that not only are there images of him with those three stripes, but also with two stripes and even one stripe. I am confident this is simply a case of photos being used of the Captain that are from a few years earlier when the Captain was more youthful looking. Or, you can go with his explanation that it's the crunch that make the man. His ship is the S.S. Guppy and he's the boss of that, so ipso facto, he's a Captain.

Houses are being flipped again. North Carolinians who don't buy gas for their cars are still going to have to pay a gas tax of sorts. Smoking is down and that means not as much income from cigarette tax and therefore not as much money to fight cancer. So, as is often the case, just when you think you have everything figured out, something happens to completely mess it up.

Last night's guest was The Postal Service. Not this Postal Service, but this Postal Service. After a very lively interview which even included a plug for Toys R Us, not to mention a comparison to the actual Postal Service, they performed "Such Great Heights." And as often happens, there is a bonus song, "A Tattered Line of String," over at Colbert Nation.

Lorna Colbert

Stephen's mother, Lorna Colbert, has passed. Our thoughts are with the family.

Paul McCartney

In case you are somehow unaware of what's happening in the world, Paul McCartney was the guest on The Colbert Report last night. I learned many things. Stephen considers himself to be one of the Beatles, at least in his own mind. Paul McCartney was very relaxed about being on the show and although Stephen has certain rigid rules and guidelines, he waived them all for Paul. Stephen shared a brief history of Paul McCartney's musical career, albeit somewhat different from how the history books tell it. One reason the Beatles decided to stop performing was that no one could hear their music when they performed.

Last night's show was so good, you just have to go watch it over at Colbert Nation. You know you deserve to be serenaded. And if it's your birthday, then for sure go listen to Paul McCartney sing to you. One thing about Paul McCartney that is so refreshing. He always is just thrilled to be playing music for the audience. As famous as he is, as talented as he is, he never is reluctant to give his all for his audience. There's only one other person in the world with that kind of humbleness and enthusiasm. I am of course talking about Stephen Colbert.

So stop reading what I'm writing and listen to Sir Paul or go buy a few of his CDs. You will be glad you did.

Hello Handsome!

After last night's show, I was almost positive that Stephen would have Edward Snowden on. If not as the guest, at least as the pre-guest. That was not to be. Instead Stephen talked more about NSA and how everyone is concerned about who knows what and when they knew it and what they will do with it. There was a little bit about Prism and about NSA data mining with companies such as Microsoft, Yahoo!, paltalk, Google, Skye, YouTube, facebook and AOL. Well, all those companies are dealing in data, right?

 People are concerned and yet I would ask them, did you read any of those User Agreements or did you just check "I Agree?" It only takes a few hours to read the User Agreements, so no reason you couldn't have done that. And when you're buying something in the store and the cashier asks, "Will that be all?" do you say yes? And when the cashier asks what your phone number is, do you tell her???? Aha, I thought so. You willingly give out that information. So, as Stephen said, I'm okay with that. (I just typed "I'm okay with that," into Google search box, so I'm good to go.)

However, there is something that does concern me. I have learned through some channels, that I won't disclose here, some disturbing features over at Google. I innocently typed "do a barrel roll" into the Google search box and nearly fell out of my chair. Then I typed "askew" into the Google search box and felt like something was just a little bit off with my computer. So, I think Stephen is right to report on this turn of events even if he's okay with it. Only thing I'm not comfortable with is Googling those terms that Stephen Googled.

Enough about the NSA and all that data. It's old news in that Stephen told us it has been going on since 2006. And he showed us that there are other, older ways to communicate with your friends. Oh, and Stephen had an expert, Jeffrey Rosen, President, The National Constitution Center, on to put Stephen's mind at rest. Whew.

Daniel Bergner visited the show and talked with Stephen about his new book, "What Do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire." It seemed like an interesting topic. Only problem is we all know what women want. They want Stephen. That's science. And while Daniel Bergner had some interesting thoughts to share with us, the interview too quickly evolved into a discussion about monkeys.

It seemed somewhat amusing to me that the whole show seemed to be about surveillance. I'm for sure not going to go into details, but even Daniel Bergner talked about various surveillance devices.

Don't You Dare Clap!

Stephen talked some about Edward Snowden and NSA and the inventor of the Clapper, John Clapper. He promises there will be more about this tomorrow, so it must be really big. Currently, Snowden is in Hong Kong.

Bigger than that though is the revelation that Jon Stewart, host of the Daily Show, headed to Jordan to direct a "serious movie" (Stephen's air quotes). He was replaced by a foreigner - from England.

Speaking of the Middle East, The Imploding Muslim Country of the Week Booth was in the studio. Stephen stepped in, Jimmy started up the fans so that the slips of paper, each with a different Middle Eastern country, could swirl around colorfully, and after only about 10 minutes, Stephen was able to catch one slip of paper. Tonight's country??? Turkey! It only took Stephen another minute to get the door open and head back to his desk.

In Turkey, conservative Recep Tayyip Erdogan has declared that women should have at least three children, that there should be single-sex beaches, and that there should be new regulations on the sale of alcohol. Omer Taspinar, of the Brookings Institute, joined Stephen to help make it all clear for him.

At long last, Stephen had a Cold War Update. I think the people who are griping about their jobs as missile launchers are going to move to being FOX correspondents. To help them make the transition, Stephen introduced his new video game. Sounds like lots of fun: Call of Duty: Padded Chair. Seems like it needs some work to make it more, um, versatile. Stephen pretty much ended the game within a minute.

Stephen's guest was Dan Savage. His new book is called "American Savage - Insights, Slights and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love and Politics." Soon the Supreme Court will be handing down decisions. One is about DOMA, the other is about California. They got into heated, well not heated, but warm debate about marriage. Both are married, but Stephen feels that he is more married than Dan. The show seemed longer than usual, but I think that's because both men were talking at the same time, so twice as much content. Dan Savage said he wants equal rights not a double standard.

Upbeat Summertime Fun Songs

Interesting night to say the least. Not what I expected. Stephen learned how to become a spy. And an unusual melange of people.

Stephen dusted off some old episodes, or headed into the classics closet, or as he put it, showed a Colbert Classic.

Stephen went to the International Spy Museum. Luckily, it is located in Washington D.C., so no international flights needed to get to that destination. He chatted with Peter Earnest, a retired spy, and learned the Rules for Spies.

1. Don't assume anything.
2. Be prepared to take risks.
3. Carry out a covert mission.

Peter Earnest was an, actual, real spy, no joke. He even has a coveted merit medal, so called because Stephen coveted that medal. While Peter Earnest claims to have not killed anyone, Stephen put him down for seven people, which seemed about par.

There were fascinating artifacts that we got to see in the Museum - a Tie Camera, a Rectal Toolkit, a Tobacco Pipe Pistol, and a Rectal Concealment Device for a Cyanide Pill.In the end, it was becoming too rectal for Stephen, and after stealing the medal, he exited the Museum. If you don't have time to go to the actual International Spy Museum, you can go to that link and go on a virtual tour. You can also do some shopping for spy type stuff. You know there is someone special to you that really needs some spy gifts, right?

The melange of people included John Mellencamp, Stephen King, and T Bone Burnett. They talked about their collaboration, "Ghost Brothers of Darkland County." If John Mellencamp ever invites you to his cabin, I'd suggest that you take a rain check on that experience. The cabin has a bit of a history.

We did not get to hear any music, but if you go over to Colbert Nation, you can click on the link to listen to John Mellencamp, or just click this link to hear the song "Truth." Nice, very nice.

Fortress of Solitude

Great Caesar's Ghost!!!!! Stephen has his undies in a bunch. Who can blame him? The current movie version of Superman - Man of Steel - isn't the same as what he remembers from his boyhood days. Superman isn't wearing the required red underwear.

Stephen, styles change. This seems to be a recurring gripe of his. First he was crowing about The Lone Ranger, now he's flying off the handle about Superman. There are more important things to worry about. Such as wheat.

Wheat? Yes, wheat. Monsanto created some genetically modified wheat that was not supposed to be planted and grown commercially. But, it was found growing in a farmer's field in Oregon. How could this happen? The wheat was not to be used, had to be destroyed, and so it was buried in the middle of a field. The whole problem with this is that foreign countries are not going to buy wheat like this. And to be sure they don't get any of that "frankengrain" they just aren't buying any wheat from United States farmers in any states at all. Okay, that's a problem. Stephen had Laurie Garrett, Senior Fellow, Council on Foreign Relations, on the show to talk about this grainy problem. She told Stephen that Monsanto says it could have been sabotage that got these super wheat seeds out in the rural world.

Besides the problem of no one wanting our wheat is the problem with the weeds growing in the wheat field. At some time, I'm thinking late at night, the weeds take on characteristics of the wheat via gene sharing. That means that the weeds have become super weeds and weed killer won't kill the weeds. Laurie Garrett told Stephen that there is probably not a threat to humans with what many are calling "zombie wheat" although Stephen is concerned about the return of the walking bread.

There is this problem that the wheat is a super wheat and isn't killed even by the baddest of the bad boy weed killers. No problem, just make a stronger weed killer and hope that no one makes a badder, stronger genetically modified wheat. If they do, then amp up the weed killer again. Another option - Krypton. No one else has thought of this, as far as I know.

Also of note is that the Stephen and Laurie Garrett discussed the Farmer Assurance Provision which makes it illegal to sue over issues about Genetically Modified Crops. Good timing!

Stephen welcomed Jonathan Alter to the show to talk about his recent book, "The Center Holds - Obama and His Enemies." Jonathan honored Stephen by comparing him to Paul Ryan. Stephen agreed, noting they both did the same exercise regimen. (I think Stephen does it better though, if we judge by the visible results.)

Stephen quizzed Jonathan Alter on how Barack Obama won the 2012 election. According to Jonathan Alter, part of it was the Geek Gap working in the Cave. A bunch of people worked to assist 2,000,000 volunteers who were working out in the field - knocking on doors, etc. I think a few emails were sent out also asking for donations. One thing Mitt Romney did was to use some of the people who had previously worked on Ronald Reagan's campaign. So, two different strategies - one outcome.

The Guy With a Dead Crow on His Head

Tuesday night we saw the Best Episode Ever on The Colbert Report. Oh, yeah, I know I've said that before. I guess it's because Stephen just gets better and better with age. Not that he's old, I didn't say that.

So anyway, he was sad, had a heavy heart because the Congresswoman from Minnesota's Valley of the Dolls, Michele Bachmann, announced she was not going to seek a 5th term in Congress. (Finally, I reported on something before Stephen did. yes!)

I wondered if she had filmed the video in Stephen's studio while he was gone, but no, Stephen said it was in a Sears Portrait Studio.

I did not know how Stephen would react to the resignation of one of the giants in the Conservative Movement. Perhaps resignation is not the right word since she will continue in Congress until her current term is up. We can all take solace in her drive and ambition to continue with her strong focus.

"I will continue to work vehemently and robustly to fight back against what Most in The Other Party want to do to transform our country into becoming."

And Stephen agreed with her. "Yes. We must fight those Most before our country is transformed into becoming," he said. "Stupid Most." Well, duh. Who doesn't agree with that?

In a touching tribute to Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, Stephen looked fondly back on some of her Very Moments.

* Michele Bachmann and Marcus Bachmann dancing. She does like the twirling. And Marcus does love to twirl.

* "Planned Parenthood is a billion dollar a year entity. They want to become the Lens Crafter of Big Abortion."

* "It's a very sad life. It's Part of Satan, I think, to say that this is 'Gay'. It's anything but 'Gay' ... It leads to the personal enslavement of individuals because if you are involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it's bondage."

* "The very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States."

* "There's a woman who came up crying to me tonight after the debate. She said her daughter was given that vaccine. She told me her daughter suffered mental retardation as a result of that vaccine."

* "There isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas."

* "Our founders though taxation without representation was bad. What would they think of representation with taxation?"

* "I got two cupcakes for you. Did you get 'em. We got two cupcakes for you. Did you get 'em? We, we didn't know, we didn't know if you liked chocolate or vanilla."

She will be missed and Stephen kindly sent her two cupcakes. There was some confusion as to whether or not she got them.

Tip/Wag
Stephen knows it all. He had thought he might like some Google Glass, but unfortunately, some enhancements will not be available on the Google Glass. So, a Wag of his Finger to Google. He had more thoughts about this subject.

He also gave a Wag to The Lone Ranger, the current reboot. Back in the old days, you just didn't mess with a guy neatly dressed wearing a neck-kerchief. The Lone Ranger does not ever say his trademark Hi Ho Silver in this movie. And the Lone Ranger is not even the main character in The Lone Ranger.

Stephen did give a Tip of his Hat to 3-D Printed food. Yep, no longer to you have to have pizza delivered, you can print it on your own 3-D printer. Yum. There were some pros and some cons about this plan.

In a huge win for some guy with rhythm that we don't know, Stephen gave the famous The Colbert Bump to one of the famous IRS Dancers. Other guys just got a little air time for their troubles with the IRS. The beef Stephen has with the IRS is not that they dance or not that they only work one day a year on April 15. No, it's that they are not as efficient as they could be. It is a simple matter to work while you are dancing and Stephen did so to prove it. He is so light on his feet. If one of his guests ever failed to show up for an interview, I just know the studio audience and TV audience would be mesmerized by a segment of Stephen dancing. Move over Fred Astaire.

Stephen's guest last night was Academy Award-winning director, Alex Gibney. His new film is "We Steal Secrets - The Story of WikiLeaks." (Better send Jay the Intern into the Green Room to make sure no one stole the snacks and beverages.) Although on the one hand, Stephen was interested in what Alex Gibney had to say, on the other hand, he didn't want to hear any sensitive state secrets. I'm reluctant to report more on the interview because I feel like I would be giving away secrets of the interview.

Compromise Is An Honorable Word

Stephen made a point of welcoming himself back to The Colbert Report. He admitted he watched his favorite show while he was on break - The Colbert Report. (He has good taste in TV.)

One of the nation's favorite segments on The Colbert Report is Better Know a District. I have only one question for Stephen. Why is this a 434 part series? There are 435 members of the House. After some extensive research, I found out that the number changes depending on many factors, including a guilty plea.

In the 71st Installment of his 434 part series, he had on Michigan freshman Representative Mark Pocan. He represents Wisconsin's fighting 2nd District which includes Madison and the Wisconsin Dells.  I have never understood how logic works and after listening to Stephen interview Mark Pocan, I still don't understand logic. I'm assuming Stephen does because he asked so many logical questions and came to so many logical conclusions. Stephen had the Official 100 Days Cupcake with 100 candles for Mark Pocan to celebrate his first 100 days in Congress. One might wonder why the smoke detectors did not go off when Stephen lit the candles. Luckily they didn't go off and luckily, Mark Pocan was able to quickly extinguish the flames. I sure hope his wish came true.

While many interviewers ask questions of Congresspersons such as "What's your idea for creating more jobs?" or "What did you know and when did you know it?" Stephen gets to those pesky questions everyone really cares about. For example, "Did John Boehner cry when he swore you in?" and "Is it true you turned tricks (as a magician) to earn a living in your younger years?" and "What have you got against bear wrestling?"

With Stephen's popular Better Know a District, is there really any reason for book publishers to publish books about how our government works? Just let the high school kids watch BKAD to learn the neat stuff that is left out of civics textbooks.

As if that wasn't enough about Congress, Stephen's guest Monday night was Congressman John Dingell of Michigan. In just a few short days, namely on Friday, June 7, Representative John Dingell will become the longest serving member in Congress. You can read more about it here at ABC World News and even find out how many days that is. It was a fascinating interview as we learned about his long career and the many accomplishments of this son of a Congressman. (True fact!) For even more interesting stuff, read further on ABC World News here and find out what cost 25 Cents Per Gallon when he was elected.

Stephen was hungry for more information and John Dingell was happy to supply him with that knowledge. Although Stephen was a bit surprised, John Dingell explained how he became a Democrat. The 1964 Civil Rights Act is the law that he is most proud of. And he told a skeptical Stephen that Compromise is an honorable word. They ended the interview with a discussion of Hawaii. If you read about the 1964 Civil Rights Act, and consider that Hawaii was not always a state in the USA, you can see why Stephen Colbert holds John Dingell responsible for a lot of what is happening in our country now.

After hearing about all that Congressman John Dingell has done for our country, I think someone should give that man a cupcake.