Andy Schlafly

Stephen's guest last night was Andy Schlafly, son of Phyllis Schlafly and creator of Conservapedia. In case you don't know about Conservapedia, it is perhaps the best source of truthful truth. They do not allow liberal bias to deceive and distort, so all of the bias that they use to deceive and distort will, of course, be conservative bias.

They claim that "The truth shall set you free," and to prove it, they have an article on how pretzels got their shape. Already I am starting to feel more free.

One of the projects of Andy's is to rewrite the Bible. Unfortunately, sometimes his efforts are vandalized, e.g. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with Steven Colbert, and the Word was Steven Colbert."

It was an interesting show. Stephen had many good points and as usual, Stephen's guest had a hard time keeping up.

Opportunity Knocks

Opportunity Rifts or Opportunity Bumps might be a better title. There is a new ocean* forming in Ethiopia, a rift in the desert actually. Scientists have been paying attention to such things as tectonic plates, volcanic activity, magma injection and mega-dike intrusion.

All of this is, of course, important. But more important is the opportunity that is available now. We have the Pacific Ocean, the Atlantic Ocean and a few others. But what we don't have is the Colbert Ocean. Yes. You see now where this is heading, don't you?

Stephen needs to get the Colbert Nation mobilized and ready to call, write or email whatever agency or government obtains the rights to name this new ocean. The only name that should even be considered is Colbert Ocean, but there will be other suggestions. So, stay vigilant and wriststrong. Only you, all of you out there, can make this happen. Don't let Google snatch this away from you. Colbert Ocean Devotees (C.O.D) can make this happen. Colbert Ocean. Colbert Ocean. Colbert Ocean.

* Photo is not of actual ocean.

Donate Blood

I donated blood today. Once every eight weeks I'm eligible to donate, so I head on down and fill out the questionnaire, get my blood pressure and hemoglobin checked and roll up my sleeve. After a tiny stick of the needle, I just sit there while they take a pint of my blood. Then I go to the lounge and help myself to some juice or pop, coffee or tea plus a pretty tasty cookie. All in all it takes about an hour and I have helped save someone's life.

It got me to thinking. Does Stephen Colbert donate blood? Is he a regular blood donor? I don't know but I think he should step up to the plate and offer his arm. For one thing, can you imagine what it would do for some sick or injured person to have some of Stephen's blood running through his or her veins? OMG! It would make that person so healthy. I know Stephen regularly advertises, promotes and apparently sells healthful solutions and products. A pint of his blood would be the best thing he could provide.

And if it was known that he donates his blood, everyone could pretend that they were the lucky individual who was the recipient of his blood. (Donors are anonymous as far as the records are concerned. You won't know whose blood you received.)

Then imagine if he encouraged the people of the Colbert Nation to become blood donors. Blood donation centers wouldn't know what happened. Their donor list would increase over night. So, Stephen, if you're listening, become a blood donor or if you are one, tell your people to follow your example. And Colbert Nation readers, call your local Red Cross or hospital and find out how you can become a donor.

Maybe Stephen could challenge Jon Stewart to also donate. Perhaps they could see who could get the most staff and crew members to donate. He could even donate on the air to show how easy it is. Donating blood would be the ultimate Colbert Bump.

US Speedskating

Here's your chance to skate like the wind. Sort of.

The Colbert Report is now an official sponsor of the U.S. Speed Skaters!

And you can help. Just go to Colbert Nation and click on the link to donate. And you won't be alone. On Tuesday Stephen announced that already $40,000 has been raised. He also admitted that the link didn't quite work on Monday night but by Tuesday morning it was working quite well. (Thank you very much.)

Bear Belly

Good thing Stephen wasn't in Hayward, Wisconsin on Thursday night. A bear, that's right, a bear, meandered into a grocery store and headed for the beer cooler. He seemed happy to just be in the cooler. DNR tranquilized him and got him out of there. Most likely he was underage because he did not drink any beer while he was there.

Stephen is not a fan of bears. They scare him. Surprising for someone who often talks about Papa Bear.

How did that bear know where the beer cooler was? Did anyone card him? Was he planning on stocking up for the long winter? Will Stephen even mention this on his program? Darn, probably not. I think he is on vacation for a week. What? Vacation? That means there is the possibility that he is in Wisconsin since that is a wonderful place to take a vacation, what with the lakes and the trees and the fishing and the wildlife and the things of that nature.

Noooooooooooo!

Media Bias

Here's an interesting side note related to my earlier posting today. Also on the Conservapedia home page is a blurb about Michelle Obama. Conservapedia all but calls her a liar when she talked about her "best memories" of the Olympics. She claimed to be a young girl while watching and cheering for Olga and Nadia, Carl Lewis and others. Conservapedia (which coincidentally has a whole section about Bias in Wikipedia) says Michelle was 20 years old when Carl Lewis was in the Olympics in 1984, so not really a young girl. That's true, but they fail to mention that Olga Korbut was in the 1972 Olympics which would make Michelle 12 years younger, or only 8 years old. And Nadia Comaneci was first in the 1976 Olympics, which would make Michelle 12 years old. So while Conservapedia has their underwear all in a bunch about media bias, they are perfectly fine practicing it themselves.

Colbert Bump

Since I posted yesterday, I have been following the entries on Conservapedia for Pat Robertson and Stephen Colbert. I chose Pat Robertson because he is well known and has been around a long time, even longer than Stephen. Plus Pat Robertson also has a TV show. Anyway, I looked at those pages again today. Pat Robertson's page shows 6 more hits since yesterday, putting his total at 9,186. Stephen Colbert's page shows 100,927 which is a whopping 5,112 more hits since yesterday. No matter how many times I look at each of these two pages, I can't advance the hit counter. So, obviously it is other people from all over the nation or even world that are looking at Colbert's page on Conservapedia. It's as if by Colbert giving Conservapedia the Colbert Bump, that Conservapedia has returned the favor to give Colbert the Colbert Bump. This is truly amazing stuff!

Special Message from Conservapedia

Mischief is afoot. I checked out Conservapedia today. (See previous post if you haven't read that yet.) On the right hand side of the Conservapedia website, under "In the News" it said this:

"Special message to the Colbert show watchers: do yourselves a favor and watch less television. Colbert and his advertisers want to make money off you, but you can accomplish some good instead by unplugging the TV. You could even pick up a Bible."

I agree with some of that special message but disagree with other parts of it. Let me explain. The only times I remember Stephen asking for money was for charities. For example, if you buy a $7.50 WRISTSTRONG Bracelet, $5.00 will be donated to The Yellow Ribbon Fund. (Okay, so he advertises some pharmaceuticals, but isn't that the American way to get rich? I mean, it's practically in the Constitution.) So he's not trying to make money off of people, he's supporting our troops.

But take for example on Pat Robertson's 700 Club website, he asks for as much as $834 each and every month! And you do not even get a bracelet!

I do thank Conservapedia for suggesting that people unplug their TV. If we all do that when we are not watching The Colbert Report, or something else such as Jon Stewart on The Daily Show, it would save a little bit of electricity and all that little bit adds up to help stop global warming. So a Tip of the Hat to Conservapedia for their concern about Global Warming.

And I like that they are telling people to pick up a Bible. Again, it's these small things that can make a difference. Pick it up, put it down. Do this for 20 repetitions each day and you will see improvement in your arm muscles.

But here is one of my complaints. On their Pat Robertson page, they talk about his run for the presidency. But do they even mention that Stephen also ran for president? No. Just because Pat stayed in the race longer and raised more money and had more votes, they consider it to be more pertinent. Well, when did being pertinent ever pertain to things that are important or relevant?

How would the election have turned out for either of these two men if they had stayed in the race all the way to election day? We can never know how the elections of 1988, 1992, or 2008 would have turned out. But here is a good indicator. Pat Robertson's page on Conservapedia shows only 9,180 hits while Stephen Colbert's page on Conservapedia shows 95,815 hits. It 's pretty clear from those statistics who would have had a better chance at winning the election. Never mind that they didn't even run in the same years.

But all in all, it is nice of Conservapedia to recognize Stephen Colbert. I think they may actually be giving Stephen that famous Colbert Bump!

The Gospel According to Stephen

On tonight's show, Stephen mentioned that the folks over at Conservapedia are trying to rewrite the Bible. Read about it here: Conservative Bible Project Cuts Out Liberal Passages at The Huffington Post.

After talking about it a little bit, he suggested to his Colbert Nation that they all go to Conservapedia and write Stephen Colbert into the Bible, to make him a biblical character, e.g. Moses.

I Googled Conservapedia and checked out the website. All I found was "Service Temporarily Unavailable." That's about what I expected. When Stephen commands, I mean suggests, something be done by his Nation, there is an immediate and immense response. It is possible, even probable that they either crashed the website or Conservapedia found out about his mischief excursion and shut down their own website rather than have their re-written Bible be re-re-written by the Colbert Nation.

Bogusivity

So, I have found a few other websites with the word "bogusivity" on it. But I don't care. I'm going to claim the word as mine. Stephen, don't you dare steal the word from me. The only other reference I found on Google to bogusivity was about juggling and it was a very, very long time ago.

Bogusivity is basically the opposite of truthiness. But it is not just the opposite of truthiness, it is worse than the opposite of truthiness. You see, truthiness has a sort of ambiguity about it whereas bogusivity is absolute, sort of like negative 273.15 degrees Celsius.

Truthiness is a goal, something you want to always try to achieve, like Stephen does. Bogusivity is to be avoided at all times and in all circumstances.

Carry Me Back to Old South Carolina

The news this summer coming from Stephen's beloved South Carolina has not been good. I'm pretty sure it would be even too over-the-top for an episode of Tek Jansen. Republican Congressman Joe Wilson shouting out to President Barack Obama, "You Lie" and Republican Governor Mark Sanford disappearing to Argentina to meet with his girlfriend while ignoring his family on Fathers Day needs some damage control. I think Stephen could and should either bump some sense into them or bump them out of power. That would be just the kind of selfless act of courage that could win him an Emmy next year.

Ironically, while Congressman Joe Wilson called out that President Obama was a liar about illegal immigrants and health care reform, in actuality, the President was absolutely correct. And, funny story, in 2003, (tip of the hat to Wikipedia) Wilson voted to authorize $250,000 annually for taxpayer money to reimburse hospitals for treating illegal immigrants. He flip-flopped his thinking on this issue in 2009.

Another funny story, apparently Joe Wilson favored a cover-up rather than speaking the truth about Strom Thurmond's daughter Essie Mae Washington-Williams. Wilson originally doubted the veracity of her claim, but then said that even if it was true, she should keep it secret. I guess he figured a cover-up was better than the truth, otherwise it would make Thurmond look bad.

Anyway, Stephen Colbert needs to take a few days off from the best show on TV ever, head down to South Carolina, and fix it. Just fix it.

Allison Silverman

Stephen Colbert announced tonight that it was Allison Silverman's last show. She was the producer and he honored her by having The Word tonight be "Allison Silverman." I don't know why I noticed tonight, but I happened to read all the credits. Apparently, Allison did everything. Besides being the producer, she was the director, the writer, and everything else.

On Vacation

Stephen Colbert has been on vacation for three weeks. Somehow America has endured the boredom. But tonight he's back.

I have so many questions. Did he take this vacation just so that he could grow his hair longer? Was he talking to Governor Sanford about resigning? Was he advising Joe Wilson to hold his tongue when the President speaks to Congress? Or was he just doing some hiking? One can imagine that the real reason was to explore his options with regard to political office. He did briefly consider running for President back in 2008, but when it became obvious that obstacles such as time and money would get in the way, he dropped that idea. And yet, the office of Governor looks appealing. He is a South Carolina native, so he's got that going for him.

The Joy of Colbert

Actually, "The Subversive Joy of Stephen Colbert" is the complete title of the article in --- wait for it --- "Rolling Stone" this issue (September 17, 2009). Of course Stephen is on the cover. Written by Neil Strauss with photographs by Martin Schoeller (got to love the photo on page 57) it is a long overdue expose of... (OUCH. Who just hit me?)

What I meant to say is that it is another honest portrayal of the man and his motivation, his wit and his charm. While it would have been better to dedicate the entire issue to Stephen, at least a few pages is a good, humble start for a good, humble man.

But really, shouldn't Stephen be on the cover of some magazine each and every week? This week Rolling Stone, next week Jack and Jill, then Arizona Highways, Linux Journal and Crochet World. The list is endless. Magazine editors should be begging to have his likeness on their cover. We know for sure it automatically brings that Colbert Bump.

Flattery Works Every Time

I have noticed lately that people who include a reference to Stephen Colbert in their book or movie tend to get an invitation to be on The Colbert Report. So here is my reference to him on my blog. I await his invitation to be on his show, since he is the smartest person in the universe.