Opportunity Knocks

Opportunity Rifts or Opportunity Bumps might be a better title. There is a new ocean* forming in Ethiopia, a rift in the desert actually. Scientists have been paying attention to such things as tectonic plates, volcanic activity, magma injection and mega-dike intrusion.

All of this is, of course, important. But more important is the opportunity that is available now. We have the Pacific Ocean, the Atlantic Ocean and a few others. But what we don't have is the Colbert Ocean. Yes. You see now where this is heading, don't you?

Stephen needs to get the Colbert Nation mobilized and ready to call, write or email whatever agency or government obtains the rights to name this new ocean. The only name that should even be considered is Colbert Ocean, but there will be other suggestions. So, stay vigilant and wriststrong. Only you, all of you out there, can make this happen. Don't let Google snatch this away from you. Colbert Ocean Devotees (C.O.D) can make this happen. Colbert Ocean. Colbert Ocean. Colbert Ocean.

* Photo is not of actual ocean.

Donate Blood

I donated blood today. Once every eight weeks I'm eligible to donate, so I head on down and fill out the questionnaire, get my blood pressure and hemoglobin checked and roll up my sleeve. After a tiny stick of the needle, I just sit there while they take a pint of my blood. Then I go to the lounge and help myself to some juice or pop, coffee or tea plus a pretty tasty cookie. All in all it takes about an hour and I have helped save someone's life.

It got me to thinking. Does Stephen Colbert donate blood? Is he a regular blood donor? I don't know but I think he should step up to the plate and offer his arm. For one thing, can you imagine what it would do for some sick or injured person to have some of Stephen's blood running through his or her veins? OMG! It would make that person so healthy. I know Stephen regularly advertises, promotes and apparently sells healthful solutions and products. A pint of his blood would be the best thing he could provide.

And if it was known that he donates his blood, everyone could pretend that they were the lucky individual who was the recipient of his blood. (Donors are anonymous as far as the records are concerned. You won't know whose blood you received.)

Then imagine if he encouraged the people of the Colbert Nation to become blood donors. Blood donation centers wouldn't know what happened. Their donor list would increase over night. So, Stephen, if you're listening, become a blood donor or if you are one, tell your people to follow your example. And Colbert Nation readers, call your local Red Cross or hospital and find out how you can become a donor.

Maybe Stephen could challenge Jon Stewart to also donate. Perhaps they could see who could get the most staff and crew members to donate. He could even donate on the air to show how easy it is. Donating blood would be the ultimate Colbert Bump.

US Speedskating

Here's your chance to skate like the wind. Sort of.

The Colbert Report is now an official sponsor of the U.S. Speed Skaters!

And you can help. Just go to Colbert Nation and click on the link to donate. And you won't be alone. On Tuesday Stephen announced that already $40,000 has been raised. He also admitted that the link didn't quite work on Monday night but by Tuesday morning it was working quite well. (Thank you very much.)