I'm Not Running, Or Am I?

It's official. Stephen announced Thursday night that he is not running for President in 2012. Ah, but then he left it wide open when he added, "Or am I?"

While some might imagine that would be a good thing, think about it. Would he be able to do "The Colbert Report" if he was elected President? I don't think so. Better to have Stephen stay doing what he does best and leave the presidency to Barack Obama.

Moving on. Mike Huckabee was on the show last night. Remember way back in 2007 when Huckabee got the Colbert Bump from Stephen Colbert? Huckabee went on to win Iowa. (For those of you who are not political junkies, that does not mean that Huckabee actually won the state of Iowa and got to take it home with him. It really means that he did very well in the lead-up to when the Republicans picked a candidate.)

Huckabee also has written a book, a simple one I assume since the title is "Simple Government." Stephen says it's a Tea Party Book and he would know because he is, of course, Stephen Colbert. There's a quote that comes to mind.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong."
H.L. Mencken

Teabaggers, Fleabaggers and Carpetbaggers * *

So, yes I watched The Colbert Report last night and it was superb as usual, but I have no commentary other than to say that modern day stretch fabrics are often used in the manufacture of clothing.

Moving on.

I caught just a few minutes of The View this morning. (Interesting isn't it that the good shows always start with "The" in their title?) Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough were the guests when I was viewing The View. (You can see a clip of Stephen Colbert here when he was on The View). In the few minutes that I watched they were talking about the Political Stalemate situation in Madison, Wisconsin. When a comment was made, I think by Joy Behar, that the purpose was to bust the Unions and in doing so, diminish the Democratic vote, Elisabeth Hasselbeck compared the Wisconsin Democrats to Fleabaggers.

Fleabaggers? Um, did she mean Carpetbaggers? Even so, I'm pretty sure she would have the comparison quite jumbled. Maybe she meant Teabaggers, but that doesn't make sense either. Maybe she thinks they are staying at Fleabag Resorts and Motels while they are away from Madison. Whatever. I don't think she is a history buff. When I look at the Wikipedia entry for Elisabeth Hasselbeck, I find that she was born Elisabeth DelPadre Filarski and her credentials for being one of the co-hosts on The View include being a contestant on Survivor: The Australian Outback in 2001, graduating with a degree in Fine Arts and working for Puma shoes. So, yeah, she's probably not much of a history buff.

Also in the Wikipedia entry I find this interesting tidbit:

"She has stated that the term 'conservative' does not define her as a person. On October 26, 2008, Hasselbeck appeared at Republican rallies in Florida, introducing Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin."

Not a conservative? Introducing Sarah Palin? Oxymoron?

Anyway, maybe it's time for Stephen to invite Elisabeth Hasselbeck to go from The View to The Colbert Report so that they can together solve this gridlock in Madison, Wisconsin.

On Wisconsin!

* * Note: Image of Bucky Badger just after the title of this post in no way indicates that Bucky Badger is to be considered a Teabagger, Fleabagger or Carpetbagger. Bucky Badger is a beloved icon and mascot and worthy of as much admiration and respect as we give to Stephen Colbert.

Will the Real Ronald Reagan Please Stand Up !

Not much time to write tonight. I didn't catch the beginning of the show. I only saw Stephen talking about Rick Santorum briefly and then Stephen did the interview. Tonight Stephen's interview was with Eugene Jarecki. Mr. Jarecki has a documentary about Ronald Reagan, the real Ronald Reagan, which is being shown on HBO. What we hear about so often today is a myth. For example, Ronald Reagan raised taxes 6 out of the 8 years he was in office and yet you keep hearing people say that Reagan is the poster boy for cutting taxes. Not so! I did a little googling on the internet machine about this topic. Most people who are knowledgeable about Reagan know he would not have been in or of the Tea Party. Go read about it if interested.

Now, if only I had HBO, I could watch the documentary myself and report to you what it was about. Alas, one can only hope that Stephen will watch it for us and do a report on a later show.

Stephen Gets Served and It's Not Ice Cream

After talking briefly about The Colbuffington Re-Post, Stephen welcomed Jeffrey Leonard of Washington Monthly. They chatted about small businesses and large businesses and government and were really getting deep into the subject. But then Stephen put his foot in his mouth.

Yes, it can happen. I don't remember the details exactly. I was so taken back by his faux pas. But it did indeed happen.

"Mr. Colbert."

Whoa. The last time he got served like that was when he interviewed Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton. He deserved it. There I said it. All sorts of lessons in civics and logic when he interviewed Congresswoman Norton. Did you know she can't actually vote in Congress? It's true, strange, but true. Watch the interview here.

But getting back to Jeffrey Leonard, the interview was short but one important point was that some small businesses are often struggling to make it in this economy. One problem? Big business. It happens often that a small business will provide goods or services to big businesses. But then the big business takes a long time to pay the bill. It's called Net-60. Meaning they take 60 days to pay the bills instead of 30 like they should if they were playing fair. Sometimes they take even longer, 90 or 120 days. That's as long as 4 months!

Their excuse??? Everyone else does it. Yeah, right. Like that's ever a good excuse. Puhlease.

Eat Up America

Where were you four years ago tonight? Do you remember? Well, you should. That was the night that Stephen Colbert first introduced Ben & Jerry's newest flavor in honor of Stephen. Yep, Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream.

Yummy.

Starting February 15, it will now be available at Ben and Jerry Scoop Shops everywhere.

And for one day only on February 15, you can get 2 scoops for the price of 1. Dream on, America.

And for the next year, all of Stephen's proceeds from Americone Dream will go to the Yellow Ribbon Fund.

So, get off that couch and go buy some ice cream. It will taste delicious and you will be helping a great cause. Plus it will make Stephen feel good because he looks charitable and he doesn't even have to spend money to look so generous.

Happy Valentines Day

Stephen should be back tonight if I'm not mistaken. (And I'm never mistaken.) So, February 14 we will see him again.

Something interesting that I have noticed through the years is that at the start of every show, the crowd usually chants, "stephen, stephen, stephen. Stephen. Stephen. Stephen. Stephen! Stephen! Stephen! STEPHEN!! STEPHEN! STEPHEN!!! STEPHEN! Stephen."

It always starts quietly and then builds to a loud roar and then dies down again. I tend to count how many times his name is chanted. It varies or course. And can you really call it chanting if only one person is saying it?

But here's my point and I do have one. It seems to be about 14 times that his name is chanted loudly enough to be called chanting. And today is the 14th. And today is all about Love. So it is no coincidence that 14 is the same number for both of these occurrences. People love Stephen Colbert. No other conclusion fits the truthiness test.

So, from all of America, Happy Valentines Day Stephen Colbert.

Or perhaps I should say, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day, Happy Valentines Day.

Best Halftime Show Ever

Okay, I don't know if it was the best Halftime Show ever. But I have been reading that some people think it was the worst. Oh, those critics.

As usual, I go to my source for all things important, Wikipedia. Here is a list of Super Bowl Halftime Shows. Look them over and remember. Indiana Jones, really? George Burns and Mickey Rooney? Yes, I thought so. Now you are thinking that this year's show with the Black Eyed Peas was if not the best moment of your life, at least enjoyable.

And the costumes, well none of them malfunctioned if you know what I mean. In fact, I read somewhere, and I'm sorry but I won't apologize for not remembering where I read it, that the dancer costumes came from Just for Kix, up in Baxter, Minnesota. I looked on Google maps and that seems to be a small town west of Brainerd. I would have a hard time deciding what to wear just to watch the Super Bowl. I can't imagine what it was like to get all those costumes together and get the right sizes and make sure that all of them worked.

But here's something that not many of you have realized. Stephen is on vacation this week. There were lots of dancers in the Super Bowl halftime show. Stephen can dance. It was often dark in the Super Bowl. Stephen can dance. Stephen is on vacation. Aha. You see what I'm thinking? Maybe Stephen was one of those dancers and if in fact he was, well then by the Distributive Property, it was the Best Halftime Show Ever.

O! Say Can You See

Stephen is on vacation this week. I wonder if he watched the Superbowl. Probably. I wonder if he noticed that Christina Aguilera got the lyrics mixed up a bit when she sang the National Anthem. Probably. And I wonder if he would mention it on The Colbert Report if he was actually working this week. Probably.

But he's on vacation, so I will defend Christina Aguilera for her flubs.

The reason it happens is, and I hope Stephen forgives me for being a teeny tiny teeny tiny bit unpatriotic here, our National Anthem is not an easy song to sing.

For the average Stephen on the street, some of the notes are too low or some are too high. The lyrics are often, and I do mean often, messed up. There have even been videos (long time ago) of guys who started singing our National Anthem and by the time they were done had gotten some of the Pledge of Allegiance and also the 23rd Psalm mixed in with the verse. So, yep it was not good that she messed up, but lots of people do.

To prove my point, take this test. Without singing the song or humming it, write down the lyrics. It might be easier if you sing, but just do the lyrics. I'm willing to bet you make at least some mistakes even if it's just a word or two spelled wrong. To check to see if you are right, look at the Wikipedia article on The Star-Spangled Banner.

The internet is an interesting place to poke around. I read the whole article on The Star-Spangled Banner including the part about Isaac Asimov's short story, "No Refuge Could Save." The main character was able to find a German Spy during World War II because the spy knew the words to the third verse of The Star-Spangled Banner. (You don't know anything besides the first verse, do you?)

So I followed that link and then found a link to Shibboleths and then followed that link to a List of Shibboleths. There's a bit of interesting information there about all kinds of shibboleths including nuclear vs. nucular. Personally, I prefer nuclear because, well, it is the correct way to say that word.

You didn't think I could get from Christina Aguilera to Nucular, did you?

Hiybbprqag

Surprisingly, Stephen did not have a Groundhog as a guest on his show last night. He did have Christiane Aman-Purr which was interesting. The interview did not go as well as he might have hoped, but what can you expect? It was live TV. (Note: Show was not actually live TV, it just seems that way because Stephen is so lively.)

Stephen Colbert did have a short segment about Bing. Unfortunately, it was not something as cute as Groundhog pictures. It seems Bing has been using Google results as if they were Bing results. Just Google the word "hiybbprqag" to see what the fuss is all about. To quote Stephen, "You got served."

Note: Picture is not of actual hiybbprqag.

Happy Groundhog Day

I don't know what Stephen has planned for The Colbert Report tonight. I assume he will devote the entire show to Groundhogs, or Woodchucks as they are also known. (Personally, I prefer Woodchuck.)

You may remember that Stephen gave the famous Colbert Bump to Bing a while ago. Since then I typically visit Bing once a day just to see the photo of the day. Today's is so cute. It is, of course, a photo of Groundhogs and you just have to go look at it right now.

Bing - really cute photo of Groundhogs / Woodchucks.

If you are looking at Bing and Groundhog Day has already come and gone, then just use the little arrow in bottom right corner of photo and you can see previous photos. There is also a little copyright "C" that tells us the photo today was taken by Stephen J. Krasemann which should appeal to Stephen Colbert since, well, they share the same first name.

Anyway, the Groundhog has a reputation for being something of a meteorologist and is able to accurately predict when winter will end and spring will begin. Some say the Groundhog is even more accurate that the Dopplest 9000, but there have been no scientific studies done to confirm this. (See previous post about Dopplest 9000.)

As always, when people say Groundhog, and then think Woodchuck, invariably the "If a Woodchuck blah blah blah" Tongue Twister is recited. Funny thing though. Woodchucks rarely, if ever, chuck wood. (Okay, there is a Geico commercial with Woodchucks chucking wood, but that's just Hollywood sensationalism.) The name Woodchuck comes from an Algonquian or possibly Narragansett name for the animal, wuchak. Read all about Groundhogs on Wikipedia.

So everybody, Happy Groundhog Day! Nothing, not even the Super Bowl, can rival the parties that will take place all across the Colbert Nation today.