Pacquin Hand Cream

Merry*Christmas.

Well, since Stephen is on vacation, I'm left with no other choice but to fill in for him with the stories that I think he would have had on his show if he was actually working this week.

I'll start off today with one of his favorite topics - pharmaceuticals and by that I mean health and beauty aids. There is a cornucopia of hand and body lotions out there for the American consumers to buy. They're okay. However the best one out there is no longer out there. Well, one or two jars are out there. Today there is a 4-oz jar of the Medicated Pacquin Hand Cream on ebay for $75. Why $75? Because Pacquin Hand & Body Cream has been discontinued. I'm assuming the Pacquin product line was bought out by Johnson and Johnson, and then Johnson and Johnson discontinued the product. Back when you could buy Pacquin Hand & Body Cream in any corner drug store, the price was in the $5.00 to $7.00 range for an 8-oz jar!

So, what this means is that Stephen should have Prescott Pharmaceuticals purchase the patent for Pacquin Hand & Body Cream and start making and selling it. With his name and picture on the jar and with the very loyal consumers who are just begging for this product back, he could make hundreds and by hundreds I really mean millions of dollars.

Pacquin Hand and Body Cream needs the famous "Colbert Bump".

Complete Factual Inaccuracy

The title refers to Stephen's segment on Papa Bear. If you want to know more about that, find tonight's show on the internet. By the way, this was the last show for 2010! No more shows until 2011. argh.

But of course the highlight was Amy Sedaris doing crafts with Stephen. She has written another book, "Simple Times, Crafts for Poor People." One of her crafts that she shared was homemade cookies - sort of. Instead of actually baking cookies, she saves crumbs all year long and puts them on a plate. She puts a note about enjoying her homemade cookies on the plate with the crumbs. This is a real time saver, plus it costs next to nothing. Almost as imaginative is Stephen's dreidel which he turned upside down, painted green and turned into a Christmas Tree.

Fans of Stephen Colbert or Amy Sedaris may remember that they starred together in "Strangers with Candy" where Amy played Jerri Blank and Stephen was Chuck Noblet.

Many of you probably confuse Amy Sedaris with Martha Stewart but there is an easy way to tell them apart. Amy Sedaris is an actor who portrayed a woman, Jerri Blank, who went to prison. Martha Stewart actually did go to prison. Other than that, they are pretty much the same.

Amy Sedaris, on a more serious note, made a plug for animal adoption. The website Whiskers in Wonderland links to the Animal Alliance of New York City, which helps people adopt pets.

Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome

Last night, Stephen Colbert poked fun at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. Actually he called it the Minneapolis Metrodome if I remember correctly.

Anyway, there was a lot of snow in Minneapolis, as well as across the whole Midwest. That can be a headache, what with the shoveling and the plowing and the snowballs and things like that. But it was an especially big headache for the Metrodome and the Vikings. They were scheduled to play against the Giants on December 12. Unfortunately, the Metrodome roof ripped and then deflated from the weight of the snow.

It's unfortunate, but at least it wasn't during a game or other event when there might have been lots of people on the Mall of America Field. The game was postponed and eventually played in Detroit! The Giants won, but the Vikings came in at second place.

Anyway, the photo shows the roof of the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome in better days. The roof is intact and as a bonus, you can see the pre-game show by the University of Minnesota Marching Band (the Pride of Minnesota) before a Gopher Game. The roof is quite inflated. The lights and speakers are high above the field and there are no rips.

There's talk, (well there's always talk) of building a new stadium for the Vikings. Maybe it will happen, maybe not. But it got me to wondering, what will they do with this stadium? Will they abandon it? Will they build something else on the site? If you look at the photo, the top half of seating is above ground level, and the lower half is below ground level. Presumably when the stadium was built, lots of dirt was hauled away. Will they bring that dirt back? Perhaps the best thing would be that when another stadium is built, they just bring that dirt here. Even if the Vikings move to another state, they would need a stadium there, so the dirt could just be transported from that state to Minnesota. That makes sense.

Journalism

Tonight, Stephen Colbert indicated that one of his writers had found a credit card, MasterCard to be more specific, of a certain Buckley T. Ratchford, a Wall Street banker. Mr. Colbert wants to interview a Wall Street banker, so it works out well for both of them.

Mr. Buckley T. Ratchford should come on The Colbert Report to be interviewed and in return, Stephen won't reveal the MasterCard number. As a teaser tonight, he revealed that the first digit of the number is 5.

That is called an incentive.

The incentive for Buckley T. Rachford is to come on Colbert Report sooner rather than later, so that no more numbers on his credit card are revealed. The incentive for Stephen is, well there isn't one for Stephen. He just keeps doing what he always does.

Suggestion for Stephen Colbert if Buckley T. Ratchford chooses to not come on Colbert Report. Use the MasterCard as a Christmas Tree Ornament.

Priceless.

* Photo is not actual credit card.

Colbert Meet Garland

An interesting piece of trivia that most everyone knows is that the Smithsonian has Dorothy's Ruby Slippers* on display. Dorothy Gale of course was played by Judy Garland in the famous film, The Wizard of Oz.

Another very famous piece of Americana has been donated to the Smithsonian National Museum of American History. The immensely patriotic, one-piece, stars and stripes jumpsuit worn by Stephen at the historic Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear was, yes indeed, donated to the Smithsonian on Wednesday's show.

And the boots, too. So that puts Dorothy's Ruby Slippers and Stephen's White Boots on equal footing (oh the pun of it all) in one of the most famous museums of all time and space.

Brent Glass, Director of the National Museum of American History, was on The Colbert Report to accept the donation from Stephen Colbert.

Can you stand some more excitement in one posting? The famous portrait of Stephen Colbert will be going back on display at the very same Museum of American History on December 26, 2010. Could there be anything better to happen this Holiday Season?

* Note: Photo not actually of Dorothy's Ruby Slippers.

The Truthiness, The Whole Truthiness, and Nothing But the Truthiness

Previously I posted about Brad Rodu, Professor of Medicine at the University of Louisville. He holds an endowed chair in tobacco harm reduction research. You really do have to admire someone who employs the same scientific rigor that Stephen Colbert uses.

For example, on his blog he has a graph that shows how the Life Expectancy in the United States has gone up. It's at almost 78 years now. Think how great that is if you are 20 years old! Of course, it's not so great if you are 79 years old. Yowza.

But, for the most part, we are living longer. And that is the Truthiness of Brad Rodu (or should I say, Dr. Brad Rodu, D.D.S.) that Stephen Colbert, inventor of Truthiness, would approve of.

Here's where the Whole Truthiness and Nothing But The Truthiness comes in. According to CDC, i.e. Center for Disease Control, life expectancy for smokers is 14 years less than for non-smokers.

So, hurray for Dr. Rodu for using Truthiness to his advantage. Use the parts that you like and those other parts, well they can just be ignored. Never mind that CDC says that an average dose of smokeless tobacco contains at least twice the amount of nicotine found in the average cigarette. And never mind that nicotine is an addictive drug. Just stick to Truthiness. It is ever so much easier.

Sing Sing Sing, Dream Dream Dream

Recently, Elvis Costello was on The Colbert Report. He sang one of his songs. That was fine. Then Stephen Colbert sang with Elvis Costello. It was the famous Everly Brothers song "All I Have to Do is Dream" that they sang for their duet. Many other artists have sung that song, but it's a tribute to Stephen that he overshadows everyone anytime he does something.

Here's the proof. Of all the people who have done this song, only a few get mentioned on the Wikipedia page about the song. Colbert is of course mentioned.

This brings me to my point, and I do have one. Why doesn't Stephen Colbert do an album with other famous artists of favorite songs? He really does sing great. I would buy that CD in a heartbeat.

Here's some suggestions:
Barry Manilow - Ready to Take a Chance Again
Tony Bennett - The Best is Yet to Come
Carole King - Beautiful
Cher - I Got You Babe
Ricky Martin - Y Todo Queda en Nada
Lady Gaga - Paparazzi
James Taylor - Copperline
Phoebe Snow - Don't Let Me Down
Mick Jagger - Beast of Burden
Stevie Wonder - Isn't She Lovely
Keane - Everybody's Changing
Cyndi Lauper - Time After Time

There. That's a nice even dozen suggestions. Now get busy Stephen. Make those contacts. Line up a studio. Sing those songs. I bet you could pump out five albums with sixty different artists in sixty days.

You just know that you will give all those artists the famous "Colbert Bump".

Colbert Meet Rodu

Brad Rodu, or Brad K. Rodu, D.D.S., has many things in common with Stephen Colbert. I'm going to start a list so you can see the similarities.

1. Both are men.

2. Both have last names that are two syllables.

3. Both men's last names end with a vowel sound.

4. Both of them are Professors.

5. Both men are concerned with medical matters.

6. Both men conduct research.

But there are some differences and I will post more about those differences in the future. While Dr. Colbert constantly plugs pharmaceuticals, Dr. Rodu plugs plugs. (Notice the humor there!) Dr. Rodu, in his quest for tobacco cessation, recommends tobacco. (Smokeless tobacco)

Confused? You should be. More later, so watch for updates.

What's Up With That?

First of all, let me just get this out of the way. What is it with Jon Stewart and Stephen? There seems to be some epic battle brewing between the two of them and yet neither one will do anything other than hint at it. I wonder if they will each hold some sort of rally, maybe on the same day and in the same city.

That will either develop into something soon, or it wont'. So, I'll wait.

Stephen's episode honoring our military was the:
"Been there won that the returnification the americ-can-do troopscsape."
I sure hope I got that all.

It was his salute to troops who have returned and to troops who are still over there. The entire audience was made up of military personnel. He had beer served by cocktail waitresses. He had hot dogs served by Vice President Joe Biden. He had green grass, real grass, underfoot for the audience members since they have had to be where it is all sand.

While Stephen is always sincere about anything he reports on, he is usually excellent in his support of our troops.

the colbert breaking bad mad-temple grand-men glee-bert re-modern family port with jon stewart

Why such a long title? And why no capital letters? Well, I'm way too lazy to make capital letters when there are so many words in the title. And it's such a long title because that is what Stephen will call his show next year in hopes of winning an Emmy. I won't mention which News show on Comedy Central did win an Emmy. It is just too sad for Stephen to even think about. Some day, when the pain is not too intense, Stephen will be able to congratulate the winner of the Emmy.

Moving on.

We have all missed Stephen these past few days and it is great to have him back on the air. His studio was most likely enlarged while he was on vacation. He asked for a show of hands from his audience. I forget the question, but that's not important. What is important is how popular Stephen continues to be. There were about 57,000 people in his audience that agreed with him. That makes him an agreeable person. Interestingly enough, he also was the #1 search on Google today. That is an accomplishment. One might even think that would be enough to win him an Emmy!

Glenn Beck was mentioned on the show, but unfortunately, in a mocking tone. Glenn Beck said the geese that flew overhead at his rally by the Lincoln Memorial were a miracle sent by God. Or something similar.

Stephen mocked, yes mocked Glenn Beck by asking, "What are the odds of a flock of geese taking flight at the exact moment that tens of thousands of people start clapping their hands? And shortly thereafter, Geese Witherspoon visited the set and Stephen enjoyed the company of Grey Goose.

It is good to have him back where he belongs.

Stephen Stays Up All Night Working On Homework Project

Last night's show had video proof that man and dinosaurs existed at the same time. Also, that we can be friends, or at least frenemies with people from other galaxies. Also weapons of mass destruction, namely a mushroom.

Good job Stephen.

Moral Compass 5000 Action Center

Apparently Stephen can tell whether we have been good, bad or Snoopy by using the technology available to him -- The Moral Compass 5000 Action Center.

Here is the list of most and least acceptable behaviors according to us, and that according to a Gallup Poll.

Mostly Acceptable
Death Penalty 62%
Divorce 62%
Wearing Fur 61%
Gambling 58%
Premarital Sex 57%
Testing on Animals 57%
Baby Out of Wedlock 51%
Homosexuality 49%
Doctor Assisted Suicide 39%
Cloning Humans 9%
Polygamy 7%
Adultery 6%

He explained all the intricacies of this chart on his show. It was intriguing.

Savion Glover

It's like drumming with your feet. That's what it looks like and sounds like when Savion Glover is tap dancing. He was the guest tonight on Colbert Report. For once Stephen was smart enough to realize there was no way he could fake the talent of his guest. Stephen is a good singer and yes he can dance. But not like Savion Glover.

I remember back a few years when Savion was on Sesame Street. I don't remember how much dancing he did, but he probably did a little every now and then. Too bad he didn't take the time to teach Bert and Ernie how to tap dance. That would have been something to see.

Anyway, Stephen and Savion chatted a bit and then Savion danced. (Stephen watched - good decision.) After a short time, Savion was joined by "and Friends." The whole group was then tap dancing. And yes, you can imagine how neat it looked! It always makes me smile when I see some talent or art form or craft that seemed to be dying out enjoy a comeback with the young folks. Savion has been called the best tap dancer, or at least that's what Stephen said. It sure seems like he could be the best. And he is teaching tap dance around the country, so tap dance is gaining in popularity.

Interesting note from the interview/chat. Stephen asked and Savion answered. Savion would rather have an audience that was all blind than to have an audience that was all deaf. He connects more with the sound than with the motion. It does make sense when you think of tap dancing. I don't think he would say that of ballet!

Kevin Kline

I missed watching Stephen on Tuesday night. Luckily, there's TiVo, so I got to watch it later. All I can say about Kevin Kline is that he was superb. He was evenly matched with Stephen. Neither one of them outshone the other. Most likely that is because, well, Stephen is Stephen and Kevin Kline is a Great Shakespearean Grunter. I would suggest that you go find it online and watch that episode.

Green Thumb

Stephen Colbert seems to be on vacation or something. Must be nice. Vacationing somewhere nice and warm. Sitting around by the side of a pool under the shade of a large umbrella and sipping a tall, cool beverage. No work. No worries.

Huh? What's that you say? He's gardening? Oh, now I remember. He planned on becoming a farm worker and picking fruits and vegetables. Or maybe it was just lettuce. That's right - he had a segment about the people who work in the farm fields out West. He even had a website for other people to join in the fun he was going to have - Take Our Jobs.org. People can sign up to earn a little extra cash while being out in the great outdoors.

Disclaimer: Jobs include use of tools. Jobs encompass all areas of farming, from preparing the soil, planting, weeding to harvesting when the crop is ready. Expect warm temperatures. Expect physically demanding work. Expect low pay. Expect long, long days. That stuff is not going to wait for you to be in the mood. It has to be picked today!

This will actually be good for Stephen. I'm not saying he needs to get a little bit of physical activity. Hey! I just said that I'm NOT saying that. Sheesh. I'm just saying it will be good for Stephen. That's all.

Albino Earwig

Last night's show was, as usual, great. It made me smile and laugh, plus I learned about albino broccoli, mobius melt, and I got to see the most handsome man on TV. Stephen solved the Gulf Crisis and welcomed his good friend Steven Carell to the show.

In honor of Stephen and because I too enjoy albino broccoli, I am naming this earwig after him. You might think it is an albino earwig, but the white color just means that it recently molted. The color will get darker as the earwig gets older. And, sorry, but I think this particular one might be female, but that's okay. I am naming all white (molted) earwigs after Stephen, not just this one.

Truthiness is a Word

Stephen announced on Monday's show that the word "truthiness" is in the Oxford American Dictionary. And what's more, credit is given to Stephen Colbert for coining the word on his very first show.

Congratulations Stephen. This is your special day. Nothing can Rain on your parade now.

Consumer Reports and Stephen Colbert

Where to begin?

Stephen journeyed last week to interview Liam McCormack at Consumer Reports. One of the first things he asked was if he could call him Larry. In subsequent interviews, he basically called everyone Larry. Stephen was skeptical, but perhaps that's just Stephen being cautious.

I think after all the interviews, all the discussion, all the hesitancy, most likely Stephen came away with a renewed respect for all the work that is done on behalf of consumers.

Interestingly enough, this photo of the magazine was taken on a deck. In the very issue is a report on deck materials. Oh the irony. And yes, they do also evaluate irons, but not in this issue.

You can find a little info about Stephen's visit to Consumer Reports here.

Ba Da Bing

Tonight Stephen was saying "Bing" quite often. And with good reason. Bing.com would donate money, lots of money, to Stephen's favorite charity. The more he said "Bing" the more money he would get.

How much money do you think he raised? Don't look at the end of this blog, first say out loud how much you think he got. Was it:

a. $10
b. $957
c. $1,600
d. $38,380
e. $100,000
f. $1,000,000

Just say it loudly while you are looking directly at the computer screen and I will be able to hear what you say.

I'll pause why you decide.

Done? Good The answer is $100,000.If you guessed correctly, well then Bing for you. If not, then better luck next time and by the way, would you like to contribute to Stephen's charity now? Just go to his website and follow the link to Colbert Nation Gulf of America Fund.

Jolly Green Giant

I won't dispute the seriousness of Stephen Colbert's monologue tonight, he made many good points. But, I will say I was happy to see a plug for Green Giant Niblets. The Jolly Green Giant is almost as famous as Stephen Colbert. You can learn a lot about the Jolly Green Giant company at the Wikipedia article on good old Jolly Green Giant. There is also a link to a competing company - Birdseye. In days gone by, college students at Mankato State would work summers at the Green Giant factory in Le Sueur and other neighboring towns, or at the Birdseye factory in Waseca. I don't understand why Stephen didn't tell all of this tonight. I mean, he showed a picture of a can of Green Giant corn. Anyway...

You might also like to take a look at this link with interesting photo of the Jolly Green Giant plus other interesting photos of Le Sueur, MN.

Stephen had, as his first guest, P. K. Winsome to discuss the Tea Party Movement. Winsome offered his services to the Tea Party. To alleviate the problem of an absence of black folks at rallies that the Tea Party has at various locations, for a fee he will show up and he will be black. P. K. Winsome has many other services that he is willing to offer to tackle some of the serious issues affecting us today. Just go to his website at http://www.pkwinsome.com and find all the information you need to make this a better world.

Moving on.

Jeffrey Katzenberg, CEO of DreamWorks Animation, was the guest on The Colbert Report. He and Stephen discussed animation and 3-D animation. When Stephen went off topic and asked for an opinion of the actor who played President Hathaway, Jeffrey Katzenberg said, "He was pretty amazing." They then returned to the talk of animation.

However, now I am curious. If Stephen Colbert is able to get Jeffrey Katzenberg to come on The Colbert Report, then why doesn't he even try to get President Hathaway to come on his show? If the guy is that amazing, then bring him on.

Houston, We Have a Colbert

Flying Toasters. Well not quite.

Stephen Colbert announced on tonight's Colbert Report that he has been invited to Houston for Astronaut Training!

Thank You NASA.

Stephen will be in Houston in May to undergo the astronaut training and also to show them his right stuff.

In an unrelated matter, Stephen will now be selling a generic form of his famous Formula 401. It's called Formula 01 Liquid Genetic Material, or Daddy Butter as he calls it. The only reason is because other corporations may start selling a generic form, so he wanted to compete with himself before they competed with him.

As with all his pharmaceuticals, you just know it will have that Stephen Colbert proud stamp of quality. Generally speaking, it's a generic genetic gem.

I Apologize

In the previous post I said that Neil deGrasse Tyson was an astronomer. Today I watched The Colbert Report episode from last night again and listened more carefully. He is not an astronomer, he is an astrophysicist. I am so sorry. I hope that Neil deGrasse Tyson will forgive me. He seems to be a nice guy and I have no doubt that he will just shrug it off. I humble myself to Stephen though. My mistake could bring down his show and get it canceled and destroy his career. So, I profusely apologize to Stephen. Hopefully he will accept by apology.

Bleep Blorp

Neil deGrasse Tyson was on The Colbert Report again. He's up to seven times and after the eighth time he gets, what was it, a free sandwich I think. Neil deGrasse Tyson is probably my favorite astronomer and judging by Stephen's questions and comments, he is most likely Stephen's favorite astronomer also.

Tonight they talked about our waning space program. So many kids are pulled into science because of their fascination with astronauts. The current trend of using robots and unmanned vehicles just won't cut the mustard. Hopefully we can get back on track and get out there in space. If we don't do that, there will be no job for James T. Kirk in the future.

Who knew? Well actually lots of astronomers knew, but according to Neil deGrasse Tyson, an asteroid buzzed by Earth tonight (!) between the orbits of Earth and the Moon. Oh NO! Luckily, it did not hit us here on Earth.

When Neil deGrasse Tyson complained that Stephen Colbert's Earth photo was upside down, Stephen corrected him and told him "There's no up in space. Check and mate. I accept your apology."

QXYZZY

Stephen Colbert has announced his new middle name - QXYZZY. Why???? Apparently Scrabble has announced new rules to allow proper names. That means Stephen Colbert is now legal in Scrabble. However, the letters in his name only add up to 23 points. But with the addition of his new middle name, QXYZZY, his name is now worth 69 points.

Stephen's guest tonight was the Reverend Al Sharpton. He talked about the need for education reform and his efforts with Newt Gingrich to raise awareness around the country. At one point, Stephen made a humorous comment at Sharpton's expense. Without missing a beat, Rev. Sharpton nodded towards Stephen and said that's why we need better education.

iPad

Stephen has an iPad and apparently it was free.

iGuess it works for someone to hint and beg to get what you want.

iRemember my first post here.

iSaid that iHoped Stephen would ask me to be on The Colbert Report.

Well, i'M still waiting.

Food Fad

Stephen was snacking on the show last night. I sure hope his audience also had food to eat because it is agonizing to sit there through the whole show watching him eat if you are hungry and have nothing with you to eat. He had Pringles and he had Reddi Whip. He was making a sandwich or a S'more type of appetizer by squirting Reddi Whip on a Pringle and then putting another Pringle on top of that.

Yum. Delicious.

Ah, but what do you call it? I wondered and came up with a few ideas. Perhaps Colbert-prinkie. Or Pringbert-whip. Maybe Stephen-pring-reddi. None of those seem to have quite the oomph that is needed.

How about Chips-N-Whip? Yeah, that seems kind of catchy.

You can use that one, Stephen, at no charge. Bon Appetit!

The Circle of Meat

Last night Stephen Colbert had Karl Rove on the show. Rove actually did not say very much, but Stephen did showcase Karl Rove's book, "Courage and Consequence". It would have been interesting to have heard some comments from Rove, but maybe another time he will be more talkative.

Finally, at long last, the results from The Colbert Repoll were revealed. I confess that I did go to Colbert Nation and I did take the poll. The first question was quite easy and I think I had it right. After that, the questions got more tricky and took a little bit more analysis. The last question I know I had right because I was in with the majority and therefore that had to have been the correct answer.

Author David Aaronovitch was the guest last night. The fact that Aaronovitch and his book, "Voodoo Histories - The Role of the Conspiracy Theory in Shaping Modern History" were on the same Colbert Report as Karl Rove is purely coincidental, or is it?

I'm On Notice

Last night was the last night for Stephen to be in Vancouver covering the Quadrennial Cold Weather Athletic Competition. He interviewed Shani Davis and they seem to now be on friendly terms again. Stephen took Canada off the "On Notice Board". But then he put me up there. Well, actually, he put "You Know Who You Are" but I know that means me. I don't know what I did to upset him. And actually, he doesn't even know me! There is a chance, just a slight chance, that he means someone else. I'll hope that is the case. Because once you get on the "On Notice Board" you don't get off until another person comes along and does something even worse to get Stephen even more upset.

Quadrennial Cold Weather Athletic Competition

So, Stephen Colbert's brother, Edward T. Colbert was on briefly tonight. He is a copyright attorney and partner for the Washington D.C. firm of Kenyon & Kenyon, LLP. Ed advised Stephen not to be using copyright names such as Vancouver Olympics, thus Quadrennial Cold Weather Athletic Competition. Highlights of tonight's show include a Goodyear Aerial Cam and a homemade sign in the audience that said, "Marry Me Stephen It's Legal Here."

Also he mentioned the English to English Dictionary that he used when talking with Canadians. He mentioned, among other things, that what we call Canadian Geese, they call Canada Geese. Oh, Stephen, everyone knows that the geese are not citizens and they can not vote. So they are not Canadian, they are just plain old Canada Geese.

Mr. Colbert had as his guest Shaun White, Gold Medalist Snowboarder. And on a note of being completely honest, I will admit that Stephen Colbert did not wear those famous Team Norway Pants as I had predicted/hoped for in my previous post. He was dressed conservatively (duh - of course) in white slacks and a navy cardigan with red collar.

I look forward to Tuesday night's show for more Vancouverage of this Quadrennial Cold Weather Athletic Competition.

Vancouver Olympics

Stephen will be back on the air tonight with a new show. What will he talk about? Well, so much has been happening at the Olympics up in Vancouver. He could talk about the city, the weather, the food, the people. But chances are he will mostly talk about himself. And why not? Isn't that what most people are interested in?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he will at least mention the Team Norway Pants. I'm thinking he might even own a pair just like it by now. He is a fashion icon, so that's just logical thinking that he would do that. If you watched any of the Curling when Norway was playing, you will know what I'm talking about.

So, watch tonight and then come back when I either claim to be psychic or else make up some excuse why Stephen didn't even mention the Team Norway Pants.

We're Off to See the Blizzard

I just love all the catchy phrases Stephen comes up with. Darn, I forgot my good grammar. Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Oh, well. Tonight Stephen talked about Global Warming. We've all had lots of snow and some states have been having tons, literally, of snow. Blizzards even. And so the usual suspects have been wondering "What does Al Gore say about Global Warming now?!?!"

Al Gore did not need to speak to these doubters. Stephen handled it in his own unique way, using the Dopplest 9000, which is way better than anybody's Doppler Radar.

Many other people (Jon Stewart, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olberman, Aasif Mandvi) also went over Global Warming again, in short sentences, using tiny words to make it easy for all to understand. Global Warming is just one symptom of Climate Change. Global means the whole Earth. The entire planet. That area bigger than what you see when you look out your kitchen window. Climate means the weather over a very long period of time. It doesn't mean this week or even this year. It has to do with science.

NASA has determined (using science and lots and lots of data) that 2009 was the second warmest year on record and it was the end of the warmest decade.

Stephen said about the most recent blizzard, "Whatever just happened is the only thing that is happening." And of course by that he actually means that there are a multitude of things happening all over the place. I can't remember if it was Stephen or someone else who said this: "Sometimes I don't get my words right, but I know what is in my heart is right." Probably someone else, but the sentiment is appropriate to Stephen. And so it stings just a little bit to report what one of his guests said. In his "Better Know a District" segment, Stephen talked with Mike Quigley, Congressman from the 5th District of Illinois. Representative Quigley summed up their interview by telling Stephen, "You have a point. It's not a good point, but you have a point."

The Dopplest 9000 will be a welcome addition to The Colbert Report. Weather Channel, you had better upgrade your equipment. Soon, in addition to getting all my news from the Colbert Report, I will also get my weather forecasts and reports from Stephen.

* Photo not of actual Dopplest 9000.

It's Satire

Stephen talked about the Tea Party Nation Convention and Sarah Palin on last night's show. He clarified for all of us that the original Boston Tea Party also turned a profit. Sarah Palin could possibly run for president in 2012 and Stephen showed one possible bumper sticker that speaks to the "Hope-y Change-y" stuff that Obama campaigned on in 2008.

Sara Palin 2012
Abandon All Hope
that anything will ever change

Many people have been poking fun at Sarah Palin (or noting her hypocrisy) for using what Stephen calls a Hand-o-prompter. But hey, we all have done that at some time in our life. The only thing to really fault her on is her comment about a charismatic guy with a teleprompter. Is not Stephen Colbert a charismatic guy with a teleprompter? Whoa, treading on thin ice there Sarah.

But the most enlightening comments in that segment were about satire. He explained the intricacies of satire and also provided examples, using Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh and Rahm Emanuel. It all may have been confusing before, but after Stephen explained it, to the delight of his audience, it makes perfect sense.

It's satire.

Give Stephen an iPad

What is the problem? Stephen wants an iPad. He has said "Gimme." Therefore he should get one. Never mind that he can afford to buy one himself. If he wants, he should get. I'm sure that is in the Bible somewhere. Or Stephen would like it to be in the Bible. Go to the Wikipedia page on Bible and put that in.

Benefits are many.
1.) Stephen would have an iPad.
2.) He would promote it and make everyone want one.
3.) Everyone would buy one.

Another brilliant idea is to give him two iPads. Then he should send one to me.

New Year New Studio

After a long break, The Colbert Report is back. And the good news is that the set for The Colbert Report has been updated. Finally, finally, there is a patriotic theme. Yes, yes, I know there was some red, white, and blue and an eagle or two on the old set. But the new set is much better.

Also this year you can watch The Colbert Report in HD. Amazing! Just as soon as we buy an HD TV, Stephen goes HD. Did one cause the other? Did Stephen somehow find out that we bought a new HD TV? Or did we somehow know beforehand that he would be broadcasting in HD? Curious, isn't it?